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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DC soiled self first day at school

58 replies

lolasandy · 06/09/2023 21:42

If it was nursery I wouldn't have batted an eye lid but for some reason it's really upset me!

DC is nearly 5 so one of the oldest in reception. Should really be past that sort of thing and usually is.

Was late on potty training (age 3) but decided herself to come out of nappies and then no problems. Often has phases of wetting herself a lot for a few days (usually just can't be bothered to go) but on the whole is fine. Usually refuses to admit she needs a poo and waits til the last possible moment to go, but has never soiled herself at nursery and has only 'a little bit' at home whilst rushing to the toilet too late.

Apparently it wasn't a big deal according to the teacher. DC didn't seem too phased but did say tonight she cried in the toilet and wanted me there. Another child fetched the teacher for her. Then the teacher changed her.

I just feel upset for her that it happened on her first day, whether other kids will comment or say anything nasty and don't want her to get a complex. But equally want her to learn to go to the flipping toilet earlier. Is this something that is normal(ish) in reception??? Will she just shake it off and it be forgotten?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dimples76 · 06/09/2023 22:43

My DD started school yesterday and her big brother (10) advised her that in Reception a lot of children have toileting accidents. It is hard seeing your DD distressed but I think starting school is exhausting and it can take a while to adjust

43ontherocksporfavor · 06/09/2023 22:45

Honestly it’s very common at my school. Please don’t worry.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 06/09/2023 22:48

I’m a teacher. It’s fine. Absolutely normal and kids this age won’t remember or care.

43ontherocksporfavor · 06/09/2023 22:48

It’s honestly the worst part of working in ks1 but we would never show that to the children. It’s not their fault. No child wants to soil themselves.

Greensleeves · 06/09/2023 22:48

lolasandy · 06/09/2023 21:55

Thanks this is making me feel better. I felt she was well ready for school (and I'm sure she still is) but it just gave me a big wobble about her not being ready and made me feel upset for her the idea of her crying for me and being in a mess in a new environment etc.

I haven't made a big deal in front of DC just asked her 'casually' about it during bedtime as part of asking about the whole day.

However I do want to make a firm point to her about going to the toilet when needing it!

I wouldn't make a firm point to her OP, she's very little and it was a big day for her. Let her forget about it and concentrate on settling in. The other kids won't think anything of it, and the teacher has seen it all before

Sotiredmjmmy · 06/09/2023 22:51

As others have said it’s very common and no child should be made to feel like its a big deal or a problem. One of mine was still doing it at times in year 1 and year 2 and she absolutely wasn’t the only one, the rest of the class seem unfussed by it.

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 22:52

Please do not worry.

My DC told me about all the accidents in the loos. Happening v frequently.

At that age, kids were farting loudly in class, peeing on the floor etc

No one bats an eyelid. xxx

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 06/09/2023 22:54

DD soiled herself several times in reception. Fortunately it eventually stopped and she’s now in Y4 and nobody has ever mentioned it since.

I think it was anxiety related.

PimpMyFridge · 06/09/2023 22:55

Happened to me on my first day, it was because no-one had told me where the toilet was, I was niave and wasn't even sure they had toilets and didn't know anyone so was too scared to ask.
I think if the teacher breaks the ice and sets her at ease, she will be fine in future.
New school situation is stressful and reactions can be quite unexpected sometimes.
Reassure her that it's because it is all so new, but soon she will feel really at home there and she needn't worry. To help reduce her worries you could offer to ler her take ina 'just in case' change of bottoms in.

chazabella · 06/09/2023 22:57

Try not to worry yourself with it, this can be normal and starting school is a big deal and can upset their routines. My sons 1st day today and I know his routine is off already.

Regarding her sometimes not making it we had this issue with ds, I must of spent days if not months explaining to him what a bowel moment felt like and when to go and not leave it to last minute. Unfortunately one day he had a iffy tummy, trumped and it all came out and he was so upset. But since then he hasn't done it, sometimes they just need that one accident to help remind them.

Does she recognise the early feel of needed to go, if not it may be why it's last minute. Ds used to say he had tummy pain for a minute then it would go and I had to explain that it was probably a poo and to go try the loo. Which now he goes oups my tummy hurts I'm going to the toilet sometimes it is othertimes it's not but he's now getting used to what the feeling is.

I'm dreading ds having another upset tummy as he is poo shy and will only go at home / my dad's. He must of done 1 poo in the 4 years at nursery there.

She will forget about it in a few days and regards to the other kids they will as well

bluebeardswife7 · 06/09/2023 22:59

Ds accident in reception. Teacher: I had to send him home in knickers and Elsa leggings because we run out of everything else. Me: 🤣🤣🤣

FernsInTheFire · 06/09/2023 23:03

I vividly remember my mum being worried when my brother started school as it happened to him every day for the first week or two. Then it just stopped.

CattingAbout · 06/09/2023 23:08

DS pooped himself during a settling on session for school and then 1-2 times a day for the entire first half term of reception. They dealt with it.

It turned out to be constipation related.

Original poster

lolasandy · 06/09/2023 23:11

Thank you for more replies making me feel better that it's common!

Yes maybe a 'firm' point was the wrong wording. Basically I want her to make the point that the only thing she needs to think about remembering this week is going to the toilet when she needs it! Without making what happened a big deal. So probably gentle reminder is better than firm point... I've softened the more replies that have come in...

She does have form for leaving it to the last minute so I think this would have probably been the reason the accident happened. As she leaves it to the last minute at home but obviously can get to the toilet quicker and without any delay.

