Anyone else mourn the loss of preschool freedom?

[preschoo]

My eldest starts Reception at a UK private school in just over a month, and if I’m honest I’m not feeling excited at all.
What I’m struggling with isn’t the school itself, it’s what we’re losing. Until now we’ve had complete freedom to travel whenever we wanted, make the most of good weather, spend whole days outdoors and go on holiday in term time when everywhere was quieter and cheaper. We were outside for 4–5 hours most days, even in drizzle. The only thing that kept us indoors was torrential rain all day.
I know people often say, “She’ll make friends,” but that’s not really a factor for us. She’s already got plenty of friends and a very full social life, so school isn’t filling a gap in that sense.

I know she’ll enjoy school, but at the moment all I can think about is how tied we’ll be to school holidays for the next 13+ years. It feels like the end of a really lovely, flexible chapter of family life.
Did anyone else feel like this before their eldest started school? Did you eventually stop missing that freedom, or do you still think it’s one of the downsides of school life?

I’d especially like to hear from parents who genuinely loved the preschool years, rather than those who were counting down the days until school started.

Re holidays, we now go places that are cheap in summer. Went to Egypt a couple of years ago in August. It was 50 degrees so hardly anyone on holiday but honestly it was such a dry heat it wasn't that bad, and such a cheap holiday (travelled to 4 cities!). It sucks but for me it's the only way! I do miss pre school days.

I felt like this last year, but school has been a fun adventure so far. It is so true what others have said about how quickly it goes, the structure of terms and it not being a full year meant it has absolutely flown. Its harder work than pre school childcare, but if youre not working full time then the shorter days can be great for time together.

My little boy starts school in September too, I feel sad about it. I think he will love it once he is settled into a new routine but like you, I will probably struggle with the change more. I love every minute with him and he only goes to nursery when im at work so we have a great balance . I will be that mum at the front of the school gates ready to get him every day 😄

I’m panicking the other way - DH and I both work full time so now have to worry about organising childcare for all those school holidays (whereas previously nursery was obviously available)

It’s going to be very weird putting him into a little school uniform and dropping him off at school but it shouldn’t be too much different from nursery for us (he goes to nursery from 10/10:30-5:45/6 on Tuesdays and Wednesdays) as we’ve found a school that will do flexi-schooling so he will be going to school on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays (starting with a few weeks of just Tuesdays and Wednesdays to get used to it) which I think is going to be perfect for him 😊 We do have to homeschool on Thursdays and Fridays but it won’t be loads and loads of work with him starting reception so there will still be time for adventures and days out 🥰

I’m not too sure how holidays are going to work though as he has autism and school holiday holidays (especially summer) are going to be far too busy for him 😢

One of the (many)reasons we have chosen to home educate our daughter, who would be due to start school in Sept, is because of the flexibility it allows us.

no, I loved it when they started school. freedom for me.

Yes, it all became a lot more constrained. But, their worlds got a lot richer and more interesting, they learnt and grew so fast, and built loads of interesting relationships, some of which are still there years later. My 18 year old is about to go on holiday with a bunch of mates, one of whom was at his 6 year old birthday party. It’s a wonderful thing too - think about what they’ll gain as well as what you’ll lose.

I get it. I felt the same. Those days were just special, nothing to do and nowhere to be, just making our own fun. Getting to visit places that are usually packed with older kids at the weekends. Holidays. Just being together. Unfortunately it is all part of parenting - every stage means the end of another chapter and consequently a change in lifestyle and routine. You’ll get used to it. And school will have lots of benefits and fun for your dd.

I hated my eldest starting. I felt so tied to the clock and calendar, and all the lovely easy rhythms and routines fell apart. He was exhausted coming home, and needed to decompress, and then homework started. Ugh.

I wish I’d had the courage to homeschool but I also don’t think that would have worked in the long run either. But I hear you op. It’s the end of one of life’s loveliest phases.

Private schools often have longer holidays which is helpful as travel companies haven't picked up on that cost-wise yet. Our private school is also flexible re taking children on holiday during term time in the junior school.

Except compulsory school age is the term after they turn 5. So unless starting school already aged 5, they've at least one more term...

OP, mine has jist finished Reception. They loved it and we still went to the park straight after school most days. But I do miss them and the spontaneous outings we had. Their younger sibling misses them too!

The 3.30 finish really cuts the day in half though. I don't go out with my youngest nearly as often or for as long as I did with my eldest. Very hard to balance!

I felt the same OP and opted for Home Education. My DDs tried school as they got older but didn’t really enjoy it. My eldest DD17 has just finished her first year at college studying for her A Levels - she did great in her GCSEs. My youngest DD16 will sit her GCSEs next year. They’re both very sociable, mature and well traveled for their ages.

Our home educated children are the most rounded adults I know. That’s because they didn’t spend their days with people of exactly the same age for their formative years. They make friends easily, love to travel and are sociable. They converse easily with people from all walks of life. They are both doing jobs they love and earning well.

So yes, maybe they’re odd 🤷🏻‍♀️

I remember when my first started. My dh had his own business and found it difficult to get cover. Suddenly he had an opportunity to get a week off and said let's go somewhere. I said we can't because of ds being in school. He said WHAT!! Is this our life now..he was totally put out. We adjusted, gradually! If you dc can be home for one more year definitely do that as they are in school long enough.

For reception school isn’t compulsory until they’re 5 so if DC has a birthday late in the year there’s nothing they can do. If you went on holiday in June and their Birthday was July. Not sure about rules and fines for private as it’s the local authority rather than the school that clamp down on those. We had a letter from the attendance officer prior to starting, school policy should be online.

For private school you might have term times skewed outside of state school which would benefit you for holidays. Our local one does as mine don’t go there but are in camp there and cannot go their final week!

As she is going to a private school you will have longer holidays that will allow you go away outside of the peak school holiday times anyway.

Many private schools are also bending over backwards to keep pupils due to VAT and CoL so will most likely authorise any term time holiday requests anyway.

I work in a private school and this has become very common now.

Very strict. Put that out of your head.

Yes, this has been a lovely phase, but it’s over and there will be pluses to the next one. My kids are both teenagers and while I sometimes get sentimental about the funny little people they once were, every phase has its positives.

I felt really sad when mine started school and I missed them being around but actually the next holiday/half term comes around quickly!

Those who home educate - how do you afford it

as most people have to work to afford rent mortgage bills food etc

if at home teaching then you can’t be working

Yes my best friend was home educated. He studied at Oxford and is now a very cool, very kind neuroradiologist! I know a few home educated kids and the only difference between them and my son is that they love 'school'.

Long time ago for me now - but I felt a bit like you describe. Each stage is different, though - and sometimes what you lost on the one hand, you gain with the other. You’ll find starting school makes her more independent, which means it’s easier to plan bigger days out and do things that might have been a bit “much” for a preschooler. Parenting is a constant state of change; I think you just have to enjoy the moment , really. Lots to look forward to with a Reception age child.

Dd2 and I still mourn her pre school years and she’s nearly 18! Shes
old for her year so we had a lovely life hanging out together doing what we wanted going to classes having coffee meeting friends. She was great company at 3 and still is at 18. Then sadly she had to start school
and I had to earn money. Great while
it lasted !

My partner works shifts and thankfully earns good money. I work 1 full day and 2 evenings a week around his shifts. There are things we could afford (holidays abroad, bigger house etc) if I worked full time too which we are sacrificing to do this but that’s where we decided our priority is. We are lucky to be able to do that.

I've worked in a private school and the parents took their kids out for holidays whenever they wanted. Sometimes for several weeks in term time!