Reception - will I regret state?

[Cutie18327]

I'm currently looking at schools for my 3 year old daughter, she turns 4 in August 2025 so is due to start reception in September 25.

My local schools are School 1 (RI juniors, but G infants), School 2 (me and hubby hated), School 3 (CoE, hard to get into). We are relatively comfortable financially but to afford private I would probably need to return to work full time. Now both myself and my husband are teachers so have a solid grasp of helping our children through their education, we can do extra curricular activities out of school, but I do worry about larger class sizes, behaviour and higher teacher turnover in the state schools. My daughter has already started on the basics in terms of phonics and numeracy and I want to nuture that instead of feeling like she will be pulled behind in a state class and a large class of 30....

My husband is against spending 40k (between 2 kids) on private education as we are aiming for grammar ultimately and would rather invest the money so we can live comfortably and provide our children with more opportunities further down the line.

Opinions? Does private really matter at primary age?

I grew up in the state sector and I work in the private sector. My sons both attend an independent school. The advantages they have in the private sector almost make me weep to think of the experiences they could have had. They are SO lucky.

Nowhere did I suggest private school students aren't pushed academically, nor did I say they won't work hard. It just goes hand in hand that someone who has far more money spent on them and has so many more opportunities thrown their way, not to mention smaller class sizes etc, isn't going to have to work quite as hard as their equivalent state school peers to get to where they want to be in life. Some may see this as a great thing, to make life easier for their child. Others may prefer their child not to be given everything on a plate. The 'leg up' simply refers to those extra opportunities presented their way to help them achieve their goals. It's a bit like how some parents who can afford to choose to gift their child their first car, whereas others prefer to encourage them to save up to earn it for themselves. Everyone has different values for their own reasons. That's ok.

You acknowledge yourself that private school gives students an advantage in the future job market so we're basically making the same point. We're just coming at it from completely different angles, with you seeming to think it is the bee all and end all in life to give kids this advantage, and me thinking money can be better spent elsewhere when state school students are fully capable of reaching their full potential and achieving their dreams too through hard work and good support (which OP's child will have).

Clearly we're never going to agree and that is ok. I don't know why you seem to be treating this as an argument you need to 'win', by constantly presenting everyone with facts telling us the facts don't lie etc. Nobody is denying the facts! Some people just don't place as much value on them. I've never been handed everything on a plate and I wouldn't want my children to be either. I can appreciate how others will want to go out of their way to ensure they make their children's lives as easy as possible though, if they can afford it.

People are allowed to have different opinions to you about whether private school in worth the money or not without either side being 'wrong'. It's a highly subjective subject. I don't see the point debating with you any more as we're simply going round in circles.

I’m sorry this has been your experience.

As a state school teacher with state school educated children I absolutely see the issue with lack of proper SEN provision and cutting budgets. Teachers are stressed and leaving and the systems needs a massive overhaul.

But ‘if your children don’t have SEN they will be ignored’ is not a statement I recognise. I can categorically say it is NOT the norm in schools I have worked in and the one my kids go to.

Yet again these sweeping statements are divisive and unhelpful. State parents think private schools are bullying training grounds for snobs and private parents think state children spend their lessons learning swear words and swinging from the light fittings. They discourage individual choice.

@BoleynMemories13

You've completely missed my point if you think I'm sort of cheerleader for private schools, the opposite is true , the system is tragic and terrible, I'm just a brutal realist, I was born far too poor and insecure not to seek every advantage for my children, I completely appreciate that is not your situation and your experiences and belief system are different to mine.

When you say:

'state school students are fully capable of reaching their full potential and achieving their dreams too through hard work and good support '

It completely ignores the economic reality of the student, their parent(s) and of course the social and economic situation of the state school. Its a very middle classed view.

The 'work hard' stuff .....I've seen kids with huge potential crushed in the deprived council estate I grew up in, crushed at home, crushed through their peers and crushed at school.

On the other side of the argument, I think its unfair to private school kids when you say:

'someone who has far more money spent on them and has so many more opportunities thrown their way, not to mention smaller class sizes etc, isn't going to have to work quite as hard as their equivalent state school peers '

A girl at St Pauls girls private school in Hammersmith, the percentage getting AAB is something like 80% +, in the same borough in London, a secondary state school like Hammersmith Academy will be achieving something like less than 7%.

The best state school in Hammersmith is London Oratory , (a very middle classed school in a neighbourhood where a 3 bed doesn't cost less than a million and the likes of Tony Blair sent his son ) AAB make up around 23% A -level results.

How can we compare, with meaning, which student works harder at these 3 very different type of schools, with very different school intake, with very different ethos, teaching, resources, student expectation ??

But you are correct, we are going around in circles and neither of us are likely to understand each others views, and thats ok. 🙂

I think the question of ‘state / private for secondary’ is very different from ‘state / private from Reception for primary, where the aim is state grammar’ - and the answers may be very different.

Even if the final aim is private secondary, I don’t know whether the results for those privately-educated from 4 are substantially different from those transferring to private at 7 or 11?

I would agree with the state school teacher, though, who said that the increase in level of need in children in primary at the moment is extraordinary, and is not matched by level of funding or by new SEN provision. How much this will impact your individual child depends entirely on the specific school and specific class - even the sane school may have 4/30 on the SEN register, with relatively mild needs, one year, and 12/30, 2 or 3 with full EHCPs, the next.

I would also say it depends absolutely critically on the specific schools in question, not the sector. There are some private schools that add no value compared with local stare schools. There are state schools in such difficult circumstances that almost any private school would be better.

And ‘better’ will be different in areas where excellent extra-curricular provision is widespread in the community from those where any hope of access to high quality music / dance / gym / sport teaching is confined to in-school provision.

This. Exactly this

I was born far too poor and insecure not to seek every advantage for my children, I completely appreciate that is not your situation.

That's quite a big assumption. I'd say it sounds like we both have very similar backgrounds in that case, we've just grown up with very different viewpoints on this and that just goes to show that everyone is different and nobody is going to automatically think or feel the same as someone else, despite shared experiences. Life would be so boring if we all thought the same. Pleased to agree to disagree.