Page 4 | Bday party etiquette at the start of Reception

Blindbox · 2025-07-27T10:07:02+00:00

My DC is a September child and starts Reception after summer. DC doesn't know any children in class or in our town as we moved house last November. Many of my friends have recommended biting the bullet and invite the whole class (30 children) but I'm unsure of the best approach to take, or what mothers in my situation tend to/would do. If choosing to invite the whole class, I've found a local venue so only need to hire entertainment and organise the food. I can bake the cake myself. Can anyone suggest what I should do in my situation as I am torn between organising a party for 30 kids who my DC doesn't know (well, bar 2 or 3) and forking out a considerable amount of money for it, or just having a small party at home with the children of family friends and kids who are not in the same class or school? My friends say children who are the older ones in their year usually just have the big party and it's a good (but expensive) way for kids and parents to get to know each other. It's also a shame that we don't know any other September kids in the class with whom to have a shared birthday. Final question: any entertainment suggestions for a 5 year old's bday party? What would you do? Thanks!

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BoleynMemories13 · 29/07/2025 23:30

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 29/07/2025 21:31

My daughter is taught that biology cannot be changed, people can like and dress however they want but they are still a boy/girl.

As I said, we don't do boy or girl parties as my daughter has friends of both sexes. And yes we would know as it's the same 30kids in her class every year

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I really wouldn't be so sure that you'd know. Eventually, maybe, but not necessarily from the start of Reception.

Original poster

Blindbox · 31/07/2025 04:40

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I appreciate the varied feedback and it's helped me form various reference points to kind of have an inkling of how to proceed in a way that suits our situation, what things are like where I live, and things to be mindful about.

DC's birthday is at the end of September so a fortnight after school starts. I'm thinking about booking a village hall, possibly a bouncy castle and organising food (for the children and parents) and cake myself to keep it simple. Is that sufficient or should there be party games as well?

I plan to create an online invitation to post in the class's WhatsApp group around 6 weeks before the party (if that's not considered too cheeky with it not being passed via the teacher).

It hadn't occured to me to mention if it's a drop-off party or not - thank you. I don't think I can handle a drop-off party yet!

As I'm in the class WhatsApp group (where very few parents know one another), is it appropriate of me to ask if their DC also has a birthday in September or early October? I would think nothing of it if we were well into the Reception year and there was an air of familiarity - but before school's even started might be unwelcome. Does anyone have any thoughts on, or experience with this? Thanks.

OP posts:

Cutleryclaire · 31/07/2025 04:54

Blindbox · 31/07/2025 04:40

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I appreciate the varied feedback and it's helped me form various reference points to kind of have an inkling of how to proceed in a way that suits our situation, what things are like where I live, and things to be mindful about.

DC's birthday is at the end of September so a fortnight after school starts. I'm thinking about booking a village hall, possibly a bouncy castle and organising food (for the children and parents) and cake myself to keep it simple. Is that sufficient or should there be party games as well?

I plan to create an online invitation to post in the class's WhatsApp group around 6 weeks before the party (if that's not considered too cheeky with it not being passed via the teacher).

It hadn't occured to me to mention if it's a drop-off party or not - thank you. I don't think I can handle a drop-off party yet!

As I'm in the class WhatsApp group (where very few parents know one another), is it appropriate of me to ask if their DC also has a birthday in September or early October? I would think nothing of it if we were well into the Reception year and there was an air of familiarity - but before school's even started might be unwelcome. Does anyone have any thoughts on, or experience with this? Thanks.

I did village hall, bouncy castle, own food for the whole class in reception and ai’ve done soft play for the whole year group too.

my experience:

you don’t need entertainment or games if there’s a bouncy castle. They just run round being mad.
it’s lovely to see them play like that.
but….you mention keeping it simple. Honestly, soft play is so much easier.
hall and food cost me the same as soft play but a lot more prep and clean up
I’m still really glad I did it because not many others did the village hall thing and I was really proud of myself!
if I didn’t have a DH who did all the hall rearranging of tables and a full clean up without being instructed, it would have been a whole lot harder.
hall parties mean people Bring older siblings, sometimes without asking beforehand.

whatever you do, it will be a great opportunity to meet everyone and it’s generally heartwarming watching DC have a blast and make new friends

Isitreallysohard · 31/07/2025 06:02

BusWankers · 27/07/2025 11:35

Soft play and takeaway pizza (cheese and tomato) and a cake.

Makes it much easier.

Also on the clas WhatsApp ask if there are any other September birthdays that want to share.

