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Primary education

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Original poster

Teacher's response After My Daughter Returned a Toy

92 replies

MeilinZhou · 10/09/2024 14:27

This happened just this morning.

Yesterday, my 4-year-old daughter brought home a unicorn toy. I assume she took it from school, as unicorns are her favorite. This morning, I returned it to her teacher. The teacher hesitated at first and said the toy didn’t belong to her class. I explained that my daughter also attended the after-school club, so the toy might have come from a different classroom.

What caught me off guard was the teacher’s response: “Oh, we have toys that have been missing for years.” She then turned away without giving me a chance to reply.

What does that mean? Am i being overacted by feeling a bit uncomfortable. My daughter has only been in school for a week, and this was the first time she brought home something that wasn’t hers. I’m trying to teach her that she can’t take toys from school, no matter how much she likes them. There’s also the possibility the toy might not even belong to the school if the teacher didn’t recognise it.

When I asked my daughter to return the toy she said she was scared, so I reassured her that I’d do the talking, and all she needed to do was hand it back. I had hoped the teacher would acknowledge her effort with a simple “well done” or some positive feedback. Otherwise, she could at least ask if the toy does belong to the school.

Am I overreacting to the teacher’s response? I’m also concerned that this may affect how the teacher views my daughter going forward, even though this was a one-time thing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Gizlotsmum · 10/09/2024 14:28

I think it means nothing more than kids take toys home all the time and the school really don’t mind

Procrastinates · 10/09/2024 14:30

I don't understand your reaction to what the teacher said. It sounds like she was trying to reassure you that things often end up going missing and that it's totally normal.

It's great you got your child to give it back but you're vastly overthinking the teachers comment.

Chickadeep · 10/09/2024 14:32

Sounds like she was reassuring you that stuff gets taken and returned all the time

ManhattanPopcorn · 10/09/2024 14:33

You are waaayyyy over reacting. Her response was basically telling you that it's not a big deal. The teacher has probably already forgotten about it.

TheRavenSaid · 10/09/2024 14:34

What is wrong with what the teacher said??

Shadowbox7 · 10/09/2024 14:35

Completely overthinking, it means a teacher didn't immediately recognise a bit of plastic amongst all the other bits & pieces they have to deal with.
It will not affect your child going forward. 🦄

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 10/09/2024 14:35

She was just trying to reassure you and your daughter that toys go missing a lot and it isn’t something to be worried about.

MavisPennies · 10/09/2024 14:35

Procrastinates · 10/09/2024 14:30

I don't understand your reaction to what the teacher said. It sounds like she was trying to reassure you that things often end up going missing and that it's totally normal.

It's great you got your child to give it back but you're vastly overthinking the teachers comment.

This

doodleschnoodle · 10/09/2024 14:36

I think you've misinterpreted here! Not sure what you've taken it to mean, but it sounds like she was just saying it's not a big deal and not to worry about it?

40andlovelife · 10/09/2024 14:37

Sorry but it sounds like you wanted a fanfare.

rainsofcastamere · 10/09/2024 14:38

You're over thinking this in the biggest way possible! She's just tell you not to worry about it, toys go missing all the time!

BobbyBiscuits · 10/09/2024 14:38

She's saying it's a total 'meh' that a kid took a toy. If anything she was commending you for bringing it back so quickly. Albeit in a tongue in cheek slightly abrupt manner. She certainly wasn't casting aspersions upon your child for being perceived a compulsive kleptomaniac!

NiftyKoala · 10/09/2024 14:46

Chickadeep · 10/09/2024 14:32

Sounds like she was reassuring you that stuff gets taken and returned all the time

I also think she was reassuring you. I know you wanted a teaching moment but let it go now.

CremeEggThief · 10/09/2024 14:48

Crazy.

OhTediosity · 10/09/2024 14:55

With kindness, you are hugely overthinking this.

