Teacher raising Behavioural issues in DD year 3

[devon2018]

Hello,
I need some advice please. My DD is in year 3 & her teacher has raised behavioural issues in her. For example, he complained that DD was looking out of window and did not follow his instructions. He had to explain her again and he got frustrated. Secondly, he noticed she made faces at him. Thirdly, she was making drawings in her book while he was explaining.

To be honest, so far we have had wonderful feedback on DD. She is academically gifted and a very kind soul. I am not saying this as a mother but feedback from her previous school, ex-school parents and teachers all have said.

DD does a lot of outside school activities and all her teaching staff loves her. She has quite a camaraderie with all her teachers so far.

This is the first teacher who has complained. I am left a bit disturbed. She is only 8. All the above sounds like a normal behaviour to me. More or less I fear the teacher has not piped her interest in his classes.

But unfortunately I don't want to take it any further. Any advice how should I handle this pls?
Thank you!!

'More or less I fear the teacher has not piped her interest in his classes.'

Don't do this: start excusing your child's lack of respect and engagement by blaming the teacher and the work for not being engaging/ challenging enough. If they are so clever they are being called 'gifted' they can easily be taught to focus, be respectful and to complete all work then ask for additional work/ tasks to keep them engaged.

Devon2018
I noticed that your other thread talked about another teacher telling you your dd was over confident. Sounds like your angel is actually not always behaving as nicely as you think.

He wouldn't pretend your dd is making faces at him if she wasn't.

Well, I can definitely see where the kid has picked this all up from lol

Ha, the lying teacher (we all go into the profession to make up lies about children!), the disbelieving parent, and the angelic child. This thread has it all! I hope your child isn't in my class as if so you'd better be used to hearing some home truths at parents' evening....

You obviously love you DD very much, as you should, but you don’t seem to be taking a balanced view here.

All kids have moments where perhaps their behaviour falls short of where it should be. I would take on board what’s been said, but obviously listen to both sides. If she generally does well at school then I wouldn’t be worried but would mention to her that she needs to be respectful to the teacher.

It doesn’t sound as if the teacher has been awful in what they have said or that there’s been any form of punitive measures etc.

If you do feel that there’s a thematic issue moving forwards then ask for a meeting with the teacher and have a further discussion.

You handle it by being on the teachers side.

I really hope this is a joke post but, going off my experiences as a primary teacher, I can believe it’s real.

She is just a child, a special child to you, but one of 30 in her class. Sounds like she’s struggling to concentrate and maybe the teacher is offering support.

I find parents often put their own spin on how their child is doing e.g. where she needs to be/expected translates to my child is really clever/top of the class.

Also don’t assume previous teachers would tell you if there was a problem, many of my colleagues would only talk with parents if there were serious problems, they just can’t be bothered with the hassle, as demonstrated on this thread. Sticking your neck out and trying to discuss an issue with a parent can often cause problems. I do it but do wonder sometimes if it’s worth it when you get parents being so blinkered and defensive.

Why ask for advice if you are not willing to listen? The teacher is doing his job by raising the issue that your daughter has been rude and has not been focused on learning. He has most like done this to nip it in the bud before it affects her learning. You should address it with her rather than querying if he has any 'problems'. You sound incredibly entitled and unwilling to listen. Hopefully this attitude will not be picked up and copied by your DD.

Oh for goodness sake! She's being a bit naughty, making faces and not listening so the teacher did the right thing and alerted you to it.

Nobody has said your DD hasn't been achieving good things and this is such a minor issue. You're clearly very subjective and unable to accept even minor criticism of your daughter.

Kids aren't perfect, and shouldn't be. it's not fair of you to expect feedback of your DD to always be perfect as that's actually putting unrealistic expectations on her. Saying she's an 'angel' the way you do also suggests this might be hurting your own self esteem and image of yourself as raising a perfect child.

It's also incredibly dramatic to take such a mild reminder for your DD to behave in class.. and respond this majorly.

This.
No, it's not a huge deal. But it's a good opportunity to gently speak to your daughter about being polite and concentrating in class. Take it.

Your post is 100% spot on. Except in my school she'd be one of 33, not 30!
A mad number. If the magic money tree, no forest, could be shaken to produce class sizes of 20 so many of the issues in this country could be solved.

My angel 🤮

Need I say more!

Your DD sounds a lot like me when I was in school.

I was academically bright, but lost concentration easily. As an adult have now been diagnosed with ADHD which makes sense for the doodling/chatting/concentration issues I had as a child. Luckily I retained information like a sponge so managed to do well throughout my school years.

Funnily enough, when I was in year 6 I had a teacher who took a disliking to me, in fact once kept me behind during an assembly and called me a 'know it all bitch' !!!

Teachers aren't always perfect, they are human. The face pulling I think we can agree is not acceptable in school - but yes she is only 8 years old.

I would take this one on the chin, not every teacher/pupil relationship is a positive one but a reminder to your daughter to try her best to concentrate would go a miss either.

She probably isn't gifted though, just doing well academically so far. Such a small amount of children are gifted. It's best not to use those terms, they come with huge expectations. It's normal for children to lose interest in a lesson sometimes but it's rude/not acceptable to look away, make faces or doodle if a teacher is trying to talk to her, which is what happened. Surely you must see that needs addressed rather than dismissed as being the teachers issue?

Advice: don’t make too much of a big deal of this, no need at this stage for a massive thing. Say to your kid that the teachers has let you know that she isn’t properly concentrating in class and you want to see a real focus from her - no doodling, gazing out of the window and definitely no face pulling. Tell her this is important even if she isn’t fascinated by the content. Then give her a kiss. If the teacher complains again then you have an actual problem, at the moment this can easily be nipped in bud and blow over. It happens to lots of even very wonderful kids :-)

So it's the teachers fault for not having entertained your DD enough?

JFC.

He says she is. It 8s equally likely she is off in her own little world briefly and the faces relate to that. If she 8s doodling in her exercise books it could be to help her focus so she doesn't end up in her own little world and miss what he is saying. I can only focus if i do something with my hands, sometimes i have had to do crosswords and sudoku to be able to not zone out. Do keep am eye on it. I eventually got duagnosed with ADHD at 54 and my teachers would have said the same sort of things.