Private school AND tutors, what am I missing?

[ChocChipHandbag]

Just came back from a drinks eve with some fellow Year 1 mothers. Our children are in an independent primary that goes straight through to senior so no need to do 7+ or 11+. The school is high ranked and academic. Additional kids join at Year 3 and year 7 after doing entrance exams.

Several of the parents are paying for their kids to do extra maths with tutors. These are not kids who are behind in maths, they are the bright ones. The rationale seems to be that the 7+ kids joining in Year 3 will have been intensively tutored so the “straight through” kids need to be at the same level.

My DS is really really good at maths. Teacher says he is easily the best in the class. I kind of figured that was good enough, the school knows what it is doing and he’ll be absolutely fine in junior school. What are all these parents scared of- am I missing something here? They are not even 7, GCSEs are years away.

@Foxesandsquirrels not sure if I understand what you mean, why not help a child if circumstances require so? Apologies if my last statement was misleading - I didn't mean to say make excuses to do so just because you can afford it.

A lot of private school parents are very competitive. Doing "perfectly fine" even at age 6 is not good enough. Their child needs to be top of the class.

(Memory of friend spending hours teaching her child to read and write before he started a private pre-prep. "won't he learn to read and write at school?" I said naively. "Well, of course he will, but I want him to be ahead of the rest when he starts.")

"A lot of private school parents are very competitive. Doing "perfectly fine" even at age 6 is not good enough. Their child needs to be top of the class."

Some top grammar selective school has the same culture too, may not driven by school mainly from parents.

The Sutton Trust needn’t have bothered! Surely common sense dictates how ridiculous that assertion is. I could just about believe it for short-term 11+ tuition, as state schools largely (in my experience) ignore the 11+ and private schools largely cater for it, so tutoring for state school children is often sought to level the playing field in terms of familiarity with the format, type of questions, time management etc.

No surprise that it’s mainly privately educated kids who get tutored in subjects, longer term, as their parents are going to be the only ones who can afford it!

I can think of a couple of good reasons why parents might want their Y1 & Y2 to do some extra math in your situation. The 7+ entrants at Y3 might well be advanced compared with the existing children, particularly if the school is highly academic and sought after. Many children (and adults) like to do things they're good at and feel discouraged by things they're bad at. At that age, they may judge whether they're good or bad by comparison with their peers. Your parental peers may want to avoid a situation where their DC feel (incorrectly) that they're bad a math and start to avoid it.

But some parents may simply like math themselves and want to expose their children to the more interesting bits. I spend an hour most weekends doing extension math with DC. I make sure that they're solid in the "how", the material that they're taught in class. But I also try to make sure that they understand the "why", e.g., why do you multiply by the reciprocal when you're dividing by a fraction? My DC attend a sought after private school allegedly strong in academics and neither they, nor most of their classmates, understand the "why" of many things that they're taught. And I have always found that math is much more fun (and much easier) if you understand the "why".

Being that competitive just seems like a recipe for future unhappiness for these kids. Essentially, it’s telling them that unless they are the ‘best’ they are nowhere. Then real life and the workplace hit them with a sledgehammer.

Maybe it would be better to spend the tutor time teaching them about gratitude, kindness, social skills, and strong connections. Of course, it’s great to encourage effort, which is essential in life, but why focus so much on being the best in primary/ secondary school? Later in life nobody cares if you got all 9s/A*. They care about whether you are a good partner/ parent/ employee/ friend.

I say this as a private school parent with academic skills.

But help with what? That's precisely what the Op is asking. What's the point of doing this just for the sake of getting more ahead? There comes a point where being too far ahead is actually really detrimental. What is the point of paying for a school when you're essentially pre teaching your child.
It's very different if circumstances require you to. The OP is talking about a situation where they don't, but the parents are still tutoring.

I can’t speak for your kids’ school of course but my understanding from DS’ teacher is that the school is, in fact, very hot on this “why” aspect and they use it to explain to parents who are questioning the speed of progress, explaining that it’s not a great idea for kids to gallop ahead through the “how” part of maths without understanding the “why”. I know this because, entirely unprompted, the teacher launched into a pre-emptive defence of their methods at parents’ evening, clearly having been berated by other parents before us. We had no concerns at all, and agreed with her. That was when she told us our DS was the best in the class, as she said the other kids were seeking him out to explain things to them and it was a bit of a class joke that if anyone got stuck they’d all say “ask [DS name]”.

Yeah, teachers are always saying stuff like this (not)

I wish I was rich😭

Literally just explained the comment above!

I stand by my comment

That is what I was thinking

You could have written this post without mentioning that your child is “easily the best” at maths OP. It might have got a different reception.

Perhaps the parents are tutoring because their child feels a bit thick next to yours?

I agree. It was a bit like this for me in state school. My mother marched into class and demanded a steward’s enquiry on the year group prize for French because I stupidly revealed to her that another pupil had got the same % as me in the mock exam.

I was actually much happier when I got to University and realised that I was perfectly able to get a solid 2:1 but I was never going to come top.

Your accusation that I am lying?

One parent I knew whose son was privately educated and also did Kumon had a brain surgeon for a father.

Another, the kid wasn't too bright

That would be very rude and would break Talk Guidelines

I mentioned it to be clear that, as far as we are concerned, our DS could not be doing any better than he currently is.

The ones whose parents told me they are tutoring are in other Year 1 classes. The school take the most able 2 out of each class to do extension work together and these children are in that group with him. I have no knowledge of how he compares to them; I am trying to understand why these parents with similar kids feel that they need “more”.

@ChocChipHandbag she got a 6 for Math, though she managed an 8 in Physics
(I don't think her teacher ever realised she was in set 3 for math as he was hoping she'd do Physics A level)!
She's going to do a creative degree and concentrated her efforts in Art and exams she liked more (History, English etc).
The reason we initially went private was my son did not get in to the nearest four state schools to us, and the one offered was 'adequate' (not sure they call it that now). Then when I moved there was no primary school above 'requires improvement' near us, so I chose to continue in private.

I'm glad that your school agrees with the sentiment. Mine does as well, at least in theory. Unfortunately, in practice, they've not been able to convey the depth of understanding to most of the DC.

We all know that many kids get managed out of independent schools along the way if they don’t hit the academic targets. They are making sure their children are as bright as those coming in
through exam entrance. Sounds pretty shrewd to me.

Some state (top grammar) schools do this too, it is normally via a different route, i.e different size of provisions on sixth form intake vs 11+ intake.

Though I can't see the point of managed out at year 1 or year 3.

Absolutely no way that the most able pupils in Year 2 (who are the pupils I am specifically asking about here) are going to be so far behind the 7+ entrants in Year 3 that they are at risk of being managed out.

That would be ridiculous, as it would follow that the less able ones had to go too. There would be none left.

They want the children to be secure in the curriculum. So whilst it wouldn’t affect them now it could happen in the future if they dropped behind. It’s a safety blanket basically.