Panic attack in my classroom

[Khaveer]

I’m a year 1 teacher. I have been having panic attacks most days since the start of term. I’ve been having a difficult time getting a doctor’s appointment outside of work time so I have not seen a doctor yet. Today for the first time I had a panic attack in front of the children. I had to send a child to the office to get another adult to come and help (no TA in the class). I have now left work and I’m at home feeling guilty. Would you be angry if your Y1 child witnessed their teacher have a panic attack? I was hyperventilating so I might tell them I had an asthma attack when I go back, but I don’t know if that is worse.

I’ve booked a doctors appointment but they can’t see me until Friday morning for an emergency appointment. My head teacher has already phoned me and asked me if I’m coming back this afternoon. I just can’t do it. I am in work from 7:30 - 19:00 everyday, I bring home a couple of hours of work in the evenings Monday - Thursday and a couple of hours on a Sunday and I’m still behind. We are expecting Ofsted any day and every head of subject is constantly asking for improved / updated versions of long and medium term plans. I constantly feel anxious about the amount of admin I have to do. In class is also challenging because I do not have a TA and my class are a very young Y1 class. None of the children had an EHCP yet although several will probably end up with them. We’re trying to accelerate the applications so that we will get some funded hours, but obviously that’s unlikely to do anything in the short term.

Just wanted to send a hug and some support, I was in this very position a couple of years ago, however I was really lucky to be in a supportive school who paid for 10 CBT sessions and fully supported me back in to work, and I now feel great, this isn't forever and you can get through this but you need to get some proper help and support.

You need to get signed off asap, do not let that teacher guilt get to you, it is the heads responsibility to deal with staff absence, not yours. Do not go back until you are fully ready and be honest with yourself and your family about how you are feeling.

I had two bouts of severe anxiety and panic attacks, the first time I didn't take time off and paid for some hypnotherapy (which actually did help) but kept it really quiet, I muddled through for a while and coped pretty well until about 6 months after lock down when it all came back but ten times worse. This is when the college I work at arranged for a therapist and it has changed my life.

One thing she always she always told me was don't call it a panic attack, call it a protective episode, those symptoms are your body trying to protect you from a perceived threat, I find that really useful even today.
Your head sounds awful, are you able to look for an alternative school?
I really hope you get the support you need x

@Khaveer so, your head teacher is the problem. Like you've said RWI I doesn't work with mixed attainment class . To be effective it needs to be run from reception to year 2 but with the flexibility of mixing up the children regardless of age and running extra groups and using TAs. Ideally having no more than 15-20 in each group. It can be effective but not how it's being run. Year 1 need so much guidance. You could expect year4 to do a guided reading activity together but not tear 1. I am cross for you. I'd be tempted to go against the grain and say try to get through it to get a good reference and leave for another school.

Also big red flag that your PPA is covered by a teaching assistant and not planned for. You should be able to walk out during PPA and not worry

Please yes contact your union and tell them what you have told us. They are breaking so many rules and going against terms and conditions especially regarding lunches and PPA which is protected time.

Go to a different doctor. You have handed in your notice to leave at Christmas and you do not wish to return. You do not want to go on medication. The toxic environment is making you unwell and so you are removing yourself from the situation. I’ve been there but my GP was phenomenal.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry they didn't sign you off as you'd hoped. If things continue to be awful when you're back, please do make another appointment and insist on a different doctor. Your most recent one doesn't sound particularly supportive or helpful when it's clear how much overwhelming stuff there is going on at work and how badly it is (understandably!) effecting you.

In the mean time, a huge well done for handing in your notice. You being told that it's not your head teacher's job to be mollycoddle you made me so cross on your behalf. Mostly I just wanted to say that if I was a parent and you were my child's teacher, I wouldn't be mad at you at all - I'd just want the best for you and to know that you were being properly supported, which you clearly aren't. Please go back to the GP if you need to. It's okay to put yourself first

Op, is it half term at your school? If yes then wait until Friday. If no then take days off sick until Friday. I had a couple of panic attacks at work, I know it’s a little different as I don’t work with kids and it wasn’t when I was facing patients (In the middle of a non urgent operation) but my team was great and they let me go and another one of my team covered for me. When I got back to the staff room it seemed they had paged one of the nurses so she came and sat with me for a while and you know deep breathing etc. and I took about 3 days off until the doctors appointment. Re the kids, I’m sure the parents won’t be angry, if anything, they’ll be concerned about you, ditto the kids. Also they’re kids! They might not even remember to tell their parents…….. hope you feel better soon xx

Oh sorry, just seen you went to the doctors yesterday, that’ll teach me to read the thread!

Go back to another doctor op. That school environment is toxic and doesn't care about you or the children.

How supportive are the governors? Make sure your union are supporting you too. All the best, I'm glad to hear you've handed in your notice.

The education system is underfunded, broken and is being kept running by working staff into the ground. We should all be concerned as it affects the children too.

I am so relieved that you're leaving this school. I can only imagine the pressure increasing with Ofsted looming closer. Your HT sounds horrendous piling on the workload and I am astounded you are expected to deliver a full curriculum with no TA.
The PPA arrangements are woefully inadequate and expectations for termly report writing is outrageous.
Hopefully your school subscribes to a free counselling service which you should access.
You must get yourself signed off with stress and look after yourself. You have been pushed to breaking point.
Teaching is an incredibly hard job and the HT has a duty of care to all staff for their well being. The Ofsted evaluation schedule actually refers to it and states that tasks causing excessive work load for staff are not appropriate.
Just reading your post makes me feel so sad for teachers facing such heavy workloads as the result of unrealistic expectations from poor leaders

Look into instructional design. I did a MicroMasters at EdX last year. I retrained at 50. Starting with lots of LinkedIn courses.

I love my job. I'm pretty well paid. I work from home. I no longer work weekends. I work longish hours though.

This is totally unacceptable. If I were you, I would start looking for a job in another school, once you’ve had time to recover. It doesn’t need to be like this, and there are many, many schools that are led by compassionate and empathetic headteachers. I have been in schools for 30 years now and have never been put under the level of stress and expectation you describe. I’d get out of that school before you loose your passion for teaching. You sound like a dedicated teacher and another school would be lucky to have you.

I have to also add that OFSTED have a lot to answer for. They are causing untold pressure and stress for headteachers, who feel compelled to change things, just to tick the boxes, and this stress is passed on to staff. The system is very wrong.