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Original poster

Teacher's response After My Daughter Returned a Toy

92 replies

MeilinZhou · 10/09/2024 14:27

This happened just this morning.

Yesterday, my 4-year-old daughter brought home a unicorn toy. I assume she took it from school, as unicorns are her favorite. This morning, I returned it to her teacher. The teacher hesitated at first and said the toy didn’t belong to her class. I explained that my daughter also attended the after-school club, so the toy might have come from a different classroom.

What caught me off guard was the teacher’s response: “Oh, we have toys that have been missing for years.” She then turned away without giving me a chance to reply.

What does that mean? Am i being overacted by feeling a bit uncomfortable. My daughter has only been in school for a week, and this was the first time she brought home something that wasn’t hers. I’m trying to teach her that she can’t take toys from school, no matter how much she likes them. There’s also the possibility the toy might not even belong to the school if the teacher didn’t recognise it.

When I asked my daughter to return the toy she said she was scared, so I reassured her that I’d do the talking, and all she needed to do was hand it back. I had hoped the teacher would acknowledge her effort with a simple “well done” or some positive feedback. Otherwise, she could at least ask if the toy does belong to the school.

Am I overreacting to the teacher’s response? I’m also concerned that this may affect how the teacher views my daughter going forward, even though this was a one-time thing.

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Crazycatlady79 · 10/09/2024 15:31

I imagine she was too busy to faff around praising your daughter.
It would have been nice had she acknowledged the return and said "Well done" to your daughter, but it's a non-issue in the grand scheme of her probably very busy working day and I'd really just move on.

UrbanFan · 10/09/2024 15:33

Are you just attention seeking or looking for drama where none exists?

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/09/2024 15:33

Gizlotsmum · 10/09/2024 14:28

I think it means nothing more than kids take toys home all the time and the school really don’t mind

This exactly. She meant it happens all the time don't worry about it.

autienotnaughty · 10/09/2024 15:33

To me it reads as she was quite dismissive which is fine she doesn't have to care about the toy. But you wanted it to be a teaching moment so feel put out

Sorenlorrenson · 10/09/2024 15:40

Yeah "well done " for pinching stuff from school.

PointsSouth · 10/09/2024 15:41

You're quite right, of course.

What the teacher meant, in her snide way, was, "The toy thefts - also known as The Great St Winifred's Heist - have been going on for years. We've had the police in, and forensics, and criminal psychologists, and they've all been baffled. But now it's all become very obvious. Your kleptomaniac daughter was masterminding this caper since she was in the womb, and the authorities could never get close to her. Now, though, she's got careless and overconfident and the net is closing around her. She'll be in stir before she's even learned her ABCs. The game's up, kiddo."

Or, I suppose, she might have meant, "Happens all the time. Don't worry about it."

KerryBlues · 10/09/2024 15:42

Crazycatlady79 · 10/09/2024 15:31

I imagine she was too busy to faff around praising your daughter.
It would have been nice had she acknowledged the return and said "Well done" to your daughter, but it's a non-issue in the grand scheme of her probably very busy working day and I'd really just move on.

Why would the teacher say “well done”?
She nicked a toy and her mum made her bring it back 🤷🏻‍♀️
She doesn’t need a round of applause.

Notwhatuwanttohear · 10/09/2024 15:44

Why would you expect the teacher to fawn over your child and give them a pat on the back for returning a toy they basically STOLE.

RhubarbStrawberry · 10/09/2024 15:55

I don't think praising a child for taking a toy and the mum making her bring it back is the right way to go. She reassured her and she didn't tell her off. All fine.

ApathyMartha · 10/09/2024 16:24

So a Reception teacher is dealing with 30 kids and parents in the second week of school. She probably didn’t turn away from you but to attend to another child/parent.

Nobodywouldknow · 10/09/2024 16:38

It’s not the teacher’s job to help you show your DD that it’s not right to steal toys. She’s probably run off her feet dealing with the other 30 kids in the class and can’t be all “well done for bringing it back” for a toy that wasn’t even from her classroom anyway.

Seiling · 10/09/2024 16:39

UrbanFan · 10/09/2024 15:33

Are you just attention seeking or looking for drama where none exists?

Could say the same for your comment

Allthehorsesintheworld · 10/09/2024 16:40

Chickadeep · 10/09/2024 14:32

Sounds like she was reassuring you that stuff gets taken and returned all the time

This. Honestly it’s nothing.
To 4 year olds it’s all the same — toy at school, toy at home. Don’t make a big thing of it to your daughter, there’s no need for her to be frightened to return a toy. She brings home a toy, you just say we’ll take it back tomorrow, simple as that.

