School Acceptance Terrified & Overwhelmed With Stress

[Bellasara121]

Hi I’m writing this at the moment because I’m full of stress I can’t eat or sleep. So all of school places acceptances happened 2 days ago which has come as a massive shock to me because I knew nothing about the form.

My son is due to start school in September I applied him to the school nursery full time in 2022 which he was accepted and he was given a place I had no idea that I had to apply again, school did not tell me or any parents or even the local authority.

Now here is the catch this school is in my catchment area, it is physically the closet school to me, my eldest already attends this school as well and she has an active EHCP. (With my eldest she was automatically given a school place due to she attended the nursery). I physically have no transport of my own from June (my MOT/ Tax/ Insurance runs out), I cannot afford to retax / insure and MOT my car. I am normally very organised and put my car money aside ready but my sons nursery fees have used this money with nothing left over and with the cost of living on top as well which has just left me scraping by I was skipping meals so my son could go to school because he loves school and wanted to be with children his own age. So my application only went in on results day and 4 people from nursery have been rejected already. (There are 5 parents who have put it in late because they did not know either there is even a family that live physically next door to the school and it takes 2 minutes to walk there on the waiting list).

I am terrified and stressed out my mind if they try and send him to a school further away I physically cannot get 2 children to 2 different school on time and especially because I need my local school bus. On top of this I have a son with deafness at home and my weight has nearly hit 6 stone and I have anemia, where I’m currently suffering with the symptoms of extreme tiredness because of my weight and anemia and will not be able to cope with the physical demand on me with 2 school runs. Yes I have a husband but he works full time to pay the bills so the school run and child care solo falls on me.

What would you do if you were me?

I would:

• go back to the GP because your weight is very low, and ask for help with food bank referral due to CoL
• Check your local council website about late applications for school. Make the application right away and if there’s a comment field explain you have been unwell
• don't panic - I know it is easy to say but please don’t worry so much. There is lots of movement on the early years and you will be very high on any waitlist due to having a sibling at school

Also is your son required to start in September or could you defer? Kids don’t have to be in school under 5

If you do end up with kids in different schools it probably won’t be for long. In that case you get the eldest to school on time and the other one will have to be marked late every day. Contact the second primary school and let them know the situation in advance. For school pick up time, you may have to find money for your eldest to go to after school club to give you time to pick up. Or maybe there is someone kindly at the school who will be doing the trip by car every day and you could lift-share.

Do you really need a bus to get the kids to primary school, is it because you’re not well? Was the intention to go back to work yourself once both kids are in school?

I agree with all that is said above, apart from the question about your future work plans, which are your own business.

You are where you are, you clearly need help as you are unwell. This is not solely on you, your DH is a parent too.

Just because your DH works full time does not mean he can not take part in the school run. He will have to ask for flexible working so that he can drop and pick up a child if they end up at different school.

Single parents have to manage schools runs and working full time so he can too.

My first priority would be getting myself to the GP as you sound very unwell and getting a food bank referral if you are not bringing in enough to eat. Is your husband also cutting meals or just you?

Then I would explain to the LA that you have been unwell and have children with an Ehcp and build your case. It may be that your DC starts school later as children don't have to start school until they turn 5.

You should get sibling priority if any places come up. Go to GP and get help for your own health.

It will be OK. Something will sort.

You have the application in now.
Apply for waiting lists to as many schools as you can.

Possible alternates:
You defer starting until they turn 5 if later born
One child goes to a breakfast / ASC.
One child goes in late or is collected early
You get cycle with a trailer, or child scoots
You get another parents to assist
Your DH changes work pattern to help with morning school run

I do think you have been let down by the nursery not reminding you, but ultimately they will say it is your responsibility unfortunately. There are often signs up in libraries / doctors but with everything else on your plate I can see how you missed things.

You can do a late application if possible. In the meantime he can continue full time in the school nursery which is the same hours as full time school I guess? My daughter went to a school nursery and she had the same hours as the others 8.30 to 3.15. Your child can start next september if your late application get refused.

Take a deep breath.

The school application is in now, yes?
Having a sibling in the school is likely to put you at the top of the waiting list for when places are available. Yes, it sounds like the school is full - until someone moves away, gets a private place, gets offered a higher preference school etc. That's when you will get a place offered - even if rejected initially.

The next thing to sort is your health. Get a GP appointment. Try and stop worrying about the "what if's" of September. Stablise your weight, get the anemia treated. Talk to someone about a food box so you can eat a bit more.

I hope everything works out for you

Step number 1 is to calm down, because nothing good happens when you’re frantic.

You’ll probably end up with a place - people don’t take up places, and if necessary you can appeal. In that case you just go to a meeting and says ‘I can only physically get my son to this school, his sister goes there, he knows people from nursery there so it will be better for him, it’s in his best interests to go there, we live this close’ and then they will let you in most likely. But unusual for it to come to that IMO.

Take a deep breath and await the decision. In case your dc2 does not get a place in time for September, is there wrap around care your elder son can attend so dh can drop off/pick up, do you have any friends who could take one child to school, or a childminder. If the allocated school is over two miles transport should be funded. (For child but not you)

Your health is a separate issue. You need a gp appointment and advice on keeping yourself physically and mentally healthy. Do you get any support for your child's additional needs (is that your elder one?).

Is this UK? Or a private school?

