What do you wish you'd known before your first DC started reception?

[CarlaTheGnome]

Just that really! DS starts school in September. What should I know about life with a child in primary school? What came as a surprise to you when you were a first timer?

I think some of the points raised are quite interesting because the culture/done thing in a particular primary school can really vary.

For example, I was so happy that our primary had a culture of try and avoid shopping on Amazon for dress up and make do with stuff lying around at home or borrow from each other - paint your nose red with lipstick on Red Nose Day kind of thing is fine. There was also a culture of stick a £5 in a card for birthday parties and do lots of group birthday parties eg. All kids born in October have a joint party. I think these things really vary from school to school. Our school also had a culture of donate a book on the child’s birthday rather than bring in Haribo sweets which were not permitted on school grounds. Although they did do Icecream Fridays run by the PTA - icecream for 1 pound in the summer term. Some schools don’t even have uniforms and call the teacher by their first name, things can really vary up and down the country. Some state schools really do have a culture of weekly birthday parties and competitive spending amongst parents. So my advice would be to read the room, join the Parents Whatapps and see if you can steer into a more sustainable, cheaper way for all, because there will be some parents who struggle with the cost of it all, in every primary school.

Honestly, that actually, it can be perfectly straightforward. Your child will not necessarily struggle with phonics, friendships, tiredness, nits etc etc, and that, contrary to some of the massive mountain out of molehill-ing, it's perfectly possible to have two FT working parents and a child in reception and wraparound care without anyone needing to lose their shit or behave as if they've developed another job. The world will not end if you forget sports/World Book Day day, if your child won't eat anything but the same cheese sandwich daily, and you do not need to be superwoman to keep up with school communications. Schools are run by working people, many of them parents, so they do get that.

Label everything. In big letters. Anything that is more expensive (shoes, coats, bags) label in several places which can't be removed and ideally can be very clearly seen so that when they go missing the label isnt just cut out.
Learn where the lost property is kept and inspect it regularly for all the amazing variety of things your child can loose.
If you have an online payment portal, check it every week on a routine so you don't miss anything
Have what a Mnetter called the box of last resort - so a supply of pound coins, a pair of socks, pens/pencils, water bottle, envelopes. All the bits that in a morning panic you can grab.
Also don't dispose of their outgrown shoes/trainers/uniform. Keep a set hidden so that when they have lost theirs you have something they can put on even if it isn't great for a day.

Despite the fact a lot of the teachers will be working mums, they will do things like put reminders on the whiteboard outside the classroom which is very little help if you don't do the school run.

Join the WhatsApp group

Life will be 100x easier if you have plenty of uniform.

My main tip is that communication from schools can be inconsistent and scattered. Check school bags daily for letters, check emails regularly, and keep an eye on the website. Our school has a newsletter page and a separate calendar page for upcoming dates, they also have a facebook page and send out texts sometimes. I also joined the pta, and so I get the pta updates as well. We don't have a class WhatsApp, some parents have made noises about having one but no one seems motivated enough to set one up, and I'm certainly not volunteering.

Ds was in full time nursery from the age of one, but still had to be carried the five minute walk home from school the first few days, he also had a couple of toilet accidents in the first week, despite being potty trained for two years at that point.

I got told before reception but everyone needs to know. If they have to wear button up shirts then M&S do them with a velcro top button, easy for little fingers to manage.

If your school has a staggered start you can let the school know that you will be sending them full time from day one.
Not practical or helpful to DC’s who have already done several years of full time nursery to be doing a couple of hours a day to build up to full time over a few weeks.

Don't get too het up about how much they are learning in reception. They will do some phonics, basic maths and lots of play based learning. It's basically an introduction to the school environment, learning new routines and socialising with others.

For our son, he was much happier in year 1 when sat at a desk and more formal learning environment. If your child is like that, you'll need to bide your time.

Re: practicalities, yes to extra water bottles and labelling everything properly. Sharpie/biro washes off so I've used the name stickers and sew in labels for expensive items.

Yes to a stack of pound coins and some coin envelopes. The requests for the odd £1 can come out of the blue and sometimes thick and fast.

I have a name stamp from stamptastic now after years of iron on labels coming off clothes in the dryer.

In reception, I added a small photo with a name label laminated and secured on with a tiny cable tie onto all bags, PE bags and lunchboxes. Little children who can't read will know who it belongs to.

The schools idea of "fine" is probably very different to yours. Don't be afraid to make a fuss.

Getting kids into school at all costs can be the focus of some. You know your child best, if having them peeled off your leg sobbing won't work for them don't do it.

If you have SEN concerns you may have to push far harder than you expect for any support. Especially if you have a girl

Nits and threadworms! They are rife in the early years! Always kept lotion/medicine in stock after a late night pharmacy run!!

