What do you wish you'd known before your first DC started reception?

[CarlaTheGnome]

Just that really! DS starts school in September. What should I know about life with a child in primary school? What came as a surprise to you when you were a first timer?

You need five sets of uniform if you want them to go off clean each morning we did mixture of quality from m and a and cheep from Matalan

Lots of nice school mums around. I'm still friends with reception mums and dcs are at secondary school now.
If your child is average, they will just coast along well. If you want them pushed a bit, you'll have to do it yourself.
I'm not blaming schools. They have their hands full and have 30 kids in the class to deal with.

@pimplebum added to that check how many PE days they have and if they need to go in PE kit for the full day.
After having diligently bought 5 sets of uniform I found out they have 2 PE days per week and I only had 1 set of PE kit 🤦‍♀️

That you will not get a daily update from your child’s teacher each day like you would at nursery.

Assume all is fine unless the teacher tells you otherwise!

Yeah this was my experience too. She’d come bouncing out of school full of energy and wanting to do something, when everyone had told me she’d be exhausted and just want quiet time at home.

WhatsApp groups can be a lifesaver re reminders that tomorrow is 'dress as a banana day' but don't get caught up in the competitive (bitchy) parenting parents comments such as "Does anyone else think Mrs Reception Teacher is favouring xyz" or "my darling DS is only on book band 1 despite the fact he's reading War and Peace in the original Russian at home, does anyone else think Mrs RT is holding their darling angel back?"

Join the class Whatsapp, it may be a life saver for last minute comms and for getting to know the other school mums in cases of emergencies.

Not every child is shattered - those that have been in regular nursery/childminding (with longer days) will probably adjust better but I've found Year 1 was the time my son got more spun out as work was increasing (rather than just playing).

Bring a snack to the school run if you've got a walk/journey home.

Label everything - particularly if your child likes shedding jumpers as soon as they get in. You don't need to go all out for uniform but I'd recommend a decent number of polo shirts because they get filthy.

If you suspect SEN, speak to the SENCO early doors and raise your concerns. Some schools are very hot on it, some are not.

Some children regress a little when they start school, so things like bed wetting, bum wiping, even things like settling to sleep can take a bit of a hit but usually iron themselves out eventually.

Situational and specific to the child, but if your child is one that gets quite tired I recommend setting aside on day at the weekend where they can just wind down and do something lowkey.

You'll get emails daily/multiple times daily about all sorts.

Your child is just one of 20/30 and feedback doesn't really happen unless major incident/issue or at parents evenings. This threw me completely as we'd have daily feedback from childminder but soon became the norm!

Mine was one of the tired ones! He got really run down and got all the winter bugs (then passed them on to us!) Last winter in Y1 I gave him Vit D and B12 BetterYou spray vitamins which seemed to help a bit. Plus early nights and patience in the evening when he was more prone to meltdowns...

If money is tight you can email the office staff and ask about second hand uniform for reception - ours have a stash of donated things that are very good quality and save a fortune!

We got Easy2name name labels which are wash and dishwasher proof and cover everything from PE kit to water bottles - easy peasy, well worth the investment.

If you need long hours covered due to work then IMHO it's worth getting on the list for a good childminder ASAP - much more flexible than after school clubs, invaluable for the few weeks with the weird staggered start when nothing else will cover you!

That after the excitement wears off, they don't always realise that this is it. They have to keep going forever.

I work in a school in early years.

Take the time to do their phonics with them when they are introduced! Unless there are additional needs, it is painfully obvious which children have parents that invest in their education at home. There is only so much teachers can do with 30+ kids in a 10/15 minute lesson. It really helps so much if you can work at home with them. Just 5 minutes every other night makes a HUGE difference. I’m not talking hours spent going over things, just a few minutes. The kids who have this tend to be leaps ahead of those who don’t (unless they are naturally very gifted).

LABEL ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Be assured that teachers want your child to learn in a fun way. We genuinely really care about the kids in our class and work our butts off to get them engaged.

Also know that we don’t care/judge if your kid isn’t dressed as a knight/princess/pirate/sports dress up/wear orange/red nose day for all the dress up days etc. We also find them annoying and stressful. Their own clothes and a paper crown is fine, a T-shirt, shorts and trainers are fine. You don’t need to buy a full outfit each time. We also don’t care if you forget your £1 or to bring in cupcakes for an event etc. We worry about their lovely clothes being ruined so the less spent the better.

They will get messy. They will get paint in their hair and playdoh squished into their jumpers and shoes. We make them wear aprons but they still manage to get filthy. They’re having fun.

Most of the kids that cry/get distressed at drop off are ABSOLUTELY FINE a few minutes after mum/dad/nan leaves and staying and hanging around just increases/prolongs their distress. Just go. I’ve been the mum with the screaming child begging me not to leave and I know how hard it is but honestly just go. If we think it’d be beneficial for you to hang around we’d ask. If we haven’t asked, we want you to leave.

That "he's been fine." Is all the feedback you'll get everyday at pick up.

If they don't eat their lunch, they may just be overwhelmed by the number of kids in the dining hall. (Moving to sit near a friend helped)

Don't stress about their progress compared to other children
Really, this more than anything. I listened to school drop-off and pickup conversations and just constantly worried about my summer-born DS ... kids are just not comparable.