Because it would be unusual (some of the appeals experts can say if this is right) ime for nursery children not to have to apply to reception as you say for your dd you didn't. There are a few places that give priority, but you still have to apply.
By the sound of it, others are in the same situation, if five didn't apply at all, then maybe they should have made it clearer to you at the nursery.
Maybe one of the appeals experts can say if that's likely to give you any leverage at appeal, which might be worth looking at, especially if they haven't publicised the change.
Appeals don't look at transport, siblings, friends etc so that may be your best home.

But also have you taken up your free hours for your ds? You say you're struggling to pay for him, so maybe cut back to the free hours. It's the summer now so not long before school. Maybe that will relieve some of the stress?

Hope you get it sorted.

You should be high on the waiting list due to having a child already at the school. Did the others who got rejected have other children in the school?

Sadly, if it is an Infant Class Size appeal, the appeal panel can't admit on the basis that it will be hard for the parent to get their child to school. I've sat on appeals before where the school allocated was a 30 minutes walk, over a motorway bridge with steps, and the parent had very small non-walking children as well. We still couldn't give the place because there was no mistake in the admissions process. A lot of panellists actually refuse to sit on Infant Class Size appeals because the rules are so very restrictive that there is no room for compassion.

I’m not getting involved in primary appeal threads, but you’re clearly in a pickle, so here goes.

It is likely that your preferred school has admitted up to its Published Admissions Number (PAN) so is full. You will be placed on the waiting list. This is held in admissions priority order so, with a child already at the school, you are likely to be near the top (although some of the other late applicants may also be in the same category).

If this is an Infant Class Size appeal (see the threads about general tips for appeals) you are unlikely to win, because none of the arguments you have mentioned are strong enough. You could try arguing that it was unreasonable for the school or education authority not to make you aware that transition from the nursery is not automatic and you would need to apply, but that argument might not fly either - especially if the education authority can show that this information is on their website (as it is on my education authority’s).

This isn’t what you want to hear, but you need to think about other options, such as deferring your child’s entry and/or finding help with school runs.

Hi everyone thank you for all the responses, I went and saw my gp yesterday about my anemia and weight he was very concerned and said I didn’t look well and has ordered for me to have blood tests done ASAP, so I’m having a blood test Wednesday. I did try and explain apart from the anemia it’s just stress that causes me to be unwell but any how.

I have also chased up both school and the local authority on why I was not notified it has been found that school were at error and the local authority had sent information to the school office but the school office failed to send the information out and notify parents.

School applications are now on lockdown till the 2nd Of May.

It is not the role of the school to pass forms and information on , although most will put up posters and mention the deadline in email newsletters. Likewise doctors surgeries, libraries, social media publicises it. Sadly I doubt you will get a place on that basis.

Can your DH not help with the costs for your car? It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure. Him having a job doesn't mean he can't help his family financially and practically.

When you say it has been found that the school was in error, who found that? Was it the education authority? That would be surprising, because education authorities usually take the view that it is up to parents to familiarise themselves with admission arrangements, but, if the education authority did say that, it could be helpful at appeal.

You still haven’t said whether this is an ICS appeal but, if it is, one way to win is to show that there has been a mistake which cost your child a place. There are still a lot of unknowns here - chiefly, if you had applied in time, would you have got a place? Presumably you would because there’s a sibling at the school, but that depends on the admissions criteria and whether they give priority to siblings.

I'm not sure this is going to help you. The admissions code only obliges local authorities to publish the admissions arrangements on their website, and to have paper copies available on request. There is no obligation for them to advertise it elsewhere, although some distribute posters to schools, libraries, doctors surgeries, etc. Because there is no obligation for the LA to do so, I don't think (although would be happy to be corrected) that it would be classed as a mistake.

Although, I might have splinters, because if it was usual practice for the school to alert parents, then perhaps it could be viewed as an error, and it did cost you the place in the sense that if you had been informed you would have applied.

I have splinters for the same reason.

I feel this is only likely to be evidence of a mistake if the LEA says (in effect) that it relies on schools to let parents of children in school nurseries know how and when to apply for a reception place. That’s why it’s important to know who said the school was in error - if that’s just the collective view of the disappointed parents it’s not material to an appeal, but if it’s the LEA it could be. My hunch, though, is that the LEA will argue that, even if the school failed to pass on the information, that was only ever going to supplement the information on their website and elsewhere and doesn’t take away the parent’s responsibility for making an on-time application.

There’s also the issue that (if this is an ICS appeal) it will turn on whether there’s been a mistake and whether that mistake cost the child their place. For now, I’m assuming there isn’t anything about the admissions criteria that might mean that she wouldn’t have got a place.

Also, even if (and it's a big if) it is accepted that a mistake was made, you say there are 5 other parents who are also late applicants for the same reason. It's highly unlikely that a panel would decide that a school could take 5 over PAN in an ICS appeal. So it would come down to who has the most compelling case.

That's assuming they also appeal.

@PanelChair I'm so glad you feel splinters too!

Finally, you have to remember that it would be about which child has three most compelling case, not which family does. So although you feel that your health is poor, and you have a child with hearing loss at home, and you're short of money, and your other child has an EHCP, none of that is a compelling argument that your child needs the place at the school.

Which child has hearing loss, is it the one you are trying to get a place for or another?

Exactly. Another splinter is that, if the LEA has made an error and accepts it made an error, then it ought to admit the children without making the parents go to appeal, but with five (or six?) children potentially in the same situation then the LEA will probably remit the problem to the appeal panel to sort out.