My DS has just started reception and has been put on school report after 1 term! Help!

[EmmyLou2]

My DS (nearly 5) started reception in Sept. He loves school and has made lots of new friends but his teacher tells me every little thing he does wrong. Now she has said he will be put on report and it will carry on till he leaves school. The things the teacher has pulled me up about are:

• sucking his tie
• trying to "steal" a toy snail and car (her words not mine)
• moving his mouth while staring at her (she thinks he was not listening)
• poking his friends with finger for fun
• trying to stick a pin in a girls jumper
• fiddling with an elastic band
• ds and another boy scratched a friend by accident while playing a boys game (I was hauled down to the school over this)
• "lying" about not scratching boy (ds said he could'nt remember what happened at the time)
• ds trying to pull a friends jumper off over his head

I think these things are pretty minor and normal for a 4 year old settling into a new school. Maybe i'm wrong??
DS is not an agressive or angry child, he is happy and confident and things are fine at home. He has a little brother 17mths that he gets on great with too.

The teacher has disciplined ds for these things by putting him in the naughty chair facing a wall (once he was made to put his hands on his head while on the naughty chair) because he was fiddling with something. Think that is humillating for any child, we were all so upset about that. He has also been kept in from playtime and put on a behaviour logbook. Now its onto school report.

What I wasnt to know is are they too strict? (its a catholic school)

Are they jumping the gun here by putting him on report and referring ds to a behaviour person within the school?

Do you think it was right to make ds sit facing a wall with hands on head in front of the class?

Also the teacher has banned ds from touching anybody even in a friendly way (she said this in front of me) because of him poking his friends.

DS doesnt go to school and attack the other children or cause havoc and bite, kick, punch, hit etc. He is learning to read at the mo and comes home telling me the words/sounds he has learnt that day.

I'm not sure what to do about all this can anyone help? I've got a meeting next tue with the teacher to discuss things. x

Surely all children have school records and the teacher makes notes about their behaviour? What else are they referring to at parent/teacher meetings?

Thinking about the tie, is your DS at a private school or a state school? The attitude seems very odd - very different to what you would expect in a community state school. The poking and sticking a pin into a friend are wrong (why did he have a pin in reception?), but putting a child on a naughty chair for 'fiddling' with things?

Very importantly, did the teacher suggest any reason for what she thought might have triggered this behaviour? Social immaturity (touching another child may be a way to try to make contact), boredom, anxiety, frustration? Does he find the atmosphere too busy or noisy? What strategy does she have for making changes e.g. lingle's high fives suggestion.

I honestly don't think its a bad thing that they are referring you to a behaviour specialist in the school, but hopefully the behaviour specialist is a little more clued up than the teacher. If, following consultation with the behaviour specialist, the only solution they can come up with is the modern day equivalent of standing in the corner, I think you need to look elsewhere.

A reception teacher who is irritated by children in reception sucking their ties has not yet found her niche in life. If on the other hand she can see that this is possibly an expression of anxiety and that is why she wants to give you extra help, then she is not so bad.

This school seem to be very poor at handling discipline questions. Dc's infants school would not let children fidget on the carpet or prick each other with pins either, but they were just so much more clued-up and positive in how they dealt with it, and that makes the whole difference. Don't like the sound of this one at all

I think it is diffuclt to comment without knowing how bad things are or the context they are done in...it doesn't sound like a great deal...infact I think these things go on in my classroom all the time however it is easy to not see the whole picture. Has he been asked lots to stop poking his friend for example....

Go and talk to the teacher.

Emmylou, how did it go today?

Ex-teacher here, now education lecturer.

This is normal behaviour for his age group. If he was violent the odds are be would be having friendship problems, and it doesn't seem like he is.

I think what has happened is that the teacher simply doesn't like him and has it in for him now. She's also probably not coping that well with stress generally and is looking for scapegoats. I see many UK infant teachers in this situation. I sometimes wonder why they stay in the job.

FGS, there is no law about sucking ties, fiddling with elastic bands or having a bit of a laugh in class. I probably do things like this all the time in the office. Four year olds nick each others' stuff all the time and also poke each other; they are also pathologically incapable of describing playground 'events' accurately. It's just what they do, no big deal, they just need careful steering away from it and guiding towards the light.

I would have a chat with the Head about this and start looking at alternative schools before he gets 'labelled' even more.

Oh this thread makes me feel so sad for you and your son. Go with Boffin Mum 's suggestions I reckon she's right.

"they are also pathologically incapable of describing playground 'events' accurately."

Oh how true!

FGS he sounds like a normal 5 year old to me. Certainly my 5 year old dd has done all those things and worse in school. The teacher sounds like she's in the wrong profession, maybe prison warden would be more suited. I would be having words with the head and if nothing improves seriously think about changing his school.

Also I would be questioning her on where he got the pin from.