Child strangled by another child, who's constantly attacking/provoking my child

[IkeSmile]

An incident in school where a child put his hand around another's child neck.
The victim is my child and this is just the latest attack on my child. He is regularly attacked or provoked by this other child. Puched off the stairs, twice in 5 days, ended up with marks; forcely blocked in the toilet, by the same child; called names, laughted at, threatened by the older sibling on the school premises, twice in the same day...and so on...and the school doesn't do anything.
"I exaggerated and I have something personal with the other child" the headteacher said before even listening and accused me of being ABUSIVE. The NSPCC gave me a ref no and I'll not stop till my child feels safeguarded by the school. Till now, he only said he feels not listened to, and the perpetrator is attacking other children aswell. The mother is passive aggressive towards me!

? If this happened to you, what were the results?
Tia

The headteacher accepted the first meeting just because I said I'll go to her superiors and she accused me of being aggressive towards her staff, (which was denied by the two person I had spoken to at the reception). She also said I exaggerated, my child is fine in school...I emailed after this meeting and I got no response.
The same headteacher refused a second meeting and let me talk with the person (ironically) that deals with the safety in the school. Again nothing has been done.
They hope I'll just shut up and let this go away.

If you do decide to move schools, make it clear to your child that they had made friends at the old school so they will make friends at the new school. That they are not the problem, but as the old school wouldn't solve the problem of the bully, you realised it wasn't a good school and your child deserves to go to a good school, so that is why they are moving. You will still invite their old friends to come and play and once they meet new friends, they can play with them too.

Move your child. Your job is to protect him, not teach the other parents a lesson.

It is not fair to leave your child in this situation.

I'd see a solicitor and get legal advice and then threaten to sue the school and the child's parents for not adequately protecting your child from this bully and ensuring their safety whilst on school premises.

I reported a child who bullied my daughter, both 8 at the time to the police. His actions triggered an event which led to my daughter breaking both her new, adult, top front teeth.

The police went to his house and talked to him with his parents.

The problem went away.

School were not interested in dealing with it. The police took it very seriously.

It's a bad school. When my DC was bullied and the school fobbed me off, I asked to see their anti bullying policy. They didn't have one! I had to point out this was actually illegal. Then they cobbled one together. It took me ages to realise this is appalling and a sign of grossly poor leadership. It's not just the child you have issue with but the handling of the situation. Do contact the governors, - there should be one who specialises in safeguarding. But honestly, I'd start visiting some other nearby schools, especially if there is one where the diversity of pupils is more equal.

I am aware of the effect bullying might have on children. The news are full of cases where children fail to speak up and, decide to take their life. It sadden me that now my child is going through something that might affect his life in school. At home he's always listened to, loved and encouraged to speak up, but in those 6 hours, at school, I have my hands tightened, and the safeguarding team should be doing its job.
Thank you!♡

Strangling is very dangerous behaviour and I'd go absolutely fucking mental at the school until they deal with this. What did she mean she has something personal with this child? That alone I'd report to the school governing board and I'd probably get the police involved. The child cannot be held responsible legally for his actions but the school has a duty of care that they are failing in.

In the meantime tell your child to hit back. As hard as they can. Never hit first but always hit harder. It's the only language bullies understand. I learnt the hard way that they never stop unless you make them and that I had to be more willing to hurt them than they were to hurt me. That lesson still affects me and my relationships in my 30s. Bullying can ruin people's lives, even end people's lives. School need to be handling this or I'd be up there waiting for his mother at pickup and speaking to her.

One line I found effective was to calmly ask the teacher I was chatting with how they would react if they were in my child's situation:

So... am I hearing this correctly, you'd feel perfectly comfortable with a colleague punching you on the stairs, blocking your access to a toilet, calling you names, hitting you so they left marks, getting a bigger family member to threaten you? And you'd be happy and calm and able to focus on work if, say, all of these events happened to you within the space of five days? Because if you wouldn't be comfortable in that working environment, why do you expect a child who has less maturity and resilience, to be?

I think you need to trust your child more.
If you think he is able to cope with bullying and being strangled then he will cope with a change of school.

