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School choice worries

94 replies

Mimipoop · 12/09/2024 12:12

My son has just started reception and is struggling emotionally, I know this is fairly normal but can’t help but think I made a mistake sending him to such a big school (two form entry with 30 kids in each). He also tells me the teacher is putting on cartoons during the day (is this normal?) he doesn’t seem to be doing phonics or anything like that (early days I know).

it’s sort of made worse because on the next street is a lovely private school (we walk past every day too and from school) and I know one of the mums. She tells me there’s only 10 children in the class and her son is thriving there with no problems settling in at all because the class is so chilled and small. He’s getting lots of 1-2-1 teacher time and they do phonics and maths in the morning. She has a chance to speak to the teacher every day for little updates which must be so helpful.

im just feeling like perhaps I should be doing some home learning because I feel like mine will get lost amongst all those children. I do read lots of books already but nothing else. Has anyone tried any subscriptions? I’ve been looking at cubie maths and the bear can read.

thanks 😊

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Mimipoop · 12/09/2024 14:35

@SilenceInside we had feedback forms from nursery about things he was doing and needed to work towards but nothing formal.

OP posts:
Mimipoop · 12/09/2024 14:37

@Nursemumma92 thsnkyou that link is so helpful, just reading it now

OP posts:
shockeditellyou · 12/09/2024 14:42

Your private school friend will be enjoying showing off about her amazing school. It will have to be pretty horrific before she’ll admit that they are spending thousands a term and it’s just all right….

Mimipoop · 12/09/2024 14:46

@shockeditellyou you know my husband said the same thing 😂

OP posts:
PollyPeep · 12/09/2024 14:51

@Mimipoop my child started reception last year in a pretty chaotic state school, 30 kids in the class, no homework, book bag changed once a month etc. I felt guilty, my friends kids schools seemed so much better! He started the year barely able to read his name. Fast forward a year and he's now a fluent reader, reading at around age 8/9. The only thing we did was read him a story every night. Turns out the school knew what they were doing! The national phonics curriculum is highly effective and is followed by every state school. Your child will be ok!

PollyPeep · 12/09/2024 14:55

@Mimipoop oh and regarding the behavioural changes, yes we experienced that sometimes in Reception. Classrooms can be chaotic and overwhelming for every child. It's now settled down for us with the more structured Year 1 environment. It doesn't mean you've failed your child, it means they're slowly adapting, testing boundaries and just plain exhausted right now!

Nursemumma92 · 12/09/2024 14:58

@Mimipoop You are welcome- my daughter really struggled when she started in reception 2 years ago. She didn't physically lash out but the meltdowns were insane in my previously chilled, happy child. She enjoyed school though and was surpassed expectations academically. She was just exhausted from holding in her emotions all day and constantly remembering what rules there were to be followed etc.

Fast forward to year 2 now and she still has her moments but I know to just let her relax after school, go to the park and have snacks ready. I'm sure it will all be ok in the end, it's just a big transition for both them and us!

I was also going to agree with what a PP said- your friend with a child at private school is not likely to admit their child is struggling there, whether they are or not. Having just 10 in a class brings it's own sets of problems, it might be better for her child with ASD but not necessarily better for all children.

skinnyoptionsonly · 12/09/2024 15:02

Wow it's such early days in the term to be making such judgements. These kids are still settling in and it could be that the use of cartoons as part of that process. It's hard to understand from a four-year-old how much is being shown and for how long, et cetera.

I think the parents of the private school and the friend is distorting your view. Not doing phonics so early and he is totally normal as is feeling how you do which is emotionally dysregulated about the whole thing.

I think you need to hang on and see how it goes to half term.
Your emotional response and feelings will be rubbing off on your child even if you're not saying anything. I think you need to completely compartmentalise your friends choice and private school and focus on the school you son is at.