I wouldn't do softplay or similar if you're trying to get to know the kids, everyone will do their own thing so you're basically paying for everyone to have a day out. I'd do a hall or something with games so the kids actually play with each other. But personally I think I'd rather just do a small thing if it's going be a huge expense

Isitreallysohard · 31/07/2025 06:04

BoleynMemories13 · 27/07/2025 16:47

Yes you make a decision for them, but deciding "we'll just invite the girls because you are a girl" would be a controlling decision as you're deciding who you assume they'll be most drawn to, based only on the fact they're the same sex. If the child genuinely doesn't know anyone yet (not always the case, depending on area, as many go up with plenty of pre-school friends), the most logical decision is to save a party for the next year, when they know who they want to invite, and just do a small family tea party and a trip out to a zoo/farm/theme park etc. Deciding to just invite a select group, based on sex, because it's easier is outdated as it's totally sending the message to your child that girls only play with girls and boys only play with boys. I'm really not sure how anyone can justify that as ok in this day and age.

Big parties really aren't a thing around me anymore. It's a very deprived area and people just can't afford all bells and whistles. It's a lot more understated now, which can only be a good thing as before COVID it seemed like everyone was trying to outdo each other and there was a party every weekend. It was too much.

Moat kids around here have never even been to a party until the age of 5 or 6 these days. Maybe a small gathering at a local soft play centre with a few friends and cake, but not a whole class party with bouncy castles, party games and a buffet. They really don't feel like they're missing out if they don't have a party in Reception (especially at the start of the year), as they don't yet know what parties are in the same way we did at that age. We had Covid lockdowns throughout 2020 and 2021, then went pretty much into a cost of living crisis, so things have changed. As parents, we feel our children need parties as that was our experience at that age but most 4/5 year olds have no idea what a party is these days. Where I am, a few start having them in Year 1 or 2, but in Reception parents are managing to get away with more modest gatherings which the children still love and remember. Some find big noisy gatherings completely overwhelming anyway, so would much prefer a trip to the park with a few friends followed by cake on the picnic benches, or going bowling with a few friends followed by a McDonalds. Five year olds are easily pleased. Big showy parties are mainly for the parents. Nobody is going to think anything of it if a September born child doesn't have a big party just weeks into starting at their new school.

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I agree, kids parties are ridiculously over the top and while the kids have fun, they have just as much fun doing something simple

Isitreallysohard · 31/07/2025 06:07

Also be prepared for some CF to bring siblings!! So I'd state this all on the invite, eg drop off, limited to the child due to restrictions numbers etc

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 06:09

My children didn’t like everyone in the class! We just invited who they played with and liked. However they had birthdays later in the year. No one did a whole class party either. Some boys preferred taking 2 friends to the contents or football.

Can you imagine 30 parties in a year? It’s clearly ridiculous and lots of no shoes I would imagine - buying presents would be a nightmare. I’d keep it low key and for dc your dc actually likes. By y1 the dc know more dc and make informed choices and you won’t be hosting 30 plus adults either.

OutandAboutMum1821 · 31/07/2025 08:12

Blindbox · 31/07/2025 04:40

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I appreciate the varied feedback and it's helped me form various reference points to kind of have an inkling of how to proceed in a way that suits our situation, what things are like where I live, and things to be mindful about.

DC's birthday is at the end of September so a fortnight after school starts. I'm thinking about booking a village hall, possibly a bouncy castle and organising food (for the children and parents) and cake myself to keep it simple. Is that sufficient or should there be party games as well?

I plan to create an online invitation to post in the class's WhatsApp group around 6 weeks before the party (if that's not considered too cheeky with it not being passed via the teacher).

It hadn't occured to me to mention if it's a drop-off party or not - thank you. I don't think I can handle a drop-off party yet!

As I'm in the class WhatsApp group (where very few parents know one another), is it appropriate of me to ask if their DC also has a birthday in September or early October? I would think nothing of it if we were well into the Reception year and there was an air of familiarity - but before school's even started might be unwelcome. Does anyone have any thoughts on, or experience with this? Thanks.

We attended a party in a village hall with a bouncy castle and food. I’ve hosted hall parties too.

You may want to also consider some simple games and activities in stations:

Pin the tail on the… (easy to call any child looking a bit lost, getting a bit silly, who finishes eating quickly, etc).
A piñata full of sweets- as above.
Have an adult manning the bouncy castle and limit how many are on it at any one time. They can start to fight, get hurt and get really silly!
A table with colouring pictures and coloured pencils is surprisingly simple and popular! Gives some quieter children a break.
Pass the parcel.
A bubble blower (although could make the floor sticky- works great if there is any enclosed garden with the hall).

Good luck and hope you all enjoy the party!

Parker231 · 31/07/2025 08:16

OchonAgusOchonOh · 27/07/2025 11:22

When it's a choice between catering for 13 children vs 33 children, boy/girl parties make a lot of sense.

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Never heard of just boy or girl parties. Seems outdated and to be avoided - surely you want your DC’s to have boy and girl friends?

