Upset about primary school

[Shleepymummy]

DD started school in Sept. We live in a nice-ish area, the school is rated good and seems to have a good reputation. All of my friends moved to a more expensive area as the primary school is listed very highly in the league tables. I looked our school up recently and it's midway. From what I hear from friends about how their children are doing, I just feel sad as I don't seem to be getting the same communication from our school. I don't know what reading group she is, had one parent evening but it was early on and no reports or updates since. DD can read by spelling out phonics and blending to make words, but not sure if she should be doing it in her head and then out loud at this stage. Secondary schools around my area are not great so we will move before then. But wondering if we should move before she hits year 2 and move her into new junior school. Also have a 2 year old who we need to apply for this year and unlikely we will be gone by application dates. Just suddenly feel worried and stressed by it all and I didn't before. Our current school is nice, I guess I'm just comparing to every one I know who all seem very focused on having the best school for their children- even if that means maxing out how you live to afford mortgage in that area. Plus if we moved ready for senior school I would have to commute back for old area for school, not awful as I work near there but something else to think about!
does any one have any experience on this? What they ended up doing? How much primary schools really compare to each other.
and then if you moved your child, if that was a good idea? DD is currently in primary school so goes all way to year 6 without moving. The other area we would apply for juniors so she would move at that point I guess when others do.

Hi OP, ex reception teacher here. It’s always a big adjustment to go from nursery, where you get lots of daily information to school where you don’t. I used to tell my new parents in the pre-school meeting not to expect that level of of information because my focus was on daily teaching not daily reporting. It takes a while I know.

From what you’ve said here, her reading sounds age-appropriate. There will always be some children who start reading fluently in reception but it doesn’t necessarily signify anything long term. Segmenting and blending at this stage is fine. I really wouldn’t worry what reading group she is in. I would never have told a parent what group their child is in ability-wise anyway because comparing children and groups is a road to nowhere and always causes trouble. If your child is in the right group (which you have no reason to think otherwise) that’s all that matters.

In my school we had a parents evening six weeks in to the start of the school year, one in the spring term and a written report in the summer. Other than that I was always happy for parents to make an appointment to chat to me if they had any concerns. Please don’t worry what others are up to in different schools, an outstanding label doesn’t necessarily mean your child would be getting on better there, and as others have said if she is happy that’s a massive factor. Happy children are in the right place to learn well and it sounds like things are going fine in that regard.

Also to say that when your friends are talking about this and that happening in their school and you think ‘DD’s school doesn’t do that’ it doesn’t mean that DD’s school is lacking in some way it’s jus that all schools do things a bit differently and it’s all swings and roundabouts. Have a chat to her teacher if you’d like some info but try not to get into the comparing game.

is she bringing home books yet?

Our school is outstanding. It's not. Don't be driven by Ofsted.
I bang on about this all the time but schools are teaching dependent and obviously, also class dependent.
My eldest DD has a very bright cohort. My DS' cohort is more mixed. Obviously a teacher with a bright cohort can move things along quicker if they want to. Some teachers do. Some don't.
Most of my friends are city based / London suburbs and the schools where they are much more competitive and pushy. Including privates. However, one of their private school has recently bought in a new reading comprehension focus away from just progressing through reading schemes. Our school had been doing since reception

Let the school teach. Like a PP has said, make new friends. But don't be afraid to advocate for your kids if necessary. Schools are not infallible.

If your daughter is happy and has a good set of friends i would focus on that. Oftsed can change at the drop of a hat and you could of maxed out on your mortgage moving house for the school to drop to requires improvement.

Fwiw i value education, however my child went to the local requires improvement secondary school (despite me actively wanting to send her to the outstanding) she went because everyone of her friends was going and eventually i relented and said we will trial for a year as i wanted her to be settled and not have the pressure of knowing no body on top of secondary school.

By year 11 it was a ‘good’ school and the previous outstanding was took over by a different academy as it was failing. During covid they provided exceptional support both academically and emotionally for the students and she left school with 7’s, 8’s and 9’s.

