Just had Parents Eve - not good news... come and help me!! (DS in Reception)

[Alambil]

He doesn't concentrate.

He can't write well enough.

He can't even read his writing.

Other kids his age are writing three sentences; he can't even do one.

He doesn't work fast enough.

He doesn't get changed fast enough for P.E.

He doesn't keep up with the kids on his table (ie level).

He is falling behind.

He will be left behind during his whole school career if he doesn't change now.

The above are all statements I've just heard from his teacher..... to say I'm upset is an understatment.

I'm getting him some elastic bands to do some physio excersises on his fingers/writing hand. I'm going to get work books and colouring books and we will do work every night on them.

I will NOT have my child slip through the net because he isn't stupid - he is just laid back...

HOW can I make him get faster/better????? I need help - all I heard was negative things - she didn't say ONE positive...

I am bereft.. I thought he was doing ok at school

He's well above my son and my son is (apparently) on the 'bright' table. Teacher is being ridiculous. Ask her outright what the national expectations of KS1's first year is.

(he may not be next term, mind you, but that is a behavior thing)

yeah - normal state school...

Oh this makes me feel v.cross

I had similar feedback at my dd2 parent evening when he was in reception - as a July born 4 year old. Teacher sat there telling us what he wasn't very good at - and had to ask - "well, is there anything that you like about him?!!!!!" Before this he had said to us that she never said 'well done' to anything he did and she admitted then that because he was quiet and well behaved she didn't pay him as much attention, as had quite naughty boys in the class to deal with. Came away realising she didn't actually know him at all.

He didn't read well until the end of reception and then that summer it just came all at once and he is now in year 3, top abilities and a keen reader and his ambition is to be an author. Helped also by a dynamic young male teacher in year 1 and 2 who could see an individual childs characteristics, praised and nurtured them.

The teacher in reception retired after that year - what does that say?!!!!

Try not to worry - we always knew deep down he was fine and made the teacher quite aware we were more than happy with him, and ignored her negativity - but if you feel strongly I would raise it with teacher again and/or head

Meant ds2 - didn't have a gender change half way through reception!

OK DS (One and only) is was and always will be a lot like this.

I took comfort from Mars and her experience.

He is now in YR2(6.5) with a reading ability nearing 10.

I was chatting with his YR2 teacher one day and I said half jokingly, I despair of him and his numeracy.

She kind of launched but reeled herself back, she did say anyone who has it all going on in there for everything else will be fine. She actually predicted when he will soar on all counts, and amongst our friends she has yet to be wrong.

She is one of the scariest teachers in the school and yet the parents and the children love her.

For what it is worth, I did not go to parents evenings in reception as I felt no one knew our child and he was a child (4.3 when he started) as well as we did.

haven't read the rest of the thread but (excuse the copy and paste of your post )

"He doesn't concentrate. - pretty normal in reception I thought (DS1 could - but he's a September baby and so laid back he's virtually horizontal)

He can't write well enough. - DS1 could just about manage his name by this stage in Reception.

He can't even read his writing. - see above - no writing to read

Other kids his age are writing three sentences; he can't even do one. - again see above

He doesn't work fast enough. - how much sodding "work" is there to do in reception???

He doesn't get changed fast enough for P.E. - wow he can join the other 95% of Reception aged children.

He doesn't keep up with the kids on his table (ie level). - they split them into levels in reception???

He is falling behind. - you can't "fall behind" this early in your school life surely not!

He will be left behind during his whole school career if he doesn't change now. - COMPLETE AND UTTER CRAP. DS1 would have been classed as "way behind" (by the teacher your poor DS seems to be lumbered with) - but is in YR2 now and in the top groups (they started splitting last term of Yr1) for most of his subjects.

I don't know what planet that teacher is living on - but it's certainly not this one IMO!

FAQ - DS is an October kid; he is horizontal too!

I am not really worried about him at all - I have my own experience of other Reception classes and kids and KNOW in my heart of hearts that he is perfectly normal.

I am just upset... and shocked I guess at the volume of negitivity... she only said that "he is better at cutting" as genuine praise...

I just hope that when I'm a teacher, I never make a parent feel like this...

