My daughter against her own race

[LondonerWith2]

I need advice.
My daughter is a 6 year old white female. I'm white British and her dad is white British with part Korean.
My daughter has just had black history month at school and has also been learning about the religion of Islam in class.
LET ME MAKE CLEAR I HAVE NO OBJECTIONS TO HER LEARNING ABOUT OTHER RACES AND RELIGIONS
However, I'm becoming concerned, as are several relatives, at the way she views herself. She's recently made comments to myself and family about the fact she doesn't want to be white, wishes she wasn't Christian, wants to be Muslim etc.
She's also asked for hairstyles that her friends who aren't white have, I can AND DO do them on her, however explain that due to different hair textures it will look A little different on hers.

She's made lots of comments about being unhappy about being white and being Christian which is bothering me. I don't know what to do, family members have said to speak to the school and tell them the things She's been saying so that they can encourage her to love herself in her skin and her own culture but I don't want to make it seem as though I'm unhappy her learning about others.
Advice?

Seems like she's lacking in confidence. Can you give her lots of white role models, and involve her more in the Christian religion if that is what you want her to believe. I agree with showing black achievements but it doesn't mean there aren't white achievements you need to balance it out.

If you think the school is not giving balanced information, or not giving her heritage equal regard, I would mention it.

I’d be concerned too. I’d definitely raise it with the school, maybe write a letter. Also boost your daughters confidence in how she looks and that it’s ok to be white as much it’s ok to have any colour of skin.

Just say that everyone is different, including her, and that's one of the nice things about the world we live in. Repeat every time it comes up. I wouldn't get too hung up on it, she'll move on to other ideas quickly.

Tell her she can become a Muslim when she grows up if she wants to, but when you are a child, it's normal to share your parents' religion. My DS wanted to be a Christian when he was young, as he went to a Christian school, though we are atheists. I just said fine. Whatever. He grew out of it very, very quickly.

This should pass. She's only 6. As you say, it's likely because they're emphasising on different races and religions for now but once this period of study ends, it will go back to majority white and christian things.

Non-white children have this issue all year round being surrounded by people who are different to them. Posters who're talking about "balance and equal regard" can imagine how they feel the rest of the months.

Just encourage her to love herself and tell her everyone is different and beautiful the way they are. Do her hair the way she ask and tell her it's beautiful even if it looks different. Luckily she'll grow out of it as she's overwhelmingly surrounded more by white and Christian positive messages compared to any other.

Thanks I appreciate that. Christianity isn't so much a massive thing for me, though we are church of England. But it's more the not wanting to be her that's bothering me
Thanks for the advice! X

Thanks so much
I do this as regularly as I often tell her how beautiful she is and how she's perfect just the way she is
Thanks so much

That's a great idea thank you
I've never opposed the idea of her being a Muslim but I have kind of questioned where its come from why ect
Your approach may seem less combative from her perspective
Thanks!!

If I'm honest I'm not sure what the 'majority white and Christian' things are that you think are taught? Maybe Christian but not white. Generally white people are taught about as tyrants (not using specific words obviously) but invasions Henry VIII and all his wives ect. Being white is never glamorised or portrayed as being a good thing (in today's society)
I do hope she grows out of it as her self esteem has had a hit.
I'll continue to do her hair in any way she wants (given I can do it🤣) snd encourage her to love herself.
What white and Christian positive messages are you speaking of? I'm not being sarcastic at all but I'd like to know so I can encourage myself. Thanks for the advice!

Is she in a minority at her school so feeling left out among her friends or something?

@LondonerWith2 just wondering if being a white Christian is in the minority at her school? We all grow up wanting to be like our friends and having the same things as our friends so perhaps if she is amongst 1-2 white children in a a group of friends she is wanting to feel the same/more accepted.

That's a VERY strong reaction from a 6yo. What were they teaching her???

"Being white is never glamorised or portrayed as being a good thing (in today's society)"

OP if you look at any TV programme, the people portrayed as beautiful will 9/10 times be white. The hero or heroine will nearly always be white. Same for books, adverts, models - everything media related.

Beauty and goodness is portrayed as white people (generally) in media - that's why there is rightly such a backlash nowadays to get more diversity on screen, but it's still overwhelmingly white

Generally white people are taught about as tyrants (not using specific words obviously) but invasions Henry VIII and all his wives ect. Being white is never glamorised or portrayed as being a good thing (in today's society)

This is a very unusual situation in a majority white country. She's not exposed to any positive views on white people? No TV programmes, books, cartoons, relatives, teachers, pop stars, actors, friends or neighbours. Nothing positive whatsoever.🤔

What do you teach her about her Korean heritage? I would start there.

also, if she wants to learn about Islam and other religions, then teach her about them. It is entirely her decision what religion she follows, no matter her age. As a parent it is your job to facilitate her exploration. If she is asking about one at 6yo, I would start with a broad tour and not just explore the one. She needs a full picture of what is available.

Quite. We've even made Jesus into a white guy.

This ^^

I can see this thread descending into madness shortly, as most MN threads do the moment there is any discussion re race/racism/colourism.

It sounds like there are elements of being a different religion or ethnicity that she finds appealing - what are they? Is it community/appearance/festival and celebration/culture/being left out etc??? Find out what exactly it is she wants to be part of and work backwards re what she feels she is missing out on.

For any upcoming posts that say 'We don't teach anything positive about white people' - have a look at most of what we are taught and how Eurocentric and white-centric society is, there's a backlash re this now because a lot of people are waking up to the fact that we are not the epicentre of the world. Also, that 'ethnic minorities' are from groups of people who actually make up the majority of the world population.

Kids that young are just exploring their identity and it's natural to want to be like your friends or whatever celebrities/characters are popular at the time. She'll move on to other things soon. Next time it comes up maybe ask her what she likes about Islam etc as a way of exploring the similarities with her own identity?

She is part Korean then. How about celebrating that part of her heritage?

Your comments are quite distasteful tbh I'm Black and it's exhausting living in a world in the west where I'm seen as an 'exception' and whiteness as the default/norm.

We teach about how glorious the Industrial Revolution was but not about the role of the slave trade which helped this.....

Being white is celebrated by the majority of tv etc still having white actors etc as the lead.

But to your point embrace the fact you're CofE embrace her Korean heritage?

"Yes your friends hair is very beautiful/Islam is a lovely religion. They probably like your hair/religion too because xyz. What do you like about yours? And what do you like about your hair/religion (fill in some positives if she's not sure). Isn't it wonderful how we can all be a bit different but still all be beautiful/have things in common"

Love this it's really helpful
I do say things about how it's great we've got so many differences in London ect but you've articulated really well thank you

I'm not gonna say I understand where you're coming from cause I don't and I won't patronise.

I understand your comment and it makes complete sense, my daughter is a minority in her school and local area where most of her friends are black, mostly being from different parts of Africa and having different religions.
Thanks for making the point of Korea, because its a small part of her it's not something we've ever really delved into so I'll make a point to

She's 6. She wants to be like her friends. Seriously do not over think it. These are children who can't read fluently or tie shoelaces

I do get this in adult shows I fully respect it
However if you go to children's shows it's very diverse which is AMAZING
But not overwhelmingly white at all
As stated in a previous comment within our community and her school being white British is a massive minority
Other comments have helped me understand she may just be wanting to fit in with her friends rather than being the one that looks different