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Primary education

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Original poster

How behind is my daughter? Year one.

140 replies

Failingyearone · 29/11/2021 17:38

She’s in year one, but she is an older one. Six soon. She’s reading blue band fairly capably and I think she’s doing ok ish in maths. I’d say she is probably average to slightly below average ability overall but she has had - as they all have - pandemic disruption, periods of isolation and she wouldn’t do much with me at home so I think she is more behind than she might have been.

She wrote this independently- froo is through 🙄 and the last sentence says ‘He sinks in the water.’
Oh and scwishee is squishy. Apparently in the story the bus arrives in a sparkly present? I have read the book but cannot remember it.

Her brother is much more able than her and I know they all have their ‘ceiling’ but I am concerned that she is going to fall further behind.

How behind is my daughter? Year one.
OP posts:
DeadButDelicious · 29/11/2021 20:44

@Failingyearone

Maybe I worry too much. I tend to think she’s not very bright and I know she’s much slower at picking stuff up than her brother.
She's 6. She's not failing, she's doing really well considering the disruption of the past 18 months. Many parents and teachers have said that she's right where she should be. She isn't her brother stop comparing her to him.
DeadButDelicious · 29/11/2021 20:48

Apologies, she's almost 6. I misread.

Nillynally · 29/11/2021 20:49

From this she seems a very clever little girl. It's better than a few of my year 4s. Your attitude is horrible. To say she's 'not very bright'. Poor little thing.

Nillynally · 29/11/2021 20:50

Just seen your username too, you're awful.

ladycarlotta · 29/11/2021 20:52

@Failingyearone

Maybe I worry too much. I tend to think she’s not very bright and I know she’s much slower at picking stuff up than her brother.
give your head a wobble. That piece of writing is delightful and appropriate for her age and stage. It's really sad that you are so preoccupied with your perception of her as 'not very bright', 'behind' and 'failing year one'. Esp in comparison with her brother. Start seeing her for the normal and I'm sure lovely little child she is.
spitneybrears · 29/11/2021 20:53

My DS is 6 in January and I'd say your DD's writing is comparable! I think my DC is smart, and teachers have said he's doing well! I'm sure your daughter is on track. As others have said, the main thing is you encourage and support her efforts.

Hollyhead · 29/11/2021 20:53

I think you need to pull yourself together before you do her harm. It is not normal to worry about a year 1 child like this, especially when they’re doing this well.

ConfusionIsNothingNew · 29/11/2021 20:55

I'm actually horrified by the way you speak about your children!

AvocadoAndToast · 29/11/2021 20:59

The way you speak about your 5 year old daughter is awful OP. Telling us that you don’t expect either of your children to do terribly well Shock.
The only thing holding back your children is your attitude towards them.

Mischance · 29/11/2021 21:03

I know she’s much slower at picking stuff up than her brother.

My middle child (A) progressed more slowly than her older sibling (B) at middle primary years. You would not have wanted to be the teacher (who had taught both of them) at one parent's evening when she had the temerity to say "A is not as bright as B." I - as politely as I could (which was not as polite as it might have been) - asked her exactly what relevance that had to anything whatsoever. I asked if B was kind, helpful, tries hard etc. and made it absolutely clear that I did not want to hear any such comments in the future.

Children pick this up - I am sure B knew what the teacher's thoughts were; just as your DD will pick up on what yours are - so, time to ditch them!

Bagadverts · 29/11/2021 21:05

Please be careful with how you compare your children including in your own head. Even if you never come out with the words you might betray the thoughts that one is better than the other or DD is not good enough/smart enough. It will be subtle

  • just how excited you are when each shows you a piece of work or your tone of voice,
  • the types of words or tone that you use when you talk to other people about DD especially if you think DD is not paying attention, such as she is playing
  • The type of things you praise. If you talk mostly about how clever and sporty your son is, but talk about how sporty daughter is
  • if you praise both for effort, kindness, but quite often add son got all sums right while daughter played nicely.
stingofthebutterfly · 29/11/2021 21:05

I could read all of that without needing to read your translation. It's absolutely fine for a year 1 child. The letters are well formed, the sounds are generally correct even if the spellings aren't, and it tells a story. I think you're expecting too much of a normal child.

HelplesslyHoping · 29/11/2021 21:10

Stop comparing your kids and stop thinking age=development. You talk about her as if she's stupid but really she's an excellent writer and clearly has a great imagination. She's 5, not 15, you have nothing to worry about.

