Kid with challenging behaviour hurts my kid

[pebblewhite]

Another try, hopefully, less offensive.

So today, my son (7 y o ) got hit on his head with the heavy metal part on the school playground. He says his head hurts, and the school asked me to watch him for the next 24 hours.

The other child who did this is the kid with challenging behaviour and has some behavioural problems, it's not their first school, and they joined the class last winter (just to give some context).

This is not the first time this has happened; the third time since the last spring my kid has brought the note. The issue is that according to my son (and I know it's true from several other parents) that this is happening regularly.
Stabbing kids with pencils, throwing things at them, punching them.

Today's incident was done "intentionally", as much as this word can be used with kids who might have difficulties controlling themselves. It was not an accident (I am explaining this, as a pure accident might happen with special kids as well, just to clarify this was in the instance of the challenging behaviour).

Now, I completely understand the need for kids with autism, for example, to be included in society. I absolutely freaking support this.

What I fail to understand is if there is a kid with a history of behavioural issues, to the point where they can cause bad injuries, why is there no one to watch this child and interfere in time?
I want to email the school my concerns; what should I write? Should I email the headteacher?

I don't want to sound arrogant; as I say, I get the need for socialisation for kids who need more help, but I want my kid to be safe at school and just enjoy his time there.

Now some more editing, guys give some slack to foreigners. I could go berserk and go to school with scandal causing distress to everyone because my kid was hurt, not the first time.

But I am trying to understand how to address my concern with the least distress to everyone around. I must protect my child.

My apologies to whom the term was offensive. Can someone please explain why the term used by the government is offensive? (it's a genuine question)
I am happy I learnt this here and haven't said it in real life somewhere. Because to me, " child with challenging behaviour" sounds worse, I would prefer the official term, stating disability/disorder rather than something that sounds like a kid behaves like this on purpose.

I didn't see your first draft of the post so not sure what it said. BUT, I would email the school and ask the Headteacher to outline how they intend to keep all the kids safe while this other child is at the school.

It is not fair for 29 kids to be walloped by him. The school need a plan to deal with this behaviour.

School will be aware of the issue and that they are failing children all around but sadly the lack of funding in schools means they often can’t provide the level of supervision a child needs.

email the school focusing on your child and the fact that you want reassurance of how he is being safeguarded against further incidents. You won’t be told anything about the other child or steps being taken to help them but they should be able to reassure what they are doing.

by emailing it also helps school provide more evidence of the issues which have been encountered to fight for more support.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, the child either needs monitoring 1:1 if he’s assaulting other children, to prevent this or they needs to be moved to a school that can accommodate them and their ‘challenging behaviours’.

I don’t condone it, your child comes first. Who is to say next time he does something much worse. Every child is entitled to a safe learning environment.

You do need to email the school op. You're right, children with additional needs should be included in society, including schools. But their right for that does not trump the right of your DC needing to be safe in school

I completely understand your views. I sympathise. Yes, you should write to the headteacher and ask that they increase their supervision of this pupil. However, many children with challenging behaviour do not have 1:1 support - not in lessons nor in the playground. They might have a midday supervisor who tries to keep an eye on them but that is about it. I am not defending this but it is the situation in most schools due to funding and staffing. Most kids with SEN are 'managed' without much extra staffing. Some kids with challenging behaviour may not even have a special educational need. They are sometimes just aggressive or badly behaved.
What can you expect?
I would expect there to be a sanction for the child who hurt your child. You won't necessarily find out what it is but you should ask if one is going to be given.
You can make your views known that you think there should be more supervision. This is however up to the head. They may or may not do this.
You could ask whether the other child's parents have been informed.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, the child either needs monitoring 1:1 if he’s assaulting other children, to prevent this or they needs to be moved to a school that can accommodate them and their ‘challenging behaviours’.

This is true, however easier said than done. Schools can't magic up 1-1s or just move a child to a 'more suitable' school (they don't exist and if they do they are full).

You should definitely email and ask the school what their plans are to keep your child safe going forward.

For a child to get 1-1 support, which sounds like it might be needed, there will need to be funding which is got via an EHCP.
For a child to be given an EHCP the school needs to show they cannot provide the support the child needs within their standard funding. (By the way the EHCP process takes around 20 weeks, so the best part of a school year).
To get that evidence the child often needs to be seen to fail first.

So you will be helping everyone to write and complain that your child is not being kept safe. That is the main thing you are writing about.
However feel free to throw in that due to the number of incidents you have become aware of it seems to you, in your non expert view, that the child causing these incidents might benefit from more dedicated 1-1 supervision.

