School choice worries

[Mimipoop]

My son has just started reception and is struggling emotionally, I know this is fairly normal but can’t help but think I made a mistake sending him to such a big school (two form entry with 30 kids in each). He also tells me the teacher is putting on cartoons during the day (is this normal?) he doesn’t seem to be doing phonics or anything like that (early days I know).

it’s sort of made worse because on the next street is a lovely private school (we walk past every day too and from school) and I know one of the mums. She tells me there’s only 10 children in the class and her son is thriving there with no problems settling in at all because the class is so chilled and small. He’s getting lots of 1-2-1 teacher time and they do phonics and maths in the morning. She has a chance to speak to the teacher every day for little updates which must be so helpful.

im just feeling like perhaps I should be doing some home learning because I feel like mine will get lost amongst all those children. I do read lots of books already but nothing else. Has anyone tried any subscriptions? I’ve been looking at cubie maths and the bear can read.

thanks 😊

People have explained why, many different reasons. I don't know how long ago you were at primary school, but we used to regularly watch scheduled children's Tv when I was at primary school in the 80s. On a big old CRT TV that was on a trolley on wheels. Didn't damage my attention span or destroy my educational outcomes.

There weren't toys in any classroom except Reception, smart screens, tablets, any computers whatsoever actually etc when lots of us were at Primary school. We had up to 40 in a class with no teaching assistants. But time has moved on, Education has moved on and teachers have more at their disposal.

I have friends that send their kids to private primary school 8 per class. Mine goes to a small village school 22 year intake (only 20 kids in her year) with 8 year 1s staying in it. It is very much like a family at school and all ages mix together which I love as I didn't want her to be stuck with the same age kids all the time. Took a couple of months for her the settle to be honest, such a change from nursery and yes they watch programmes on the tv. I wouldn't be worrying just yet to be honest, if he hasn't settled by Christmas I would start to raise concerns.

But you were in primary school at least 2 if not 3 decades ago. I’m in my 40’s and we had some tv in primary school.
You are unlikely to find any school anywhere that never shows any television.

Ps I just email the teacher with questions/ concerns as I know she's super busy during the day, usually get back to me the same day.

Bring up the cartoons but if it's wet play/ lunch then schools are usually understaffed for these. They often have to put two classes together with one TA/ lunchtime assistant and classroom management becomes very difficult.

I'm not suggesting that this is the way it should be but lunch hour is very poorly paid and it's hard to find qualified staff to take it on.

I’m in my 40s. I don’t remember watching cartoons in school at all, only the odd safety video on an old tv. But obviously the general
consensus is that cartoons in school are fine. I’m surprised and disappointed but happy to be told I’m wrong about this. I supposed I’ll just have to limit tv even more at home to balance things out.

Can’t afford the private school. Perhaps I should look into homeschooling if things don’t improve with his behaviour

@Mimipoop did your little ones not have tv and iPads at nursery? Mine did and it was limited time, as they used to take turns with a timer so they all got a go.

It's such early days, they are settling in and a lot of Reception is about play and socialising. There are benefits to bigger classes, they learn to get along with all sorts of different kids instead of just the privileged kids at a private school. You can't expect daily updates, that's just not possible. Your attitude towards screens is a bit ridiculous, of course not all day every day, but a short amount of screen time per day is totally fine.

@gotmychristmasmiracle no absolutely no iPads or tv at all at nursery/preschool

OP I think you’re way off the mark. I’m in my 30s and TVs were used in school.

Yes to children it’s cartoons, and thats what they tell you. In reality it’s educational and it’s 5minutes. I think he’s struggling with the transition if he’s hitting and fighting, but that’s not the screens.

On the flip side I went to a 30 children in a class 2 classes per year group school and got bullied, then moved to a school with 6 children in my year - including me. Best thing my parents could have done. But it wasn’t private and we had 2 year groups together because of the class sizes. I want my daughter in a Smaller school for the same reasons. However, private isn’t an option unless we come into some money (which we won’t!).

However 60 kids in a Year group is normal, was the norm in the 90s as well. Dont compare children, he’s reception, it’s the very start of term. Have a chat with the teacher if you’re concerned, you book an appointment and they will speak to you.

OP I think this is going to carry on getting bigger and bigger in your head until you find out from the teacher what's actually going on with the TV in school. Just hang around at pickup until the others have gone and have a 5 minute word.

