Parents don't befriend their kids classmates parents?

SpinachandChocolate · 2023-10-07T19:36:05+00:00

Hi, My kid just started primary school. I've heard that parents don't usually make friends with other parents of kids at the same school. My friends and I have also noticed other parents at our different primaries a bit stand-offish. Is this a thing, and if so why?

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mynameiscalypso · 07/10/2023 20:37

I mainly can't be bothered. I'll be friendly but I don't have enough time for my existing friends let alone getting to know anybody new.

WolfFoxHare · 07/10/2023 20:44

I made two really good friends at the nursery/school gates, plus several more casual friends. I’m very friendly though.

Poniesandrainbows · 07/10/2023 20:48

mynameiscalypso · 07/10/2023 20:37

I mainly can't be bothered. I'll be friendly but I don't have enough time for my existing friends let alone getting to know anybody new.

Same here.

Starlightstarbright2 · 07/10/2023 21:16

I have some really good friends through school - my Ds is at college now - some not necessarily who my Ds is friends with ..

some are what I called playground friends .. they are just people who we stand in a similar place for years ..

some I see at the gym and various places - nice to catch up..

Original poster

SpinachandChocolate · 07/10/2023 21:21

mynameiscalypso · 07/10/2023 20:37

I mainly can't be bothered. I'll be friendly but I don't have enough time for my existing friends let alone getting to know anybody new.

I see. Makes sense. I think because we're quite new to the area we are interested in making more friends. But makes sense if others have many friends already.

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WowOK · 07/10/2023 21:24

I made loads of friends at baby group. My daughter is nearly 5 and we are still friends. I haven't made any at primary school. There are a few parents I genuinely like but none that I've had play dates with or met for coffee.

Marblessolveeverything · 07/10/2023 21:28

If it happens naturally then fine but honestly I'm unlikely to be friends based on having the same age child.

It also can avoid the nightmares when your child doesn't want to be friends with theirs. I am friendly but not necessarily friends.

WingedHermes · 07/10/2023 21:30

I've always made friends with other parents from my kids school or extra curricular activities. Some I'm still in touch with ten plus years later.

Neolara · 07/10/2023 21:42

I met load of people who are still great friends even though are kids are now at secondary/ uni.

Pleaseme · 07/10/2023 21:45

Children’s friendships are often quite fluid though. Its awkward when your kids hate each other all of a sudden.

theunbelievabletruth · 07/10/2023 21:49

I met my 2 closest friends in the playground when my DD was 5 and DS 6. We have been close friends for over 25 years and see them both at least once or twice a week.

SquirrelFan · 07/10/2023 21:51

I'm surprised at some of these responses! Loads of my friendships were born whilst waiting in the playground. I still see them at least weekly, and my kids are at uni now.

Snugglemonkey · 07/10/2023 21:55

SpinachandChocolate · 07/10/2023 21:21

I see. Makes sense. I think because we're quite new to the area we are interested in making more friends. But makes sense if others have many friends already.

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Don't worry, not everyone will be like that. It has been a great place for me to meet new friends when I moved to a new place.

GG1986 · 07/10/2023 22:00

Can't be arsed! My child's best friends mum is nice enough, but not someone I want to be friends with, we are very different and parent differently. I hate doing the school run and trying to make small talk, most the parents just want to pick their kids up and go home, not arse about chatting.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 07/10/2023 22:08

I always find the standoffish parents are the ones who are the most competitive and talk in loud voices about reading levels and spelling test results. You definitely don't want to get involved (or stressed) about all that! Don't rely on school parents to make friends but don't right them all off initially either.

mynameiscalypso · 07/10/2023 22:11

For the avoidance of doubt, I don't have loads of friends. I'm just quite anti-social!

The other aspect is that, certainly at our school, there are a lot of grandparents/childminders/nannies doing the pick up plus a proportion of the kids in after school club. I only do 1 or 2 pick ups a week myself.

Cheeesus · 07/10/2023 22:12

I have made friends at both schools our children have been at.

talkingteapots · 07/10/2023 22:13

Never! In and out living my own life. I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to drop my daughters off. the ones who want to make friends will meet each other 😂

olympicsrock · 07/10/2023 22:14

I’ve made some brilliant mum friends through school mum nights out. Not all are the mums of my kids friends but I do make an extra effort as it’s easier to arrange play dates.

