Reception Parent's Evening - negative teacher

[traceybath]

So had DS's first parent's evening last week. He started reception in september and was 4 in August.

Teacher new to the school and only a couple of year's experience.

So i've never been to a parent's evening before so not sure if this is the usual format.

She basically gave very little positive feedback. Her comments were:

• he's very young (well yes he's just 4)
• he's very enthusiastic (with eye rolling)
• he's' bossy
• he has poor pen control (wouldn't agree with that one actually)
• not good at listening
• not great at sharing/taking turns

When i bascically pushed to try and get at least one positive comment she concluded that he was sweet but had a lot of growing up to do.

No mention made of him being kind which the TA has said to me several times.

I came out feeling like i wanted to cry to be honest.

So is this how parent's evenings usually occur? I'd have thought she could have started with something positive then discussed areas he needed to work on.

She just seemed to want to say 'well he's an august boy' to every question i asked.

Sorry about spelling/punctuation!

Sorry, I can't answer your question but wanted to say the teacher sounds like a silly twit.

do you think he is too young to be in school? do you get the impression she does?

She doesn't sound much good tbh. She doesn't sound like she even likes small children.

All the things he isn't good is nothing unusual for a 4 yr old boy and she should be focussing on the positive and telling you how to help not bleating on about the negative. Besides it is her job to help with those things.

Sometimes, I wonder if young or inexperienced teachers talk like that because they are covering their own back for when you find that they have completely failed your child at the end of the year.

DS1 had a teacher like this last year and it drove me mad.

Sorry, not sure what you can do about it other than to hope you get somebody better when the real teaching begins next year.

Thanks!

I think she was very nervous - she looked flushed and flustered and i know some of the other parents had given her a hard time and we were the last slot.

I guess when i've given appraisals at work i've just always started positive then done areas of development and then ended positive. I was sort of expecting the same.

I'll see how it goes for the rest of the term. I think although its a small class (18) its more boys than girls and she may be finding it a bit hard.

No, I don't think that this is how they should be. Last year when ds was in reception, the teacher killed herself focusing on the positive and only when pressed would she discuss the behavioural issues which there clearly were.

Everything she has said sounds appropriate for very many boys at that age. I think that I would ask to speak to her again and say you have had time to reflect on what she has said and what you really wanted to know is how he performs relative to his peers ie. is his attention span or pen control worse than theirs? If yes, is there something that you and she can do about it?

I agree with you that either you need to identify things which can be improved or she needs to adopt a much better communications strategy. Parents evenings should be about constructive feedback IMO.

he's very young (well yes he's just 4) You can't change his age so pointless comment.

• he's very enthusiastic (with eye rolling) Since when has enthusiasm been a negative trait?

• he's' bossy - er yes. A lot of 4 year olds are bossy. They are still learning social skills.

• he has poor pen control (wouldn't agree with that one actually) What does she expect you to do about it? He is 4

• not good at listening - well say something he will be interested in then.

• not great at sharing/taking turns - er no, 4 year olds often aren't.

Sorry, I am sure that hasn't helped but it frustrates me to see the damage a lousy teacher can do to a young school child.

I think he is a normal 4 year old boy.

He loves school and is a typical man in training in believing he is fab at everything and full of self-confidence.

The funny thing is that he adores his teacher and is always telling me 'how proud she is of him' so i'm hoping she's a lot better in class than with the parents.

Thanks again though - feel reassured that i wasn't being overly precious.

Sounds to me like your DS is settling into the school routine as most children would.

Agree that the teacher wasn't very constructive but maybe arrange a chat with her before half term and see what she says about your DS then. You might have a better conversation as she would have had more time to get to know your DS better.

I would make a list of questions for next time and work down it. Start the conversation by saying that you realise that he is an August birthday and the youngest in the class but you would like answers to your questions. (I found that I got the August birthday comment all the way through yr 1 as well with DS2).
The teacher is inexperienced, she probably finds parent's evenings scary!

Blimey, find me an un-bossy 4 year old!

My first thought on reading your post was that the teacher said stuff about your ds that is really about her: ie she has a lot of growing up/learning to do.

Rolling eyes (not very grown up), judgemental (probably scared as people have said), etc....

Agree with Malory!

Aside from the unhelpful comments, it's pretty soon to be having a parents evening IMO - they've only been there 5 weeks or so, they're still finding their feet (children and the teachers). Surely they can't have an awful lot to say about the children yet apart from initial impressions?

I agree with Goosey - ask for advice on how she thinks you can work together (ha!) to get the best from him bearing in mind he's only just 4

I think the idea of an early parents evening is just to get to know each other. Now that you know what to expect have the list of questions ready.

Sorry to hear you had a negative experience OP. (I have had many of these over the years, and used to dread parents evenings. ) I am shocked at how many posters are so quick to slate the teacher - e.g. "twit" "shite" "she sounds like she doesnt like small children".
She may not have handled it very well, but she isnt there just to say positve things as some posters seem to suggest - she is there to give you an idea of how he is doing in relation to the rest of the class. I agree with others who suggest you have a one on one meeting with her after school and have some prepared questions.

On a positive note - your ds does like her so she must be doing something right.

Some teachers are just rubbish at these meetings aren't they? When ds1 (July baby) was about this age I was on mumsnet in pieces about the things his teacher had said about him, and the fact that she clearly hadn't clicked with him and didn't particularly like him*.

At our primary they've apparently had 'training': they always ask if you have questions, say a couple of positives, then give a couple (not more) of targets for improvement, then they tell you why they particularly enjoy teaching your child.

Now, I understand how these things work, and I know it's a model, but it works! It leaves me believing the teacher genuinely likes my boys and has positive feelings about them. And we all have targets to work on to make things better than they already are.

*Incidentally that was nearly 7 years ago and he's apparently been a model pupil at his new primary school for the majority of that time, achieving very highly despite summer birthday.

Unavailable - Of course she is there to give negative feedback but you would think she could come up with something positive as well - does the poor child have no redeeming features? If she did like small children she wouldn't be rolling her eyes saying he needs to grow up. Obviously he needs to grow up he is a 4 yr old!

She may be young and inexperienced but she should have thought about what she wanted to say before the parents' evening and thought of positives and negatives.

And no, it is not the teacher's job to say how a child is doing in relation to the rest of the class at all. Her job is to comment on him - what does comparing him to the rest of the class have to do with it? It is a meaningless comparison to make when children have such a diverse range of backgrounds, ages and ability.

traceybath - of course you shouldn't let this go. Have another meeting with her but this time make sure it is a bit more on your terms than parents' evenings when the teacher is running to a strict timetable and doesn't really have enough time to devote to a proper discussion.

"she concluded that he was sweet but had a lot of growing up to do."

Well of course hes got a lot of growing to do, hes bloody four!

I wouldn't be upset if that was the assessment of my own DS (just started reception, also a summer-born). I'm not sure what OP expected?? Lots of ideas of what to work on, is that bad?

At our parent eve last week, Mostly we heard "He's really settled down nicely!" -- which made me & DH laugh, DS obviously was a bit of a horror for first 10 days or so.

I would love a negative report from any teacher .. I hate the enforced positivity that ensures that every negative point has to be couched in positive language

I want to know how my children can improve and what they need to do better ... Yes of course I want to know what they're good at too .. but the benefit of another perspective on my child, a professional one at that, would be amazing.

So far everything is positive and you have to work really hard to get true feedback.. seems teachers aren't allowed to tell the truth any more