Buy wayyyy more school tops especially if it's a boy!
My dc started with 5 tops, 3 jumpers and 3 trousers and it's safe to say when I had my dc enrol in school I bought her 10 tops, 5 jumpers and 4 dresses

That staggered starts were a thing and that when your child has been full time at Nursery for years, being sent home whilst some others stay will make them feel left out and like they've done something wrong

If your DC struggles in Foundation, e.g. they can't write clear letters by the end of Reception, they will keep struggling into KS1, wherethey have a phonics check in Yr 1 and SATs in Yr 2. Be that parent and push for more support for your kid.

Your DC will get tired and upset, particularly after holidays as they relaise they have to go back, and in October as the novelty wears off and they realise they have to keep going to school. Give them lots of sleep but also expect to feel like the worst parent in the world taking a crying DC into school.

Have a supply of:
Pound coins
Birthday cards / a couple of generic presents

Buy school shoes in the next size up when you are buying them

Uniform- Buy 3 of everything!

Label everything

I moved to the area when pregnant and didn't make many friends at baby and toddler groups so hoped I would make some with the school mums. Nope. People acted really strange, I could have a really nice chat to someone one day and the next they completely blank me. From reading posts on here I've realised this can be a common thing. Or it could be just that they didn't like me! I had to stop caring by about year 3. I know from friends at other schools that have quite a social scene, go camping, nights out etc. But not at our school unless you're in a certain clique. We also don't have a pta or WhatsApp group. I set up a Facebook messenger group for some of the mums I know from across the school that seem similar to me and that's been useful. I chat to them now after school, just not really the parents in my children's classes. I know most people on here are not bothered about making friends with school mums but it's something that I wanted, at least a few chats now and again.

Not really anything that I wish I knew regarding my children, it all seems straightforward. But yes the staggered starts in nursery would have been a pain if I had been working.

Also agree with the lack of support for SEN . I had concerns in year two and only now in year 6 have we started the assessments.

Try and teach your child to dress, toilet & feed themselves independently as much as possible so that they can get their own coats & shoes on etc without needing help. Also include wiping and blowing their nose effectively.

Encourage independence; it empowers the children and makes life easier for school staff.

That most kids settle really easily and just get on with it - some are tired but mine weren't particularly - although they went to a childminder before and after school so was maybe a bit calmer

Just adding to this, please make sure they can open their own water bottle, and if you send them with a packed lunch please make sure they can open packets and containers.

It sounds really basic, but often parents open / do these things for them so children have never had a chance to practice.

Don't listen to other parents who think the sun shines out of little Jonny's bottom and boast about how he's already read Lord of the Rings whilst he was at nursery! I remember some angst filled conversations with other parents with first DC - (not me them - asking if my DC could read this or that).

Just do your best with your child, do the reading & phonics, encourage a wider love of learning, using the things they are interested in, and don't stress out about what other people are saying. There's always one.

I'm all for keeping up, but not for getting stressed out if your mind, or caught up in competitive parenting. Always keep in mind what your child is good at, celebrate their achievements. Speak positively about your DC without looking like you think they are a genius!

And teach them about money and telling the time through daily life without making a big deal out of it. It will help with maths. Even if it's just looking at coins and identifying this is a two pence coin, this is a ten pence coin etc. Probably should have done a bit more of this with hindsight.

I wish I’d known that it’s not going to affect their future at all if they’re on the orange table instead of red, or on a lower level of the reading scheme than you think they ought to be! My advice to myself as a first-time Reception parent would be to relax and don’t sweat the small stuff, as long as the dc are happy. It’ll all even out in the long run!

Case in point - by the time my first born was in year 5, (and I’d seen the error of my ways!) he was in the top maths group, but bobbing along the bottom, hating the fast-paced, ‘putting kids on the spot’ methods used by the teacher. He thought he’d be happier in the middle group, so I actually approached the teacher (who agreed), for him to be moved down. Best thing that ever happened for his confidence! (As a footnote, he ended up getting an A in GCSE Maths, years down the line!)

Honestly - it doesn’t matter!

Write their name in everything- even things they have no reason to loose like their socks, shoes and vests. One of my daughters managed to come home in one school shoe and one PE plimsoll and the other came home without socks on multiple occasions and the lost property box was full of socks.
For things like coats and cardigans, write their name on the label and also just on the fabric lining inside. I have known quite a few people lose items and have them turn up on another student with the name label cut out.
Even kids who have been toilet trained for a really long time may still have an accident, it happens occasionally all through infant schools- I would always have a spare pair of trousers and pants in their school or PE bag. It can be embarrassing enough being a kid who wet themselves- its slightly worse having to then wear your PE kit or lost property clothes for the rest of the day. Spare normal uniform is all good, it may never be used.

Be open minded if any SEN needs are brought up. If you've a good teacher they have so much experience and can spot things early and the earlier the better as far as interventions and diagnosis goes. It's so sad for the child when a parent will not or does not want to engage with the possibility that there are needs/behaviours that need addressing. Often it's not until Y1/2 sometimes even later that the penny drops and its just time wasted for that child. Obviously a good school will be doing the best it can, putting strategies in place even without parents being on board but it makes such a difference when they are.

Oh and it really does fly by, before you know it they'll be juniors and then nearer the top end of the school!