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Original poster

Are all parents who help in school seen as busybodies by other parents?

96 replies

RedoneP · 03/12/2023 00:29

How are parents who help in school seen by other parents? What is your view of a parent who is on the PTA and helps with reading but only in their own child's class and is also the class rep (a busy parent) who also spearheads the class mums clique viewed? Are they really popular and admired by other parents or do you think they have other motives?

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Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 03/12/2023 09:45

When DS was at primary I helped with school trips, helped with cycling proficiency (or whatever it's called now), went to craft afternoons/school fayre etc, was on parent council for 1 year, and contributed to fundraisers and the like. His eachers thanked me for the help, as they appreciated it, and I was happy to be able to help out too. A few others also helped quite often. We didn't look badly on others who couldn't/wouldn't, and I don't care if they looked badly on me - without the helpers then trips etc wouldn't have gone ahead in many cases. When I offered I always said: 'If someone else who hasn't been before/really wants to go also offers then please choose them. I'm happy to help if nobody else offers/if you're stuck.'

I don't do anything now DS is at secondary.

rujik2 · 03/12/2023 09:58

I see them as a very nice and lovely people, who come to school and help teachers and students to manage their school life.
They have an option not to help, instead they prefer to spend time with kids reading with them and explaining struggling things.
Many thanks for all of you.

BrimfulOfMash · 03/12/2023 10:06

In our school too it was busy people with jobs who between them made buns for Red Nose Day, worked all day on stalls and games for summer and Christmas fair, fundraiser for trips and activities, baked for bake sales etc.

Because they were the motivated people who were prepared to contribute to making a difference.

There was a significant group who never did anything except stand around moaning about everything and everyone.

DoktorPeppa · 03/12/2023 10:12

Honestly, I assume that their lives are lacking in other areas to be able to give school that kind of time and headspace

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 03/12/2023 10:13

DoktorPeppa · 03/12/2023 10:12

Honestly, I assume that their lives are lacking in other areas to be able to give school that kind of time and headspace

Why?

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 03/12/2023 10:14

@BrimfulOfMash we had those too, always knew how to do it better until it came to actually doing it.

Of course some folk had less time, that's ok, but doing nothing and moaning is quite bad IMHO.

HeddaGarbled · 03/12/2023 10:15

parent who is on the PTA and helps with reading but only in their own child's class and is also the class rep (a busy parent) who also spearheads the class mums clique

Well, I think we know how you view them 😃

meatbaseddessert · 03/12/2023 10:18

If you are a parent who works full time and are out of the house 7 to 7 why would you even know or care?

DelurkingAJ · 03/12/2023 10:18

I’m delighted that they should. The only time I roll my eyes slightly is when we get begging messages to join the PTA which say ‘we’re friendly and inclusive and meet at 11am on Tuesdays’, promptly knocking out all WOHP from participating.

WandaWonder · 03/12/2023 10:18

DoktorPeppa · 03/12/2023 10:12

Honestly, I assume that their lives are lacking in other areas to be able to give school that kind of time and headspace

Come again?

Parker231 · 03/12/2023 10:20

Was a school governor (not at DT’s school) but DT’s school didn’t have a PTA, classroom volunteers, WhatsApp group etc - thank goodness ! We used breakfast and after school club each day so had little interaction with other parents and teachers.

MorvernBlack · 03/12/2023 10:21

BetsyBobbins · 03/12/2023 01:38

I didn't view them as busybodies but as people who had a lot of time on their hands and little to do, ie, didn't work (for whatever reason).

I've often found the opposite to be true, people who need to keep busy and who have a lot on.
I volunteer and that doesn't so much apply to me, as I volunteer for the social aspect, my work is solitary and sporadic and often male centric. Some of the people I volunteer with just make me feel exhausted with their schedules 🙈 and most are in full employment.

Peablockfeathers · 03/12/2023 10:22

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 09:26

I found most parents never really cared what other parents did or didn't do.

I've found this too. There are 1 or 2 parents who gossip if the volunteers child gets the main part in the play or something omg it's because their parent volunteers- but people like that I wouldn't worry about their ignorant opinions. To be honest though I wouldn't really have a clue who volunteers unless they talk about it, I often say I can help at x events but the parents who do this vary and those on the PTA etc no clue.

JellyfishandShells · 03/12/2023 10:24

RedoneP · 03/12/2023 00:29

How are parents who help in school seen by other parents? What is your view of a parent who is on the PTA and helps with reading but only in their own child's class and is also the class rep (a busy parent) who also spearheads the class mums clique viewed? Are they really popular and admired by other parents or do you think they have other motives?

Your opening sentence was quite neutral but the ‘spearheads the class mums clique’ showed your position.

Some people like to volunteer, some are happy to let their children enjoy the benefits of others volunteering without lifting a finger themselves. See what I did there ? Put a biased and unpleasant spin on others actions.

