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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DC soiled self first day at school

58 replies

lolasandy · 06/09/2023 21:42

If it was nursery I wouldn't have batted an eye lid but for some reason it's really upset me!

DC is nearly 5 so one of the oldest in reception. Should really be past that sort of thing and usually is.

Was late on potty training (age 3) but decided herself to come out of nappies and then no problems. Often has phases of wetting herself a lot for a few days (usually just can't be bothered to go) but on the whole is fine. Usually refuses to admit she needs a poo and waits til the last possible moment to go, but has never soiled herself at nursery and has only 'a little bit' at home whilst rushing to the toilet too late.

Apparently it wasn't a big deal according to the teacher. DC didn't seem too phased but did say tonight she cried in the toilet and wanted me there. Another child fetched the teacher for her. Then the teacher changed her.

I just feel upset for her that it happened on her first day, whether other kids will comment or say anything nasty and don't want her to get a complex. But equally want her to learn to go to the flipping toilet earlier. Is this something that is normal(ish) in reception??? Will she just shake it off and it be forgotten?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Shouldbedoing · 06/09/2023 21:44

The other kids will soon forget. They're tiny kids. She will remember to ask in good time. It happens in Reception.

EVHead · 06/09/2023 21:48

She won’t remember when she’s older. It’s very common in school at that age - not something anyone will make a big deal of.

BriocheForBreakfast · 06/09/2023 21:49

Honestly don't worry, it happens a lot in reception. My DD had her fair share of accidents and she just grew out of it. The other kids will forget.

Marketplace · 06/09/2023 21:51

This happened to ds on his first day, no one made a big deal of it and it was soon forgotten.

whereaw · 06/09/2023 21:52

It happened to mine once in reception and I remember feeling awful at the time. I got the teacher a little thank you gift for cleaning him up which couldn't be pleasant. He's got no recollection and neither does anyone else. They're still so little and I think it's quite a common occurrence at that age. She'll be fine.

caban · 06/09/2023 21:53

Literally half the kids in my daughter's class had accidents in the first couple of weeks, including her! Other 4 year olds are not going to notice or care.

Original poster

lolasandy · 06/09/2023 21:55

Thanks this is making me feel better. I felt she was well ready for school (and I'm sure she still is) but it just gave me a big wobble about her not being ready and made me feel upset for her the idea of her crying for me and being in a mess in a new environment etc.

I haven't made a big deal in front of DC just asked her 'casually' about it during bedtime as part of asking about the whole day.

However I do want to make a firm point to her about going to the toilet when needing it!

OP posts:

mynameiscalypso · 06/09/2023 21:55

My DS starts tomorrow and I'm fully expecting this to happen to him in the next week or so. If his pre-school class at nursery was anything to go by, they'll be plenty of accidents.

AHelpfulHand · 06/09/2023 21:55

My ds who is 6, just gone into year 2, does exactly as you have described.

regular accidents, slight soiling as he’s running to the toilet etc

he tells me he doesn’t feel it until it’s too late.

I’m seeing a paediatrician about it

TicTacNicNak · 06/09/2023 21:56

There's a lot of nerves and anxiety on their first day, and the children are still learning the rules and what they're allowed to do.

Im sure it must happen a lot and the teachers must expect accidents while the little ones are settling in. Just reassure your DD that it was an accident and no one is angry or anything, and remind her to go to the toilet at break times or ask the teacher as soon as she feels the need for a wee/poo during class time.

Original poster

lolasandy · 06/09/2023 21:59

Thank you for all these replies saying it's within the scope of normal! Its been niggling me all night, can't really describe why. I sort of feel gutted for her which is ridiculous as I don't think she's particularly bothered.

Probably because as adults we make the idea of something like this happening to us a horrific event in our minds !!

I feel a lot more relaxed now that it's just one of those things. I didn't collect her as I was working late (DH passed on the message from collection) so I will thank the teacher properly tomorrow. And use the opportunity to remind DC the only thing she really needs to remember this week is go to the sodding toilet.