Bree do you mean Marslady on here? Where can I find her experience (or do you mean as a teacher?)

Sorry; don't quite understand but your story is a comfort to read.

Winniethewino, I know how you feel - I've been crying a lot tonight too and unfortunately shared it all with you! Sorry!

oh well your DS is one up on my DS1 at this stage in Reception - he couldn't use a pair of scissor to save himself then (again it's something he's GREAT at now).

IME "horizontal" DC tend to flourish later - like they're hanging on until they're 100% certain they'll get it right when they first try and do it (and then most of the time the first time they have a real go at something or when something "clicks" it's like they've been doing it all their life)

ignore the teachers. in some countries kids don't even start learning how to do these things until they are 7. he will catch up in time.

Lewis... I think Bree means what I put earlier about my wee boffin. His reception teacher did everything she could to destroy his confidence. She never had a positive word to say about him because he was reading and knew most of his times tables when he started school (taught himself. I just assumed that they all did that). It took until Y3 to undo the damage that she did, but he had some understanding teachers. Now he's in a Selective senior school and loving it.

All I ever cared about in primary school was that they were happy and sociable. I knew that the reading, the math etc would come and that there was time enough to look out for that.

So far the two eldest of my brood are soaring ahead in school. DD2 is an August baby and so a year behind most of her class (who are mostly old in the year), but she's happy. Her reading has suddenly improved (she's reading massive amounts now) and she's working hard on learning all of her times tables. She's 9 and in Year 5. I have no doubt that she will soar like the older two, simply because she is happy, loves school and wants to do well.

DT1 is an articulate wee thing, DT2 has only been speaking (so that we understand) for the past 8 months. I don't doubt that they will do well because again my only concern will be that they are happy and sociable.

I've never taken any notice of the SATs either. I know that my children are happy and if they are given any negative press by school I deal with what needs dealing with and ignore the rest.

Lewis that's really He sounds like a regular 5 year old to me. I know it isn't done to compare notes with other mummies, but was she equally negative with some of the other children? It does seem like you need to bring this to the attention of someone at the school.

Fwiw in dd's last primary school in Somerset before moving overseas, they were so positive in all their comments I actually found it a little annoying and asked the teacher if there weren't some areas where dd didn't perfom as well as she could

Well, the attitude at the school and my parents' is that "everyone else can do it - regardless of their age - so he should".

I got a phone call this morning at 8am from my mother to berate my parenting as part of the problem.... now I'm at home,, in tears (again) so apologise if this has loads of mistakes.

It's no excuse - maybe I am the problem... I'll change and get doing some extra work with him and if he becomes tired at school then I'll get moaned at again won't I?!

I just dispair - next year, he's going to have to go to a child minder from 7 30am to about 6pm and he's going to be so much more tired that he won't be able to do all this extra work... then what? Will he just be left out to dry? Written off? God only knows - I won't let it happen though.

Sorry - this has totally turned into a hysterical rant... I thank you all again for your messages; they really do help

My top tip: leave your mother behind next parents evening.

Your parenting is not part of the problem AT ALL.

Academically he'll catch up when he's good and ready. FFS in some countries he wouldn't even be in school yet.

Yes, I'd probably work with him to help his independence in dressing etc. But that's more from a making life easy for all of you thing than anything else.

Maybe get some board games in that you can play together that involves some counting... do lots of fun drawing at home and that will help too... lots of reading books (you read to him so he gets a break - he'll still follow words as he recognises them and come to associate book with fun and attention). No pressure and only if you want to. Don't introduce a school away from school, it'll just stress you both out.

Speak to the head... count down the days until July... ignore your mother.

Job done

Lewis, sweetheart, I have only just seen this

I'm appalled at the attitude of the teacher in question tbh.

I am also slightly baffled - my ds is in reception too, he doesn't concentrate, can barely write his first initial let alone any other letters - yours writes a sentence????!!!

he can't get dressed on his own

Blimey, I would be ranting hysterically if we were told that was an indication of lifeliong failure!

I have parents evening in a few weeks and await with interest their comments - but if it were anything like the ones you received I would be pulling him out with immediate effect, as no child deserves such a grim labelling when they are 4/5 years old.

