Bday party etiquette at the start of Reception

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My DC is a September child and starts Reception after summer. DC doesn't know any children in class or in our town as we moved house last November.

Many of my friends have recommended biting the bullet and invite the whole class (30 children) but I'm unsure of the best approach to take, or what mothers in my situation tend to/would do.

If choosing to invite the whole class, I've found a local venue so only need to hire entertainment and organise the food. I can bake the cake myself.

Can anyone suggest what I should do in my situation as I am torn between organising a party for 30 kids who my DC doesn't know (well, bar 2 or 3) and forking out a considerable amount of money for it, or just having a small party at home with the children of family friends and kids who are not in the same class or school?

My friends say children who are the older ones in their year usually just have the big party and it's a good (but expensive) way for kids and parents to get to know each other. It's also a shame that we don't know any other September kids in the class with whom to have a shared birthday.

Final question: any entertainment suggestions for a 5 year old's bday party?

What would you do?

Thanks!

Village hall type party, children’s entertainer for an hour, food (really simple eg squash, basic sandwiches, mini sausages, carrot and cucumber sticks, hula hoops, wotsits and something sweet) music for some games with nominal prizes. Keep it to 90 minutes, 2 hours max. For parents have help yourself to hot drinks plus decent biscuits. Assuming the rent isn’t too high and you can find a decent value entertainer it’s cheaper than softplay and not as numbers specific

Depends what your DC wants really, if not too bothered maybe have a smaller party with family friends this year then a bigger party next year.

If they’re dead set on a big party I’d hire a hall/leisure centre or similar and invite the whole class, send in non named invitations towards the end of the first week, teachers usually don’t mind handing out one to each child.
Plus points are it’s a good way to get to know people and your DC will likely get invited back to other parties so they’ll get a good chance to make friends.

Are you David Lammy?

How would your child feel about a huge party with 30 kids they don't really know? Mine would have hated this. We never did it.

And if you're hoping to meet someone the parents that could be 50+ people if 15 kids come and each one brings a parent. I think that's mad.

If youre doing a whole class party make sure you've got lots of entertainment or it will descend into chaos.

There's not an etiquette at this age I don't think. Not every family will afford or want to host a full class party.

I'd have a family tea party and day out then have a party next year when your child knows more people. You won't ruin their social life for ever by not hosting a party in reception

We had this with DC3 and did the whole class party thing as we thought it was a nice way to meet all the children/parents in the class. I think pretty much everyone came, which with whole class parties is very unusual!!

We had a local place that had a small bouncy castle and some other activities in a school gym which was perfect, supervised (mostly) by a couple of teenagers. The kids ran around, parents got to chat. We ordered pizza in for food. Wasn't much hassle, and actually not that expensive as kids parties go - certainly cheaper than soft play for that may children.

Only if you reinforce that attitude in other ways. It was the norm for the first couple of years is primary when mine were young. All 3 dc still managed to have good friends of the opposite sex who frequently came over for play dates.

Inviting a mixed sex subset of children can often result in a small number of one sex being left out, which is not great either.

We just invited who our child spoke about playing with, we never expected all class invites ourselves

We hired a church hall and paid for an entertainer. Did food/cake ourselves. Invited the whole class, that was reception. In futures year we did smaller at home parties with bouncy castle or hired soft play/trampoline park.

Why enforce that attitude at all though? If they happily play with both sexes, why can only one come to the party? Seems a very odd and outdated way of thinking to me. No party needs to be just for boys or just for girls. If that's who they choose to invite it's fair enough, but a parent deciding we're just inviting all the girls/all the boys feels very odd and controlling to me.

Bear in mind that given that these days people turn up with uninvited siblings and rarely even ask the host if that is OK that you’ll end up with way more than 30 children. You couldn’t pay me to host one of those.