A friend who is a teacher said they will learn if the want to learn it doesn’t matter whether you spend £££ private they will do what they will do.

I guess my point is value your child being happy and settled over an oftsed rating.

Don’t get sucked in to the discussions about comparing your kids book bands etc with other parents. It will make you spiral.

I’m a teacher and see the parents who check book bag every day and then loudly announce oh well done. You’re now on green books. First in the class. So proud.

they aren’t even looking at their child but the other mums

I have to agree with the happy and be read to advice. It isn't dismissive it's about making sure that your 4/5 year old feels comfortable and associates learning with feelings of comfort, happiness, and wellbeing. Academic 'achievement' is nonsense at this age. Yes, teachers are pedagogues and understand (or should) the mechanisms of learning. That's great. As a parent, the most important thing you can do is be enthusiastic about what they are learning and make sure they are happy. Output from the kid is not an indication of what is happening inside them; their demeanour mostly is. If they are happy at school they are happy about a learning environment and that is the first battle won in their epic lifelong learning journey.

If a school is terrible and your kid appears to be learning nothing of course you should move them - I doubt they would be happy though.

There's no guarantee you'll move with your mates anyway. In our single entry primary well have kids going to school across 3 selective state schools (2 girls, 1 boys), two local comprehensive, 2 academies slightly further out. DS is going to one of those academies and may well be the only one from his class and certainly will be out of his friendship group

Hi OP. I'm a teacher (Secondary) you have had some great advice here already. I have 3 children at Primary and I would say I get a similar level of communication. We use Seesaw and we get regular photos but other than that the communication sounds similar. I don't know what reading groups my children are in (and I'm a teacher!) I do see their progress at home so I have that benefit. I think it's too early to worry and listening to other parents who may be more pushy won't help. Saying that kindly. If she's happy and thriving I wouldn't move her.

Good luck OP you should like a lovely mummy.

Excellent post. @Shleepymummy your child is happy at school, making friends, learning and gaining confidence in themselves as a learner. In my experience these are the real factors that help a child to develop the skills that lead to future academic and social success.

It sounds as though you wisely chose a local school, so your daughter is also learning the soft skills of being in a community , having local friends, doing local activities, etc. Again these are all positive factors which ground children, give them confidence in themselves and in their little world.

We have all met anxious children who worry about making mistakes, who are afraid to try new things in case they get it “wrong”, often these feelings are exacerbated by a child being pushed outside its comfortable place by pushy parents and schools who care more about their results on paper than the wellbeing of their pupils.

My post was marked as ‘waiting for the team to look at’ because I put a link to info for parents about RWI - a freely available link. Hopefully it will appear soon…

But, basically, do some research about the RWI methods and hopefully you’ll be reassured re her blending out loud. It’s a very prescriptive scheme but it works for most children.

As for communication, our school has a scheme/app where daily events are uploaded a few times a week. This is generally done by the TAs. Sometimes we heard nothing for a while if a TA was off sick or if they had other children to support. I don’t think lack of contact means it’s a bad school. If your DD is happy and the learning is happening, don’t worry too much. Do speak to the teacher for a general catch up though just to put your mind at rest.

She sounds like she's exactly when she should be with her reading.

I wouldn't worry about moving before secondary. My DD has just moved up to the local school with all her friends but has made a completely new set of friends.

From my experience, infant school doesn't really matter. I would choose a good Junior school from Y3 instead and move to an area with better secondaries.

In her first two terms moving from nursery to school, the main things to worry about are making friends, feeling secure and confident.
It's a big adjustment for parents going from knowing everything at nursery to not a lot at school. You will adapt.
I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing with their kids - concentrate on what you can fix.
Email school and ask for advice on how to support her with reading, phonics and blending words.
You most likely have another parents evening coming up in March/April anyway.

And Ofsted ratings are not the be all and end all. I would focus on whether your child is happy and thriving. You can do so much to support her in her learning at home - but so much of the first year of school is adapting into school life versus academic stuff!

