Panic attack in my classroom

[Khaveer]

I’m a year 1 teacher. I have been having panic attacks most days since the start of term. I’ve been having a difficult time getting a doctor’s appointment outside of work time so I have not seen a doctor yet. Today for the first time I had a panic attack in front of the children. I had to send a child to the office to get another adult to come and help (no TA in the class). I have now left work and I’m at home feeling guilty. Would you be angry if your Y1 child witnessed their teacher have a panic attack? I was hyperventilating so I might tell them I had an asthma attack when I go back, but I don’t know if that is worse.

I’ve booked a doctors appointment but they can’t see me until Friday morning for an emergency appointment. My head teacher has already phoned me and asked me if I’m coming back this afternoon. I just can’t do it. I am in work from 7:30 - 19:00 everyday, I bring home a couple of hours of work in the evenings Monday - Thursday and a couple of hours on a Sunday and I’m still behind. We are expecting Ofsted any day and every head of subject is constantly asking for improved / updated versions of long and medium term plans. I constantly feel anxious about the amount of admin I have to do. In class is also challenging because I do not have a TA and my class are a very young Y1 class. None of the children had an EHCP yet although several will probably end up with them. We’re trying to accelerate the applications so that we will get some funded hours, but obviously that’s unlikely to do anything in the short term.

You need to get signed off , you're not doing the kids or your mental health any good by rushing back. If you go back before seeing your doctor and starting treatment , THEY WILL COME BACK. This is exactly what happened to me.

I suffered from panic attacks and without going into too much detail, it turned out to be a serious medical condition undiagnosed.

First step, you need to tell the school, you cannot go in, your doctor will sign off long term sickness and you need to start treatment - talking therapies, drug therapy , it wont resolve by itself.

Good luck, but I stress, until you take this seriously and forget about work, you wont recover, don't make my mistake.

Didn't want to read and run. Really sorry you're feeling so anxious...it sounds very stressful at the moment. You need to get a GP appointment asap. Has your head (or deputy) come in to observe your class? It's unusual not to have a TA in year 1 for the mornings at least...even for an easy class. You need to stress the needs of the class-speak to your line manager. They won't want you signed off and should be willing to put some support in x

No, of course I wouldn't mind. I'd be more likely to offer to help cover the dcs for a few day while you get some sleep and catch up.

Tell your head you're going sick until the gp's appt. Get some sleep. And some fresh air and exercise. When do you break for half term?

My head teacher has already phoned me and asked me if I’m coming back this afternoon.

Contact your union rep , this is completely unprofessional if your Head Teacher was aware you had a panic attack and you've been having them daily at work.

One last thing @Khaveer the breakthough for my panic attacks was recognising the trigger and accepting this was my bodies reaction to it, almost welcoming the attack.

So at work, I'd excuse myself and tell everyone I feel a bit sick and need to sit down, and just ride out the attack, controlled breathing (not deep breaths) reassuring myself, 1) I'm not going to die 2) It will pass, think this to yourself over and over and over again. Because that's the most scary thing, you really feel like you're going to die when you have one.

My panic attacks were a manifestation of undiagnosed heart failure, so as well as the whole investigation of triggers etc, get a full body MOT, it was onyl an echo scan that picked up my heart wasn't working right- now with a pacemaker and heart drugs, I haven't had a panic attack in over a year.

Please get signed off and give yourself time to get better. My dh was a teacher in a very tough school. He "soldiered on" after having panic attacks and feeling mentally unwell and didn't take any time off when he so obviously was not coping. He also had a panic attack in front of the class but I don't think the children understood what was happening. He was brought home by the school secretary but returned the next day. They then broke up for the holidays and during this time he suffered a full blown psychotic episode, which he (and I) were lucky to survive. He never went back to teaching and our lives have changed dramatically. I'm not trying to frighten you, I'm just telling you not to rush back to work until you have received the help you need and you feel better. Mental illness is as serious as physical illness. Do not let anyone make you feel ashamed or feel pressured into returning to work. It can happen to anyone.

It's not unusual now for Y1 classes not to have a TA.
Most don't, actually. Parents don't realise their lovely 4 yo goes into a ratio of 30:1.

No I wouldn't be upset if my children had seen this. I would be concerned for the teacher and want to help in any way I could (not really possible though is it). If you're feeling anxious about the children having seen it, try to think of it as them gaining experience of an emergency situation.

I echo what others have said. You're not to go back to work and you should get signed off. It's hard to have perspective when you're in the middle of it - I'm currently sat doing an econsult for palpitations that I've been having linked to anxiety, spurred on by your post.

