Upset about primary school

[Shleepymummy]

DD started school in Sept. We live in a nice-ish area, the school is rated good and seems to have a good reputation. All of my friends moved to a more expensive area as the primary school is listed very highly in the league tables. I looked our school up recently and it's midway. From what I hear from friends about how their children are doing, I just feel sad as I don't seem to be getting the same communication from our school. I don't know what reading group she is, had one parent evening but it was early on and no reports or updates since. DD can read by spelling out phonics and blending to make words, but not sure if she should be doing it in her head and then out loud at this stage. Secondary schools around my area are not great so we will move before then. But wondering if we should move before she hits year 2 and move her into new junior school. Also have a 2 year old who we need to apply for this year and unlikely we will be gone by application dates. Just suddenly feel worried and stressed by it all and I didn't before. Our current school is nice, I guess I'm just comparing to every one I know who all seem very focused on having the best school for their children- even if that means maxing out how you live to afford mortgage in that area. Plus if we moved ready for senior school I would have to commute back for old area for school, not awful as I work near there but something else to think about!
does any one have any experience on this? What they ended up doing? How much primary schools really compare to each other.
and then if you moved your child, if that was a good idea? DD is currently in primary school so goes all way to year 6 without moving. The other area we would apply for juniors so she would move at that point I guess when others do.

Is she happy? Tbh that’s all I cared about in Reception, that my son was going into school happy, making friends and learning some stuff.

I can understand that it’d be nice to have more communication about what they’re doing though - do they use an app like Seesaw or anything? I wouldn’t particularly worry about phonics etc though - they’ll get enough stress and focus on that in year 1 when they do the phonics screening, just read with her and to her, and email the teacher / chat at pick up if you have any concerns

Without wishing to sound overly dramatic here, this is a bit dismissive. We all want our children to be happy - and healthy, and very bluntly, academic success sits alongside the other two very comfortably. Children who are encouraged to achieve academically tend to have better mental and physical health, better options after school and higher earning potential. That takes them out of poverty - one of the biggest markers and causes of misery, ill health and social isolation.

So obviously it is very early days and it sounds to me as if she’s doing just fine but equally the whole ‘noting is important as long as they’re happy … just read to them’ isn’t totally accurate.

I found some of the primary teachers here helpful when I had questions about DS’s progress, @Shleepymummy .

Thank you- that's helpful. I try and do learning with her at home so bridge any gaps but I'm not a teacher so it'll never be as good!

We're in naice area and school is rated outstanding in every way, I've had no updates apart from one parents evening early on either. Tapestry app gets the odd photo from trips etc but very little compared to some schools. I have to hope the focus is rightly on the teaching.

Do you get comments in the reading record? Do they invite you for anything? We had a couple of phonics sessions and the scheme they follow is very much about bringing the whole class along together, so maybe there's less differentiation on reading levels?

I have high expectations about academics and took selecting a school seriously, but do think their happiness is the main goal in reception

Not all schools have 'reading groups'. Many teach phonics whole class, depending on the scheme they use. If you're interested in how they do things, ask them. In terms of communication, most schools have one parents evening in the Autumn and one in the Spring term, with an end of year written report in the summer. So it's likely you are due another parents evening before Easter, but you can always ask before then if you'd like a quick update on her progress or want to know what you could be doing to help.

To answer your question about blending, it is great that she can do this independently. It's not essential for her to do it in her head in order to achieve the Early Learning Goal for Word Reading at the end of the year, although I would start encouraging her to try as it will help develop her fluency. It's the next natural step, once they can blend independently.

I wouldn't worry at all about league tables. These can largely be affected by how many children are in a cohort, and how many of those have SEN. I use to work in a small village with a very small intake (PAN of 15 per year). Some years we had no SEN children and some years we had several. Each child was worth such a high percentage in terms of data, as there were so few of them, so our place in the tables fluctuated a lot each year. I really wouldn't read too much into it.

It sounds as if your daughter is progressing nicely. As long as she is happy, I would definitely leave her where she is. There are only three reasons to look into moving your child to a new school imo. The most obvious reason is if you move out of the area, which is often unavoidable. The only other reasons I would consider moving a child would be if they were unhappy or if the school seemed to be failing them academically. League tables have no baring on whether your own individual child can reach their true potential at a school. You'd be mad to move a child who is happy and achieving well.

Thank you- this has been so helpful. I will ask to meet with her teacher for an update so I can assess where she actually is.

