Reception Parent's Evening - negative teacher

[traceybath]

So had DS's first parent's evening last week. He started reception in september and was 4 in August.

Teacher new to the school and only a couple of year's experience.

So i've never been to a parent's evening before so not sure if this is the usual format.

She basically gave very little positive feedback. Her comments were:

• he's very young (well yes he's just 4)
• he's very enthusiastic (with eye rolling)
• he's' bossy
• he has poor pen control (wouldn't agree with that one actually)
• not good at listening
• not great at sharing/taking turns

When i bascically pushed to try and get at least one positive comment she concluded that he was sweet but had a lot of growing up to do.

No mention made of him being kind which the TA has said to me several times.

I came out feeling like i wanted to cry to be honest.

So is this how parent's evenings usually occur? I'd have thought she could have started with something positive then discussed areas he needed to work on.

She just seemed to want to say 'well he's an august boy' to every question i asked.

I don't mind negative feedback and want to know how to help and develop my DS. My point was rather than she seemed to find very little positive to say and positive remarks, eg enthusiastic were accompanied by eye rolling.

We break up for half term this week and i think i'll arrange a meeting with her for end of november to discuss progress.

I think a 4 year old's 'enthusiasm' is an eye-rolling occurrence personally

don't arrange another meeting in november .. unless you really have issues .. let them get on with it and touch base next PE

lordy - its all so confusing.

Ok am going to sit tight and see how things go in a supportive but laidback manner

I really wouldn't take this to heart. all you can conclude from it is that the teacher isn;t good at handling adults in this particular situation. The point of parents evenings isn't (imo) to make me feel good about my kid or to point out his good points (I can find those for myself!). it's to offer contructive feedback. she certainly failed on that count - so you could go back to her and discuss some more with her the things she mentioned and ask her for concrete targets/ways of helping/improving/supporting. but I don't think that as grown adults we should be seeking some form of positive affirmation/approval from teachers. it would be nice and would show (nothing more than)that the teacher was good at handling people but we shouldn't need it or get upset at its absence.

I really don;t like the idea of that model approach. makes me shudder in fact. makes me think that my school might in fact use it and that these words I;ve listened to ove rthe years have been an exercise in ticking boxes rather than what a professional adult actually judged to be important.

@ traceybath .. you got it

As a teacher I just chat to the parents and tell it how it is-I must have missed any pep talks on what I should do! I always find some positive things because I haven't come across a DC who doesn't have some good points! If you are giving negative feedback you need to give targets and encouragement to improve. An early parent's evening is very much a general chat for parents and teacher to get to know each other. As a teacher it is much easier to do when you are older and more experienced. Even those that have been doing it for years say that they find it difficult to sleep because they keep going over what they said and thinking of things they should have said. You can prepare to a certain point but it is a two way thing and parents may want to discuss something you haven't even thought about.
I was very surprised by the earlier comment that people didn't want to know how their DC was doing in relation to the rest of the class. As a parent that is the one thing that I want to know! It is a bit useless to be told that they did well in a maths test with 60% and then find the class average was 70%.

I think we all want to know AbbeyA but I didn;t think teachers were allowed/encourage to tell us!

All I really want to know is:
Is my DC performing reasonably well in comparison to the expectation of the class?
Has he got friends?
Is he well behaved?

It doesn't sound like she gave you anything to work on, just criticism? We've literally just got back from parents' evening and have also been told that DD's pencil control is not great, and that she's not good at waiting her turn (tell me about it). But the teacher suggested things we can do to help with that, and also said very nice and perceptive things about her (including that she's 'an interesting character, which I think is a nice thing). Actually a relief after the whitewash of nursery parents' evenings.

My ds's teacher was like this last year. She was so negative and also kept saying "he is one of the young ones though, isn't he?" (he wasn't!)and how he wasn't very good at recording information

Anyway to cut a long story short we changed schools and his new teacher is great and tells me what he is doing well in, and for the things that need improvement she gave me a plan of what he will be doing in class and extra stuff for me to do at home.

Abbey - I have always wanted to know how my child is doing in relation to the rest of the class and have posted as such on several occasions in the past and got completely slated by teachers for doing so (I remember Cod being particularly cutting on one occasion in her own inimitable style). Even DH says I am expecting too much but I want to know.

However, if my DS got 60% in a test and he was working to the best of his ability, does it really matter if the rest of the class gets 70%? They aren't the same children, they don't have the same abilities nor the same expectations. All we can ask of our children is that they do their best.

If you came out wanting to cry, it does make you wonder about the effect of her negativity on children in her class (who will be less able than an adult to rationalise). Are there any other Reception classes in the school that he could transfer to? I personally wouldn't want my child to be around someone who has such low expectations for them.

