Teacher raising Behavioural issues in DD year 3

[devon2018]

Hello,
I need some advice please. My DD is in year 3 & her teacher has raised behavioural issues in her. For example, he complained that DD was looking out of window and did not follow his instructions. He had to explain her again and he got frustrated. Secondly, he noticed she made faces at him. Thirdly, she was making drawings in her book while he was explaining.

To be honest, so far we have had wonderful feedback on DD. She is academically gifted and a very kind soul. I am not saying this as a mother but feedback from her previous school, ex-school parents and teachers all have said.

DD does a lot of outside school activities and all her teaching staff loves her. She has quite a camaraderie with all her teachers so far.

This is the first teacher who has complained. I am left a bit disturbed. She is only 8. All the above sounds like a normal behaviour to me. More or less I fear the teacher has not piped her interest in his classes.

But unfortunately I don't want to take it any further. Any advice how should I handle this pls?
Thank you!!

Are the children allowed to draw in their books?

Making faces at the teacher is unacceptable.

Looking out the window I have no problem with, but coupled with the other two things it sounds like she has difficulty attending to what the teacher is saying.

Did he say she’s often like this?

Pulling faces at him isn't normal no. It's rude.

This.

What has given you the idea that she is academically gifted?

Sometimes a child who has been quick to pick up reading or arithmetic and has been praised for her accuracy or her right answers (as opposed to her ability to work through obstacles) will find the going tough when they get to age 7 or 8 and the material gets a little more difficult.

Year 3 is the start of 'learning to learn' - aka learning to work - for many children who have sailed through the preceding years just because they were well behaved in class and ticked many of the academic performance boxes just because they had parents who provided resources and encouragement.

The transition to challenging work isn't always a smooth one.

You can be defensive and suggest it is not true or that it's his fault. Or you can tell your dd to not pull faces, mess around doodling and looking out of the window.

Obviously the teacher's fault and your DD is an angel!

Making faces isn’t ok but looking out of the window and doodling don’t sound like issues. Since I was a young child I have doodled to help me concentrate on what people are saying in school/uni/ meetings. It helps focus my brain.

I'm afraid I'm with the other pps. Making faces at any adult is rude and not acceptable. Doodling in her workbook is also not allowed. Staring out the window - depends if she's meant to be getting on with her work? I'd try and support the teacher and talk to dd about ks2 expectations. I'd probably ask the teacher her to meet again in a weeks time to see if there's been any improvement.

The term is ‘ pique her interest’ OP. As is pricked, to gain attention .

Is she distracted often?
Is she extra curious, a quick learner, very creative on her outlook?

A lot of what you're saying fits my daughter (10). She's recently had an ADHD diagnosis.

Talk to teacher and school. It's far better for everyone if you can have a positive and constructive approach to helping your child by working with the school to talk things through. Shouting the odds never helps.

I've always doodled at work. Looking out of the window too, I'm thinking.

Tell her not to pull faces though.

Sometimes children just don't gel with a particular teacher. She has three months to go. Try not to worry

Thank you everyone for your kind comments!

I am very proud of my child being my "angel". I have raised a very kind/confident girl. Maybe, people should look into their own biases when they think of a 8-year old kid in school. Clearly, it was easier for some to "have a go" at the me without really thinking or that she is only a 8 year old kid who you have just slandered on social media.

Academic - I got this from
teachers/school feedback

I am going to see how we can defuse the situation and get to bottom of it. I was not asking for your judgements on my daughter but your thoughts /experiences on how to take action.

I read yesterday doodling is a creative process for kids. Looking out of window is also a thinking process. Making faces - she has never done with anyone why would she do suddenly in school? How much truth is behind all this? Has the teacher got problems not being able to handle kids? Lot of question in my mind.

Is your 'angel' as reactive to commentary as you? There has been no 'slander' here! (Which is false, spoken statements to be pedantic!)

Wow. I now see you are unwilling to consider anything other than your daughter being perfect and the teacher being wrong and somehow squashing her creative processes.

