Extremely boy heavy class

[NotJustAnotherMum]

My DD has just started reception in a small rural school. It’s split years so nursery/reception, Y1/Y2 etc. and I’ve realised that her class has 17 boys and only 3 girls (including my daughter). I’m worried my DD won’t get the variety of friendships and also concerned as the mum of one of the other little girls isn’t really forthcoming. I could just really do with someone else in my corner, as starting school is a big change all round. Has anyone got any experience of this and can tell me it’s going to be ok?

I do think it is a risk that comes with being in a really small school, or school with small class sizes.
However, if that is where you live, and that is what it is, then that is what it is.
There isn't really any advice other than advice I would give any parent that a) it doesn't matter whether your dc's friends are girls or boys and b) you have to be positive in your outlook and language whenever there is something worrying you so your dc doesn't pick up on whatever you are worrying about.

That is odd. Not sure what you can do about it. I don't see why it's an issue though @NotJustAnotherMum

I wish I could reassure you op, but this was the case in my dds primary class though not such a high ratio. Hers was 21 boys to 9 girls. Honestly I remember feeling concerned in reception year and my fears were correct. It was an absolute disaster for my DD socially. Luckily she had a couple of good friends but overall it was incredibly limiting.

I think it matters less with younger kids and would matter more when they get older and the social division between boys and girls gets larger.

so for now I wouldn’t worry, but might reassess the situation in later years

Can she play with some of the boys and be friends with them?

I had this and yes it was a problem I am afraid as the other 2 left because they didn’t like being one of 3! At that point they moved her up to another class which also suited her better academically and then we moved house so it was no longer a problem.

At reception age the sexes will often mix and play with each other.

You're right to be concerned about this OP. I wouldn't be happy either I would like my DC to have the option to socialise and be friends with other DC of the same sex as whilst they do mix when young, they more often than not gravitate towards others who are the same sex. Is there another school you could look at for your DD?

We had this with DS but the other way round. Hardly any boys.

He did complain about it. But it turned out his complaint was that the girls liked to pretend to be the police and arrest all the boys.

Apart from that, no problems!

It likely won't be an issue now but most definitely will the further up the school she goes. The class make up may change but its so imbalanced to start with it may not make much difference. It shouldn't be an issue, but the reality is you only need to look at primary school friendship groups on the whole. I prefer smaller schools for primary generally but this sounds too small that it's limiting.

Not in the same situation but if it helps my boys have always been friends with the boys and girls in their class. My 16 year old is part of a group of boys and girls and my 11 year old has 2 best friends and 1 is a girl.

We had similar. Fine in reception. By Y2 it had translated into 1 very intense best friend relationship and we moved her for Y3 and chose a 2 form entry all girls school!

@NotJustAnotherMum Actuslly I disagree with the others. My DDs would have hated this dynamic. They didn’t naturally want to play with boys so girls were required! I find mums do organise friendships with boys when the boys are part of the mum group. When DDs have free choice, as mine did, boys were not their automatic friends. They found them funny and annoying and sometimes great. Sometimes disruptive.

You can keep going all the way y6 or take action snd get to a bigger school. Are these class groups all the way through? Will dd stay in this class forever? Friendships will be restricted, I think that is inevitable. We found boys preferred rougher play and running about. My DDs preferred games and less rough snd tumble. It really depends what your DD is like but this, to me, would be far too limiting for my DDs. Plus harder work for the teacher!

The best Reception class I ever had comprised 14 boys and 5 girls. They all played together and were a dream to teach.

Really? ….you can’t see any issues to going through primary school with only 2 other girls ? ….do you generally lack an imagination?

And then they all got older

I would move her if possible. Such a heavy majority of either sex is not going to work well for anyone, but especially not for the minority.

These are the benefits and pitfalls of a rural school

Can she move elsewhere?

Part of the problem can be other parents. The boy who dd got on best with had a very macho dad who had issues with his son playing with girls.
They’re still in touch now though and the boy is studying theatre at uni 🙂

I was one of 3 girls in a tiny village school, but a much much smaller class and the overall balance was more even. I'm still close friends with 1 of the girls but it will totally depend on the vibe and if they click. Next year when they're mixed with year 1 will it be a better mix? Though guess you'd be back in the same situation the following year

This was one of my concerns when DD started as we live semi rurally, luckily it was a decent intake that year, 23 kids and evenly split.

Are there any other local schools you could look to move her too? I wouldn’t be happy with only 2 other girls to bond with.

Thanks for your message. My daughter is very social so will play with boys and girls but like you say her preference is obviously to gravitate to girls who are less rough and tumble. Perhaps when she goes into Y1 next year there might be more of a mix, and she might make friends with other girls who are the year older. I just want her to have variety that’s all and feel a little sad as her preschool girl friends all went to their local school instead of ours. I’ll just see how it goes ☺️

Before my eldest started school I wouldn't have thought this would be an issue - then she started and by Christmas the girls played with the girls and the boys played with the boys. She had 2 boy best friends from nursery and quickly they had nothing to do with each other.

Hopefully the teachers will be all over this but I wouldn't be shy about bringing any issues to the teacher's attention (they work so hard on the social stuff in these early years). Also organise plenty of playdates with boys.

I do think this is a problem. My dc played with a mixed group for the first few years, and still does sometimes, but there has been a very definite move toward boys and girls playing separately as they have moved up the school.

Are there any other schools you could consider?

That’s so lovely ☺️