I knew it would happen one day and now I'm a little bit upset re. PFB (7 yr old) primary situation and need very serious talking to please

[eekamoose]

Out and about with DD and two of her best friends from school at weekend. The two best friends were talking about the Rainbow Fairies books and how many they have:

"I've got 5"

"Well I've got 6"

"Well I've got 7, actually"

"Oh no I've just remembered, I've got 8 actually" and so on.

DD has none of these books and I'm not sure she's ever read one, don't think they have them at school.

Anyway, in a quiet moment DD says to me "Mummy I feel left out because I don't know what they're talking about". Feels like a physical pain in my heart to hear this but about a year ago a good friend of mine warned me off the Rainbow Fairy books, she said they were so dull they'd make you want to cry.

Now I do not want DD to feel freakishly left out but nor do I want to buy endless (hundreds?) of rubbishy books just so she can be "in with the in crowd".

Am aware that this will be the first of many dilemmas I face as parent re. conforming/not conforming. I told her that I thought that the Rainbow Fairy books were boring and too young for her.

But should I have just swallowed my own middle class literary pride and bought her a few from e-bay?

Am so grrrr grrrr and grrrrr that manufacturers and marketers can so cynically churn out collectable items like this just so 7 year olds can compete with each other ...

Take her to the Library to have a look at them and see what she thinks? Then you haven't got to spend your hard earned cash on the them.

Poor you - this is something I am not looking forward to either as DS grows up. I don't want to buy endless amounts of trendy tat jsut because every other kid in his class has it BUT I don't want him to feel like a social outcast because he is the only one who doesn't have it either.

Is there something superior that your DD could have instead so that she could say to these others - oh, I like XX so much better than those - haven't you got one of XX?

It might work, I don't know

here £15 for 21 of them

personally I'd go to the library with her let her get one out and see if she likes it .. if she does .. give her the lot of them (or you can buy them give her one and then if she doesn't like give the others as presents)

(well I'm competitive ... being left out is foul)

Can't she borrow one from the library? She can see how dull they are, and there is no need to actually own them.

Children of this age will compete about almost anyting though, so I wouldn't take the competition too seriously.

i think she should look at a copy of the book and decide for herself if shed like them then i think she should look out for them in charity shops or car boot sales and have them as a 'treat' occasionally - i would initially check these out at the library.

my ds was like this years go with goosebumps books.

its always churning to fear our dc are feeling left out but that moment passes and thats how we learn that we cant have everything we want as soon as we want it.

I think you have to grit your teeth and let them go through the stage IMO.
My dd, now 11, is a bit behind with her reading but likes all the magic fairy, dolphin kittenbooks. I would love to buy her something a bit more realistic or challenging but I would rather her read those that not read at all.

I felt like this with my PFB and Animal Ark books (they were the Rainbow Fairy equivalent 7 years ago!) Her grandma bought her the entire set.Result - huge social cachet, and a love of reading that is still there 7 years later. I would get them for her. These things are important. So long as you don't have to read them aloud. I made this very clear to dd about the Animal Ark!

If she wants some, buy her some. It's only a kids' book, it's not Norman Mailer or Anais Nin.

With luck she'll realise herself that they're boring and pointless. But really there's no point stressing. My 13yo grammar school high-achiever still occasionally reads Malory Towers or Animal Ark books. And is going with her mates to see some hideous film called "Angus, Thongs and Full-frontal snogging". No, it doesn't fill me with gladness, but frankly I'd be more worried if she didn't have a bunch of girly friends to giggle with about makeup and silly films.

You do need to get over yourself. If you think Rainbow Fairies are bad, wait till you see what passes for teen fiction.

OH yes - do not under any circumstances ever put yourself in the position of having to read any of the Rainbow Fairies books out loud. Dire. But, as others have said, if it gets them reading, all to the good.

And I know exactly what you mean about feeling a pang about her feeling left out. I still remember that feeling from when I was about 11, so while I definitely don't get DD anything she asks for, I do consider it quite carefully, and try to compromise.

These things get easier, they really do. You find some sort of balance between sneaky compromises (the library), soft-hearted moments (oh go on, have a bit of trash!) and sheer hard-heartedness (time for you to learn independence, my child!).

Hi eekamoose

I personally would buy her some. Your daughter sounds really grown up and has chatted to you so you know how she feels. Sometimes as mums we have to put our own opinions aside and let our kids decide. She will be reading which is good and she will feel she can chat to her mates about them which is worth its weight in gold as we all like to have things in common with our friends.

these books are pretty awful but they were the ones the really got my dd really hooked onto reading independently and for that - I salute them! She actually has most of them - combination of great deals from the book people/red house. At those prices I don't mind. She's moved on from those books (waiting for her younger sisters to discover them in a few more years!) and is reading less sugary books - but I wouldn't knock them completely.

Go to your nearest Oxfam shop and I'll be you will find loads.

Ps Small girls lie can't count properly exaggerate wildly

They made a film of "Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging"?
eekamoose, we all know these books are dire, but there are advantages, as seeker points out. Just refuse to read them aloud and you will be able to offload them sooner than you imagine

Personally if DS wants a book, I'd get it for him. Just cos it's a book.

But I say no to other things. Even DS, who's 7, said the other day "first it was Pokemon cards, then Harry Potter, then Yugioh, now it's Go go crazy bones..." So he's picked up whatever is current won't last. And he has to pay for those things with his pocket money.

My dd loved rainbow fairy books at 7 yrs. They really made the difference to her reading for pure enjoyment and helped her discover the joy reading. I'm glad she discovered them.

I think you are agonizing over this overmuch! I thought this thread would be about bullying or anorexia or something! For goodness sake go to the bookshop and buy a sodding rainbow fairy book or borrow one from the library. They can't possibly be as dull as Mr Men and we have more than 40 of those fuckers in our house! DD and DS were both into them and now littlest dd is showing worrying signs of wanting to add to the collection and she can't even read yet!

Thanks everyone. Am chastened to discover that, had I posted this in Am I Being Unreasonable, I would indeed be considered Unreasonable.

Will get her some. But she does not need to be encouraged to read (she is voracious reader, into Dick King-Smith, Quentin Blake, Roald Dahl, Francesca Simon etc) and I want her to be her own person. You forget, though, don't you, that conformity is very important to young people.

At the same time I do not want to be a sucker for pester power!

But you have spoken and I heed your words . Thanks again.

(we gave away the Mr Men, we had a kindly donated complete set too. How can such cute little characters spawn such deathly prose)
Eekamoose, last month ds, eight and like your dd, a voracious reader, read first Watership Down...and then Attack of the Talking Toilets . Then he read Deeper, the sequel to Tunnels...then a Horrible History. She will mix and match, I promise. Just keep feeding her the good stuff too

I love Mr Men, 'a crumb, half a pea and a drop of lemonade.'

the thing with the Mr Men books is you get to the last page and you are turning it over to get to the end

Try the library. I'm all for letting children read pretty much what they want. Loads of people - adults as well as childrren - read formulaic rubbish from time to time.

Dd loves these books

In fact I'm sure she has two of the first book. (Ruby the Red Fairy) Email your address to julief1_bw at hotmail dot com and I'll send it to you.