Having said that, yes you need some reaction from the school but you need to word ot the right way. Not pointing fingers at the chikd but ask8ng about whatbthe school is doing re protecting your ds. Talk about safeguarding. Look at the anti bullying policy on their website etc…

The fact the HT started with ‘you’re the one who is the problem’ makes me think you’ve concentrated too much on the other child/what they did/how to stop them etc…. And they’re probably not great at dealing with it either.

Fwiw I’d move your ds.

You have to make the decision that is best for your Dc . Whether to move schools is not a decision he makes .

however you do two things get hold of the anti-bullying policy and the complaints procedure . You ask how they will be safeguarding your child . Absolutely include anything that is racist . It should be tackled .

assuming this complaint doesn’t get anywhere you can go to the board of governors .

A documented paper trail is valuable but in all honesty - heads that deny bullying don’t tackle it

You write a formal complaint in writing - use

I am terribly sorry to hear this. Talking about this outside the school makes me realise the issues aren't take into consideration by other schools aswell, and we need to make them public.
This must stop, and I'm happy the police got involved.
Sending positive vibes your way.
Thank you! ♡

Thank you! ♡
Will do!

The school have a duty of care to safeguard your child. Ask them what is in place.

I would raise this as a safeguarding concern and say if their is not a proper resolution you will raise a formal complaint.

Read up on both the behaviour policy and the anti bullying policy and ask the school how they are upholding these.

Do it in writing so you have a paper trail.

The only words that I said to the receptionist were: "My child is being constantly bullied since last academic year, by the same child, and this must stop, because this morning he said, mummy, I'm afraid to go to school because this boy will attack me again".
With English not being my first language, I might not express myself well enough for the headteacher to understand that I have fears for the way the school deals with the safeguarding issues.
Never in the previous years I had visited the reception with complaints. I know my place, and I'll be respectful towards any school employee. Good child overall, with extremely good reports and attendance, btw.

Brilliant. I'll copy paste it, just in case.
Thank you! ♡

Im going against MN with this op tell your child to hit back.
Report it to the school and the police.
But tell your child self defence is not a crime.
Hit you once you hit them twice see how they like it.

Hit back is what his father eventually said the other day. I was the one to bring the kind hands in the picture, and it looks like I was wrong.
I have always encouraged my child to ignore children that will act like a bully. I said being kind is the answers. To bad he has to learn the hard way it isn't always the case. I'll fight for him, for his confidence and for others to spop being bullied.
I owe him that!

Get the school bullying, safeguarding and complaints policies. Raise a complaint following the complaints procedure where you feel the school are not doing what they should do as listed in the bullying and safeguarding policies.

The process will almost certainly be teacher, head teacher, then governors - jumping straight to any of them without following the process properly will just result in you being told to take it up with someone else.

Follow the policy if you want to try and get action/change and remain at the school.

Schools try to rush incidents like this under the carpet. I'd move my DC to keep them safe. If 10 or over go to the police. Take DC to the GP or hospital and ask for marks to be photographed as evidence. The bully sounds like a menace.

I guess what I tried to find here was pieces of advice I would not recieve for a parent at school, or from friends. The thread clearly did its job and I recieved tips good to put in practice.
Thank you to each and everyone single one of them.
For a concerned parent, this is gold.
♥️

Do not allow your child to go back. Contact the school Governors and tell them why you are withdrawing your child .

Keep reporting. Keep engaging with school.
but don’t shout, intimidate or threaten the staff.
they are not the ones hurting your child. And if you shout at them they will not be defensive and less open to communicating with you.

We had a similar situation but the school is taking it seriously and the other kid is going to some kind of institution a few days a week now. But we did have to have a meeting.
They won't be able to give you all the info on what they are doing about this other kid but should demonstrate they are taking it seriously.
Myself and my husband have English as our first language and I can imagine it is more difficult for you to get the message across forcefully if not. Perhaps write it all down and ask someone to review it for you, then send to the governors copying in the headteacher.

Wow I can’t believe you’re still sending your child here ??