HaggisBurger · 29/11/2021 21:11

@Bagadverts

Please be careful with how you compare your children including in your own head. Even if you never come out with the words you might betray the thoughts that one is better than the other or DD is not good enough/smart enough. It will be subtle - just how excited you are when each shows you a piece of work or your tone of voice,
  • the types of words or tone that you use when you talk to other people about DD especially if you think DD is not paying attention, such as she is playing
  • The type of things you praise. If you talk mostly about how clever and sporty your son is, but talk about how sporty daughter is
  • if you praise both for effort, kindness, but quite often add son got all sums right while daughter played nicely.
Please read this @Failingyearone and absorb it. Your attitude is going to have a much bigger impact on your DD’s attainment than anything I’d say.
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 29/11/2021 21:12

My DS is in year 3 and will be 8 in January and there is no way he'd be able to write that without support. He has just (finally) been diagnosed with dyslexia though

Legoninjago1 · 29/11/2021 21:14

Bless her little cottons! It's lovely. And absolutely bang on where most of my younger son's Yr 1 class is at the mo.

Bagadverts · 29/11/2021 21:14

Oh I wanted to add if the posters here had said they may yes DD was a bit below average, if she isn’t very bright (whatever that means) or it takes her longer to learn but all within normal so what?

Worry about getting her vision corrected if that needs to be fixed. Be concerned and maybe get support here or elsewhere of school says DD has SEN that need more help.

Worry about whether she is happy, secure and making friends and enjoying school and the rest of life.

DietCokeChipsAndMayo · 29/11/2021 21:17

You don’t expect either of your children to do very well in life????

This can’t be real - people don’t really talk about their children like this do they Shock

Original poster
Failingyearone · 29/11/2021 21:20

Lots of people don’t do very well in life. Myself included.
I know this is mumsnet where most children are high achieving but that is not reflective of the real world.
She’s pretty happy in school, which is good. Hopefully once she has her glasses that will help her too.

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 29/11/2021 21:21

Literally chill out.

I have a y1 child who is not doing as much or as well as yours is. She's working towards where she would be expected to be.

I'm not even slightly worried. These children have only ever experienced disrupted schooling. DH and I worked (a lot) through every lockdown so the help we were able to give her with home learning was limited at best. We have no reason to believe that there are any additional needs she could do with support with, in which case we're happy she'll get there in her own time. In the meantime she comes out of school happy, and having done lots of crafts, and on the rocket for behaviour. She has friends, and is nice to people. She'll get there with the academic stuff.

Relax, and for God's sake don't let her know how you feel because it will very easily become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/11/2021 21:22

I spent my childhood knowing I wasn't as bright as my elder brother. Took me a long time to appreciate that my brother may have been a maths genius... but I was intelligent too. Everyone compared me to him. It was going to a completely different school for sixth form that broke the cycle (and getting AABB in my A levels, better than him!)

Please don't do it this to your daughter. It saps your self confidence.

FreeBritnee · 29/11/2021 21:22

@Failingyearone

I suppose lots of people I know describe their child as ‘very bright’ and I think either they are deluded or my children are below average. Tbf ds is bright but he also has ASD and struggles socially so despite being bright he’s probably not going to do very well in terms of a career / having a relationship etc. Dd isn’t as bright academically, but is better socially so will probably have the easier time of things. I don’t expect either of them to do terribly ‘well’ but for different reasons. Obviously the main thing is they are happy.
Are they happy?
HelloNope · 29/11/2021 21:24

OP,
My children aren't in school yet (2&3) but I think you speak about them like this due to how you feel about yourself.

I will be the same and I'm working hard already to try not to be ....I just don't want them to be like me. I desperately want them to do well in school and I worry all the time that they'll be 'stupid' like me ....

The comments about your daughters writing should make you feel good though, try to believe in her and support her. Maybe that's what you needed too.

DietCokeChipsAndMayo · 29/11/2021 21:24

@Failingyearone

Lots of people don’t do very well in life. Myself included. I know this is mumsnet where most children are high achieving but that is not reflective of the real world. She’s pretty happy in school, which is good. Hopefully once she has her glasses that will help her too.
But she’s five that’s very very very ridiculously early to write her off!! Jesus!
ldontWanna · 29/11/2021 21:25

@Failingyearone

Lots of people don’t do very well in life. Myself included. I know this is mumsnet where most children are high achieving but that is not reflective of the real world. She’s pretty happy in school, which is good. Hopefully once she has her glasses that will help her too.
You changing your mindset and attitude will help her even more.