Teacher raising Behavioural issues in DD year 3

[devon2018]

Hello,
I need some advice please. My DD is in year 3 & her teacher has raised behavioural issues in her. For example, he complained that DD was looking out of window and did not follow his instructions. He had to explain her again and he got frustrated. Secondly, he noticed she made faces at him. Thirdly, she was making drawings in her book while he was explaining.

To be honest, so far we have had wonderful feedback on DD. She is academically gifted and a very kind soul. I am not saying this as a mother but feedback from her previous school, ex-school parents and teachers all have said.

DD does a lot of outside school activities and all her teaching staff loves her. She has quite a camaraderie with all her teachers so far.

This is the first teacher who has complained. I am left a bit disturbed. She is only 8. All the above sounds like a normal behaviour to me. More or less I fear the teacher has not piped her interest in his classes.

But unfortunately I don't want to take it any further. Any advice how should I handle this pls?
Thank you!!

Thank you Kwasi! Yes she moved school recently. This could be a potential problem too! I would work with the teacher to find out.

The vast majority of us on here love our children but dont think they are "Angels"
Your DD might not be the one in the wrong but I think you are doing her a massive disservice if you refuse to even consider it

If she’s at a private school now, she may be finding it harder to adjust, as they’re quite different to state schools.

Definitely. There's no hiding place in a small class, small school.

Exactly! It’s easier for the teacher to spot when one kid out of 10 is not doing as they should than it is to spot one out of 30.

Well if he hasn't spoken to every other parent, then I am guessing your dad's behaviour/attitude falls short of the other children's

Actually on the contrary I am not saying that a 8 year old could have not done any of those things. I expect 8-year olds to have done these things (not making faces which I am not 100% sure). Some of the complains are normal 8-year old behaviour. They are learning from adults.

Firstly, I have asked for advice how to handle it. Secondly, as an adult teacher one has to be more sync with students. They are so raw with feelings. A good teacher can handle them well. I have never had such feedback from her piano teacher who has been teaching her since age 2?

Not at one stage I told the teacher it was his fault. I just think an adult should handle such events better. Don't assume that I did not tell my child that she should not distract the class. But if the child has not understood anything she has full right to ask the teacher even if it is a repeated. The teacher cannot get "frustrated". It maybe a device to get attention as well - so maybe a little attention given would have solved the problem.

I wanted experienced Mum's to advise me on how to handle this situation if they have faced it before.

Unfortunately, I will keep my head high & not get involved in any accusations at any stage.

My children are my "angels". And my "angels" are not perfect which I am fine with.

Oh god. You're that parent 🤮

The advice is simple: tell your kid to behave in class. End of.

They won’t put up with that kind of behaviour in a school for gifted children.

The doodling and appearing not to listen sounds exactly like my now 13 year old DD at that age. Otherwise the model pupil. She would say she is listening. Always sailed through school but struggling more at secondary. Now being assessed for inattentive ADHD. Suggest you have a look at the screening tools which are easily available online. Just in case.

How ridiculous to categorise a young person as an "angel".

There's a few different things here. Making faces is rude. Staring out of the window might be - doodling is a perfectly reasonable thing to do and can help concentrate.

Schools have a weird fixation at the moment on kids always looking at teacher and never using hands other than to take notes. It's a fad.

Oh God it's one of those parents! 🙄

What was the point in asking our opinion if you're not going to believe anyone?

What makes you think your little angel is academically gifted?

There's nothing wrong with referring to her as your angel.

She sounds bored to me so I'd ask her about that. Is she finding the work too easy? Has she covered it before? Previous teachers have said she's academically bright so maybe the new teacher hasn't realised that yet?

The 'making faces' is not acceptable but you know that. I'd have a chat with her about why she's doing it - does she realise she's doing it? Are other children misbehaving in lessons and if so, what are they doing and is it most of the class or just a few?

Of course you must speak again with the teacher about his perspective on her behaviour and if you're not happy with the outcome of the discussion, make an appointment to discuss it further with the headteacher.

You teach in a university ???
My God 😳

Actually, I don’t believe that. There has to some basic level of literacy for any university lecturer.

I must say I am rather amused by some of you! Hope you find some peace! Enjoy your social media life!

How you should handle this- apologize to the teacher for her behavior and speak to your child about not making faces etc to a respected elder.
I'm assuming you don't let the students at your university makes faces at you?
I do love threads like this, it makes me so glad I don't teach anymore and have to deal with bonkers parents (that's you OP btw).

The thing with a small private school is that the teachers meet up at break times and talk. Word soon spreads about pain in the arse parents. The school secretary, bursar etc are forewarned too.

You're no longer anonymous.

All of the things you have mentioned amount to low level disruption, not because she’s disturbing other children but because the teacher is having to pause the lesson to repeat himself, thereby disturbing other children. In year 3 the work does ramp up quite a bit and frankly, what has been said about how wonderful your child is in Reception or year 1 is irrelevant by this stage. It might not be want you want to hear but it definitely sounds like your attitude and your child’s are the problem. That doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed, though. You need to speak to your daughter about acceptable behaviour for starters then if it doesn’t improve you can start to consider why she is behaving the way she is.

I adore my DD and she’s ahead of her curriculum but that’s completely unrelated to her behaviour which I expect to be good. I would also point out that DD has picked up reading and numbers quickly but I expect she will struggle when the curriculum ramps up because she’s used to easy wins.

The answer to this is to tell your DD to pay attention, stop drawing on her books and don’t make faces at her teacher. It’s quite straightforward really.

My thoughts…the teacher has spotted warning signs and quite rightly has notified you. You don’t think these things haven’t happened? Or that they’re not important? I’m not sure which.
As a teacher, these first signs of inattentiveness would be red flags. Well done that teacher for seeking to inform the parent.
As a parent, how great that the teacher has noticed potential problems and is nicely concerned.
I would forget my preconceived ideas about my gifted angel, thank the teacher for noticing and ask him how you 3 can work together to support each other.
You can choose to be “that parent” who refuses to believe that the teacher is right or you can be the best parent who supports both the child and teacher to achieve the best.

OP, do you realise how busy teachers are? Do any parents who think teachers are making up behaviour issues think we manage to make time in our hectic days to ring or have meetings unless its important and truly an issue? I have a million and one things to do before and after school, as well as actually wanting to go home to my own family. So, if a teacher uses their time to contact a parent, it's because there's an issue!