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Original poster

Teacher's response After My Daughter Returned a Toy

92 replies

MeilinZhou · 10/09/2024 14:27

This happened just this morning.

Yesterday, my 4-year-old daughter brought home a unicorn toy. I assume she took it from school, as unicorns are her favorite. This morning, I returned it to her teacher. The teacher hesitated at first and said the toy didn’t belong to her class. I explained that my daughter also attended the after-school club, so the toy might have come from a different classroom.

What caught me off guard was the teacher’s response: “Oh, we have toys that have been missing for years.” She then turned away without giving me a chance to reply.

What does that mean? Am i being overacted by feeling a bit uncomfortable. My daughter has only been in school for a week, and this was the first time she brought home something that wasn’t hers. I’m trying to teach her that she can’t take toys from school, no matter how much she likes them. There’s also the possibility the toy might not even belong to the school if the teacher didn’t recognise it.

When I asked my daughter to return the toy she said she was scared, so I reassured her that I’d do the talking, and all she needed to do was hand it back. I had hoped the teacher would acknowledge her effort with a simple “well done” or some positive feedback. Otherwise, she could at least ask if the toy does belong to the school.

Am I overreacting to the teacher’s response? I’m also concerned that this may affect how the teacher views my daughter going forward, even though this was a one-time thing.

OP posts:
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pictoosh · 10/09/2024 17:37

Notwhatuwanttohear · 10/09/2024 15:44

Why would you expect the teacher to fawn over your child and give them a pat on the back for returning a toy they basically STOLE.

She's 4. Calm down.

UpTheMagicFarawayTree · 10/09/2024 17:38

The teacher was being kind and brushing it off, it probably happens several times a week.

TinyYellow · 10/09/2024 17:39

The teacher does sound like she could have given the matter a little more consideration, but I’d expect her to tell your child off for taking something in the first place, not give her positive praise for being made to give it back. She doesn’t need praise from the teacher for doing what her mother told her to do, she needs to be told she was wrong for taking something and all the reasons why that is, with maybe a thank you and ‘I’m happy that you told the truth’ at the end.

Fargo79 · 10/09/2024 17:40

I mean it's really rude to end a conversation by just turning away from someone, so that would piss me off. I'd also think it was a bit dim for someone working with children not to cotton on to the fact that you're trying to teach your daughter right from wrong and it would have been just as quick to say "thanks for returning it". But I'd probably just internally roll my eyes and move on.

brunettemic · 10/09/2024 17:42

What were you expecting…a parade, ticker tape and balloons?

Dogsrthebest · 10/09/2024 17:46

I think the teacher may having been trying to help your daughter. Shes only 6sge took something she owned up she was scared. In a way the teachers response was saying ok great good girl u made a mistake but owned up now pls dont worry about it any more youre still a good girl to me ie teacher made light of it poss because she was aware that in front of her she had a very frightened little 6 year old who had a whole world of guilt on her shoulders and at 6 mistskes ( at this age i would definatly described this as a mistake i would never say stealing) are just another way of learning.

lavenderlou · 10/09/2024 17:50

Why would the teacher praise the child when they shouldn't have taken the toy home in the first place? They have reassured that it isn't a problem, I can't see that anything else is needed.

lavenderlou · 10/09/2024 17:52

Fargo79 · 10/09/2024 17:40

I mean it's really rude to end a conversation by just turning away from someone, so that would piss me off. I'd also think it was a bit dim for someone working with children not to cotton on to the fact that you're trying to teach your daughter right from wrong and it would have been just as quick to say "thanks for returning it". But I'd probably just internally roll my eyes and move on.

Beginning of the day, supervising all the children coming in, especially new Reception children, is a very busy time of day. The teacher's responsibility is to make sure all the children are safe and doing the right thing. She was probably turning to make sure everything was OK in the classroom.

KerryBlues · 10/09/2024 17:53

Fargo79 · 10/09/2024 17:40

I mean it's really rude to end a conversation by just turning away from someone, so that would piss me off. I'd also think it was a bit dim for someone working with children not to cotton on to the fact that you're trying to teach your daughter right from wrong and it would have been just as quick to say "thanks for returning it". But I'd probably just internally roll my eyes and move on.

If op can’t teach her daughter right from wrong without a third party cheering her on, she’s got a problem.
The teacher absolutely didn’t need to clap along from the sidelines.

RafaistheKingofClay · 10/09/2024 17:54

Fargo79 · 10/09/2024 17:40

I mean it's really rude to end a conversation by just turning away from someone, so that would piss me off. I'd also think it was a bit dim for someone working with children not to cotton on to the fact that you're trying to teach your daughter right from wrong and it would have been just as quick to say "thanks for returning it". But I'd probably just internally roll my eyes and move on.

