dd is 8 in a few weeks and has asked to go bowling with a few friends for her birthday. I’ve booked 6 places altogether including her, so she’s invited 5 girls from school. I can’t afford to take the whole class and tbh she didn’t want the whole class anyway, just the girls she plays with.
I sent the invites privately to their mums and 4 have replied yes so far. I thought that was that really.
Another mum replied in the whatsapp group saying her dd had heard about the bowling and was upset she hadn’t been invited. A couple of other mums then started agreeing with her and saying it’s unkind to invite a few children from a class when the others are going to find out about it.
I haven’t said anything in the group about the party. The children have obviously been talking about it at school which is fair enough, they’re 7 and 8 and get excited about these things.
I replied saying I could understand children feeling left out but I can’t afford a whole class party and dd had picked the friends she is closest to. Someone said there are cheaper ways of doing a party then and it’s not about how much you spend, it’s about not excluding children. Another mum said if you can’t invite everyone then you shouldn’t be having a party that some of them will hear about.
I do get that nobody wants their child to feel left out but I’m not sure what people expect me to do here. There are 29 children in the class. Even if I did something at home I couldn’t have 29 children in the house, and I don’t think I should have to invite everyone just because dd wants to do something with her friends.
The awkward bit is that the girl who’s upset has invited dd to her birthday before. They get on fine at school and have been to each other’s houses but they’re not particularly close. When I asked dd who she wanted to invite she didn’t mention her, she picked the girls she spends most time with outside school. I don’t want to tell her she has to invite someone because their mum might be upset.
The mum has now messaged me privately asking if there’s any chance her dd can come after all because she’s apparently really upset. I’ve already paid for the places and would have to check if the venue can fit another child in. dd has also already chosen her friends and is really looking forward to it.
Am I being mean here? I genuinely thought it was normal for them to have smaller parties as they got older but now I’m wondering if I’ve missed some rule everyone else knows about.