I've got 2 DC in primary school - in my experience, no news is generally good news. I agree with what @CountryGirlInTheCity says about it being a huge change from the amount of updates you get from nurseries.

My youngest was well behind their peers in Reception and the teacher often used to take us aside at pickup or phone for a chat.

You’ve answered your own question here. I’m involved with secondary transfers from the primary side and more often than not, the issue is splitting up children from primary school who have “unhelpful” dynamics rather than keeping friends together. They get so mixed up at secondary school it’s actually more of an opportunity for them to make new friends, even if they do know a few people.

It sounds like DD is happy and doing well academically, I would 100% keep her where she is.

I second this. I do transitions from P7 to S1 as part of my role and this is my experience.

I’m a supply teacher. I can assure you they are not much of a muchness. But you would have known / know if you were somewhere really bad.

I'm a reception teacher - it's very hard to speak to all parents so while I do try to chat at the gate and do phone calls etc, there might be a parent I've missed (especially if their child is doing well with no problems!). Definitely reach out, I love when parents ask me for a meeting just to catch up. Does your child go to wrap around or can you chat the door?

Is she happy? She us obviously progressing. Stop worrying, calm down
Stop comparing everything because if she's fine nothing else matters. Progress is a very individual thing and doesn't happen at a consistent rate throughout a life. Enjoy the now and do try and stop jumping the gun for your own sake too. Ask the staff if you want a bit more info.

Thank you for replying. No seesaw app or photos, but I'm going to speak to teacher to get an idea of how reception/year 1 works and then I'll just focus on reading with her at home and making sure she's happy- which currently she is! She's made friends which I'm happy about.
In your experience, would it be better to move her during primary years so she has a cohort to go to secondary with, or just start a fresh secondary with the likelihood none of her junior pals will be there? (unless they move too!). We will move before secondary so can't work out how's best to play it. The secondary school is big, so that sort of tells me kids have to make new friends anyway?

We can do chat at the door in the morning only, but where my DD struggled going in at first, and now independently skips off happy, I've been cautious about hovering and try and leave swiftly as that seems to have helped her settle. I'm going to ask to meet the teacher and just have a quick catch up. I'd like to know what I can do to support her development at home so I'll have that as my aim.

Read with her and enjoy books. Talk and don’t use tech too much and she will be fine. Happiness and home are the two biggest drivers of attainment.

It's different for every child. In my experience children tend to make new groups of friends at secondary school. That's not to say they don't keep some primary friends but one of the main benefits is widening the social circle. My oldest daughter went to secondary with her same P7 class from nursery (only 18 in total) and made a whole new group of friends in S1 so going to a different secondary school from her peers would not have made a difference to her and she's quiet and not a social butterfly.

Would you be intending to move her to a primary which feeds into the secondary school of your choice? Remember a school that is not seen as 'good' now could be much improved in 7 years time.

I am a parent who strongly strategizes and advocates for my child to get the best academic education possible.

I would start by testing out what happens when you proactively ask the teacher for an update. At our primary we could send an email to the teacher with questions or meeting requests. It is important not to abuse this ability, but it is midyear and you have concrete questions about how to support your child’s learning at home. It is ok to ask those questions.

Give the teacher time for a response, they are busy. If you don’t get a positive response though, that will be very informative about the culture of the school. Good schools welcome these kinds of inquiries. They want active, involved parents that take an interest in education.

I haven't read every post, apologies, but just to say this current reception intake has been a low birth year so I think you have a good chance of moving her around from now if you'd like to start making enquiries.

There's also https://www.locrating.com/
A great website to view postcodes and school results but you have to pay 11 quid or so.
I also looked at https://www.gov.uk/school-performance-tables
And compared achievement data and what not.

In my local school I worked in recently (after school club) reception have already prepped a trip to a museum, two parents evenings, lots of pta fundraising events like discos and selling coffees from an external coffee van, sponsored scoot etc, nativity play, lots of sports and forest school provision. It's pretty nice but I think comparable to a lot of the local primaries bar maybe a few things