I don't think you should be using this time to catch up either. You're clearly struggling and should try to cut out everything that's making you feel like this for now.

Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

As a long time teacher l think it's no wonder you had a panic attack with that work schedule. It would put anyone over the edge. The terrible sad thing is all that admin stuff does not help the children in any major way and just makes teachers like you feel overwhelmed. Stay out of that school as that Head messaging you is an indication of how little they care for their teachers. Look after yourself and realise this is not a weakness in you or any indication that your are a bad teacher but a sign that the whole system is bonkers. Do contact your union to get support.

In answer to your question would I be angry if my yr1 child witnessed their teacher having a panic attack, yes I would. Now that's not your fault, and I wouldn't think any less of you, but I wouldn't be happy that my child would then have that memory or that I'd have to explain it to them. Neither would I be happy that my child was being taught by someone who's obviously not in a fit state to be doing so.

Again, not your fault, you should be getting more support. But if you're not, you need to take yourself out of the situation and go off because it's not good for you or the children.

Absolutely this.

You need a break from work, the panic attacks will only get worse otherwise (imo, sorry to say that). PA are like your bodies emergency reaction, you have to respond to them, don't try to ignore them.

If this happened in my sons class (granted hes in reception), I'd be really worried about the teacher and would 100% expect them to be off.

If my son told me about the teacher not being able to breathe in class and it kept happening,
I'd also be worried that my son wasn't learning in a relaxed, stable environment tbh. I think if most people were honest they'd tell you they would be thinking this too.

How old are you op? Asking in case possibly peri menopausal

Thank you for the replies everyone. I have phoned and left a message for the head to say I won’t be back in today. We’re not allowed to self sign off for the next day, so I’ll have to call in at 7am tomorrow and Friday to report that I’m still unwell.

I’m 32 so I doubt it’s peri menopausal!

I just feel like I’m torn in too many directions with too many totally incompatible demands. The HT used to be the head at an alternative style private school and he wants to provide our children with that kind of experience in a state school. E.g. he doesn’t want whole class teaching because he thinks an EYFS style setup with different groups of children doing different activities while I work with a focus group is better. But he also wants a very full curriculum covered. I don’t have a TA so if I’m working with a focus group, it’s difficult to find tasks which cover the curriculum which the other groups can work on without help. He is also very anti phonics but we recently bought RWI because we’re due to have Ofsted. He wants us to fit the full RWI programme into 15 mins per day with a mixed attainment class of 30. It doesn’t work that way, but he says he wants 100% compliance with the scheme because that’s what Ofsted check for, but he also wants “proper” literacy hour (90s throwback!) English lessons, handwriting and guided reading every day but there just isn’t enough time. I can’t leave curriculum to be planned and done during my PPA because they’re covered by a different random TA each week and it never gets done, or not done well enough so then I have to remove it from their books before the next book look.

I showed him my timetable and explained that I couldn’t fit everything in and his answer to that is that we should not stick to a ridged timetable with the same lessons at the same time each week, we just need to be a bit more creative with juggling things. But then I need to find the time to write a new timetable every week while keeping track to make sure we’ve done enough science etc over the half term and I can’t keep up with it all.
He also wants to give the parents a private school experience so we have 2 nights of parents evening until 9pm every term. We do full written end-of-year style reports every term. The parents are encouraged to speak to me about any and every concern they have, so I have parent meetings at least one evening per week.

Angry is the wrong word, concerned about the effect on the children, and safety of the children not being supervised, together with concern for the teacher yes.
I am HoD and we had to "force" a teacher into taking sick leave earlier this year as her attacks were becoming such that there was concern for her own safety in the room as well as the children's and one of the attacks came on an outing.

Your HT was very unprofessional. You should take all the time you need.

I’ve been there! I’m not surprised you had a panic attack, I felt overwhelmed just reading your posts. Get signed off by your GP and look for another job in the interim.

Sounds like so many academies in London now. Parents can't afford prep school but have spent huge sums being in a catchment of an outstanding school and demand prep school standards without handing over 15 grand a year in fees.

While its a noble cause to try and deliver Prep level of education in state, its an impossible model given the two completely different ways they are funded. Prep's have several TA's and its unheard of any class having one teacher for a start. He wants all the bells and whistles but there's no money for you to have. a TA? Complete bollocks.

I can tell by your post you care deeply about your job and the kids, but you have to pry yourself from all of it for now. All focus should be on you.

This.

Get signed off at least until your appointment. Teaching is so stressful as it is, never mind when you're trying to deal with illness. Nothing is EVER more important than your health.