Ask your child who they’d like to invite. Or wait until Year 1, then again ask your child ‘who would you like to invite?’ They know who they actually like to talk to and play with far more than other parents, some of whom absolutely try to make it about themselves, which parents they like and try and force friendships between children.

Keep it about your child, their actual friends and what they would like to do. This becomes easier as they get older for sure.

We’ll do big birthday parties for Reception. I hate the just boys or just girls thing.

Kind of ironic really that you're bothered about terminology that is a social construct and rigid, when you don't believe segregating children into their sex for the sake of a party is outdated. Kind of a contradiction, no? Nothing more rigid than saying "you're a girl, you can't go to this party as it's for boys only".

Where would you place a child who is biologically a boy but identifies as a girl in your boy/girl themed parties? If it matters that much to you? Or, you know, could we just accept that children are children and let our children invite whoever they like, regardless of sex or gender?

Does anyone not ever ask their child who are your friends, who do you like to play with?
My DS (6) chose 14 friends for soft play, 9 boys and 5 girls. 1 girl was suggested ahead of the majority of the boys, my son sits next to her, so they are close because they talk all day at school together.
My DD (4) chose 4 girls and 3 boys for a hall party, pretty even split. Nursery agreed that 2 of the boys are actually who she plays with all morning.
I trust my children, they know who their friends are regardless of gender.

Bite the bullet, invite them all. You don’t want it to get to the end of the year and your child isn’t being invited because they didn’t invite anyone to their party! Then just throw a smaller party at home with friends

Exactly how it should be!

It's different when they're 6 and have known their classmates a couple of years... A 4 yo that doesn't know them yet can't choose.

Which is why I suggested to the OP waiting until Year 1.

I did whole class parties in Reception and Year 1 at a soft play place. I prepared all the food - tiny sandwiches cut into shakes, baby sausages, pizza, cherry tomatoes, animal shaped chocolate biscuits, crisps, and orange and apple juice. There was very little wastage. I always prepared my own party bags and ordered nice little things to go in them in bulk, or we bought unusual small things on holiday to put in bags.

This reply was also in response to a different issue about only having the girls or the boys. Children often have friends of either sex, especially when they are younger.

I used to hire the local gymnastic centre with the use of trampolines included , was great for all ages kids had a blast . Morrisons do food catering that I used to do the party food very reasonably priced . If you have a local gym maybes enquire?? then you can invite all the kids !!

If you can afford it invite them all it’s a great way to meet people

Or just have the whole class party and get on with it like the majority of people do

I disagree that the majority do them.

I wouldn’t do one in principle because they are impersonal and more about the parents. My child’s party is about them and their friends. If my child wants one at home, I definitely don’t want the whole class in my house. If our chosen entertainer has a limit of 20, that’s our max.

Nobody here does them. I actually can easily afford one, but many genuinely can’t. I know people who aren’t doing one at all because of money, so it’s very privileged to pressure all parents into doing this.

The norm here is 10-12 invited to soft play/clip n climb, few more to a hall or 8-10 to a house. My DS was one of only 3 invited to 1 boy’s home, he actually enjoyed that the most as the 4 are very close. Big can also be very overwhelming for some children.

Parties should really reflect the birthday child’s friends, interests and personality.

If their birthday is at the start of the school year, they don't know anyone to invite so you need to make the decisions. That's not controlling.

Kids are generally smart enough to figure out that limiting numbers in some arbitrary way, whether it be by sex or by who sits at the same table as them in class is done for practical reasons rather than enforcing any views on sex. So no, inviting one sex is only enforcing (or reinforcing) sexist attitudes if that is what they are generally exposed to at home.

We had a similar issue this year (DD was 5 forst day of school!). We skipped the party, and went for a treat day instead. She is having a bigger birthday party for her 6th.

Reception parties have varied from inviting all 60 kids, inviting just the girls, inviting all friends, or just a few friends and smaller scale. Some have been all out with entertainment and bouncy castle, some at soft play, others at home or church halls.