Dear school

I am writing regarding the lack of safeguarding for my child X in class Y during the school day particularly with reference to child Z.
The most recent and serious incident on <date> was .... which resulted in ...
There have been a number of other incidents where my child has been hurt by Z since Z joined a year ago. These include at least ....... The overall effect on my child is ....

I am aware that my child is not being specifically targeted as I have heard reports of other incidents involving Z.

I would like to know what you are planning to do to keep my child, and others in the class safe. It seems to me that possibly Z needs 1-1 to supervision so the adult can intervene before any more children get hurt.

I look forwards to hearing from you within the next week as obviously this situation cannot continue

Kind regards

I am a parent of a child with SEN, and an EHCP.

I am fully sympathetic and understanding to children who cannot be in control of their own actions. The child will likely be lashing out because their needs are not being recognised or met.

Regardless, they cannot be allowed to hurt other children. It is not the child's fault, but the school are failing in their duty to safeguard the children - and if the child is behaving in this way they're not doing what they need to do to support him either.

No, it's not as easy as 'get a 1:1' or 'get an EHCP' etc, but they do need to take steps to ensure that nobody gets hurt and support the child appropriately. How they do that is not your problem, it's theirs.

Email the HT, and have a meeting. Do not talk about the other child and what they're going to do 'to' him to stop this. Talk about how they are going to ensure that your child is not subject to violence in school again^^ and make sure they know that if there are any further incidences then you will escalate the matter further. Document everything in case you need it in future.

Re your terminology. 'A child with SEN' would be preferable to 'The SEN child'. When you say 'the SEN child' it's like all you see is their disability rather than a child. It is subtle but makes a difference. Plus there may be a number of children with SEN in the class, it is just that this particular child's are more visible behaviour-wise, hence 'a' not 'the'.

Because they make it really hard to get EHCP, to get 1:1 support is really difficult everything is cost cutting exercise. Blame the chronic underfunding of schools.

I'm sorry for your son and I hope he is okay.

To get an EHCP the LA has to agree to do a needs assessment, do the assessment decide a plan is needed, write the plan, actually put something useful in it, and get it agreed.
Some LAs seem to have a policy of refusing a needs assessment on principle, so then it has to go to a tribunal. The EHCPs are also often insufficient (because sufficient will be costly) and they also might have to go to a tribunal.
It's not quick or easy for schools/parents.

My son has full 1-1 at school and has done since year 3. I was “lucky” I only had to threatened court (with a letter which made it clear I knew the law and his rights and a fantastic private Ed psych) to get it clear and unarguable. Many others have to go all the way to tribunal and even then local authorities will try their hardest to use wooly language which is hard to enforce.

Well, yes. Unless it is an autistic child, in which case the majority of the autistic community prefer to be autistic people rather than people with autism..

Surely we could just have the awareness that lay people will not have insight into current trends in terminology and most likley don't mean any ill.

@2reefsin30knots Oh I agree. I have seen the arguments re which side of child to put autism on MN before, different people definitely have different views.
I only answered re terminology because the OP asked and her previous thread was deleted because of it. It doesn't massively bother me (in the same way that as an adoptive parent, some people get very agitated about 'real mum' whereas I tend to assume people haven't realised the implications of this term).

Your child is getting hurt. It’s irrelevant that the perpetrator has challenging behaviour. Your need to be the voice for your child and stand up for him. Be your child’s advocate. Maybe keep a record of every episode that direct affects your child, and speak to the head. If no joy, then go to the governors.

I would simple ask the school what measure they are putting in place to protect your child.

They have a duty to safeguard all children in their care. If they don't give you a good enough response, advise them that it will be escalated to the governors.

Put it all in writing.

And then what will happen?

Her previous thread was deleted due to the offensive way she phrased it.

And rightly so.

I can't say I'm overly enamoured that the op supports my right to be part of society. I wonder where else she thinks I should be.

It's glaringly obvious that English isn't her first language, how about you show a little bit of understanding and give her some grace? I wonder how eloquently you would express complex matters in a foreign language?

Lets try not to derail this thread with arguments about language. Please.
The information on how a child gets support and how to ask the school to protect her own child will be useful & informative. Getting this thread deleted too won't help anyone.

It's not glaringly obvious to me.

But then. I'm one of them there graceless autistics.

Thank you very much for your replies.

I am coming from a neuroscientific background, IMO neurodivergent and neurotypical are the least offensive terms. These are not official, obviously, but they state that the brain is different to the majority of people.

That's why I don't like "kids with challenging behaviour", as it sounds like a child is "challenging" someone on purpose. But that's to my foreign brain.

First sentence, second post.