Bday party etiquette at the start of Reception

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My DC is a September child and starts Reception after summer. DC doesn't know any children in class or in our town as we moved house last November.

Many of my friends have recommended biting the bullet and invite the whole class (30 children) but I'm unsure of the best approach to take, or what mothers in my situation tend to/would do.

If choosing to invite the whole class, I've found a local venue so only need to hire entertainment and organise the food. I can bake the cake myself.

Can anyone suggest what I should do in my situation as I am torn between organising a party for 30 kids who my DC doesn't know (well, bar 2 or 3) and forking out a considerable amount of money for it, or just having a small party at home with the children of family friends and kids who are not in the same class or school?

My friends say children who are the older ones in their year usually just have the big party and it's a good (but expensive) way for kids and parents to get to know each other. It's also a shame that we don't know any other September kids in the class with whom to have a shared birthday.

Final question: any entertainment suggestions for a 5 year old's bday party?

What would you do?

Thanks!

When my dc were that age the norm was to invite all the boys or all the girls. 30 4/5 year old children is an awful lot to manage!

I would do option B. A manageable party at home with people you already know. Nobody is going to think ‘I can’t believe Saskia didn’t have a party’ and send you into social isolation. And your own child doesn’t know about great big whole class parties yet.

I had a party for both of my dc every year until they didn’t want one any more and every party I had was for and about the child. I wouldn’t have a whole class birthday party because other people think it’s a good way of the parents and the children to get to know one another. That’s not what your child’s fifth birthday should be.

The norm at ours was to have the big party - it’s a great way to get to know the new families and for your child to make new friends.

Please don’t do boy/girl parties - so outdated.

Reception parties are normally whole class. Then year 1 onwards, start choosing smaller groups ( although some still have whole class especially if they didn't have one in reception) it's a lovely way to get to know everyone.
But not everyone has a party. No one will care if you don't.

When it's a choice between catering for 13 children vs 33 children, boy/girl parties make a lot of sense.

I would definitely go whole class if you can afford it - a great way for you to meet other parents and your child to bond with the kids in their class

Yes I think you have your options there. We usually do a local soft play where they sort food and party bags as part of the deal. Anytime I’ve booked a hall party it’s been super expensive! At least early in the year in reception everyone comes to the parties and you get a good turn out!

Soft play and takeaway pizza (cheese and tomato) and a cake.

Makes it much easier.

Also on the clas WhatsApp ask if there are any other September birthdays that want to share.

Everyone did whole-class parties when DS was in Reception and Year 1, apart from the children who didn’t, for whatever reason, have parties at all, or didn’t have non-family parties. We always did. Mixture of at home parties, renting the village hall, soft play etc. I think from Year 2 onward things got smaller, with children inviting their own friends.

In your situation, I'd invite everyone so he can bond with all the other kids and you can get to know the parents.

It depends on the child. I had a small soft play party for my September daughter’s 5th birthday with a few friends from pre school/ family friends children.
she would have been completely overwhelmed with a full class party of children she didn’t know and wouldn’t have enjoyed herself at all.
do what you think he will enjoy the most.

Yes - whole class is a good way to get to know the other children / families. It’s always hard having older children in the year as you’re setting the trend (I have an autumn born DC too).

Hire the village hall or similar venue and book a bouncy castle. Put out some tables with colouring in (print off internet) for quiet time activities when the kids want a rest.
Buy some ‘Happy Meal’ style lunch boxes (cheap as chips on the internet) and fill each one with a simple sandwich (ham, jam or cheese, white bread, remove crusts / cut into fancy shapes with a cookie cutter if you’ve time), packet of crisps, a carton of juice / FruitShoot, a Frube (or supermarket own brand!), a box of raisins and a chocolate biscuit. If you put out trays of food, so much gets wasted as little kids just get overwhelmed!
Offer parents tea / coffee and pass round a tin of biscuits. Sorted!
90 mins- 2 hrs is fine for party length at this age. 45 mins of bouncing / playing, then serve the party teas / do the cake, then a bit more play until home time.
Send them home with a slice of cake and a book (buy big bundles online from whatever has replaced the ‘BookPeople’ - usually works out a £1 a book).

If you can afford it, definitely go whole class. Great way to start getting to know the school gate and the question of who reception children know or don’t know is massively over-rated. They are very situational.

DS is older in the year, in reception we did whole class in a church hall with a bouncy castle, party games etc because at the point we needed to book something we couldn't know who his closest friends would be. Most of the parties in reception were whole class or large groups, y1 seemed to be 10-12 and I would imagine y2 will be smaller again.
It was a good way to meet parents too, we did nice coffee, pots of tea and lots of mini pastries and sandwiches etc from Costco for the parents, in addition to the main party buffet for the DC. It was 11-1 on a Sunday so that went down well.

OP said she would find a party in a hall expensive. Soft play is significantly more.

I think this may be area dependent, we have a small local one that charges £200 for a 30 child - 2 hr soft play party. Including food and party bags.
I hired a hall and bouncy castle the year before and spent closer to £500, food was a Morrisons buffet so not extravagant. Also had all the set up and clean up to do!

Or option c - just have a low key cake and a small tea party for close family who will make a fuss of your child and make them feel special. At 5, will they really care about how it all rolls out? They have very little frame of reference at that age. You can have bigger parties as they get older.

I’ve always done a low-key tea party at home with four friends.

At the end of the day it's up to you, but only go forking out all that money if you can afford it. I work in a deprived area and, during this cost of living crisis, whole class parties have been rare. They're pretty unheard of since Covid to be honest.

If ever we have been asked to put invitations in bookbags, it's always been a maximum of about 12, so a smallish party (usually at a soft play). Most people seem to do a very small thing with just a few close friends now, such as bowling followed by Pizza. Or soft play but just general entry paid for a few friends, rather than a party. Then maybe followed by ice cream or cake in the cafe afterwards. People do what they can afford. Some children naturally get invited to more things than others, but nobody ever seems outwardly offended if it gets out a child is having a party and it turns out their kid isn't invited. People seem to understand that not many can afford whole class parties these days.

A smaller party makes sense, to keep costs down. Only inviting one gender does not as it reinforces outdated beliefs that girls are friends with girls and boys and friends with boys. If you only have space for 12 friends (for example) you simply ask your child who they want to invite. If they choose to only invite children of the same sex, at least that is their choice. If you ask them though, they may throw in 3 or 4 names of the opposite gender which usually makes for a much more natural mix of children. By making the decision for them, it makes them feel that being friends with the opposite gender is wrong.

We had parties at home with half a dozen friends. Whole class parties were very much in the minority, maybe it varies according to where you live. Do what you are comfortable with and is affordable. Dc will enjoy either just as much. Imagine the cost of presents over the year if all 30 children have a whole class party. If you start it off everyone else may feel pressured to continue with big parties.

We've never done a whole class party as there are so many kids in our circle of friends outside of school.
Reception year was just kids outside of school, year 1 and 2 weeks did about 15 from school and 15 from home.

Most kids I noticed did whole class parties in Reception and Year 1

Not everyone can afford to have a whole class party - there’s nothing ‘outdated’ about inviting just the girls or just the boys at all!

You mean ‘sex’. Girl / boy relates to the sex of a person, not gender which is a social construct and rigid.

There really is. It smacks of dinosaur attitudes, especially when, at the start of reception, not only is it unlikely that the children aren’t only playing with their own sex, they haven’t made any actual’ friends at all yet, they’re just running around and playing generally.