OP posts:

LateMumma · 06/09/2023 23:16

I remember (heard from parents) that a couple of children in my DCs class soiled themselves in the first few weeks - my DC never mentioned it and has no recollection.

Greensleeves · 06/09/2023 23:17

Gentle reminder sounds much better

PimpMyFridge · 06/09/2023 23:30

Tell her the body gives 3 urges before it gets serious and you have to go. Help her notice that she is ignoring the first two when she is at home, which doesn't matter there.

Also have a light chat about the differences between home and school, including how quickly stopping what you're doing is easier at home, so best to think about using the toilet on the first urge not the last...

Sounds like a bit of self awareness and realisation of effects of different environments would help her avoid a repeat (which she will in time anyway, you are just trying to make that sooner rather than later).

Wellhellother · 06/09/2023 23:34

It appears I am going against the grain here but in DD class it would be noticed by the other students. There is one child I'm DD class who last year ( in reception) had an accident and who had to have the teacher regularly check her. I, and other parents are aware of who it is because the children have commented on it being 'like a baby' - and no we don't discuss it but it has been brought up by the children when talking about that girl. I don't know what has been said to the child's face but it has certainly been noticed. I don't think it is beneficial for you to think that is definitely the end of it with the other children because it may not be the case

Yoghurtpotsatdawn · 06/09/2023 23:38

I worked as a TA in Yr 1 and it was not a rare event. With Reception age it’s so normal and totally expected, esp in the first term. Being in an unfamiliar environment/routine, not being used to the loos, concentrating on what they’re doing and leaving it too late etc.

By reception age they’re often embarrassed or worried about accidents (hence the crying which is also very usual at this age), but hopefully the teacher or TA will have made very light of it, have had a relaxed chat about something during the cleanup and changing process, and reassure her its ok and nothing to worry about.

If you make very light of it too and give a casual and very gentle reminder when you leave her in the morning, to try remember to go to the loo when she starts to feel she needs to, it will not turn into an issue.

BoleynMemories13 · 07/09/2023 05:33

Please don't worry. This is totally normal in Reception, especially at the start of the year where they're adjusting to change (even with children who haven't had accidents for a while at home or nursery). They're getting use to using different toilets, knowing it's ok to go whenever they need to etc. Some children do feel shy about mentioning needing the toilet for the first time with new adults, even when they've previously been independent, so can sometimes leave it a bit too late until they feel more confident. It's also common to begin with for children to have toilet accidents on the playground until they realise they are allowed to ask to go in if they need to. It can also be a case of out of sight out of mind as far as toilets are concerned at that age!

Honestly, Reception teachers (and especially the amazing Reception TAs) are well use to dealing with bodily fluids - wee, poo, sick and blood are all common place in a Reception classroom so they wouldn't have batted an eyelid. The other children wouldn't have thought anything of it either. Most will be totally unaware and the one who did raise the alarm to inform the teacher that your daughter needed help is probably just feeling pleased with themselves that they were able to be a helpful friend and will have forgotten about it by tomorrow anyway.

You've done the right thing by not making a big deal of it in front of her. Just perhaps remind her gently on the way in in the morning that she can go to the toilet whenever she needs it and I'm sure the teacher will discreetly remind her to try regularly too for a few days until she's more settled and gets into the routine of going independently at school, like she did at nursery.

TrippinEdBalls · 07/09/2023 05:47

DS1 had terrible, explosive diarrhoea at school a couple of weeks into Reception. He was very upset at the time and I was really worried that he'd be embarrassed going back into school (obviously he had to stay off for a few days getting over his stomach bug) but he was unfussed and so was everyone else. He had been upset about the mess and being poorly but it didn't seem to be a humiliating event in the way it would be for an adult or older child - and this really was quite worst case scenario in terms of the accident itself!

43ontherocksporfavor · 07/09/2023 07:09

It happens in year 1 too and the other children aren’t interested. We always try to be discreet so as not to draw attention to the child.

boomtickhouse · 07/09/2023 09:27

Wellhellother · 06/09/2023 23:34

I agree with this. There is no regular soiling in any of our schools from NT children.

I think you're right to make the firm point that she's delayed going the toilet and there are consequences to that. Assuming no bowel issues she must have ignored it for a long time to get to that stage.

Perhaps have a routine to encourage a morning bowel movement before you leave? Do you have plenty getting ready time or are you rushing out of the door?

Constipation can cause issues with urgency. A gentle laxative on an evening over the weekend might help her get back into a natural cycle.

LyndaLaHughes · 07/09/2023 09:31

whereaw · 06/09/2023 21:52

It happened to mine once in reception and I remember feeling awful at the time. I got the teacher a little thank you gift for cleaning him up which couldn't be pleasant. He's got no recollection and neither does anyone else. They're still so little and I think it's quite a common occurrence at that age. She'll be fine.

That teacher must have loved you! What a lovely thoughtful thing to do. Parents like you really do make a difference to a teacher having a bad day- especially in the current climate.

OP I'm a teacher - this is totally not unusual and staff won't have batted an eyelid nor the other children. Please don't worry at all! All par for the course at this age

Yogirl1 · 07/09/2023 10:48

First thing I will say is a spare pair of pants in school bag is standard for Early Years! My nearly 7 year old wet herself at her tennis camp this summer. Asked to go to loo, coach told her to wait as they were nearly finished (not realising DC has FOMO and so waits until she is jiggling to keep it in before she asks), when she got to the toilet there was someone already in there!!!! Only happened on first day, and I'm secretly pleased as have been telling her for 2 years that she needs to 'try' during breaks and finally she is!!!

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