My DS has just started reception and has been put on school report after 1 term! Help!

[EmmyLou2]

My DS (nearly 5) started reception in Sept. He loves school and has made lots of new friends but his teacher tells me every little thing he does wrong. Now she has said he will be put on report and it will carry on till he leaves school. The things the teacher has pulled me up about are:

• sucking his tie
• trying to "steal" a toy snail and car (her words not mine)
• moving his mouth while staring at her (she thinks he was not listening)
• poking his friends with finger for fun
• trying to stick a pin in a girls jumper
• fiddling with an elastic band
• ds and another boy scratched a friend by accident while playing a boys game (I was hauled down to the school over this)
• "lying" about not scratching boy (ds said he could'nt remember what happened at the time)
• ds trying to pull a friends jumper off over his head

I think these things are pretty minor and normal for a 4 year old settling into a new school. Maybe i'm wrong??
DS is not an agressive or angry child, he is happy and confident and things are fine at home. He has a little brother 17mths that he gets on great with too.

The teacher has disciplined ds for these things by putting him in the naughty chair facing a wall (once he was made to put his hands on his head while on the naughty chair) because he was fiddling with something. Think that is humillating for any child, we were all so upset about that. He has also been kept in from playtime and put on a behaviour logbook. Now its onto school report.

What I wasnt to know is are they too strict? (its a catholic school)

Are they jumping the gun here by putting him on report and referring ds to a behaviour person within the school?

Do you think it was right to make ds sit facing a wall with hands on head in front of the class?

Also the teacher has banned ds from touching anybody even in a friendly way (she said this in front of me) because of him poking his friends.

DS doesnt go to school and attack the other children or cause havoc and bite, kick, punch, hit etc. He is learning to read at the mo and comes home telling me the words/sounds he has learnt that day.

I'm not sure what to do about all this can anyone help? I've got a meeting next tue with the teacher to discuss things. x

SOunds like the sort of archaic discipline they gave out to children when I first started school 40 years ago.(That was a catholic school too.)

How experienced is the teacher? She sounds like a very old harridan who hasn't moved with the times or a very young inexperienced teacher who needs some serious guidance.

I really would not take this lying down. Yes, your son sounds a bit of a pickle and needs to be told what is acceptable (especially the pin thing) but the discipline used by this teacher seems set to destroy him and he's going to become very quickly disenchanted with school and then you really will have problems.

Get an appointment with the head ASAP. (BTW any chance he could be moved into a different class?

Quint - I am very pleased that my DS's experience of UK school has been VERY different from what you describe! He has had delightful and very positive and imaginative teachers from Reception to Yr3!

Perhaps pin came from a poppy? I was thoroughly sick of re-pinning poppies to amall people's clothes!! Yes...pins should be out of reach but equally, children should be taught what to do when they encounter errant pin/staple etc.

'amll' small

I don't think that's normal in many schools, my dds have been in 3 schools at infant age and in none of them would you find a reception child sitting facing the wall with hands on head as a punishment.

I would switch schools.

when I was looking at primary schools I instantly discounted one because every single class seemed to have a little, sad looking kid on the 'naughty chair'. I just thought, 'well, that would be MY ds' (he has dyspraxia and Aspergers btw). I went for the school with the more warm, relaxed vibe. But I have noticed recently that more and more parents are really keen on strict uniform, discipline etc and would love the idea of little kids facing the wall with their hands on their head Does the term "stress position" not mean anything to those people, I wonder?

Look for a school which doesn't care that much about Ofsteds or SATS or uniform. Ours is like that. It's viewed as terribly child friendly and parents complain that the new head is bothering about Ofsted and Standards instead of letting it continue in cosy jolly mode.

They have their share of difficult children but they appear to be very gentle with them.

The teacher is in her late 20's early 30's south african I think. I don't know how long she has been teaching for. There are quite a few parents she speaks to most days so there are other kids playing up in class. The school is one of the best in the area (we live in London) and they get great results, might not be the best choice I made for my ds then.
smartiejake, I have thought about moving him to the other class - I will find out about it.

The teacher is in her late 20's early 30's south african I think. I don't know how long she has been teaching for. There are quite a few parents she speaks to most days so there are other kids playing up in class. The school is one of the best in the area (we live in London) and they get great results, might not be the best choice I made for my ds then.
smartiejake, I have thought about moving him to the other class - I will find out about it.

I would like to take that teacher and make her sit with her hands above her head and see how long she lasts. Witch.

Awwwwww-surely a child will not be "branded" or "tagged" for the rest of his life, at age 4!!!

One teacher at my dd's school is exactly like this, and she is a reception teacher.

Hope it all goes ok on tuesday. Definately ask about the rest of his school life thing. My god people commit murder and get away with less time .

exactly mabanana!

Poking, scratching and pins are not on and do need to be dealt with. But (leaving aside whether the school's approach is within the spectrum of reasonable or not) this really really doesn't sound like the right school for your son. An active little boy is not going to flourish in a school where "fiddling" is seen as a terrible thing to do. Yes, you can try to work with the school towards greater understanding and cooperation and whatnot, but it really sounds to me as though the culture there is not suited to your family, and that's unlikely to change even if things are tweaked. Look for another school.

Thanks everyone I will let you know how it goes on tuesday!