Roryno · 10/09/2024 14:57

I think the op was probably, and reasonably, expecting a “well done Mary for bringing it back, these belong to the school and must stay here.” So her child understands and wasn’t frightened to correct a mistake.

PurpleCheese · 10/09/2024 14:58

It means they aren’t bothered.

Tengreenbottles2 · 10/09/2024 14:58

I agree with everyone else, that the teacher just doesn't think it's a big deal, they don't really care that much and you are WAY overthinking her comments...

BUT the one thing I would be worried about is if the toy actually belongs to another child, which you have already mentioned, but it obviously didn't occur to the teacher. So I would maybe ask her again, and ask her if it's possible the toy could belong to another child/ask her to ask the children if they are missing a toy, or else hand it in to reception as lost property or something.

KerryBlues · 10/09/2024 15:01

Roryno · 10/09/2024 14:57

She’ll get that from having to return the toy to school, she doesn’t need a pat on the back as well.

RawBloomers · 10/09/2024 15:09

It’s unfortunate the teacher didn’t immediately recognize what you were trying to do for your DD. But that’s all it was.

The school have toys. They know 4 year olds might take them.

While the teacher is probably really glad you are trying to instil the right values in your DD, at the moment you came in to talk to her she was probably still trying to learn 30 names and a list of allergies along with which of them need access to an epi pen. Trying to work out if the activity she has planned will work given what she has learnt about the kids in the last few days, how she’s going to need to adjust for the kids who have difficulties that really need a 1:1 who doesn’t exist. Trying to do what ever her new head of year/safeguarding/school/etc. had let her know at the start if the day needs to change going forward. And so on. It’s the start of the year.

The teacher must be juggling a million different things and she didn’t, in that moment realise quite what you were trying to do and instead focused on letting you know it wasn’t a big deal.

Heronwatcher · 10/09/2024 15:09

Yes you are overreacting. A missing toy unicorn which she didn’t even recognise is probably priority number #3657 or thereabouts. There are probably kids who aren’t settling, teachers/ teaching assistants who don’t know what they’re doing, weeks worth of lessons to plan, baseline assessments for the whole class to do, safeguarding issues to action, special needs to flag to the SENCO etc. it’s an exceptionally busy time for teachers at the moment.

I think if you want a moral lesson you can administer it- if it keeps happening then yes you may need to get the teacher to back you up but for now give the woman a break!

Waitformetoarrive · 10/09/2024 15:12

100% OTT. No wonder the number of teachers is at an all time low when they are being judged for such silly and minor things.

Lincoln24 · 10/09/2024 15:12

Tengreenbottles2 · 10/09/2024 14:58

I agree with everyone else, that the teacher just doesn't think it's a big deal, they don't really care that much and you are WAY overthinking her comments...

Please don't mither a busy teacher with this again.

I always tell my DD that if she insists on taking a toy to school she might lose it, and if she does I'm afraid it's tough luck.

Tetchypants · 10/09/2024 15:15

You wanted your daughter to be praised for stealing?

I’m over simplifying but you’re overthinking. as others have said it’s sooo low down the priority list and happens all the time!

Goldbar · 10/09/2024 15:24

My DC took some toy animals from the class toy cupboard when they were in reception. DC knew it was wrong but did it anyway and was giggling about it. So yes I'm afraid I did make a big deal of it to DC and the school - I emailed the school to let them know what had happened and that DC would be returning the animals after school the next day. The teaching assistant took them from DC and had a word - nothing harsh but "if everyone took toys from school, we'd have none left for you and the other children to play with" sort of stuff. DC felt very small and silly and it hasn't happened again. I do think that ideally schools and parents should be working together to promote good behaviour. And yes, it happens a lot but so does other bad behaviour - not listening, hitting, not sharing - and I'm sure no school would say it's not their problem to correct any of this behaviour.

But maybe the teacher was just having a very busy day and didn't have the energy left to get particularly worked up about a common occurrence? I also have sympathy for that!

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