Teacher mistake - how annoyed would you be?

[GruntGrunt]

DD "Alice" has just started reception. Her best friend "Jane" has the same skin, hair and eye colour as her, and is a similar height. The also sit on the same table (tables are determined by skill level).

During parents evening the teacher slipped up and referred to her as Jane. We pointed this out and the teacher apologised and corrected herself. Later in the conversation the teacher mentioned that Alice had been really good at chopping vegetables when making soup in forest school. We said we thought she'd been off sick that week but the teacher said it must have been the week before and insisted that the photos were on the ap they use.

We just checked the photos and they're of Jane!!

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed? Shall I email the teacher and if so what shall I say? She seems like a great teacher otherwise and is really lovely so I don't want to have a go at her, but this has really upset me! And who knows whether any of the other feedback she gave related to Jane instead of Alice?!

I would imagine the teacher knew who the child with her on the day was but remembering who was who over the course of a parents evening things got muddled

I'm a teacher and parents evenings can be so intense and draining, after a few hours it can be easy to get muddled.

Give the teacher a break for goodness sake. It’s only been a few weeks and they are still learning all the children’s names and telling them apart. They have a difficult enough job without parents getting precious over a simple mix up.

When my DS was in reception class, he looked very, very similar to one of his class mates and is was a standing joke with his teacher and the other lads Mum, that she was still getting their names mixed up at Christmas.

She was a wonderful teacher and she was also Asian and the 2 boys were white. I never thought for one minute there were any racist undertones to the situation. Just a teacher doing her best and having a small mental block with the names of 2 kids in her class.

Yes, or it could even be nothing to do with race at all and it's just the two students happen to be the only two with glasses or always sit next to each other or their names start with the same letter or ...

You know there has been studies done on this? It is often easier to recognise your own race and be able to tell them apart than other races. It’s not “racist”. It’s a known thing. Unless biology/the human brain is racist?

As an ex class teacher, I'd be ashamed if I couldn't tell two children apart after 6 or 7 weeks of school. Actually after only a few days.

As a school manager it sometimes takes me a while if two children look similar because I'm not seeing them all day nor necessarily interacting with them much on an individual level.

Yes I'd be put out by your experience. On the plus side, the more memorable children stand out for often the wrong reasons.

Years on I bumped into someone who worked at my children's primary school. They immediately asked how X was (ADHD, known by everyone) but couldn't remember my other child's name.

Ah, your post appears to be advocating being a racist by making excuses for racist behaviour. Perhaps it's an attitude you could reflect on and ask yourself whether the idea that racists are ignorant and lacking compassion and knowledge of the world outside the UK is a look that's a good one.

I'd raise this as otherwise its going to continue. It doesn't need to be confrontational more of a 'can I just check please that feedback such as xyz was directed at my daughter. As we have checked and the feedback on forest school related to the other girl (see attached pic). Our daughter is. Thanks.

In this situation - seriously - I’d change my DD’s appearance a little bit eg some jazzy hairbands or socks, or aways have her in a sweater if the other girl is always in a cardigan, or always do pigtails if the other girl has a ponytail.

It will just make it easier!

Teachers cope with identical twins so this can’t be an impossible ask

This is bonkers. You're shoe-horning race into a thread where we have no clue of the ethnicities of the children involved or indeed the teacher.

Perhaps it's your attitude and outlook that make you see racism in completely innocuous human interactions?

Perhaps it's experience . . .

I work in a school - not a TA or teacher but have interactions with the majority of all the under year 8s daily.
I’d never met the yr 4 group before September and so many of them are interchangeable names to me I regularly mix them up. They are the same race as me. But to me the lack of novelty in names means I think I’ve got it right but it’s easy to think the wrong name in a short timeframe (given a few more seconds the penny drops).
The same with reception children in particular- not because of race (two children with names beginning with the same letter of completely different races I mix up - with each other - but more often with a child from the previous year). I absolutely hate doing it - it’s solely related to their names - the 3 names begin the same letter and are beautiful and unusual names and it’s my menopausal memory that’s saying don’t say the wrong name that makes me get a block!

