Are all parents who help in school seen as busybodies by other parents?

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SpottyUnicorn · 03/12/2023 01:13

It depends on the person- I've met people who see positions like this as a chance to get extra power and behave like dictators.
I've also met many nice people who do this while manage to be respectful with other parents.

AdoringDavidAttenborough · 03/12/2023 01:16

In general, only wildly insecure people will harbour that sort of negative opinion. Most parents will just be grateful that you are helping with their child's school.

BetsyBobbins · 03/12/2023 01:38

I didn't view them as busybodies but as people who had a lot of time on their hands and little to do, ie, didn't work (for whatever reason).

WandaWonder · 03/12/2023 01:41

I think people that help are people that help

Why do people need to come up with backstories of competitive dramatics when a child starts school

If people are that immature they should tell be really having children in the first place and I would also wonder about their IQ

Orangeandgold · 03/12/2023 01:55

I think American movies have painted parents that are involved in the school as busybodies with nothing better to do.

I was in the PTA - I’m a lone parent that also worked full time but I genuinely wanted to understand the school that I was putting my DD in better. Also I understand the importance of getting to know people and felt that it was important for me to know some of the teachers and other parents so would attend the odd event before being a class rep (many on the PTA also worked full time or owned businesses! We didn’t have that many stay at home parents - most of them just dipped in and out and helped with big events as working parents could only fit our duties in the evening).

I think those with negative views or that even have time to come up with a view have nothing better to do.

I also got to know parents that volunteered at the school - some regularly, some to set up projects, some were bored and had spare time and I just saw it as them carving out time to give back to the school. One parent did it as they wanted to work at the school but they spoke to the headteacher etc. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what peoples motives are if it isn’t harming anyone. I only knew this because I made friends with this person. To everyone else they were the “mum that volunteers sometimes and helps with Xyz”

So many people distrust “good will” - that’s sad.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 01:59

They are seen as people with the luxury of spare time

Delphinium20 · 03/12/2023 02:09

Depends on the parent and how involved they are and for what reasons. I worked full-time in demanding 40+ hour jobs when my kids were in lower grades. I did my best to take one or two days a year to volunteer on a field trip or a class event, but there were parents who were there almost every single day and a lot of them (typically high-achieving SAHM who were bored out of their minds) replaced one career w/ a new one: The TOP MOTHER who ran things and drove the school culture. A lot of them really, really got on my nerves. There were other mothers, like me, who had to work, and we often complained about the queen bees who simply commandeered everything to make the school their own personal project to elevate their children. The worst was the one who got her son to star in EVERY school play and get every speaking part for events. She was insufferable.

There was another mother who was there primarily because of her son's severe disabilities and the lack of aids the school could afford (we are in the States, so different set of rules/budgets for things like this). I admired her immensely as she took a load off the teacher and other aids and she was there primarily to make sure her child and children like him had a chance at a typical school environment. She's the kind of volunteer who deserves a medal. The other kinds who are there primarily to make their kids the darlings of the school, yeah no.

spanieleyes · 03/12/2023 07:52

I started as a volunteer when my children were both at school, I read books with children, washed paint pots, filed work in folders, stuck displays up, ran the school library, did art projects with them, joined the PTFA- mainly because I didn't work and it kept me out of mischief. I enjoyed it so much I decided I might as well work rather than volunteer. I'm now a primary school Head!
I never saw anything other mild bemusement from anyone☺️

Christmasisonitsway · 03/12/2023 07:55

I wouldn't say I view PTA parents as busy bodies, nor do I admire them. Why does there have to be any sort of view it opinion? They're helping out bcos they can.

greyhairnomore · 03/12/2023 09:04

I was a governor for a while. I worked full time , so didn't have lots of spare time.
I went to meetings in the evenings.
I didn't get involved in the PTA , but was grateful for those that did , they improved the school , fundraising etc.

SpiritedSneeze · 03/12/2023 09:08

I never really had any feelings about them. I knew a few parents helped out but I only recognised one who helped with reading as my child pointed her out, she liked her because she put cute stickers in her reading log.
'Popular and admired' would have been pushing it, they were just other people to chat to in a playground.

noclouds · 03/12/2023 09:12

I don't think parents that help are busy body's, I genuinely admire them as I work full time unfortunately and can't help. I am grateful to the class reps who organise gifts for the teachers etc,

But I do try and support these parents by making sure I respond to messages, contribute when asked and pay quickly.

We have a small PTFA who struggle to get many volunteers but they raise money for the school which I really appreciate

SpiritedSneeze · 03/12/2023 09:16

I do remember liking one Dad who organised donations of old world book day costumes, christmas jumpers and winter coats and then organised a few evenings a year in the hall where he put them all out and parents could come after school and take one.
I liked that he marketes it as reducing waste and being earth consious but it was also free and helped out the families who couldn't buy any that year.