For what it's worth how you feel is totally normal -mine are both at secondary now. And the youngest just started the September. How it feels for him in year 7 reminds me a lot of the year are feeling it's such a massive change for them and you

My words are harsh, but I just mean to be direct - none of this is easy but don't cast judgement too soon

Changeiscomingthisyear · 12/09/2024 15:12

Mimipoop · 12/09/2024 12:39

@DadJoke no I haven’t asked but drop off pick up we don’t even exchange words as it’s very quickly onto the next child coming out of class and being handed to the parent

Woah! That’s a big drip feed. Then just hang to one side after school until all the children are collected and speak to the teacher then. I’ve done this twice last week, for different children, once because the teacher wanted to ask something about medical form and another to ask if they need me on the trip. You only need to wait a few minutes.

80smonster · 12/09/2024 15:32

DD goes to private school, they use TV’s there too. However they wouldn’t be watching cartoons unless it was last day of term, they watch craft/French/maths videos etc. I’m not against using digital technology to enhance the curriculum, or particularly opposed to screens, but Bluey is definitely pushing it… OP, why don’t you ask outright how much time (in minutes) per day is spent on phonics and maths? The teachers ought to have an answer for you.

PollyPeep · 12/09/2024 15:54

80smonster · 12/09/2024 15:32

DD goes to private school, they use TV’s there too. However they wouldn’t be watching cartoons unless it was last day of term, they watch craft/French/maths videos etc. I’m not against using digital technology to enhance the curriculum, or particularly opposed to screens, but Bluey is definitely pushing it… OP, why don’t you ask outright how much time (in minutes) per day is spent on phonics and maths? The teachers ought to have an answer for you.

In my son's state school in Reception they watched one 7 minute episode of bluey or hey duggie just before home time, when waiting for kids to be picked up. The rest of the time it's number blocks, BBC animal docs etc. It stands to reason that a 4 year old will most likely remember a fun cartoon that happened at the end of the day, than something less exciting that happened hours ago, and that'll be the first thing they talk about when picked up from school.

BoleynMemories13 · 13/09/2024 21:26

I'm an experienced Reception teacher and, as most people have reassured you, behavioural changes are fairly common at the start of Reception as the children are absolutely exhausted. They're having to focus and concentrate so much on new rules and routines. Rest assured, it doesn't usually last much beyond October half term before they're more like their old self, once they have adjusted.

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about the school based on very limited knowledge. The first few weeks are primarily about settling the children in, helping them to explore the classroom, make friends and learn to rules and routines. The teachers also have to carry out baseline assessments and best practice is not to explicitly teach new skills until these have been completed, to make them as accurate a reflection as possible of where the children are currently at upon entry to the school. This means many schools hold off teaching letter sounds for the first couple of weeks. Phonics will definitely be happening, but in the most basic forms (lots of listening games, oral blending etc). These skills are the real foundations of learning to read and spell, but a lot of parents only think of learning letter sounds as 'proper' phonics.

I understand it's a difficult transition for parents from nursery, with daily personalised hand covers, to school where you're generally not individually spoken to unless there is an issue. It would be completely impractical though for teachers to tell each individual parent about their child's day. Unlike nursery, where there are staggered pick ups, the children are all released at the same time. You'd be waiting for half an hour if you're at the back of the queue if they spoke to every parent! If the teacher hasn't needed to speak to you individually yet, that is a sign that all is going well. If you need to talk to the teacher though you can always hang around to catch them after all the children have been safely seen out to their grown ups. Reception teachers in particular are especially use to listening to queries and concerns from new parents. It's as big an adjustment for you as it is your child and we do understand that. Unless you have already tried to talk to them and they've turned you away, it's really quite unfair to criticise them for being too busy to talk to you. They are busy, incredibly busy (especially at this time of year) but that doesn't mean they won't be there to listen if you need to talk to them.