If it didn’t come from the classroom she hasn’t returned it yet. I’d give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and assume that she might have thought the conversation was finished and hadn’t quite grasped that the OP was still expecting her to provide a teachable moment on an issue that wasn’t to do with her given the OP brought up After school club.

RafaistheKingofClay · 10/09/2024 17:55

lavenderlou · 10/09/2024 17:52

Beginning of the day, supervising all the children coming in, especially new Reception children, is a very busy time of day. The teacher's responsibility is to make sure all the children are safe and doing the right thing. She was probably turning to make sure everything was OK in the classroom.

Show quote history

Especially in the second week of school.

WimbyAce · 10/09/2024 18:10

She didn't recognise it so in all likelihood it didn't even come from the school. Did you ask your daughter where she got it from?

Jifmicroliquid · 10/09/2024 18:12

I think she was just reassuring you that it’s not a big deal coz kids have been doing it for years, that’s all.

Why do parents constantly jump on everything teachers say like it’s a bad thing about their child? Strange.

Mammyloveswine · 10/09/2024 21:58

Roryno · 10/09/2024 14:57

I think the op was probably, and reasonably, expecting a “well done Mary for bringing it back, these belong to the school and must stay here.” So her child understands and wasn’t frightened to correct a mistake.

Except it wasn't from the classroom so the teacher assumes maybe afterschool club and hasn't made a big deal about it?

Crazycatlady79 · 10/09/2024 22:00

KerryBlues · 10/09/2024 15:42

Why would the teacher say “well done”?
She nicked a toy and her mum made her bring it back 🤷🏻‍♀️
She doesn’t need a round of applause.

Show quote history

It was the OP who brought up the teacher not having said "well done".
If I'd positioned nice within inverted commas, it may have made the sarcasm in my original comment more apparent. * *

KerryBlues · 10/09/2024 22:04

Ah. Apologies @Crazycatlady79

Wimwims · 10/09/2024 22:14

Maybe the teacher thought that when she told you she didn't recognise the toy, and you explained it might be from after school club, that you should have offered to return it to after school club so they could locate where it goes?

She likely doesn't have a lot of time to be bringing unicorns to whoever leads the after school club or tracking down which class is missing a unicorn.

I mean it's not a massive deal but I can see why she didn't seem more grateful and saw the whole issue as something that was no big deal and no really anything to do with her.

Perhaps had she given it more thought she could have said something like "I'm glad you brought it back as it's for all the children to play with" but agree with PPs that praise seems a bit unnecessary.

Original poster
MeilinZhou · 11/09/2024 03:55

Thanks everyone for your input! Looks like I was overthinking it. It’s great to get different perspectives, and honestly, it’s quite liberating.”

OP posts:
Iziz · 11/09/2024 17:57

She was trying to make you feel at ease don't over think it,the turning away happens all the time at the class door as they are rushed and on schedule.

OhWell45 · 11/09/2024 18:00

My daughter did exactly the same last year. The teacher wasn't phased at all. She said they all pinch things at that age but things a rarely returned.

Calliopespa · 11/09/2024 18:04

ManhattanPopcorn · 10/09/2024 14:33

You are waaayyyy over reacting. Her response was basically telling you that it's not a big deal. The teacher has probably already forgotten about it.

Yes I think her response was ok oP.

Kindly, I think you maybe expected your DD to get a lot of praise and kudos for returning it and it’s more the lack of that that might be upsetting you deep down, rather than the response itself.

Emolumentstoday · 11/09/2024 18:31

Think she was trying to say thank u for returning it quickly

AlwaysKindaKnewYoudBeTheDeathOfMe · 11/09/2024 18:37

It sounds like you were trying to do two things:

  1. Use the teacher to turn this into a teachable moment when in reality she's got 27 other things to do, and
  2. Get some reflected glory by being a 'oh aren't we such a lovely family who indulges in teachable moments all the time' performative parent.
Calliopespa · 11/09/2024 18:46

AlwaysKindaKnewYoudBeTheDeathOfMe · 11/09/2024 18:37

It sounds like you were trying to do two things:

  1. Use the teacher to turn this into a teachable moment when in reality she's got 27 other things to do, and
  2. Get some reflected glory by being a 'oh aren't we such a lovely family who indulges in teachable moments all the time' performative parent.

This is quite harsh.

But I think, op, there is some truth in the fact we all have to adjust to the reality that on their educational journey our dcs teachers are just not that invested in them as individuals - at least not in the way we are. Maybe the occasional child whom they suspect is a bit neglected. But on the whole they just don’t find our dc as engaging or attention-worthy as we do! 🤣It’s probably for the best; but it sounds to me as though you are having a very normal encounter with this phenomenon.

AlwaysKindaKnewYoudBeTheDeathOfMe · 11/09/2024 18:55

Maybe a bit, but I've just come out of 11 years of parenting primary kids and I just recognise it. The eager beaver parents of little ones. Everyone calms down after a bit.