To rephrase : some people like to help in school and get varying levels of satisfaction from so doing ; for others it not something that appeals or they have other commitments. It would be churlish from either camp to comment on the motives or reasoning of the other.

Original poster
RedoneP · 03/12/2023 10:26

Lol! In our school, it's one woman who does ALL these positions. It's always her way and no one can make suggestions as "no, won't work". To me, it appears like she's in charge of the school and she believes parents with SEN children like mine should help out more "to give back to the school". Her demeanour makes me feel very uncomfortable and I wondered if others feel like this? Everyone just goes to the beat of her drum and appears to like her but she makes me uncomfortable. I feel guilty that I dislike someone and wondered in general if others do too. I'm currently being ostracised for not joining the PTA. Other parents seem to champion this behaviour but I'm wondering how people generally view these people?

OP posts:
MorvernBlack · 03/12/2023 10:26

I tend to think people who are critical of volunteers are still quite happy to take from the services which use them. Kids are scouts or guides or who use youth clubs, use volunteer hospital transport. School trips that are subsidised by PTA etc. Breastfeeding support, playgroups, beach cleaning, litter picking. So much is volunteer based, we'd be stuck without them.

TheCountIsPale · 03/12/2023 10:30

BetsyBobbins · 03/12/2023 01:38

I didn't view them as busybodies but as people who had a lot of time on their hands and little to do, ie, didn't work (for whatever reason).

Don’t totally disagree with the sentiment, but I chaired PTA and was treasurer for a few years too with a full time job as a single mum of two. We raised around £40k pa, so a fair bit of fundraising and events. Seems a lot of people who get involved with stuff are the type who get involved with everything and as the saying goes, if you want something doing, give it to someone busy.

Original poster
RedoneP · 03/12/2023 10:30

Yes there really are some lovely people.

OP posts:
W4mamabear · 03/12/2023 10:32

As a working mother I am so grateful to the PTA patents and the amount of care and effort they put in to the events at our school plus volunteering at school trips and swimming lessons etc. I’ve been to a few of those trips and it’s so tiring!! I always make sure to say a big thank you with a small pressie to our class reps at the end of school term as they pick up a lot of slack!! Shame to see them being portrayed at busybodies!!

Nofilteritwonthelp · 03/12/2023 10:32

AdoringDavidAttenborough · 03/12/2023 01:16

In general, only wildly insecure people will harbour that sort of negative opinion. Most parents will just be grateful that you are helping with their child's school.

This, I'd really appreciate them offering up their time

TheCountIsPale · 03/12/2023 10:34

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 03/12/2023 10:13

Why?

Show quote history

Not going to bite on that one

BUT my motivation for getting involved was that I had a very flexible but quite solitary job - in and out of court but no day to day team as it were. So I wanted a team to work with to achieve things, and got that.

I wanted experience of governing a charity with a manageable budget.

I wanted to support my child’s education and that of his friends.

I enjoyed the school atmosphere, my kids were so proud of me being involved and present, I’m really chuffed I did it and recommend it to other parents.

Peablockfeathers · 03/12/2023 10:36

RedoneP · 03/12/2023 10:26

Lol! In our school, it's one woman who does ALL these positions. It's always her way and no one can make suggestions as "no, won't work". To me, it appears like she's in charge of the school and she believes parents with SEN children like mine should help out more "to give back to the school". Her demeanour makes me feel very uncomfortable and I wondered if others feel like this? Everyone just goes to the beat of her drum and appears to like her but she makes me uncomfortable. I feel guilty that I dislike someone and wondered in general if others do too. I'm currently being ostracised for not joining the PTA. Other parents seem to champion this behaviour but I'm wondering how people generally view these people?

Well this is a different question, it sounds like this person is controlling, ignorant and probably not overly nice. It's fine to dislike someone for those characteristics, just as you shouldn't dislike someone purely because they're a volunteer there's no obligation to like them just because they volunteer either.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 03/12/2023 10:39

I had flexible working back in the days before it became so normal. That meant I could be available to help with class trips, cycling proficiency , sports days etc. I was also a governor for 2 stints and was on the PTA.

I enjoyed it (mostly!) and it made it easier to run these events when parents were available to help. I didn’t give two hoots what people thought of me tbh, all kids benefit from the support from extra adults.

There aren’t so many opportunities in senior school which is sad.

BrimfulOfMash · 03/12/2023 10:41

OP, but it isn’t ‘these people’, it’s one woman at your one school.

Why would anyone generalise about everyone who volunteers at a school?

Every situation, work, family, social circles, has people who are bossy, domineering or non collaborative.

39and · 03/12/2023 10:42

It's Judgemental but I'd assume they didn't have a lot in life to find stuff like PTA interesting. Plus the luxury of spare time. I couldn't imagine being able to make it work with a full time job.