Telling not to cry

[purpleme12]

My child was upset going into school today crying
Managed to speak to teacher
I'm pretty disgusted by her reaction to it to be honest but there were go
Anyway one of the things she said was you shouldn't be crying about this stop crying
This seems really wrong to me
I don't think they should be told they shouldn't be crying
What do you think??

I think there are lots of posts, written in a particular style, with a preposterous question always with multiple question marks, where the op never returns.

Ha as above

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints
What did you hope to gain from your post? What was the point of writing that?

Ok if people are going to be arsey fine

What was your DC crying about?

Why were they crying?

Well certainly not a reply. There are reams of completely ridiculous posts where the op posts something designed to get replies and then never returns and we get pages of mn basically arguing with a void.
Apologies if you are not of this ilk, in which case I will reply.

Of course the teacher was being completely unreasonable, she should have told your child to keep bawling their eyes out and getting more and more upset. She definitely shouldn't have tried to calm her down and stop her crying, what sort of monster does that.

I completely agree with you OP. A child should not be told they shouldn't be crying, it invalidates their feelings. My brother was told, aged 7/8, that he should never cry, he has had trouble expressing his emotions every since.

No one has the right to say what "qualifies" as something upsetting enough to cry about. It is completely subjective and she is emotionally illiterate.

I agree they shouldn't be told to stop crying. Maybe if it has become a habit, then ok. But assuming it was a one off then I would expect more sympathy, or at least acceptance of the tears e.g. 'come on then, let's go hang your coat up' to try to distract. How old is your child?

Just one of the reasons I hate school. Still remember as a sobbing 7 year old my teacher told me to "go away and stop crying".

8
And no she's not a child who continually cries at school

She was upset because she's been having trouble with a child she's sitting next to being mean. I know at least one other child who's had problems with him.
She just wants to teacher to move their places that's all. Recently she's been really affected by it after school.
I don't go to school about everything she's upset about it. But when it's really affecting my child of course I will have a word.
And yes I totally agree about distraction.

I'll ignore the arsey replies. No idea why they've taken time out of their day to be arsey.

Was it a blunt “Stop crying” or more of a “No need to cry, we can sort this out so you won’t be upset”?
I’d be ok with the second approach. The teacher does need to address problem behaviour that is upsetting your dd.

On the face of it, no she shouldn’t have been told not to cry but was it possibly said in more of a ‘oh come on, we can sort this, there’s no need for you to cry about it’ kind of way?
I would probably speak to the teacher either way given how affected you daughter is but I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing.

Thats sad OP, i'd be angry too, my daughter is Y1 and a few children sometimes cry while lining up, the TA always takes them in separately and gets them settled and looks after them while the teacher looks after the others.
No one has ever said to them they shouldn't be crying, you shouldn't deny their emotions

No need to cry is exactly the same. It's saying your feelings are not worthy of crying.

Because teachers sometimes make mistakes, maybe they are having a bad day; maybe they are exhausted. Everyone makes mistakes but every time a teacher does people take to MM to mon about them.

A shop worker was rude to my son, I don’t feel the need to broadcast it online. All the time!

"No need to cry" is an invalidating thing to say to a child even if meant well.

And a teacher ought to know enough about child development to know that tbh.

Why did you not take that opportunity to speak to the teacher, about the mean child? There is a very valid reason for dd now crying, that you probably should have dealt with before?

Op. Does the teacher have a TA? Someone else in the classroom?

That’s not okay. Her feelings are valid and sometimes we get overwhelmed by emotions and cry. That happens to me too and many other adults as well, you can’t expect an 8 year old to stop crying over something that upsets them hugely, just because you say so. I think the focus should rather be on the reason why she’s crying so she feels happy/ safe again at school. Did you speak to the teacher about this?

An 8 year old upset because she's being bullies shouldn't be told she shouldn't be crying about it.

There's a difference between a "come on, you don't need to cry about this now, we'll try and get it sorted, let's dry there's tears" kind of chivvying up and "stop crying, you shouldn't cry". I'd speak to someone else, it doesn't sound like they have much concern for her pastoral care

I have spoken to the teacher about the issue with the other child this morning

Not really happy with her response and I can't say it's improved my opinion of the teacher

Yes she did deal with it bluntly

Is the telling people not to cry something I should bring up with the headteacher?
Or will they think I'm one of parents that mollycoddles?
I just really don't agree with it
And kicking myself I didn't say anything at the time

I’m on the fence here.

If the teacher was genuinely trying to dismiss feelings then they are in the wrong.

If she was saying it because lining up time isn’t the place to address this and it was part of a quick spiel to get the kids in, when they could be able to give attention to the problem then I would side with them. I know we’re all “snowflakes” now, which I actually think is a good thing, but people slip up into old ways without them being uncaring.

Tone and actions here is more important to me than the words.

I’d hate to be a teacher, being constantly judged by parents who seem to think they’re not people too. No person can be perfect all the time.

Hmm.
Teacher response since from OP subsequent post is not good. Op talk to Teacher again, or take it to the Head.

But, I agree with Rachel. Teacher did not know,when she was trying to originally gee the dd into the classroom, what was behind the tears, and the original response of come on , come on , in we go, don't cry, is not inappropriate.

Teacher did not at that point know what lay behind it.
Op should not be talking to teacher about a very important point, at going in time.