The teacher doesn’t mean to cause offence I’m sure. But by all means double check what she said at parent’s evening.

It's reception. There's no real feedback to give....

ETA... There's a child in my daughter's class that looks incredibly similar to my daughter. I often mistake them at a glance 😳

No, it's not racism 🙄

There's been loads of research done to show that people of any race find it harder to distinguish between faces of a different race. Similar to face blindness.

I think it would upset me too, and I would approach it with the teacher, but from the angle of ‘gosh they are similar aren’t they, is there anything that can be done to help distinguish them, perhaps different tables, because we wouldn’t want them each being marked academically as the wrong child would we’. I expect it’ll settle down as the teacher gets to know the class but you’re likely to have a repeat every new school year by the sounds of it unless they find ways to stop them being always together in class etc.

Miss Z taught all my 4 children one of the years in reception-Yr2.
It became an in-school joke that Miss Z routinely called DC4 by the name of DC3. So much so that the entire class would shout out to correct Miss Z.

Heck, DC3's yr6 teacher once called him (DC3) the name of DC2 (a girl).

Didn't bother me. We had other issues to think about.

When I was a dinner lady, I was warned that on the playground from a distance, DC4 looked exactly like another child, Tommy. Lo and behold, I found myself mixing them up too. My own kid (!!)

my mate called Denise - not my name !
We both laughed
Incredible that this can be seen as a big deal

Yes, and I do believe you've experienced real racism in your life. However, even if 100 other situations were due to racism doesn't mean every situation is due to racism. It's a very unhealthy way of looking at the world and will poison your life.

I say the same to people who think things like "every man will cheat". Sure some men will but others won't and we shouldn't let our past experiences blind us to objective reality.

This.

It's very normal for teachers to get names muddled (of all races, including their own). I highly doubt there's any teacher that hasn't called a child by the wrong name. But to actually confuse the two of them to the point of actually thinking one is the other and showing the others photo/work, is much more concerning.

It often happens, that is life.

Not if they genuinely look alike??

The teacher has around 30 children in that class. Parents evening involves talking to many of those parents similar things on repeat. I would let it go. I had a report for my child with details that were not correct as I knew my child was absent for a trip. But I let it go because it’s not going to affect their life. I just laughed to myself. Plus I know reports are a tick box exercise most of the time. School is for learning and if your child is safe and happy that’s a bonus. Not all children are.

Cut the teacher some slack. Everyone makes mistakes.
One of my primary teachers used to call me by the name of my Aunt (,mums sister) who had attended the school 20 years previously 🤣🤣

Speaking as a teacher who has done a lot of Reception myself, I can understand why you're a bit irritated, but it's also not that serious.

Unfortunately, the nature of little kids is that many of them look very similar. Especially if you're looking at them from the side or the back, as you might be when over-seeing a group of children. I especially find it with little boys, as the range of hairstyles seems to be less. One mousey-blond, short-haired boy is much the same as another!

It's annoying, but not that deep. In a couple of years you'll be joking with Alice and Jane, who will look completely different by then, how much they used to look alike, and how Miss Whoever used to get them muddled up!

I'd be a bit more concerned about a teacher grouping receptions by ability onto "tables" so early in the year. They haven't even been in school a full half term yet.

Why would it be racism?

Racism is when you have a negative view of a particular race. Not when you make mistakes or get muddled up. That's just being human. You might be more likely to do it with people who are of a different ethnicity to you, or an ethnicity you are not often exposed to, but if it's a genuine mistake how could you possibly avoid it?

What do you hope to gain from emailing her about this? You’re just being petty.
Its still early into the school year and it happens. I’ve had classes before where for the first term or so, I keep mixing certain children up. Last year I had two boys called Tyler and Mark. They didn’t even look that similar… same height, similar hair style. But that was it. Very different abilities and very different personalities but for some reason, for the first few weeks I constantly got the pair of them mixed up.