Sorry but the being put on report for the entirety of school life doesn't ring true I'm afraid - or else the school's version of being on report doesn't tally with usual expectations (comments by teacher written down for each lesson, morning and afternoon review with dc inc target setting, daily sign off by parents). A school simply wouldn't put in that amount of additional effort unless it was still necessary.

I would go into your mtg on Tuesday as a concerned parent about her son. Treat the meeting as an oppourtunity to gather more information about what is happening, what his teacher is doing, what positive behaviour management methods are in place (starcharts, smily/sad faces etc, stickers). Don't try to go in with guns blazing at this point.

FWIW one of the boys in ds2's class was on report by the end of the 1st week of reception. A sunny and lively child but one who struggled with boundaries and the fact that he couldn't always do exactly what he wanted. Certainly wasn't a lifetime sentence.

yes the teacher said that to me and I was shocked about ds being put on report, let alone for the whole of his primary school life. Maybe she got it wrong but I did hear her right and I was so devestated about it.
Thanks for your comment, I will go to meeting calm and concerned.

I do find it shocking that a 4 year old boy should be put on report

My children go to a Catholic school, which is good on discipline but also good on pastoral care. The children in reception are put on a short time out for bad behaviour, but not facing the wall AFAIK. Very young children with particular behavioural difficulties are often given a school reward chart. Perhaps your teacher could use a positive method to reinforce good behaviour.

A girl in dd's class was put on report in year 2, which was also ludicrous. However, her year 3 teacher did not continue with it, and she blossomed under her care. I am sure that "being on report" does not last very long, even in secondary school (where it is a more meaningful punishment).

Is the school big enough that he could move class within the school? Sounds to me like a personality clash between your ds and the teacher if she picking up on things to the level of tie-sucking.

Sticking pins in people is serious though. A boy did that to the girls in my class when I was in reception, It was taken seriously by the teachers and I was glad of it. I guess it depends on circumstance. Accidently pricking someone while putting on a poppy is different to chasing them around the playground with a pin.

They sound like they are off their bloody rockers. Bloody catholic punishment-loving nutters.

As the mum of a 4 yr old this sounds mad. However I wouldn't necessarily expect his behaviour at school to be the same as at home. My ds spent 2 yrs at a Montessori nursery too and was happy, sociable, enthusiastic, well-motivated and lots of other nice adjectives according to his nursery teacher. Within 3 weeks of starting school he had been labelled as stubborn and uncooperative and thick. I didn't recognise the child his teacher described (at nursery he was viewed as being very bright too). An exchange of correspondence resulted in a meeting at the school and then contact between the class teacher and his old nursery teacher. The transformation was incredible and he is now behaving at school the way he did at nursery and doing well as a result.

It may be helpful for your ds's class teacher to have contact with his nursery teacher to try and understand why he is behaving like this. One point my ds's nursery teacher did make is that Montessori is very much 80/20 free play and they have the opportunity to finish what they started. The environment in reception is very different. If your class teacher has a better understanding of the environment your ds has spent his last two years in then she may have a better understanding of him and hopefully change her view.

I don't know you or your son but felt so sad reading how he is to be put on report and how he is made to sit on the naughty chair with his hands on his head

Ok, so there maybe some issues regarding his behaviour in class which might need looking at, poking a pin into someone is dangerous, especially if he put it near a childs face, but I would question how he came to have a pin in his reception class room?

Sucking ties? never knew this was a crime, my dd also started reception in Sept '08 and sucks her tie when shes feeling a little lost or unsure of herself, glad my little one hasn't been told of for this.

Poking children, can be meant in many ways, unkind or as a way to grab a friends attention, especially if he is starting to get bored on the carpet, poke my dd and she ends up in a fit of giggles!

At 4 reception is supposed to be a gentle way to ease them into education.

I work in a secondary school where going on report whether for behaviour, work, effort etc is a good way to get the children to improve their ways so they can come off report, longest it last in our school is a month, certainly not years!

As for naughty chairs, steps, corners these imo are horrible ways to treat little people.

sorry if my post is rambling! its late and i should be in bed! but it horrified me to think he was being treated in this manner which i think is way too much.

personally I'd look into changing schools, results, league tables are not everything, your ds should be enjoying his school years, especially reception.

I live in Scotland and children do not even start school this early. Cannot understand the need to start formal education so early, it causes a lot of unnecessary upset.

It sounds to me like your DS has got a cow bag of a teacher. If possible I would move schools NOW before his whole view of school is ruined.

What mabanana and blu and others have said. I would be considering changing schools.

I think you need to research all your options. Are there places at any other schools (if not now - after Christmas?)?

Approach the teacher positively giving her the benefit of the doubt. Try to work out whether this is the ethos of just one teacher (in which case you may decide to just get through the year) or of the whole school in which case I suspect it is not very boy-friendly.

If the teacher likes you, that will help. And if that doesn't work, if the teacher is scared of you, that will help. But will be less pleasant.

Try to work with him on the poking. My friend's son was squeezing my son and others last year (reception) and was being excluded by the others at playtime. I taught my son it was ok to say "no don't touch me" and the other mum taught her son to do high fives instead of squeezes. Problem solved within a week or so.....

I would be very wary of any school that punished little children like this - and actually, of any school that expects 4 year olds to wear ties.

I would want to have a meeting with the teacher and the Head to discuss the way forward.

Oh, and I wouldn't press the "Where did he get the pin?" question. Regardless of where he got it, he's old enough to know that a pin is sharp and possibly dangerous and should be handed over to the teacher at once.