He wasn't on the PTA though, he was just a nice guy who had some spare storage space as part of his job

WeneedSamVimesonthecase · 03/12/2023 09:21

The PTA mums at my kids' school are all lovely, kind, thoughtful people who want to help out as much as they possibly can (I am not one of them, btw, I have fiercely resisted any involvement beyond the odd bake sale or tomboys!)

The lone PTA dad, though, is an egomaniac who loves the sound of his own voice and takes credit for the women's hard work.

WeneedSamVimesonthecase · 03/12/2023 09:22

Tombola. Not tomboys!

Quitelikeacatslife · 03/12/2023 09:26

It depends on the person. If they act as if they are the great benefactor and expect everyone else to do as much as them and keep badgering people who don't have time or don't want to help then maybe busybodie. But there are so many lovely people who give up their spare time because they want to make a difference to their kids school, those people are diamonds.
Honestly the ones who are really involved often work full time too. If most other parents chipped in a tiny bit , like an hour or so instead of moaning about the ones that had or events they organise, then the school would benefit greatly. That is my main bugbear

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 09:26

I found most parents never really cared what other parents did or didn't do.

Redlarge · 03/12/2023 09:27

BetsyBobbins · 03/12/2023 01:38

I didn't view them as busybodies but as people who had a lot of time on their hands and little to do, ie, didn't work (for whatever reason).

This.

LadyBird1973 · 03/12/2023 09:29

I think it comes down to personality and why that parent is so involved at school.
Some are genuinely interested in helping, others are busybodies or are the pushy parents. When I used to help out in my DD's class for trips and walks where they needed an extra adult, it was because my dd really wanted me to go and since I had the time, I did it for her. Never got involved in PTA or any of the political stuff within school - I had no interest in that. I was literally only there because my dd asked me to be.

frogswimming · 03/12/2023 09:31

RedoneP · 03/12/2023 00:29

How are parents who help in school seen by other parents? What is your view of a parent who is on the PTA and helps with reading but only in their own child's class and is also the class rep (a busy parent) who also spearheads the class mums clique viewed? Are they really popular and admired by other parents or do you think they have other motives?

You're asking for a generalisation with regard to one particular parent.

UnimaginableWindBird · 03/12/2023 09:32

That's not really a dynamic I recognise. My kids' primary school had a real community feel, so helping out was the norm and not the preserve of a few people. Some people helped out in class or on trips, some helped with clubs after school or sports events at weekends. Some people arranged coffee mornings for parents, or second hand uniform sales or social events for parents, Some people were links between the school and other community groups. Some were governors, some organised fundraising events, some volunteered at fundraising events, some came in to talk to the children about their jobs, or their lives or got their employers to help donate prizes or sponsor teams. Some people didn't have time to give, but gave money instead. And enough people did all of that stuff that for the parents who didn't want to get involved in any of that stuff, there was no pressure to get involved.

silvertoil · 03/12/2023 09:33

To anyone who wrote 'people with spare time' I would say in our school it's not true. They're busy working people with all the usual hectic commitments and they MAKE the time!

KirriIrry · 03/12/2023 09:36

I’m not sure most parents view them in anyway at all. We did have a very cliquey, judgey PTA when I first started, but they’ve long since moved on, and the current crowd aren’t like that at all.

i will say though, that in our school at least, the most active people in the PTA haven’t been non-working people with time to fill - they‘ve all worked, at least part-time.

I’ve not really come across the idea of popular, admired parents (or the opposite), we mostly just know who we know. It is a very big school, so perhaps that makes a difference.

APurpleSquirrel · 03/12/2023 09:42

I'm the Chair of DCs school PTFA.
We have a committee of about 6-7 - of those only one is a SAHM & I'm the only who works part time. The rest are all full-time.
I joined when my DD started as it was a new school to us, we knew no-one there & I thought it would be a good way to get to know the other parents & I wanted to be supportive of the school & knew a PTA was a way to do that.
I'd say that's the same motivation for the PTA members too.
There are no Queen bees & preferential treatment of PTA kids - our school is so small everyone gets a role in the play/nativity.

VeronicaBeccabunga · 03/12/2023 09:42

As a parent who works in a primary school I'd say that this has changed with time.
Back in the day more of us were SAHMs and it was easy to swan into school, do reading with kids [or whatever] and report back to the other mums on who was on which reader, which teacher said what, etc.
These days more mums and dads work, they need to go through the DBS checking formalities and, at our school, do some training sessions. Parents are no longer allowed in our staff-room either 😁
I do think that this has weeded out the worst of the nosey parkers/gossips.
But not all of them, obvs......