TBH the schools your friends have moved their children to sound “frightful” from the way you describe your friends they sound full of incredibly pushy parents (mothers?) and teachers who need to appease them!

probably private school wannabes, but without the funds to send the children so spend all the time pushing and hassling instead of allowing teachers to teach!

make decisions that are right for you. Not what your friends are doing.

I’m surprised at lack of communication in Reception. These days it is par for the course

My ds “good” school: teacher always there with feedback at the school gate if you wanted it, otherwise photos every week on the app with comments about what the class has done, and notes about what they’d be doing next week.

We get sent an assessment each term for the core skills (working towards, meets, above) and we have a parent teacher meeting once per term.

At the start of autumn term there’s a curriculum presentation and a few weeks later also a Phonics/English session and separately a Maths morning, so parents can come in to school, see the kids doing some work in their classroom and also a teacher presents to the parents to explain how these subjects are being taught so we can support at home. This happens for each year group.

If you have a parent forum you could say you’d like more feedback.

Weirdly my dd1 went to an “outstanding” school and it was far worse than my ds’s good school. I didn’t follow my instincts - I trusted the school and honestly it just got worse and worse. My dd got good results at SATs but the school really didn’t teach her anything else and she was quite unhappy and bored.

What I’m saying is if you don’t think you’d dc is progressing and thriving talk to the teacher first. But follow your instinct and if you think your dc will do better elsewhere, make it happen.

I wouldnt worry too much. You can always get a private tutor to level assess her as well and give you some guidance
Schools have different styles. Some primarys will not set homework for example, others send reams of it.
You can always ask for a meeting or phone call with her teacher though.

league tables only tell you how good test results are. You could have a school where he majority came in at below the expected levels of development that gets them all to where they "should be" by the time they leave, but they will rank lower than a school that had a higher intake of children that were "above" in the first place. Progress is what matters!

Also, it's quite likely that even where they school does use a scheme that groups children for reading, they'll only have recently been doing it after starting the year with general input for all, so might still be assessing and tweaking those groups- what she is doing sounds fine though!

We are now half way through the year so you may well get an update soon as to whether she is on track at the moment - PLEASE don't worry about it if she isn't. The difference in abilities in reception is huge, but the curriculum expects them all to be in exactly the same place by the end of the year and it's ridiculous. I now work in year 1 after years in nursery and it is often us that get the joy of seeing things "click" for those that were "below" in July - not because we are any better than our EYFS colleague, but because it's just when more children are developmentally ready for some of what is expected of them!

Our reception never had an ap, so I found the change from nursery really unnerving in terms of having little clue what my child was doing each day for the first time in his life. You get used to it though, and teachers were always happy to answer any questions. Our school is good rated and I personally think it's brilliant, my eldest is now yr 4 and younger one yr 2. They didn't go into first colour reading group until part way through reception as there where at least 3 basic skills levels before that, but I feel like we did get a letter each term to say what group they were in.
My first born is clever, but a July baby and a boy so was usually just "meeting expectations" and finished reading colours right at the end of year 2. My 2nd is and April born girl and finished them all in the first half-term of year 2 and often exceeding expectations, same teachers and equally smart I think.... you really dont want to be comparing kids in reception and key stage 1 to anyone else, cos so many factors affect it. As long as they are happy in school and progressing at a steady rate they are fine.
There is no evidence homework helps progress and our school has scrapped it all together, but there is lots of evidence that kids whose parent read stories with them, do better academically.
So read bedtime stories each day, check in with the teacher that they are progressing and try to relax. 🙂

Schools are mostly much of a muchness. DS has always just gone to whichever school was nearest to the places we’ve happened to live.

It may well be down to the scheme the schools are using, some are easier to differentiate what level the reader is at compared to others - RWI, little wandle etc.
Do you know which your school are using?

Many children who are “pushed” to achieve at an early age actually end up suffering with mental health problems! Reception is about a child adapting to school life, so providing they are being encouraged to learn and not pushed by the time they move into year one and beyond they become like sponges and soak everything up!

OP sound like she is comfortably off so I doubt her child will end up in poverty as much of this is to do with socioeconomics!

Is she happy? Does she have friends? Is she learning to read (at whatever pace is appropriate for her)?

Being happy at primary school
and learning to love learning is far more important than any league tables.

Stop projecting your snobbery onto your child and you might also try talking to your child/your child’s teacher.

Making friends with her friends parents will help as well. Sounds like you need to expand your friendship group and get away from the ‘one up’ ethos.