Aside from the screen time issue, it is SUCH early days in terms of settling in, emotions and behaviour. My youngest has just started in reception and is an emotional wreck tbh, mostly from tiredness and overstimulation at all the new people and things to get used to. And that's despite being in full time nursery since the age of 1.

Edit: should add that DC is in a class of 18 so it's not as if it's class size that's causing all the big emotions.

@Peonies12 the social aspect of a larger school I agree is I feel better. And I would not want them to only mix with privileged kids anyway. I absolutely do not expect daily updates.

my main concern is lack of a proper education and missing out. All I’m seeing is my kid is put in front of a screen and is coming home wetting themselves, sobbing and being violent which is drastically different behaviour than less than two weeks ago. It’s a bit distressing to be honest and I’m blaming myself

The behaviour sounds like he's really quite tired. That should improve with time.

Does anything trigger him hitting out at you? Who is he spitting at and fighting with - you or his siblings?

@SilenceInside thanks, it’s directed towards both parents and sibling. It’s triggered by seemingly small things such as putting food on his plate he doesn’t like. It’s honestly very strange behaviour

How do you know the school is not providing an education? Just because he's reported watching Bluey and Paw Patrol, so therefore he isn't being properly taught according to the EYFS framework? Which parts of the EYFS framework do you feel the teacher isn't addressing as yet?

I would be somewhat worried about the viability of a private school with an intake of ten in Reception class tbh

Wow think all the ones we looked round had tvs so not really thought anymore about it. The one she ended up going to spent most days out and about mini zoo, forest school, shows, walks, baking. Don't think the staff liked staying in with them too much.

Honestly email teacher about behaviour if concerned, mine was a little angel at school
And so cranky after pick up 🙄. Teachers usually have one afternoon after pick up assigned for 'drop in' chats, usually published in newsletter at ours. I did find the lack on contact abit sparse after nursery where you got a daily run down on pick up. Hope you find the answers you need, so hard making these decisions for our little ones.

Would he have previously expressed his frustration/unhappiness verbally? Or just not even have reacted to things not going his way?

Bear in mind that he is in an environment where he has to share with 29 other children, and take part in activities that he may not want to do that are adult-led. Unlike nursery which is often much more child-led and with higher adult-to-child ratios so that adults can offer more help with interacting with other children. He may have exhausted his capacity to deal with frustrations by the time he gets home.

It's a big change from preschool to school no matter your child's temperament. He is probably very overtired and processing lots of emotions that come with the big change of starting school. The hitting and spitting is obviously distressing for everyone involved, particularly is he wasn't doing it before, but unless this persists for weeks then I wouldn't put it down to the school environment not being right for him. It's just different. I think you need to give it more time and not jump to any conclusions that you've failed him or made the wrong choice.

In terms of the screen time, it's normal for schools to show the odd episode of cartoons for the kids to unwind. Especially in reception where the majority of learning is learning through play- sitting them all down during wet play to do drawing will be just like a normal lesson to them a lot of the time (I know there are lots of other activities but just an example).

If you are concerned, then it is entirely reasonable to email the school office and ask to have a call back from his teacher. Outline the concerns you have about his behaviour since starting school and see what their reaction is to gauge how he is whilst he's there. Then you can also bring up the screen time and see just how much and when it's used. It is a very busy time at pick up and drop off but I always find my daughter's teachers happy to call and address any concerns. Hope things improve!

@SilenceInside i don’t even know what an EYFS framework is. Nothing like this has been communicated. Like I said all I can see is two weeks ago I had a happy child and now he’s sobbing in the bath, Speaking like a baby and being violent. It’s such a drastic difference in behaviour

@SilenceInside he would previously moan a bit but no tantrums or hitting, shouting, screaming honestly non of that

Your nursery would have been following the EYFS framework and should have been discussing your child's progress towards the targets at nursery parent's evenings. They also should have had a way of feeding back to you online, or perhaps on paper. Nurseries and Reception classes often use online sites like Tapestry to feed back to parents about things like this.

Also meant to say to google 'After school restraint collapse'. This can explain of lot of changes in behaviour after school.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/z863cxs

I wouldn’t pick a school with such a small number per class- I think a bigger friendship pool is nice, more diversity, gets them ready for secondary long term. I just wouldn’t assume grass is greener.