Fine/ prosecution threat over 5 yr old lateness

[Pullingmyselftogether]

A new head has just stared at my son’s school- he’s 5. Was 3 when pandemic hit so most of school life has been in and out of lockdowns. He’s never settled in school (would cry at gates etc even before pandemic).

Post pandemic, it just got worse - every morning kicking and screaming and crying from the moment he woke. So talked to school and we came up with a plan, which involved things like arriving through a different, quiet part of school to calm him etc and school was understanding.

The first correspondence we get from the new head this week is a shitty, impersonal letter stating how many times he’s been late (loads, I admit) and that we may be fined/ prosecuted if he’s late in the future. He’s 5!! And just come out of a pandemic!!

anyone else experienced anything similar post covid? Any advice? Didn’t respond as I wanted to calm down...

He doesnt sound very well adjusted.

Huge sympathies OP. Had a similar issue with 2 of my dc. Both now diagnosed with SEN and anxiety. It is very tough and threats of fines don't help at all.
The system is broken as the support it just not there re diagnosis and CAMHS

I came across a great activity for pinpointing the problems with EBSA. I will message you if I can find it again.

Maybe the EBSA risk and resilience cards on the West Sussex website?

Thank you! You too, sorry you've been through that.

I'm finding that there isn't really a system at all where I am! Other than threats and 'we must adhere to Local Authority targets'. Clearly putting numbers above the welfare of children...

Best wishes to you.

Thank you so much- fantastically useful!

Have you tried someone else taking him to s ho? I have seen this make a massive difference. He may well be feeding off your reaction or anxiety about this or have established a pattern of behaving like this with you.

When did he turn five?

Your child lawfully isn’t required to attend school till the term after 5th birthday. See link for details.

www.gov.uk/school-attendance-absence

So ignore all attendance levels up to and including the term of 5th birthday.

Also the head can choose to allow a part time time table as part of steps towards full engagement.

personally I feel the head is being harsh, reception children are usually exhausted in their first year and illness prone.

I'm a little confused. You say you have an 8 year old who has never been late but at the same time you have a five year old giving you this trouble in the morning who is constantly late. Surely you take them both at the same time do why is one late bit not the other?

An earlier start is your friend, arriving bang on the bell is putting you under pressure. When you feel stressed so will DC.

Make some adjustments and get to school 30 minutes before the bell.

Morning! They attend different schools, my partner and I take one each.

Have you tried swapping who takes which child?

Thanks for continued comments all.

The main point of the thread was to ask about the threat of punitive action against us by the school, considering we were always in full co operation, openly asking for help and working hard to establish positive transitions. The school has been aware since re opening of a high anxiety resulting in daily screaming, crying and often vomiting. To suddenly look back over this period and draw up figures to threaten us with fines/ or prosecution, is, I think, completely useless, disproportionate and counterproductive.

I’ve had so many helpful, kind and understanding replies and it’s made me want to ensure our school has the basic policies in place to do with mental health recovery post covid for young children. Which is doesn't at the moment.

Seriously felt supported more by this thread than my DCs school. Thank you!!

Yes

I'd ask for appointment with school. Definitely worth trying swapping which parent takes which child.

But I'd be tempted to get both kids into the same school (unless special needs are an issue). LO might be less upset if sibling is at the same school.

Thank you for your letter informing me of the lateness and now looming fines.

the previous head teacher was helpful in assisting with the issues facing D.C. and we were working together to overcome this

from your letter should I take it that working together has finished and punishment is the way forward?

Perfect! 😁 I wish I could send that to the new headteacher...

I’ve had so many helpful, kind and understanding replies and it’s made me want to ensure our school has the basic policies in place to do with mental health recovery post covid for young children. Which is doesn't at the moment.

I was with you until this OP.
You have no idea of the lengths schools are going to in support of young people. You have no idea what types of behaviour, trauma and issues we are seeing on a daily basis and attempting to cope with. Teachers have very little training in this area, we aren't MH specialists, we're teachers. Schools are already on their knees.

The school has to be seen to be doing something about attendance. Ofsted will ask to see evidence of policies and procedures. Part of the procedures ofsted will expect to see is letters home to parents. Throw it in the bin and think no more of it.

Totally take your point. But you cannot know what practices and policies are being properly and duely implemented in a given school.
I remember chatting to a friend (teacher of 20 yrs) and she was shocked as to what was not being practiced at DCs school.
So maybe in your school, staff are going to great lengths to support pupils, but that doesn’t make it the case in all schools.

My experience is that Schools are really failing many childrens mental health. The drive is for results and attendance with mediocre efforts to foster good mental health. What’s needed is a more holistic curriculum, proper access to counselling and a shake up of traditional subjects to make learning more relative and hands on. Schools think having an attendance monitor, pastoral person and the odd mental health school session is enough but it’s really not.

Pastoral care is an incredibly poor substitute when counselling is required

That was my first thought too. My ds had no issues going into school, he’s about to leave secondary so I have no experience at all in this, but given everything you and your little one have been through due to the pandemic, it’s totally understandable that he might struggle, I’m sure it’s common

this head isn’t going to provide the environment your son needs

id go in and have strong words tbh, and tell her how specifically unsupportive she’s being to a 5yo that is only now legally obliged to be in school and given the circumstances, she needs to wind her neck in somewhat and find some compassion.

I would definitely look at changing schools and I’d write to the council or whoever manages education and complain

not the papers tho, nobody needs more DM anything let alone the obligatory sad face 😂🤣

My ds had a letter about his attendance

there was the mandated by law covid time off

there was school mandated study leave.

I wrote to them to tell them how ridiculous it was, turns out it was sent in error. They did a batch and didn’t take mine out

have you clarified that they meant to send this?

If they did, then I’d take my first post actions 🤣😂