PGL - I don't want them to have my money

[Lydo22]

I received an email from school a few weeks ago gauging opinions on transport for a 1 night PGL residential next year for when my son is in Year 4. I didn't realise residentials were even a thing for Year 4 so I was shocked but I was also shocked because of my own personal experience.
I'm prepared to refuse permission for my son to go, mostly on the basis that I don't want that company to have a penny of my cash.
I've asked him if he wants to go and he said he wants to but he is scared as he's never been away on his own.
But the main problem with this situation is me. It is no exaggeration to say it took me many years to get over the trip I went on in Year 6 in 1997. I was ill as soon as I got there, thinking back it was probably the start of PMS symptoms (that age isn't great for girls). I was incredibly homesick and spent 3 days crying. The school phoned my parents and told them I was ill and when they offered to pick me up the school said no need. When I asked to go home, the teachers told me that my parents had said it was too far so my parents couldn't come. Mum and Dad are in their 70s now and are still really upset about this.
The experience and the feeling of being trapped like that caused me a lot of problems. I was constantly scared of doing anything new and it seriously knocked my confidence. I nearly didn't go away to University because it was all still fresh in mind 6 years later.
I'm a much more robust 38 year old now and my son has had to deal with some bad things in his 7 years that I didn't at his age.
However, my experience of this brand and the way my school (nearly 30 years ago!) arranged this trip has been so long lasting and ingrained that I am reticent to even consider giving them any of my money.

I understand how irrational this is because my son in not me and his school is not my school from the 90s. So he could go and be fine, but I'm really curious as to whether anyone else has gone through a similar thought process about these trips?

I think people make too much of these school trips. It's not going to stunt your child's growth or future opportunity if they don't go. But if you trust the teachers who will be going, the venue looks safe and well-maintained and your child is healthy and sensible, then one night away is unlikely to do any harm.

Your experience @Lydo22 was as everyone else has said the fault of your teachers not PGL . My daughter went on a school PGL a trip in yr 5 to Dorset ( we are in Kent) I think she lasted about 27 hours before I got a call to collect her .

@SonicStars out of curiosity, why wouldn't you send your children on the solo holiday camps?

Safeguarding.
The staff are generally quite young/inexperienced and their training is likely to be focused on running the activities safely as opposed to the pastoral side of things. If anything happens e.g. friends falling out, child being ill, I would want a trusted adult who was 100% on the ball to be there for them. I also don't have confidence that they could keep track of a determined child who didn't want to engage.

I wouldn't say I'm overprotective, they go on scout camps. I trust the leaders and the leaders know them to a certain extent. But throwing lots of kids together from different backgrounds without considered management might not always work.

I haven't read the ofsted reports but I believe a few centres got pulled up for this a few years ago. The care of solo children. I would imagine it's been address as a result, but with high staff turnover and variance between centres standards will vary.

Ok so moving forward, why don't you speak to school, and explain things. Perhaps they will be able to reassure you.

Safeguarding is much more stringent these days so if you are confident that procedures etc will be in place, perhaps you will feel more reassured.

You are making this all about you, not your child, so be prepared to face up to your own child resenting you if you don't alow them to go.

I think you’re being irrational. As others have said it was the teachers and not PGL who would have made the decision so you’re being pretty unfair to put up a post slagging off the company. Secondly, I’m not sure why your parents are still feeding a degree of anxiety over something that happened years ago. Residentials offer a great opportunity for development and growth.

The one night trip in year 4 preps them for the three or four night tripin year five and potentially the week long year 6 trip. The year 4 trips are generally to somewhere pretty nearby to school. It was very obvious after covid, where there had been no trips, that those year 6 had never been away. The amount of basics that they didn't have as a norm was astonishing. I think your reaction was extreme when you were a child. It is a shame your parents couldn't collect you but let it go now otherwise you will just bring up an anxious child. My son went on residentials and he is a type 1 diabetic who injects four times a day. He loved being away.

It wasn't the company but your school's approach.

I do think it is an over reaction to be still so triggered by a childhood incident of feeling poorly but not going home. I'm surprised your parents are still so upset about it too. Annoying and upsetting at the time I understand but several years later, and being so affected by it to almost not go to university and now to restrict your son's experiences seems very OTT.

It would be unfair to restrict your son because of one incident, which wasn't even the company's fault and not the same school or teachers.

Your parents could have come and got you regardless. The teachers couldn't have actually stopped that had they felt strongly enough.

Hey, thanks for all the responses. I wasn't quite expecting so many.
I'm kind of aware I am being irrational, but was curious as to whether anyone else had had this reaction and had a similar experience all these years later?
It seems not many 🤣. My son isn't me and the 90s were a different era so I'll suck it up - parents get updates on Facebook etc these days.
My parent are by no means feeding the anxiety but now in a different era they can see how strange the school's reaction was.
Thanks for all the rational advice from everyone.
It is weird how certain seemingly minor things that happen in childhood can stick with us.