BusWankers · 31/07/2025 08:56

Parker231 · 31/07/2025 08:16

Never heard of just boy or girl parties. Seems outdated and to be avoided - surely you want your DC’s to have boy and girl friends?

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It's fairly standard here in y1,-2.

Like half are are whole class in Y1, with some boy/girl division, then more so in Y2.

Then y3 tends to go smaller more select.

But regardless, they can still have boy and girl friends regardless of who their parents invite to parties...

Spotthering · 31/07/2025 09:00

We also start school in September and the WhatsApp group has already been set up. And we have already had our first class invite to a birthday party in late September. It had a very positive response from the parents in the group so I don’t think anyone would question a birthday invite just before or as reception starts.

BusWankers · 31/07/2025 09:02

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 06:09

My children didn’t like everyone in the class! We just invited who they played with and liked. However they had birthdays later in the year. No one did a whole class party either. Some boys preferred taking 2 friends to the contents or football.

Can you imagine 30 parties in a year? It’s clearly ridiculous and lots of no shoes I would imagine - buying presents would be a nightmare. I’d keep it low key and for dc your dc actually likes. By y1 the dc know more dc and make informed choices and you won’t be hosting 30 plus adults either.

It's fairly normal for kids of reception to be invited to at least one party each weekend. Had many kids (and parents !) in my life go through this ordeal.

I managed to get the birthdays shared in Reception. Straight from the outset ,I created a poll asking what month birthdays were in , so interested people could share. Worked a treat, out of 60 kids, we had about 10 joint parties (2-5 kids sharing), a few single parties and probably some that had a few friends over to their house etc.

Parents could split costs 2-5 ways, also sorting food was easier... we weren't beholden to continually fitting them in to the diary. Gave 2-5 identical presents to plonk on the table.

Made life MUCH easier, the kids don't care if it's joint, they just want to charge around a soft play/jump on bouncy castles / have a dance and a magic show etc.

Lennonjingles · 31/07/2025 09:14

I think the idea of asking parents of September birthday DC if they want to share is a great idea, there’s usually a few due to Christmas/New Year conception. Although presents get complicated, so maybe if there’s 2 DC then each sends out invites 50/50. Also you are going to need help from other adults, especially monitoring the bouncy castle, toilets, food, drink and someone on the door.

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 09:33

@BusWankers Thank god we didn’t go to your school then. Every other weekend? We do have other things to do in life! Plus it’s too much money for presents even with 15 parties. Just silly for years on end.

BusWankers · 31/07/2025 12:11

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 09:33

@BusWankers Thank god we didn’t go to your school then. Every other weekend? We do have other things to do in life! Plus it’s too much money for presents even with 15 parties. Just silly for years on end.

Well, whether it's 30 kids over 10 parties, it 30 kids over 30... Presents are the same cost, surely?

Be like me,and buy generic £10-£15 gifts in the sales/reduced to £2 or £3. 😁

Isitreallysohard · 31/07/2025 12:18

BusWankers · 31/07/2025 09:02

It's fairly normal for kids of reception to be invited to at least one party each weekend. Had many kids (and parents !) in my life go through this ordeal.

I managed to get the birthdays shared in Reception. Straight from the outset ,I created a poll asking what month birthdays were in , so interested people could share. Worked a treat, out of 60 kids, we had about 10 joint parties (2-5 kids sharing), a few single parties and probably some that had a few friends over to their house etc.

Parents could split costs 2-5 ways, also sorting food was easier... we weren't beholden to continually fitting them in to the diary. Gave 2-5 identical presents to plonk on the table.

Made life MUCH easier, the kids don't care if it's joint, they just want to charge around a soft play/jump on bouncy castles / have a dance and a magic show etc.

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Sharing is a brilliant idea

stichguru · 31/07/2025 12:24

Small party at home, lots of games and pinata. Invite the family friends and the two or three children he knows well from his class. There is no harm in not inviting the whole class if you aren't inviting most people.

OutandAboutMum1821 · 31/07/2025 12:52

BusWankers · 31/07/2025 12:11

Well, whether it's 30 kids over 10 parties, it 30 kids over 30... Presents are the same cost, surely?

Be like me,and buy generic £10-£15 gifts in the sales/reduced to £2 or £3. 😁

Show quote history

I adore this. I do the same- you cannot beat a sale stock up of birthday gifts! 😂

TizerorFizz · 31/07/2025 17:17

Wasn’t normal in our school at all. Ever. No we don’t want to spend on presents for the whole class!

Shayisgreat · 31/07/2025 18:13

DS is a September baby - we invited the whole class to his bday party in reception. It was great to meet the other parents and it ensured that he was invited to a lot of the parties for the rest of the year as well. You could rent a church hall and get a bouncy castle and make sandwiches and nibbles and they'll all be delighted with themselves. In our circles, asually parents are provided with drinks and nibbles too but I don't know if that's typical or just continued following the first few