Views on tutoring prep school kids

[Tutorhelpneeded]

Background: DC is in year 3 at an academically selective prep (this wasn't planned but they've ended up there & love it). DC appears to be doing well, A/B grades in everything (average is a C), reading age of 13, above average in recent progress tests (national average is 100, DC is in the 120s so not genius material but progressing well) and most importantly loves school and is thriving.

However I have a niggle as absolutely every other family we know at the school are having their DCs tutored in one way or another (one to one tutoring, Atom learning, Kumon etc.). Some are doing this because they're worried their child isn't keeping up with the pace and starting to look ahead to common entrance, others because it's the 'done thing'.

I am against tutoring for the sake of it and frankly think the kids do enough at school and should be able to relax/play in their spare time, but on the other hand I don't want DC to be left behind.

Can I ask parents with children at similar prep schools whether you tutor and what the situation is at your school? Do I need to accept that tutoring is the norm at these schools? It's our first rodeo with private education and we're a bit baffled. Thank you.

If they are "clever"enough to cope with the school why would they need coaching?

"Singapore primary school 45 mins maths homework daily, 45 mins laug like Mandarin homework, plus tutor for extra Maths so by the age of 11+, they could sit GCSE Maths and get a 6"

I heard from my colleague (from Singapore and then MIT) that Tutoring is essential in their primary school life, almost 95+% students does it. I'm not sure Tutor they mean taking extra time or effort or go to tutoring centre but this is quite revealing.

And this country with 5 million population sent about 400-500 students to Oxbridge every year, and similar number to Ivy leagues. Not saying this is a good measurement of success but at least same criteria as some parents measure success when looking at top schools in UK. And apprently Oxbridge did like to take these students who Tutoring from early years and no concern about they not be able to keep up in the uni.

My two cents-- you should find a school that can provide appropriate levels of challenge for your child. This can be that the cohort is at your child's level or the school is great at differentiation. If that's not possible then tutoring makes sense. Also, if your child has a particular passion, be it sport, art or maths getting them access to additional resources is great so they can fully develop their passion. Same for a weakness. Exam prep should be handled by your school adequately if it is a prep school. Parents should read with and too children throughout primary. Supporting them with maths and extending their understanding through application of concepts to real work problem solving is really useful.

There is only so far you can push a child within their intellectual capabilities after which point there are diminishing to no returns. Also, the long game is to have a well rounded adult who can succeed at work and in their personal life. Once you are a professional you need a wide range of skills to be successful many of which are developed in early childhood through unstructured play and is damaged by excessive time in structured activities and formal learning. Getting the balance right is really critical. I have friends who are very estranged from their parents and think their childhoods were abusive because of the academic work they were forced to do. These are successful people but I strongly suspect they'd have been successful anyway.

Hold on. It’s a “PREP” school. Surely a fundamental part of “prep” is tutoring in exam technique for the senior school entrance exams?

Why on earth would you have to source this outside school?

These schools trade on getting the kids into the prestigious senior schools.

Place an academically very average child with awful parents whose idea of reading is Harper Bazaar, into the top Prep in the UK, what do you get?

An educated child with awful parents whose idea of reading is Harper's Bazaar.

There are plenty of high achieving children whose parents are not interested, or abroad, or too busy working to keep the family afloat, or who don't have the skills to take on the role of educating them. That is literally what schools and teachers are for.