• WhatsApp groups - great for reminders - but avoid the school politics on them
• Set up a shared email address/ Caldedar your partner/othercaregivers and you both access - school will also communicate through apps / texts etc but it gives you head start
• Just how much annual leave you will need to use - especially as they might not start full time straight away- my kids are now 8 and 11 - My partner and I get 5 days annual leave together a year the rest we have to share to cover holidays and yes in our area the Autumn half term is two week plus often an Inset day either side
• Label everything - not with biro - proper labels the sticky ones last well
• Buy a bucket of nit shampoo and worm tablets.

Make sure that your child can remove clothing easily when they need the toilet. So trousers with elasticated waists rather than the ones with clips and zips. They will often leave it until the last moment to go - usually because they're busy with their activities and friends - and not every child feels confident to ask for help in the early days.

They will need a spare set of clothing in their bag, including socks and underwear. Some will have toileting accidents (see above) and others will forget about wearing an apron before using the water area or the paints.

Our school asks parents to keep a pair of wellies in school for when children are playing outside or are going off on a nature walk. Just remember to put the child's name inside as there will almost certainly be 3 children with identical Frozen or Spiderman boots.

If your child is usually known by something other than the name on their birth certificate, make sure you let the staff know. We've had a few occasions where parents use the child's middle name or a shortened version of the first name but hasn't actually mentioned it and the child (understandably) has no idea who we're talking to when we use their official name.

For us- as others said, factoring in how tired DS is by 3pm (there's no way he'd cope with any activity or social meet up afterwards at this point).

This may be unique to us in some ways... but the sheer amount of non-uniform/ impromptu bring this /dress up as that / make an aquarium by Monday days. (It's at least one or two a month and we seem to get very little notice about any of it, sometimes only a couple of days!) DS's nursery was always so good with communication that it's been an adjustment for me to see how school handles it all.

Speaking from (embarrassed) experience, if you have a "gifted" kid (for me that meant reading fluently by age 3, good at maths etc.) don't panic that your little darling is much too special for school and will be bored.

Reception teachers are more than capable of dealing with bright kids (I have no experience of the truly exceptional) and there's so much going on, your child won't be bored.

Also - hard lesson - they will likely plateau at some point and be slightly brighter than average!

That it can be a 2 week staggered start to them being in full time
they won’t remember anything they have done until bedtime when they want to tell you everything
check half terms 2 weeks is really common in October now
if your used to nursery handovers the school will just be like oh they had a nice day no details
some year groups WhatsApp groups are intense
the PSA will want money off you all the time

🙈🙈 sounds horrendous but my little girl loves school

Book breakfast, after school and holiday clubs asap - spaces fill up very quickly

From the perspective of a working parent:

The class WhatsApp group is the best system for reminders- someone else will have read the email you missed

Treat homework as optional until secondary - nice if you can get to it but don't turn it into a weekly stress

If you can, go through the school calendar on the website and put all the term dates, inset days, school discos, sports days, assemblies etc in your calendar before the start of the year

Volunteer for the PTA, proactively and on your terms. It's great to help the school succeed, you form better connections with the other parents, and even the busiest parent can spend 1 hour on the sweet tombola stall per term.

YYY to threadworm and lice treatments as store cupboard essentials

Be prepared for :
endless dress up days
soo many emails
WhatsApp groups
a pound for this terms charity/school fundraisers / no uniform day etc etc ( a stash of pound coins is useful)
child to lose every bit of uniform even if labelled / get familiar with the lost property bin
school expecting a parent to be available to ‘meet the teacher’ / family assembly/ play etc etc. at 9.30am or 2pm
school expecting you to collect your ill child within 30 mins

Velcro shoes are your friend!!

Sorry to detract from the point of the OP, but how does that actually work in practice? My summer born DS (now an adult) started on the first week with the youngest, my autumn born was in three weeks into term after the the youngest had settled in. Never really questioned it all those years ago. I know this from a local friend with a child in reception in the same school that now, it's first week and a half they have the reception teachers visiting children at home, then they do the staggered starts beginning all full time on about week 3. I agree it's frustrating that lots of schools are not adhering to the Admissions Code but do schools have to admit a child on first day of term and what would they do with them in this situation?

Legally you can send them full time from day one. Not practical if you’re working to take a couple of weeks off for a staggered start particularly for children who are already use to full time nursery hours.

If the school only wants them in for a few hours or a half day, what do they do for the rest of the day as their nursery will have filled the spaces and no one would be at home for any visits by reception teachers.
School don’t get any choice and have to provide full time education from the first date of the autumn term.

I wish I had known at the time how little teachers have time to read with each child. I thought my child did reading each day.....then I worked in the school and discovered the teacher found tike once every 6 months and the assistant you would be lucky if once a month.

Only 9 parents out of 30 read to their children the book from school, so definitely read with your child each day as it will add up to a big difference.

Also, I've seen alot of comments about staggered start. We had one little girl who did this and she lost out on so much learning and is still the bottom of the class 2 years later. She hasn't caught up up struggled so much. Best to just let them go full time from day one.

When people are taking about staggered starts, they're mostly talking about a school policy of having all reception children do mornings / afternoons / 3 days one week, 2 the next etc. It's a disruptive batshit idea, and it's not usually a decision made by parents.