I had my daughter first parent evening too. I felt it was all negative. Not mixing well with other children as a friend is in the class. Her letter formation is not there. She has taken a long time to settle too. One positive note was she was able to answer a question to a story and she got positive feedback and when that happened she was happy. But like yourself I did feel like crying when i left. It is a hard time for them. They are spending all day at school and it is a big change

If they are working at their best of their ability that is fine. I have been as thrilled with my dyslexic DS getting C grades as my DS1 getting A grades, it is just as big an achievement for him. However I would like some indication of where he is in the class and what 60% indicates.

I can sympathise with this one! dd1 is 4 and I had her first parents' evening last week. I wsa expecting good things, and admit to being a bit disappointed to be told "She is coping really well with the classwork BUT she has a problem following instructions" When I asked what kind of instructions it was stuff about getting her coat the first time she was told, leaving her lunchbox lying around, losing her book club money. I had to admit, dd is very dizzy at times, and I assured her teacher we WERE trying to get he to do what she is told, when she is told (I asked for suggestions, other than my usual yelling , but she just laughed!)

Yeah, I am a bit disappointed that the teacher didn't seem to have picked up on a lot of the great things about dd -she has a great imagination, is settling really well, behaves in class (I asked about this, and teacher admitted she did), seems to have picked up her reading really well, and is really keen. But then I figured that I had really just wanted all that for a chance to bask in reflected glory!! I already know all those things about dd, so why should it matter to me whether her teacher has seen them or not, as long as dd is happy and being taught!

I really don't understand why they insist on putting 4 year old boys in school with teachers who clearly don't want them there. I had exactly the same with my August born DS1. Silly teacher needs to learn the very simple technique of giving effective feedback.

We just had DD's first parents evening and although the teacher had positive things to say about her, I was a tad pissed off at the grading system they give for attitudes to learning (at 4 ffs), behaviour, attendance and punctuality.

DD received all B's for this and I was annoyed because she has been late once for an agreed SALT appointment and has never had a day off. Couldn't see how that warranted a B for both of those tbh.

I have been amazed to read the comments written by many of you. I am coming from the other side of the spectrum, although I too am a mum of primary aged children, I am a reception teacher and have been for 10 years. Let me tell you, parents evening is not a plesant experience for us. First of all, we have to deal with parents who cannot seem to handle being told that their child really has no clue what they are doing, and is more interested in sitting in class throwing things at other children. Perhaps you parents who have such negative things to say, should spend a day in the classroom with your child, and see what they are really like, I have recommended this to many friends who are always putting down the teacher and every single one of them comes out saying, "wow, I have so much respect for teachers that I never had before." If I had a penny for every time I hear "well they are only 4" (as if that means of course it is okay for them to be poking other children with a pencil) or one of my favourites "my child would never do that" Really? Would you like to see the video taped evidence? You imagine how busy your life is with one or two 4 year olds if you have multiples, try spending the day with 30 of them and then come and tell me how you don't like the comments made about your child who cannot sit still for more than 30 seconds, pokes all the children around him.
I had to laugh at ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe comment when they said "child has trouble listening, well say something they are interested in" Are you kidding? that comment means that your child does not do as he is told, and maybe you should try doing your job as a parent and teaching them to listen to what they are told. It is not my job to be your childs parent, it is my job to teach them. It is not my job to be a social worker, police officer, dentist, doctor, speech and language therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist but you would be amazed how many parents expect teachers to be all of these things and then get all upset when they are not.
SO...in conclusion, before you come down on teachers, try putting yourself in their shoes for a day, and think about what they have to go through with your child, times 30. And before I get the comment -well you get all the holidays, so how can you have it so hard...cause I hear that a LOT...I do not know of any other occupation that works 6-7 days a week 10-12 hours a day. Just because your child is no longer in the classroom outside of physical school hours, does not mean I am not planning, preparing, marking,in meetings, assessing or trying to deal with parents.

Umm ok melissa but i was just asking if this was a normal format for a parent's evening. Oh and my DS wasn't poking other children with pencils or anything like that.

I just wondered if a little positive feedback was out of the question.

As I already mentioned its a small class of 18 children and they're all fairly well behaved - the school is very strong on discipline.

I certainly don't think my DS is an angel - i know this strengths and his weaknesses.

Melissa - "I am a reception teacher and have been for 10 years " - maybe you need to have a break then, it sounds as though you don't enjoy your job much. I hope most reception teachers like and understand 4 year olds more than you seem to.

I think that reception teachers get a hard time of it, parents tend to have relaxed a bit by the time their DC gets further up the school!

Melissa .. I was with you all the way until you pulled the 'don't know any other profession that works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week'

out there, most jobs entail unpaid overtime and it's for far more weeks of the year

Oh dear, Melissa, you're gonna get clawed up something rotten. I do think teachers are amazing, actually, I sure as hell couldn't do it. The discipline aspect alone would totally demoralise me. I don't think I could even home-ed.

The "only four" comment with rolling eyes sounded like a comment of "He's sweet, but we mustn't expect too much!" rather than anything negative, to me (obviously I wasn't there, mind).