Thatmissingsock · 10/09/2024 16:41

It does sound OP like you were hoping your daughter would be praised for 'doing the right thing' and there'd be a bit of the warm and fuzzy vibe that you're a 'good' parent teaching your child to be honest.
But a couple of things - your daughter should not have taken it in the first place and your post makes it sound like this is a regular thing for her, taking things. Tbh it sounds like you need to get a bit more cross and clear she must stop taking things, full stop, than expecting praise for her giving it back. She needs to not take it in the first place!!
And second, the teacher will be very very busy and won't want to spend time dealing with this, sounds like she reassured you theres no issue then was keen to get back to what she was in doing. I think you are overreacting

qualifiedazure · 10/09/2024 16:43

Little toys go missing all the time, it's wasn't even from the teacher's classroom and she has bigger things to worry about!

MagentaRavioli · 10/09/2024 16:44

You are overthinking this. The teacher won’t give it a second thought.

StaunchMomma · 10/09/2024 16:51

Agree that you've taken her comment entirely the wrong way.

It sounds like she was just saying it happens all the time.

AegonT · 10/09/2024 16:52

I think she is telling you she doesn't have time to deal with After-School Club's problems. You asked if it came from class and she told you it didn't. If you think it came from after-school club you need to check with them at home-time or you daughter needs to take it back there.

ouch321 · 10/09/2024 17:04

Poor teacher. I cannot believe you've come online to complain about her.

In any event, you made your child take it back
It's not as though the child had a moral epiphany that needs celebrating.

MarkWithaC · 10/09/2024 17:08

Roryno · 10/09/2024 14:57

I think the op was probably, and reasonably, expecting a “well done Mary for bringing it back, these belong to the school and must stay here.” So her child understands and wasn’t frightened to correct a mistake.

I agree with this. I don't think the OP wanted a 'fanfare' or 'pat on the back' Hmm; she just thought the teacher would show the child that bringing back something that doesn't belong to you is the right and good thing to do.
I think any teacher of young kids worth their salt should have given some feedback of that sort.

Lion1618 · 10/09/2024 17:14

You can't do right for doing wrong as a teacher. If the teacher had been noticeably annoyed, someone will complain. If they're more relaxed, they're still complained about. As long as you dealt with your child and the issue as you saw fit, then that's all you can control. Your daughter will have learnt from your reaction and the conversations that you had about what's acceptable and unacceptable.
Perhaps the teacher really isn't too bothered about it in the grand scheme of things, or her mind was on one of the other hundred or so pressing things going on that day.

Lemonadeand · 10/09/2024 17:14

I think it meant the teacher couldn’t be bothered to look into whether the toy came from after school club, since she probably didn’t see it as her remit and felt she had more important things to worry about. Once she’d identified that it wasn’t from her classroom, she was communicating to you that she didn’t care.

Drearydiedre · 10/09/2024 17:16

Classic case of a parent over thinking a comment from an over worked busy teacher. She was reassuring you stuff goes missing all the time. Move on.

Lemonadeand · 10/09/2024 17:17

MeilinZhou · 10/09/2024 14:27

This happened just this morning.

Yesterday, my 4-year-old daughter brought home a unicorn toy. I assume she took it from school, as unicorns are her favorite. This morning, I returned it to her teacher. The teacher hesitated at first and said the toy didn’t belong to her class. I explained that my daughter also attended the after-school club, so the toy might have come from a different classroom.

What caught me off guard was the teacher’s response: “Oh, we have toys that have been missing for years.” She then turned away without giving me a chance to reply.

What does that mean? Am i being overacted by feeling a bit uncomfortable. My daughter has only been in school for a week, and this was the first time she brought home something that wasn’t hers. I’m trying to teach her that she can’t take toys from school, no matter how much she likes them. There’s also the possibility the toy might not even belong to the school if the teacher didn’t recognise it.

When I asked my daughter to return the toy she said she was scared, so I reassured her that I’d do the talking, and all she needed to do was hand it back. I had hoped the teacher would acknowledge her effort with a simple “well done” or some positive feedback. Otherwise, she could at least ask if the toy does belong to the school.

Am I overreacting to the teacher’s response? I’m also concerned that this may affect how the teacher views my daughter going forward, even though this was a one-time thing.

I had hoped the teacher would acknowledge her effort with a simple “well done”.

I’m struggling to see what effort your daughter has made here? Do you really mean that you wanted to be thanked since you were the one who made her bring it back?

Flibflobflibflob · 10/09/2024 17:35

I wouldn’t expect positive feedback, we framed it as just the right thing to do, correcting a wrong.