OP posts:

ChuckMater · 06/09/2023 22:03

Normal for reception ime. The teacher is right, it really isn't a big deal for them (more so for us as parents as its out the blue). The other children are too young to pick up on it and be mean about it. It's just one of those things. It's nervewracking starting a new school, plus she often leaves it to the last minute. Lots of reminders at home and before school and she'll get the hang of it.

HumphreysCorner · 06/09/2023 22:06

My first DD soiled her pants in Reception and it was no problem x

Bunnie007 · 06/09/2023 22:08

Totally normal in Reception- probably at least 25% will do it at some point. Less adults than nursery usually so harder to spot when you might need to remind a child to go. My son hates using the toilet at school for a poo so has soiled himself more than once in year one, and having taught both ages I know it’s not that uncommon in year one either. The other kids won’t bat an eyelid : )

teaforme33 · 06/09/2023 22:13

Ds had terrible constipation at that age and often had little leakages in his pants that smelled terrible. It went on for most of reception and he had to be frequently changed by the TA. I felt so bad about it but luckily the staff were great and it was never a problem.

They 'shouldn't' be having to deal with this by school age but then again this is real life not a textbook or should and shouldn'ts. It's pretty common as you can see from this thread and the other kids will forget it quickly.

Hope your dc and you are ok x

Knockon · 06/09/2023 22:17

I actually remember the last time I wet myself at school- I was in year 5 and decided to go to the tuckshop before the toilet and didn’t make it! So even I as a 9 year old made the wrong choice for toileting ! And another pupil had to get the teacher so I could get some spare uniform - I don’t remember anyone ever commenting about it either 😊 hope that helps you feel more relaxed about the nature of young children and toilets at primary!!

Clafoutie · 06/09/2023 22:19

Ah, bless you OP, this really made me feel for you both! This is completely normal, and to be expected when everything is so new. As others have said, nobody will give it a second thought. It is all part of learning I guess. I often think it is harder on parents/carers going through it all vicariously!

Louisa4987 · 06/09/2023 22:21

My DD started reception this week as well and the teacher said to expect even the most reliable children to have accidents when starting school. It's a big step for them they're bound to have some wobbles along the way!

I also don't think my DD would bat an eyelid at another child having an accident. I certainly don't think it's something that kids that age would tease about. When DD left preschool a few weeks ago there was kids barely out of nappies who were going up to school. They don't think anything of it at that age.

DeerWatch · 06/09/2023 22:25

It is completely normal, reason why the primary mine went to were always asking for supplies of knickers and pants for their spares box.
My ds was always coming out of school at that age and for at least a term with a plastic bag of wet clothes. He was never teased, TA or teacher will deal with it discretley.

Original poster

lolasandy · 06/09/2023 22:30

Thanks! For some reason wetting self doesn't seem like as big a deal than pooing self (which is what she did), but it sounds like both are fairly normal.

I think it's because you send them off suddenly looking so grown up in the uniform, then they're suddenly all vulnerable and incapable of the basics!!! I think it was the story of her crying in the toilet that got me in a spiral....

But I will just put it down as one of those things and forget about it, but remind her tomorrow morning to go to the toilet ASAP

OP posts:

AuditAngel · 06/09/2023 22:37

Our primary asked for spare pants and socks to be in their PE bags as a matter of course, and kids often came out in their PE shorts or tracksuit bottoms.

Don’t worry about it, they are far too engrossed in what they are doing to worry about the toilet

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 06/09/2023 22:39

4 is still so tiny and young.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 06/09/2023 22:40

Also just reminding in general that there used to be a really vile poo troll that’d frequently create posts about their child soiling themselves at school. Be careful sharing details.

Ruffpuff · 06/09/2023 22:41

My son is exactly the same. He’s 5 soon and potty trained at 3.5. I’ve had nightmares with damn toileting. Try not to worry, the other kids won’t care or remember by tomorrow. It might just be that the first day caught her off guard. I don’t have advice, just sympathies because my son has started pissing on the sofa almost every morning after I thought we were finally through it.

crumblingschools · 06/09/2023 22:41

DS was a nightmare in YR (and had a couple of accidents in Y1). He just got engrossed in something and forgot to go to the loo. Only had wee accidents. I updated the school supply of spare pants etc as an apology to the teacher. I did keep reminding DS

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