Fine/ prosecution threat over 5 yr old lateness

[Pullingmyselftogether]

A new head has just stared at my son’s school- he’s 5. Was 3 when pandemic hit so most of school life has been in and out of lockdowns. He’s never settled in school (would cry at gates etc even before pandemic).

Post pandemic, it just got worse - every morning kicking and screaming and crying from the moment he woke. So talked to school and we came up with a plan, which involved things like arriving through a different, quiet part of school to calm him etc and school was understanding.

The first correspondence we get from the new head this week is a shitty, impersonal letter stating how many times he’s been late (loads, I admit) and that we may be fined/ prosecuted if he’s late in the future. He’s 5!! And just come out of a pandemic!!

anyone else experienced anything similar post covid? Any advice? Didn’t respond as I wanted to calm down...

We haven't just come out of a pandemic though. Clearly whatever adjustment has been made isn't working if he's continually late so maybe that needs to be reviewed again.

What are you doing at home to get in on time? How early are you leaving the house?

Does your son have any special needs? Do you feel he may have? Have you asked for him to be assessed? What strategies are you using in regards to the meltdowns? does he struggle in class?

honestly you probably need to look at other techniques because whilst what you are doing maybe helping it clearly isnt preventing the lateness.

@Pullingmyselftogether you are getting an unfair hearing here.

This isn't about being late because you don't care or can't get organised. This is school refusal that you are doing your best to manage. You have an anxious child who needs support and calmness in the mornings, not a mother who is stressing about being late.

@Soontobe60 do you know what you're talking about at all? In the UK a child now in year 1 would have been off nursery from March 2020 for a few months, then started school in September 2020 with huge restrictions including no mixing between classes and no parents allowed into school buildings. There was then another lockdown with schools closed from Jan 2021 for a few months! Then on return still strict restrictions around "class bubbles" so no mixing with other classes for all of Reception. No current Y1 child has had a normal full school year yet! Schools only lifted Covid restrictions a couple of months ago, far later than the rest of society. I think it's fair the OP is saying we are just coming out of a pandemic and the child has not settled because everything has been upside down for so much of his life.

it sounds like it’s time to re-examine the set up you have as it doesn’t sound like it’s working. Missing the start of most days can be disruptive and can make it harder for him to settle.

when Ds was younger we had lots of issues with school refusal which led to lateness. We changed our routine to arrive at school much earlier - this meant we avoided the crowded times and we had leeway time for if we encountered problems.

when he arrived at school he went straight in via the office where he has a quiet space to get himself ready for the day ahead.

leaving so much extra time meant we could all keep things very calm and relaxed with no rushing.

he is now in mainstream secondary but still goes in early in order to allow himself the calm start to the day he needs

If you have come up with agreement with school, and it's not working, you really need to speak to school and come up with better strategy. It's been over a year.
Attendance warning letter normally is impersonal and quite harsh, just stating facts. We received it too, for my dc with chronic illness. Though the difference was it came with personal hand written note saying nothing to worry about.

My child is Year 1. Yes they had disruption, their Nursery year was cut short in March but they had all of Reception (apart from January/Feb) and all of year 1. What they had was normal to them, yes they had restrictions but they also have had a lot of time back in school now. I think Covid is used too freely as a reason for everything when it sounds like the OPs child was like this before. I agree Covid won’t have helped. I think the best thing to do is get them in on time with support from a TA, helping them to understand they have to go in.

You may think that being late is fine, but there are probably at least 10 children a day that are late. This involves a member of staff letting them into the building and taking them around to their class. The register will be wrong so someone will have to amend that and possibly add a lunch order. A teaching assistant will probably have to help with hanging coats up etc. The teacher will have started the lesson so your child will then be interrupting and the teacher has to help them catch up. There is something, somewhere that says that even if your child is late by 5 mins a day, over a school year they miss about 2 days of education.
Times this by 10 (or however many children are late each day) and it disrupts a lot of staff and most importantly, a lot of education is missed!
Please make the effort to be on time - get up 10 minutes earlier each day, if needs be.

I can imagine that his persistent lateness is disruptive for the other dc and cuts into learning time and disrupts the teacher's lesson. We had some Dc who were always late in dd's class throughout primary school, and it was a PITA and disruptive.

Notwithstanding the kicking and screaming in the mornings, why are you late so often? And how late are you?
Perhaps it would help if you got to school earlier rather than late and via a side door. Or put him in breakfast club so he goes into school with other kids after a bit of play.
Whilst I understand it's difficult, you really need to get him to school on time.