PrtScn · 07/10/2023 22:18

I'm anti-social and a big fan of my own company. I basically just drop off and pick up my son. I'll say hello / smile in passing but I don't go out of my way to talk to people, but if they talk to me first I'll happily have a chat with them.
I honestly don't think I can be bothered making any mum friends. For things like birthday parties & play dates (he has a friend from nursery still) I just send him with his dad and enjoy the couple of hours quiet 😂

Jmaho · 07/10/2023 22:24

I think it depends on the specific year group. I have four children. My eldest is in year 9 now and he joined his previous school in year 3. Straight away it was a struggle. I'd say 90% of the boys parents seem to be close friends who even holiday together. All the boys play for the same football team managed by one of the boys Dad's. Very girl heavy year group so only about 12 boys in total. They didn't want outsiders. He was never invited to playdates or parties. Any playdates i tried to initiate were refused. The odd party he did go to was very awkward with them clearly not wanting to talk to me at all. One of them referred to me as "that woman with all the kids!" Unfortunately they are almost all at the same secondary school and it's carried on although he has made lots of new friends. He does get on with the lads and they have lots in common but they're not allowed to be close friends with boys outside the special group. One of them lives a few doors away from us and he has has to endure endless sleepovers where they have played in the garden and shouted his name over the fence but he's never actually been allowed to join them. Just a very odd stuck up bunch who seem to look down on us despite us living in the same road and in near identical houses to a few of them and i imagine very similar jobs and lifestyles. A few of them even have 3 children but I seem to be viewed as a pariah as i dared to have one more. My husband once (never again!) went to a Fathers Day event at the school and the Dads were exactly the same. Its all very strange. Just in case anyone mentions it, my eldest son is a very well behaved boy never in trouble and in no way a bad influence or anything like that. Too sensible if anything. Never had any problems with my other 3 children. Speak to majority of the parents at school when I do pick up or drop off. They all seem reasonable people with their own lives all getting on with it. Had tons of play dates both ways, lots of party invites and am good friends with a few of them. No drama just normal mums. I've actually been to a party today with my youngest who is in year one and we all sat round a table in a cafe chatting just about normal life. All very reasonable as it should be

BananaSlug · 07/10/2023 22:26

I have no interest in making friends with my daughters friends parents.

JustAMinutePleass · 07/10/2023 22:27

I think this depends on individuals. A lot of mums don’t socialise with me as I’m old, fat, scruffy and an introvert. The ones that do I do end up making friends with. You just have to talk to as many people as possible on the school run.

Original poster

SpinachandChocolate · 08/10/2023 06:10

Jmaho · 07/10/2023 22:24

I think it depends on the specific year group. I have four children. My eldest is in year 9 now and he joined his previous school in year 3. Straight away it was a struggle. I'd say 90% of the boys parents seem to be close friends who even holiday together. All the boys play for the same football team managed by one of the boys Dad's. Very girl heavy year group so only about 12 boys in total. They didn't want outsiders. He was never invited to playdates or parties. Any playdates i tried to initiate were refused. The odd party he did go to was very awkward with them clearly not wanting to talk to me at all. One of them referred to me as "that woman with all the kids!" Unfortunately they are almost all at the same secondary school and it's carried on although he has made lots of new friends. He does get on with the lads and they have lots in common but they're not allowed to be close friends with boys outside the special group. One of them lives a few doors away from us and he has has to endure endless sleepovers where they have played in the garden and shouted his name over the fence but he's never actually been allowed to join them. Just a very odd stuck up bunch who seem to look down on us despite us living in the same road and in near identical houses to a few of them and i imagine very similar jobs and lifestyles. A few of them even have 3 children but I seem to be viewed as a pariah as i dared to have one more. My husband once (never again!) went to a Fathers Day event at the school and the Dads were exactly the same. Its all very strange. Just in case anyone mentions it, my eldest son is a very well behaved boy never in trouble and in no way a bad influence or anything like that. Too sensible if anything. Never had any problems with my other 3 children. Speak to majority of the parents at school when I do pick up or drop off. They all seem reasonable people with their own lives all getting on with it. Had tons of play dates both ways, lots of party invites and am good friends with a few of them. No drama just normal mums. I've actually been to a party today with my youngest who is in year one and we all sat round a table in a cafe chatting just about normal life. All very reasonable as it should be

Oh no, how ridiculous they didn't invite him to parties because he wasn't in the close knit group. And i dont understand why they made a thing about you having more kids - sounds like they dont like anyone they see as different. Your son is better off without them!

We just invited the whole class to our party. I thought that's what you do especially when they're young. I guess I'm lucky it's not like that in my school - they don't know each other.

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Original poster

SpinachandChocolate · 08/10/2023 06:20

Thanks everyone. Now I think about it, we probably have enough friends, about 4 sets and we see at least one group every weekend. His friends from nursery etc are lovely and their parents happen to be people we really get on with. But those friends went to different primaries.

It's mainly because my child is very outgoing. So he was asking me can we have playdates, park after school etc.. At 4 he's too young for most clubs that are local.

Actually I might manage his expectations and remind him we're seeing his best friends at the weekend anyway. We even see one friend in the week- he's just very outgoing.

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