I think, unless there are some big problems with the educational component of school, it is more important for primary school aged children to have happy stable home lives than it is to exceed academically at primary age.

So having a massive mortgage you can't afford and being stressed from extra driving would detract from that.

Prioritise your family life in the early years. Having a well balanced home life sets kids up for a happy and successful life more than educational attainment does.

There are lots of qualities, eg resilience, which have a stronger effect on educational attainment than which primary school you attended and how quickly you learnt phonics. A 'good' ofsted school must be teaching to the required level, and there's so much more that goes into how well a child does at this age.

IME - the things you teach your primary aged kids at home have a huge impact in the early years. It's the stuff which really sticks, the interests they will pursue are the ones you've made time to do with them. Use your extra time and money to do more reading and have more time together at home, and have your overall happier family life. I think you made a good choice.

It's RWI. I think I just need to soak to teacher and ask some questions. Probs feel worried about it because I feel so in the dark but a conversation might clear that all up

The thing I’d be more worried about is saying you’ll definitely move before she goes to secondary school. This could be really upsetting for her after spending 6 years making friends, to then go to secondary and have to start again? I just wouldn’t want to do this personally. If you know you’re moving, I’d do it now so she’s got a chance to re-settle and make friends that she’ll go onto secondary with

Thank you- this is really helpful and sound advice

This is my worry/problem. The secondary school is not good so I feel we have to move, but as you say she then wouldn't have the friendship cohort. A secondary school teacher did tell me though that the cohorts are so big they aren't all with their primary school friends as they take from so many primary schools. And I went to secondary school with no one from my primary, I made new friends who I still see to this day. So I'm not sure it would be awful? Or yes we move her part way through juniors which also feels mean. Really hard to know

Reading what someone said about private school wannabes, we have a school that caters to people like that locally. Everything I hear about it makes me want to cringe (and I come from a background of working in the private education sector - where I worked was slightly alternative though and this state sector school pretty much embodies all I don't like about the sector - Hard core marketing, ridiculous uniform and competition to the nth degree where children who aren't up to scratch are made to feel bad). I'd agree with what people are saying about her being happy. Saying that, mine is pretty happy where she is - there are still several things (mostly pastoral) I'd like to change about the school but am aware that sadly the perfect school doesn't exist (working in education, I'm of the opinion that's nigh on impossible at the moment). All I'm saying is be aware of what the payoff might be to move her to an "outstanding" highly academic school - be careful what you wish for because the grass isn't always greener.

I teach Y1. You would expect a 4-5 year old to segment and blend (sound out words) and even into Y1. That is how they are taught to read. She will learn some sight vocabulary eg he, me, the...
I would never tell a parent whixh reading group their child is in and the whole class should be progressing through phonics at the same rate (a government expectation).
If concerned, ask to speak to the teacher to check on her progress.

I think your school sounds pretty normal. Things do depend on the headteacher. We get a parents evening in the autumn and spring term. If you want one in the summer term it's by request following the release of their school report (so basically if you read things you disagree with you can book in to discuss further).
When mine started in reception there was a meeting specifically about reading with your child. They did a different reading scheme to what they use now and they do now have a meeting about it. The headteacher also changed since mine have been there and the new head brought in meet the teacher meetings at the start of the year which is where all parents could sit and listen to the teacher go through what the year would look like and who's who. Until this new head we also didn't get much in terms of communication. They now use an app to send through relevant information. It's not pictures of the children doing things but usually more about important dates. In KS1 they do usually do a post on a Friday about what they have done that week (just a summary of things like what a busy week we have had, we have been making number bonds for 10, writing a weather diary, exploring photos of the local area and making a poster and using our cutting skills to make valentine's hearts).

If your child is using RWI then you can look up what the process is. In reception it is usually focusing on single sounds and blending before moving onto stories. RWI schools usually work collaboratively across the school with groupings so you could ask your child what group they are. They start with ditty sheets and then move up to books.

I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong at the moment with your school and some parents get ultra competitive (especially in reception) but you find this does cool down as they move up the years.

At our primary school, the first parents evening of the year focuses on how they are settling in, especially in reception. The 2nd parents evening is more about the work.
We havent had a 2nd parents evening yet - its the start of March.
Hopefully you'll have another parents evening this year and an end of year report.
Do your school offer and share sessions or other opporrunitues to go into school?
Is your child bringing home books to read? It's really normal for children to be sounding out the phonics and blending in reception. That is what they are taught to do. So i wouldnt worry about that