With all due respect, you are blowing the screen time thing completely out of proportion. I understand you are anti-screens but I can assure you your child will not be glued to a screen for hours on end (nor does a tiny bit of screen time mean they're not receiving a proper education). As other people have explained, it's most likely that the screen time is for no more than 5 or 10 minutes during a transition period, such as while groups are being sent to wash their hands for lunch. Or potentially at the end of the day, to 'contain' them all attentively on the carpet while the adults are safely seeing their friends out of the door. If Bluey is the last thing he's seen that day, before leaving, that's what he's most likely to remember and tell you about, even if it was only for 5 minutes.

Give the school a chance. They are not responsible for your child's change in behaviour, which is completely developmentally normal, and a tiny bit of screen time each day is definitely not an instant sign that they're not giving him a proper education. I'm sure you'll have a parents evening at some point this term, where you'll receive a full debrief on how ue has settled in.

BoleynMemories13 · 13/09/2024 21:47

Just to add, my own class have watched a 5 minute Numberblocks episode every day this week, mid morning, so myself and my TA can each have a quick toilet break and I make no apologies for that. It's educational. The children love it and learn so much from it.

Once they have settled, we'll each be able to take a quick break while the children are choosing in the continuous provision but right now there is no way either of us can leave the room, leaving the other adult alone with 30 children, unless the children are all contained on the carpet as you really need eyes in the back of your head while the children are spread out all over the room at this time of the year. You're probably wondering why we don't just read a story or sing songs instead while we each take a quick comfort break but right now we're working with children who struggle to stay on the carpet all together for more than a couple of minutes. It's like a giant game of whackamole - you just get one sat back down and another pops up! Very difficult to manage on your own while attempting to lead an activity, but as soon as that screen goes on they're all magically transfixed. It would be terrible if we left them like that for half an hour, multiple times a day, but I make no apologies for 5 minutes, especially as it's educational anyway.

Hihosilver123 · 14/09/2024 09:31

BoleynMemories13 · 13/09/2024 21:26

I'm an experienced Reception teacher and, as most people have reassured you, behavioural changes are fairly common at the start of Reception as the children are absolutely exhausted. They're having to focus and concentrate so much on new rules and routines. Rest assured, it doesn't usually last much beyond October half term before they're more like their old self, once they have adjusted.

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about the school based on very limited knowledge. The first few weeks are primarily about settling the children in, helping them to explore the classroom, make friends and learn to rules and routines. The teachers also have to carry out baseline assessments and best practice is not to explicitly teach new skills until these have been completed, to make them as accurate a reflection as possible of where the children are currently at upon entry to the school. This means many schools hold off teaching letter sounds for the first couple of weeks. Phonics will definitely be happening, but in the most basic forms (lots of listening games, oral blending etc). These skills are the real foundations of learning to read and spell, but a lot of parents only think of learning letter sounds as 'proper' phonics.

I understand it's a difficult transition for parents from nursery, with daily personalised hand covers, to school where you're generally not individually spoken to unless there is an issue. It would be completely impractical though for teachers to tell each individual parent about their child's day. Unlike nursery, where there are staggered pick ups, the children are all released at the same time. You'd be waiting for half an hour if you're at the back of the queue if they spoke to every parent! If the teacher hasn't needed to speak to you individually yet, that is a sign that all is going well. If you need to talk to the teacher though you can always hang around to catch them after all the children have been safely seen out to their grown ups. Reception teachers in particular are especially use to listening to queries and concerns from new parents. It's as big an adjustment for you as it is your child and we do understand that. Unless you have already tried to talk to them and they've turned you away, it's really quite unfair to criticise them for being too busy to talk to you. They are busy, incredibly busy (especially at this time of year) but that doesn't mean they won't be there to listen if you need to talk to them.