My friend worked for PGL for a year and said they were awful. You're forced to sleep on site and eat their food - fair enough you have to present and available but they charge so much for this. We all thought this was going to be such a cool job but it's was quite an exploitative experience.

DS had the same in year 4, I encouraged him to go (he's autistic) and he enjoyed it. Has your son not stayed over night at a friends house or at his grand parents without you? I think that would be a really good first step if not. Then lots of encouragement and finding out about what they will do there.

You're really projecting your own experience on to this OP and that's not fair on your son. It's time to put that behind you and let him go and see how fun it can be. Having this first short trip is also a stepping stone to the longer Yr 6 trip.

Thanks for sharing this. I think you get what I'm talking about.
The experience wasn't exactly extreme on the childhood trauma scales but it kind of reverberated.
Maybe I'm misplacing my blame. I think it was pretty easy for teachers to make up a policy back then and pin the blame. The policy of not being allowed to phone home always seemed like a PGL policy, but maybe that was created by the school?
I did genuinely enjoy most of the activities when I perked up and was able to join in. However I do remember the place being horrendously run down and dirty.

@Lydo22 my DC called me from a PGL trip (not through school) as he was homesick. I had to go and get him in the end. Annoying but the staff were lovely.

I know someone who for religious reasons booked to stay in a hotel nearby where their children were on PGL. They picked them up at the end of each day and returned them in the morning.

I am not suggesting you pick him up each evening but it might make you feel better to be physically closer. And you could take him there and back.

This is much the best answer here.
Can you speak to the school and ask questions that will put your mind at rest. Tell them what you have told us.

My kids start school residential trips in year 3 they have loved every one of them. 2 nights in y3 and 4 and 5 nights in y5 and 6. They’ve also been away with brownies and guides.
I run a rainbows group and recently took them away for a night. The youngest children there were 4 years old. They coped better than the 7 year olds.
I wouldn’t let your own negative experience spoil your child’s trip. Some kids don’t like them but if they never get to experience it how will they know?

You have to be careful not to project your own anxiety onto your dc. The fact he’s already saying he’s a little worried could mean that he’s picked up on your own feelings around this. It’s sad you experienced what you did, but you really need to get therapy if it’s still occupying headspace all these years later. Because that’s not normal.

Doesnt sound like pgl more the school.
my dc went in y6 to an activity centre so the school teachers were still in charge. There were 10/11yo wandering around after light s out and one of the girls felt ill but they couldnt locate the teachers.
dc isnr great at joining in and did get a lot of pressure to do activities she wasnt comfortable with.
i doubt my youngest will go in y6 as she is quite clingy - and never sleep s

honestly though op i assumed it was going to be something serious (like abuse).

As others have said, this was the school's decision and nothing to do with PGL.
Both of my DC went on a one night overnight school trip in Yr4. Some children didn't intend to stay the night and they were collected around 6.30 I seem to think (so after food). With both trips, a couple of children were collected at points during the night as they couldn't settle. Knowing that this might well happen, the school takes them to a venue which is only 30 mins away. The Yr5 two night trip is a bit further away but, again, a couple will need collecting (including DD who was usually fine but had slipped and given herself a bit of a shock and just needed a hug and a night at home before being returned at 7.30am and being absolutely fine for night 2).

It does sound like all of the fault lies with your teachers, OP. They were the ones who blocked you speaking to parents and lied to you. PGL staff just run the accommodation and activities, no way would they have permissions to make such decisions.

I didn't look forward to our DS going on a 5 day PGL trip in years 5&6 but it did him so much good. The staff are brilliant and he honestly came home more confident and a bit more grown up.

I genuinely think his time away in year 6 helped ready him for the transition to secondary.

Maybe it would be best to speak to other parents whose children have attended recently, rather than focusing on your own experience from decades ago?

Sounds nothing to do with the company. Don’t let your kid miss out because of your pst experiences.

To be honest I dont think the teachers were at fault either. You were anxious about being away when you got there. You werent ill. You were homesick. The teachers told you parents but said you were fine to stay. This is standard practice. Children find it hard to be away at first but when they know theyre staying they start to relax into it. You even confined this yourself: I did genuinely enjoy most of the activities when I perked up and was able to join in.

Mum and Dad are in their 70s now and are still really upset about this. you said that they are not feeding into your anxiety but if this is the case they absolutely have.

The experience and the feeling of being trapped like that caused me a lot of problems. I was constantly scared of doing anything new and it seriously knocked my confidence
But you didnt even want to do this trip. You were so anxious you cried for three days. Anxiety about trying new things didnt start because of this experience. It was always there.

This.

The policy of not having kids ring home is normal. The teachers rang your parents. Your parents could have come for you but they didn’t. They probably feel guilty they chose not to come for you. If the school rings you to tell you your child is homesick then you will deal with it differently and go and get him