I have a small child too. Yes it was hard at first getting them back into the swing of school get ups, but we managed it. Lockdown was ages ago, you should get him to bed earlier and up earlier. Honestly I don't think he should be late anymore. Especially if you can see that his classmates are on time and he doesn't have any special needs. I hope you get it sorted.

Dear HT,
Thank you for your letter regarding Tim's lateness. Given how closely I have been working with the school on this I was somewhat taken aback by the tone.
In case you have not had time to read his file yet, here is the history behind this.

• in nursery prior to covid Tim was reluctant to leave me ....


• covid exacerbated this because ...


• this year I have been working with the school as follows


• first we tried


• then


• then


• this is the current status

No one is more anxious than I to get Tim attending happily on time. If the school, can provide any more suggestions or support I would be very grateful.

I would like to point out that I don't see that threats of fining are very constructive at the moment. I am doing everything I can think of to help Tim, this is not a case of us just not being bothered.

I look forward to hearing your ideas on how we can progress this.

Kind Regards

ps I have a 17yo who missed a whole year of school due to MH & Covid. The issues are very much still there now., so I can believe it may well have impacted how he feels around school.

You'll have the same issues in a new school - all schools are cracking down on attendance and lateness at the moment. The letter is generally a standard template from County. We've been told not to get upset about them, schools have been told they must send them out to any families whose children have dropped below a certain % of attendance.

Have another meeting with the school, clarify the adjustments they're happy to make for your son, and work with them. Good luck.

This. If multiple children were late there would be utter chaos. You have been given a programme and you must stick to it. He must know, at 5, that school is what he does during the day and he must be there at the same time as everyone else. His lateness disrupts the other children in the class. You are teaching him thst being late is okay. Bring late is never okay.

Lots of parents hate mornings and it can be tricky so you have my sympathies but the trouble with saying ‘he’s 5’ is that it sounds like this has become a habit and it’s much easier to address this now than leave it because then it’ll become ‘he’s only 6,7,8’ and then at what age does it stop becoming ok and becoming a problem? School is important and punctuality is important. That said, it does sound like the head could’ve dealt with this better.

I would email back thanking head for the letter, and suggest they speak to other staff about issues re lateness so they are up to date on the situation. I would end with saying you hope they will continue to support dc settling at school and work with you to improve this. Then I would suggest meeting if any future discussion is required.

How late are you and how often?

Thanks for all your replies! Love this website.

I think having read everything, it's definitely the tone and 'threat' in the letter that has riled me having been in constant conversation with them. So thank you (and sorry) to everyone who has experienced that and replied, I'm glad that for some the school has acknowledged the work and concerns that both parties have, that goes a long way and shows a real care.

The cover email we got was two words "Pwysig... Important..." that was it! Super lazy.

Just to say, he's absolutely not late everyday - this is not a DAILY occurrence and and his lateness is like 5/10 mins when it does happen as he's running up the street or refusing to get out the car, or crying.

I think those of you lucky enough not to experience daily screaming and crying of your child every morning before school, can't fully appreciate the impact this has on the family and child. It's not a moaning of 'I don't want to go to school', it's quite violent (to the point of being sick etc) and so we were working hard to try and build a positive experience of going to school - creating a calm experience.

And those that think the effects of Covid are long gone, good for you, but some people are still dealing.

Thanks again! Seriously useful replies.

Yes, maybe you're right that his age is irrelevant, just for the record my eldest is 8 and never has been late. this is a particular issue...

The threats of fines are not always down to the HT

Schools must by law keep an accurate register. Depending on the status of the school, the LA will send the fines based on the register (thank you, New Labour - this isn't a nasty Tory policy)

It sounds like the letter is factual, but you are making a mountain out of a molehill with your abreaction. Your DC is of CSA, and the rules apply to all those of that age.

What jumps out is that the current adjustment are not working. I really think that, unless there's some over-riding reason why its impossible, you are going to need to leave the house substantially earlier.

Thank you!!! Love this - can you sort all my life out ;)

You've totally hit the nail on the head

Have a good one :)

Have you tried giving him something of yours to take in so he can still feel the attachment to you?
Or a toy in his hand as he goes in?
Star charts with treats every day, then end of week for 5 good days?
Getting him to talk to ELSA support at school?

This is the kind of patronising responses schools always give. I assume you're a teacher yourself.

No, I don't think being late is fine, every morning I deal with a barrage of screaming and crying and begging me not to send him to school from a 5 year old. EVERY MORNING.

Those kind of stats you refer to are meaningless, too. he's really not missing any 'lesson' (he's not 15) and I'd rather have a well adjusted child that I can guide through a tricky period of his life than have him shut down emotionally so that he can be a tick in a box for a school that appears 'good' because of numbers on paper.