She sounds bored, doesn't sound behavioural. Sounds like its just this lesson? When i am bored i zone out.

Amending my post.

No child is an angel. They all have their moments. Remove your rose tinted spectacles and maybe have a conversation with the teacher. Note conversation, a two sided, calm episode of talking. Not shouting the odds or accusing anyone

It may be that your angel has actually been less angelic and you may need to accept that.

Thank you pickles! Yes I feel the same.

Thank you to others for your judgement, it is not helpful! And I will ignore you to have your judgement to yourself.

All children are "angels" for their parents. If yours are not then I am sorry for you. Mine are my favourite people and good human beings. But I don't approve of any behaviour which can disrupt the class, hence I will speak with the teacher.

You asked for advice. You don’t want advice, you want everyone to agree with you that your child is doing nothing unacceptable and the teacher is at fault.

To take action, you need to have a conversation with the teacher and find out what exactly she is doing and coincidentally, whether that is having an impact on her progress and learning development. Then you need to discuss the outcome of that meeting with your daughter.

Your child is not an angel. No child is. They are human beings who will make mistakes and learn from them.
Putting your child up there as being an angel who does nothing wrong is actually damaging as the child will never be able to live up to that.
Your child is distracted in class. It happens. You need to find out why but she sounds bored or maybe just struggles to concentrate, or maybe the lessons are not interesting. Have you spoken to any other parents of children in the class?
Making faces is not right. You need to get to the bottom of why the teacher said this and what he means.

Thirty years later a parent still holds a grudge because I said their child needed to stay focused in the lesson! It worked though and they did well from then on.
Two things you mention could be impacting on your daughter’s attention span.
You mention that it is a new school, this could mean a different ethos or a different stage when new academic skills are needed or what was ok in an upper infant class does not wash in a lower junior. You also say that she does a lot of outside school activities, as the curriculum gets more academic she might be too tired to give her full concentration so zones out.
I have taught many - older- pupils who can do no wrong in their parents eyes, it did them no favours as they would not adapt to new methods or ideas, coasted while they could and then under achieved or failed.
Doodling is not creative when work is meant to be done and should never be seen in a work book and making faces show’s entitlement and is rude. Just because you have never seen it does not mean that it doesn’t happen.

Whilst I know it can feel a bit like a punch in the stomach to hear negative feedback of our children, especially when it's all been amazing so far, it is important to step back and process the information you've been given by the teacher. It would not have been a personal attack on you or your child so no need to feel so defensive.

If this is the first time you've heard anything like this try and step away from thoughts of the teacher making it up or having it in for your child, I'd try and think has anything changed in your daughters life recently - home or school. Could there be friendship issues or has a new topic come up that she isn't confident in?

Have you spoken to your child gently about what the teacher has said and asked for their thoughts and input? Have you spoken about the importance of listening and that making faces can be seen as rude.

I very much doubt the teacher has made this up or has it in for your child. It doesn't sound like major issues but it's better to nip things in the bud when they're low level rather than wait.

I'm sure this can all be sorted out without you kicking off at the teacher

I love my children more than anything in the world. They're amazing people. But they aren't angels. They're humans who have flaws like everyone else.

Lessons aren't always fun. I remember being hugely bored in some lessons. I didn't pull faces at the teacher.

It is your and my perception of "angel". You don't know my background to know what my kids mean to me and why.

To those who think their replies have are advice and I am not taking it. Please
Re-read them. You will know what I am talking about.

For all who are being helpful - thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words were really soothing for me. I needed that from someone.

My DD doesn't need to be perfect in this imperfect world!! She is still my "angel". Teachers are adults and they should know how to handle 8-year olds. I teach in university so I know my job has many levels.

Thank you once again for your kind words!

Your dd now knows she can be rude to teachers and mummy will always blame the teacher instead of her.

Has she moved schools because she’s received a private scholarship? She could just be having trouble finding her feet.

If she has moved to another state school, I imagine she isn’t receiving enough stimulation for an academically gifted child.