Child strangled by another child, who's constantly attacking/provoking my child

[IkeSmile]

An incident in school where a child put his hand around another's child neck.
The victim is my child and this is just the latest attack on my child. He is regularly attacked or provoked by this other child. Puched off the stairs, twice in 5 days, ended up with marks; forcely blocked in the toilet, by the same child; called names, laughted at, threatened by the older sibling on the school premises, twice in the same day...and so on...and the school doesn't do anything.
"I exaggerated and I have something personal with the other child" the headteacher said before even listening and accused me of being ABUSIVE. The NSPCC gave me a ref no and I'll not stop till my child feels safeguarded by the school. Till now, he only said he feels not listened to, and the perpetrator is attacking other children aswell. The mother is passive aggressive towards me!

? If this happened to you, what were the results?
Tia

Yeah never tell them to ignore a bully. It just results in the bully escalating until they snap. Kindness is all very well and the ideal to aspire to but if someone is hurting you hurt them back. I had a group of 7 boys bullying me. They pushed me in front of a bus because I was ignoring them. Sexually assaulted me and all sorts.

I eventually took my dad's advice, hurt one of them badly enough to land him in hospital

My mum went after one of the parents and told her what her son was doing, threatened police involvement and his mum sorted him out.

One started in the street, not realising I was waiting for my dad and my dad got him by the throat and told him if he touched me again he would kill him and anyone who tried to protect him.

The other 4 decided at this point that discretion was the better part of valour and backed off.

Ignoring just doesn't work.

I know how to approach the school in the most respectfull way, and I did this from day one; but the school refuses to acknowledge the fact that this child is abusive towards my son, that he is a bully.
One year 6 child has told me now, as I picked up my son, that he knows the perp and asked him if he bullies my son and why.
His response was:
🚩"Yes, I bully him, because I hate him!"🚩
His words today!
I will add this to my complaint and quite a few children came in my son’s defense and made him feel safe. That's an exiting change of events and gives me hope. He is recognised as a bully, always picking up without being given any reason.

Contact ofsed. Move schools. My school life was hell from a single person who was determined to make my life miserable. Please change for your child's mental health. Also contact the parent of this bully.

You should follow the complaints policy, it will be available on the school’s website.

The mother of the bully is more bully than him. With a passive aggressive attitude telling people she doesn't give a f... of what I say or do. She's part of the majority and the school is protecting "their people". The minority should leave the school..."if they don't like it". This is the message "sent" to anyone complaining.

I am doing everything by the book this time. ♡ Never complained before but strangling is the last drop.
Thank you! ♡

Been there and till I didn't fight back, it didn't stop. I said to my son to ignore any child with violent behaviour anywhere not just the school, but it went too far now.

I have no words. I'm so sorry you went through a hell because of these kind of people, who are raised by other ignorant people.

In our primary they'd always get the kids involved to sit down and the situation would be discussed and any witnesses called in. The way it should be done basically.
There's clearly truth in this for your child to consistently report it. I don't understand why they can't just even do the above and then follow up with a letter home.
It sounds like you're feeling like ' that parent,', that they're treating you like ' that parent '.
If you feel this is racist in it's origin, that's so difficult. Will you be a minority if you move to another local school?
I have had to write school emails in the past and have to be so polite and understanding. It's really the best way as hard as it is.

I'm sorry if you've already said - but in reporting this, everything has to be an email. I'd say you are concerned it's racially motivated and you'd appreciate some assurance that the other kid will be spoken to. That you want assurance your kid will be safe. You'd like assurance that racism is actually covered in PHSE lessons.

I live in a very rural, very white area. I don't believe any of the parents I know would ever be ok with this stuff and would support any kid and their parent being targeted like this. I appreciate not everyone is like this and it must feel very uncomfortable.

Next step as advised by online resources is to write / email governors. This would make them look really bad so they'd surely step in.

If the child is SEN it doesn't matter either. I think this is what you were suggesting in one post. They might have struggles with regulation but it doesn't mean the school can't address and re educate if the message isn't being given at home that racism and bullying is not ok.

Email everything so you have a paper trail. In the emails stick to very specific facts so, for a made up example, instead of "He is constantly bullying my son," - "My son was verbally abused 4 times at lunch today, this included phrases such as..."xxx " please can you explain how this will be dealt with in order to ensure my son is safe and well at school."

Keep the emphasis on specific facts and what you want for your son.

I'm not suggesting you do have an agenda against the bully but writing it in this way means there's absolutely no way it can be used against you to minimise the problem.

Keep everything in email, even if you have a conversation, follow up with an email to confirm what was said. Keep all the sent and received messages in a folder.

The critical thing is to document every individual incident, rather than wrapping them up in one ‘X is always hurting my son’.

So send an e-mail with dates and events so far: 10/12 - pushed in the toilet, bruise. Reported to Mrs X. 12/12 - hands round neck, bruises (see photo). Reported to NSPCC, incident number …..

Then each day there is a further event, send another: 16/12 - elbow in ribs at break time, pain when breathing.

Having a factual, written, dated log of every incident and every report makes it very difficult for the school to avoid, whereas a verbal approach of ‘it’s always happening’ can appear less serious. (As a teacher, I have had ‘It’s always happening’ based on 2 minor events 4 years apart, so clarity is important).

The question you must ask, every time, is ‘how exactly are you keeping my child safe?’ You should reasonably expect separate seating in class, supervised toilet visits, additional adult supervision in class and at break times. You do not have the right to know how the other child is punished.

I'd be ringing the education authority and logging a complaint first thing Monday, it's assault and it's not acceptable the school are failing your child and you by not keeping him safe.
Ive done this myself similar issues to yours and the child was lived to a different year group out be way where he couldn't bully kids.