I'm so sorry OP. I'm just a parent so no advice but it's just so heartbreaking to see the teacher being over worked to the point of having a panic attacks. This is just wrong.
I really hope you get the help you need soon.

You are being bullied!
You know the children and the work you can do with them. His micro-management isn't helping any of you.

As for the panic-attacks - yes get them checked out but with that work-load your brain is probably signalling that it needs a break.

How do your colleagues feel about this workload? Presumably everyone is suffering - there has to be strength in numbers here surely?

Your Head is bang out of order. I used to teach and my mental health went down the shitter. The only reason I'm still alive now is that my wonderful Head and Deputy caught me crying at my desk after school one day and the Head kicked my arse and threatened to kill me herself if she saw me on school premises again until I was on the mend. I would have worked myself into suicide otherwise.

I've just skim read through your posts so apologies if I've missed anything. Fellow teacher here. I'm also someone who has experienced anxiety and had a couple of panic attacks though not in the classroom.

I am firstly sending you a collegiate hug. Teaching is bloody hard. When I did my probationer year the school I was at was undergoing a re-inspection following a poor report. The whole school was in overdrive. Management had forgotten how to care for staff. It was a nightmare. Your headteacher is forgetting the duty of care that they have to you and absolutely should not be contacting you at home to find out if you'll be back in on the very same day you needed to go home on. That's dismal. I would agree with previous poster who suggested getting signed off. Panic attacks are nothing to be ashamed of and are hugely common but equally they are your business. It is up to you whether colleagues, etc know why you are not at work. However, it would be good if you can confide in a couple of trusted colleagues. Parents do not have a right to know - that's not to say they won't be interested why you are off but it is enough for them to know you are absent.

In Year 1 there should be a high level of predictability with the timetable that should mean that you shouldn't have to do masses of planning. RWI is great for providing a structured approach and the whole idea is to ensure that children don't have to cope with new ways of approaching their lessons. Have you been on RWI training? Have you made use of teaching groups on Facebook? I have so often seen posts by teachers where they are saying 'help i don't know how to structure this' and they have a fantastic response from other teachers. I would be asking fellow teachers for their blueprint for a typical RWI lesson.

On the issue of your school and your HT, the expectations are too high re the timetable and the reports and parents' evenings. Have you asked colleagues what their views are on this? You are totally overloaded and the panic attacks are your brain telling you this. If you're not in a union, join one immediately and raise the matter. Also, if your local authority offers an inhouse counselling service that would be good to access.

Your HT doesn't acknowledge the overwhelming research in favour of phonics - that gives you a little clue into his own professionalism. In the longer term, seek out a job in a school that values evidenced-based, research-informed pedagogy.

One final thing that might help in your class and it certainly helped me. We did regular meditation and yoga (eg - cosmic yoga). I did it with the class and it really helped me stay calm and grounded in the chaotic and stressful classroom environment. Build in things throughout the school day that are for your own benefit as well as the class's.

You are really not alone on this. Prioritise your wellbeing because otherwise you'll have to be signed off long term sick and you'll be joining the many, many teachers who have already exited the profession.

Again, hugs. The fact you posted means that you know something needs to change. Well done for recognising this.

Oh CoffeeWithCheese - thank goodness for your HT and DHT. The suicide risk for teachers is over 40% higher than the general population. They and you were right to take this seriously. Thank goodness they did.

The HT is not particularly supportive. I spoke to him recently about how much stress I’m experiencing and how much I’m struggling without a TA. He said that he can’t magic up a TA and that most Y1 classes don’t have TA support. He also said that his we are not in a stressful part of the year, that the book look he is doing is nothing unusual, and that it’s not his job to “molly coddle” me. (His word). We don’t even get our PPA allowance every week due to poor staffing levels and we’re expected to do lunch duties too. If it’s raining then we don’t have enough staff to cover wet play in the classrooms without teachers missing bits of their lunch break. We’re all expected to pull together and help out.

The majority of the teachers in the school are job sharing a class so they each do 2 or 3 days per week. In effect they work full time hours but for part time pay, pensions etc. The DHT was organising PPA cover in front of my (trying to find someone to cover me) and she said I’d have to share the PPA afternoon with someone else. The other person didn’t work that day, so she gave me the full afternoon and said that the other teacher had her PPA because she was at home. She didn’t work that day!

Would you be angry if your Y1 child witnessed their teacher have a panic attack?

No, I'd be concerned about you. The children will most likely be concerned about you too but I'm sure one of the other adults in school will have reassured them.

I would get to the docs as soon as you can and in the meantime try and get some relaxation in, gentle exercise and deep breathing exercises if you feel one coming on and try and talk to someone about how you're feeling. You must be under a lot of stress.