With all due respect, you are blowing the screen time thing completely out of proportion. I understand you are anti-screens but I can assure you your child will not be glued to a screen for hours on end (nor does a tiny bit of screen time mean they're not receiving a proper education). As other people have explained, it's most likely that the screen time is for no more than 5 or 10 minutes during a transition period, such as while groups are being sent to wash their hands for lunch. Or potentially at the end of the day, to 'contain' them all attentively on the carpet while the adults are safely seeing their friends out of the door. If Bluey is the last thing he's seen that day, before leaving, that's what he's most likely to remember and tell you about, even if it was only for 5 minutes.

Give the school a chance. They are not responsible for your child's change in behaviour, which is completely developmentally normal, and a tiny bit of screen time each day is definitely not an instant sign that they're not giving him a proper education. I'm sure you'll have a parents evening at some point this term, where you'll receive a full debrief on how ue has settled in.

This ☝️
I have worked in state primary schools for over 30 years and what you’re describing is totally normal. I appreciate it’s all new to you, but please try not to over think everything. A bit of screen time is really not an issue. As explained, the baseline assessments are currently taking place which have to be done one to one, alongside a settling in period. Everything you’ve said is to be expected so try and give it time and you’ll get into the swing of it.

viques · 14/09/2024 09:41

10 children in a class for a private school is probably barely sustainable economically. Factor in teacher’s salary, TA’s salary, admin salary, HT salary, external provider payments, building costs , insurance, maintenance, depreciation on assets, utility costs , consumables etc etc .

They are probably working very close to the bone. VAT might be the last straw if they lose a couple of children per year group.

I would rather my tired out 4 year old sat watching cartoons for the last five or ten minutes of the day than have to find another school in a hurry because the first one has closed its doors.

Twywtwt · 09/09/2025 21:01

OP, I just came across your thread and wondered how you and your son are getting on? Did you stick with the school?

My son started reception last week and I am having similar thoughts to you. I do not like the school and am wondering whether to move him now, or wait and see how things go.

viques · 19/09/2025 00:46

Mimipoop · 12/09/2024 12:33

@redskydarknight her boy has ASD so she wasn’t expecting such a good settling in period. The small class size is definitely better for them.

60 definitely feels a lot at the moment but I know I need to give it time.

im not really planning on steaming ahead with phonics - I’ve done absolutely nothing like that with mine at all, I don’t even recite the alphabet but have done a bit of counting.

im just thinking perhaps I should do a bit at home, not much but 5 - 10 mins a day

I would hold off on the “ doing stuff at home” for a while. Most Reception kids are completely knackered at the end of the day, so not receptive to learning or even to going over stuff they know. Let him chill out at home, nothing too demanding, an early tea, bath , into pjs and early bed time and story. At the weekend get him out into daylight and fresh air for walking, scooting and trips to the park, it will all too soon be dark and dismal both before and after school, the more sun he can get the better.

This first Autumn term is a killer, it’s the longest term, has the worst
weather and least sun, and doesn’t let up what with the big C word looming at the end of it. Spring and summer terms are far more forgiving for small children.

Lunde · 20/09/2025 21:42

Mimipoop · 12/09/2024 13:51

I’m in my 40s. I don’t remember watching cartoons in school at all, only the odd safety video on an old tv. But obviously the general
consensus is that cartoons in school are fine. I’m surprised and disappointed but happy to be told I’m wrong about this. I supposed I’ll just have to limit tv even more at home to balance things out.

Can’t afford the private school. Perhaps I should look into homeschooling if things don’t improve with his behaviour

But there was educational TV - some of which were "cartoons" when I was at school in the 1960s (have grim memories of Decimal bingo in the preparation for the currency change in 1970/71).

Have you clarified whether it is Peppar Pig or educational numeracy/literacy cartoons? Why not just e-mail the teacher?

I would also be concerned that a private school with only 10 in a class is at risk of closure - how can the numbers be sustainable? Or is it transitioning to be an SEN school? A friend of mine was attracted to a school with very small classes and it went bankrupt giving parents 9 days to find new schools.

Lunde · 20/09/2025 21:43

sorry just realised this is an old thread

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