I would in no way mention your thoughts about the bully in emails btw. I got the sense there's something going on with the kid. The school have suggested you've got it in for the kid who is bullying - so stay as neutral as possible.
Don't bring emotions in at all regarding the other kid, whether they have additional issues and needs/ useless parents etc.
Stick to facts as advised.
The minute you put things in writing and you highlight concerns this may be discriminatory ( even if just due to not being aware or educated yet) then most schools will be all over that. Because they'd look bloody terrible ignoring it.
Once you go Governor level, this would look very bad for them.
Be polite, be friendly, be understanding. It's the best way. I understand you don't want to pull your kid out. This problem could come up in another school.
Exhaust every option here is my advice.

Sending an email is not what you do. You complete the complaints form. The head must then deal with it. Also look up the MAT or LA. Complain to them. Also if it’s racist, make a complaint to the mat or LA about that too. The school must respond to an official complaint and if you are not satisfied, it will escalate to the governors. On the complaint form detail what has happened and remind them that they have a duty of care towards your DC.

If the other child has unmet Sen requirements, that is down to the school to sort out and they do need to ensure other dc are safe. It cannot be an excuse. So carefully write down what has happened and when and what how your DS is affected by it. Remind them of their duty towards your DD.

I think you need to listen to your DS about wanting to keep his friends. I would also ask him to try and stay in a group of friends at all times. I know it’s a pain but self preservation is vital.

In my experience, primary schools do not have specific complaints forms. Hence suggesting e-mails - which I would suggest are sent to the head and the general admin e-mail.

This makes much more sense to me. Going in this way is also showing a willing to work together to find a resolution. And yes, the school should be dealing with this and it's very unfair that OP has to even second guess her approach. The truth is, you're best off trying to work with them. You're up against an entire institution so playing the game well is going to serve her and her young son best.

Wrong really but we are dealing with humans and all their awful faults, even in positions of authority like a headteacher.

No, the child isn't SEN, and today he confirmed in one of the brakes, that he hates my son.
Why he hates him, I don't understand.
Both normal children with friends in school, but the other with an older sibling and a bit more attitude than my child. Showing off his boxing knowledge, as my son sais.
The three children that asked this morning if he bullies my son and why, went and told an adult what this child said.
He just hates my son, and that's it!
I'm speechless at his mother though. She has a passive aggressive attitude towards me!
I'm a migrant, but she is a migrant too. Just that geographically she moved to the south. To make myself understood.
Abuse is abuse, no matter what!

Kids can be incredibly cruel, this is even more of a problem if the parents don't have good values or don't encourage acceptance and being decent.

I've been in a position recently where my child has faced incredibly cruel, incredibly unrelenting nastiness about something he was born with. Although my emotions are strong - you must try keep them in check when communicating with school to get the results you want.

Forget the other mum. She sounds of no use here. But the school have a duty of care. When emailing them with the facts, I would ask them to explore why this boy is doing this, to bring them together, to show this other boy that his bullying behaviour is wrong.

You have to go in the right way. Yes abuse is abuse but you need to handle things the right way. It's very possible the school are not seeing this so are downplaying it. They may not like the way you've spoken to them if they found you too abrupt. I'm not blaming you btw, but there's a way of doing this.
Appeal to their good nature, explain that your child is sad, feels scared, doesn't understand why he is hated. You politely yet assertively ask, please can you help and look into this further?
That's the way to handle this. If they ignore you, straight to the Governors in writing.

You should not be dealing with the other parents at all.

If your child has been strangled today, why are you even considering sending them in on Monday?!

You can't claim it's a safeguarding issue and then just send your child straight back in without it's being resolved! You undermine your own argument in doing so!

You instead get the schools safeguarding and bullying policy and quote the relevant bits back to the school, saying that they are failing in their duty of care demanding an urgent review.

You do not mention the other child except in the context of what they are doing. That means nothing about their background or motivations. You just factually say what is happening and you copy the governors in.

If you do not get a adequate and rapid response you elevate it above the school.

But if it is a safeguarding concern you don't sed your kid straight back.

Some of the advice on here is ridiculous you can't sue a school!

OP look on the website the school should have their complaints policy. Follow it.

Keep records of everything that your child tells you.

@IkeSmile You probably have no idea if the dc is SEN. He’s probably subjected to bullying at home. He might be a victim too. Often nasty dc are. You simply don’t know.

A school has to respond to an official complaint. They don’t have to investigate an email and the governors will only look at an official complaint. So that’s the route to take and details will be on their web site.

The child is encouraged at home and told how strong and powerful he is. That powerful that will hrab another child by the neck, in a strangle position.
Disgusting parenting skills.
My son is as we speak in his 1st martial art class. I'm gonna stand up for him hith the legal fight, and from now he's learning to stand up for himself, and apply self defense techniques in the future.
I'm not rasing a thug, he's good in school, 1st in class at math, but his self confidence went down the hills because of these incident.

@IkeSmile you don’t have a legal fight. Your child won’t get anywhere by fighting back. Others will say he will, but he won’t. The best bet it to follow the complaints procedure and make sure dc stays with friends. Marshall arts won’t stop the other child being parented poorly. Unfortunately our dc have to navigate dc like this but your best bet is the official complaint route and dc avoiding this child. Getting into a fight with him won’t end well.

DS1 was bullied for years in primary school. He turned the other cheek. School was useless. One day he lost it and punched the kid. The adult in charge at the time who witnessed it just said to me: Glad he did - that kid had it coming for too long and refused to punish my son, just let me know it had happened.

I was shocked but the bullying stopped. We shouldn't have to encourage them to meet violence with violence. But when a school is ineffective, it sadly seems to be the only deterrent.