So sorry your mum is being unsupportive too. Wish you could come round and have some cake with me and DS and see how much more academically successful yours is than mine - then we could let them play transformers and forget about it.

Have a tissue pet

My god, I am gobsmacked at all those criticisms. My ds1 who is also in reception is still at the stage of learning to write letters, copy some words, and draw numbers upto 10.
That is all that is expected of him, apart from some basic counting maths, and the start of trying to read.
What high expectations, I tell you I came away from ds1 parents evening totally delighted with his progress, but if he was in that teachers class no doubt I would feel like you.
Hope that gives you some context

Btw I bought writing/phonetics workbooks from sainsburys which looked like fun - stickers etc - and he showed no interest for weeks, then suddenly was all keen to trace the letters etc. He seemed magically to have mastered some pencil control and was so proud of himself. It was very sudden thoguh. I think things just 'click' one day and they can do it.

I haven't made any sort of fuss about it though. He just gets into it when he is interested.

Hope you feel better xx

Lewis, sod your mother and the very daft teacher, just concentrate on the messages on this thread from parents who have been there or who are there right now. You don't need to change ANYTHING. Trying to meet the teacher's completely unreasonable expectations (box of frogs indeed) will just make you and ds miserable and actually hold him back.

Ds joined reception in January. I only know one of the kids in the class (who started in September) who can write three sentences and it just happens to be something where this boy is an early developer. No-one else can!

I wonder if your mum has different expectations because of her generation. I was reading when I went to school, and could write my name and simple words. It wasn't that uncommon. Mum swears I did it all by myself but I can clearly remember being made to look at bloody flash cards for hours on end, whatever she says . I know my mum thinks that my DCs were slow to learn (but rarely voices that opinion thankfully).

The teachers comments have just enforced her fears. Please disregard her comments. This is your child, not hers and not the teachers.

Message withdrawn

Lewis
Just to add to the general clamour.
My DD is 5. She is a September baby so an 'old' 5. She is in a selective school that tests children for entry at pre-prep. It is one of the top performing girls schools in the country.( I have a point here people - not bragging )
She cannot write in sentences ( although she tries sometimes bless) but the school don't ask her too. They think it is too early. She certainly cannot get dressed quickly. And you only get full concentration from her if you are dressed as a princess.

You are being told he is behind when whatthey are expecting from him is inappropriate. And I don't believe they are all doing those things. Tis bollox.
The teacher is plain wrong. And you must encourage and support your DS so that their negative, counter-productive attitude does not make him loose confidence

My dd (Yr2) has a weird pencil grip and always has done. It has not affected her ability to write neatly, colour in etc at all (no that I think your ds should be able to do these things in Reception, just wanted to let you know that 'poor' pencil grip isn't necessarily a problem)

(fwiw I have been told by 3 separate teachers that it's usually established by Yr1 and can be very difficult to change after that)

Message withdrawn

I haven't read all of this (yet) but just wanted to point out that my DS is 6.5 and in Yr 2. He has only gotten interested in colouring since the end of Yr 1. Boys are generally not interested as early as girls.

If my DS wrote that sentence now his teacher would write something like "you tried really hard to spell the words!"

Denmark starts boys a whole year later than girls.

PLEASE don't stress. 4/5/6 year old boys ARE laid back. Mine is so laid back he is almost horizontal!

I think you need to put on a hard shell towards the teacher and ask for another meeting. Say you were very disappointed to only hear negatives and that as your DS is only 5 and in reception you are not worried that he will be left behind forever (how bloody ridiculous!) however you want to work on helping him with things and what is the best way for both of you to go forward. I would re-iterate that you are not wanting to push him and put him off though. The teachers at DS's school have been fab about not pushing them and putting them off.

I have heard that with boys part of the pencil control issue is that their hands don't develop as quickly as girls - add this to the fact that they don't tend to like arty crafty drawing and colouring activities and you can see why their pencil control is slower. DS has still got bad pencil control!

MIL was a reception teacher for years. She has had 4 year olds come in reading and writing. She has had 4 yr olds who have never held a book or a pencil. She reckons that by age 7 or so it all levels out a lot.