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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Started reception today, no one played with him

62 replies

Rosiiiiie · 31/08/2021 13:06

Oh mums I’m feeling all kinds of sad right now! I picked up my 4 yr old from his first day in junior infants today and asked him how it was. He said he listened to the teacher and did some colouring. I asked if he played with anyone during morning tea break and he said he just played alone and nobody played with him 😭😭😭
I know it’s only the first day but I was not prepared for him to come home telling me he spent the morning alone 😭

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Robostripes · 31/08/2021 13:24

It’s heartbreaking OP but 4 year olds are incredibly unreliable narrators. My DS is about to go into year 1 and for the majority of last year he told me that no one played with him. I was really worried about him and then we had a first parents evening in October and his teacher told me he was very sociable and never lacked anyone to play with! So don’t take what he says as gospel!

Original poster

Rosiiiiie · 31/08/2021 13:33

@Robostripes yes that’s also what DH said- not to take his word for it and he’s probably just being dramatic. I can’t help but be sad but I don’t want to be that crazy mum who on the second day of school wants to talk to the teacher 🙈

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PepsiHoover · 31/08/2021 13:35

Is he upset about it? If so mention it to the teacher tomorrow. If not, leave it be.

My eldest struggles with being around other children all day and likes to be on his own at break times.

NerrSnerr · 31/08/2021 13:39

The teacher will not mind you asking at all and it should put your mind at rest.

My 4 year old has just left preschool (and is starting school next week). He is adamant that none of the staff at nursery have ever given him a cuddle. One of the staff has messaged me saying she'll miss her fault cuddles with him. They're reality is very different!!

NailsNeedDoing · 31/08/2021 13:39

It’s perfectly normal for children to just play alongside each other when they are in a new environment with lots of new toys and equipment to try out, it’s not something you need to worry about.

If you want, you could chat to him and role play about ways he can initiate play with other children, either by asking if he can join in with them or asking them if they want to play with him.

And your DH is right, he probably did play with other people, but the three minutes he played alone is what stuck out in his head.

Original poster

Rosiiiiie · 31/08/2021 13:39

@PepsiHoover he said he wanted to go to another school where children would play with him. But again, not sure if he’s just being dramatic. I think I’ll try to introduce him (and myself) to other kids/parents when dropping him off tomorrow.

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Flowersinamilkbottle · 31/08/2021 13:45

I had the exact same experience as @Robostripes - turns out DS doesn't always understand what 'playing together' actually is. We have since had playdates when I watched him play with the other child the entire time only to respond to my question "did you enjoy playing with x" with "They didn't play with me". I think he felt that even if they were playing the same game, or with the same toys unless they were constantly doing what he thought they should be, they weren't actually playing together.

Also have discovered that if DS finds it too much hassle to remember someone's name he claims not to have met them, ditto with lunch hence when asked what he had for lunch the response would often be "nothing". I now interpret "nothing" as "please don't ask me any more questions mum, school feels like a million years ago now we have walked out of the gate".

But since he seems a little upset about it, it is probably worth asking the teacher to keep an eye out.

PeterPomegranate · 31/08/2021 13:49

Agree with others that both my children at various points have told me they didn’t play with anyone or don’t have friends to play with. When I have discussed with teachers they have reassured me. It is also possible that he hasn’t made friends on day 1 but will do in time. But do have a chat with the teacher if you’re worried.

Both my children employ the ‘don’t know’ or ‘don’t remember’ strategy when they can’t be bothered with my questions.

Plumtree391 · 31/08/2021 13:54

I'm sorry you feel sad about your son playing alone but is he bothered about it? You may have a fairly self sufficient, independent little chap. He will play with others in time, he's only had one day at school so far.

toomuchlaundry · 31/08/2021 13:57

You also need to learn to ask questions in certain ways so they volunteer more information

As others have said he may not be describing exactly what happened.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 31/08/2021 13:59

DD employed the 'nothing' and 'no one' answers in reception for all questions.

We figured out that questions like 'What did you do today? Or who did you play with?' Got rubbish answers.

Questions like

did you like learning about whoseamajiggers in break time? Got 'mummy that's a silly word, anyway we played families at break with Sharon and little Timmy and little Timmy was a dog and Sharon was the mummy.......'

ahhhh it must have been boring when all you all just stood on your heads for 3 hours this morning instead of doing any learning... "mummmmmyyyy we didn't stand on our heads, we did phonics and had to robot the words, then we did counting to 10 and drew a picture of our favourite flowers...."

Fauvist · 31/08/2021 14:03

The best thing to do is find out who he likes in the class and organise a few playdates. You could ask the teacher who he gets on well with. But give it a week or two as you will sound insane if you charge in there on day one worrying that he has no friends.

LegendaryReady · 31/08/2021 14:03

Was he upset about it? Teachers used to me me DS didn't "form relationships" as if that was a problem when he was 4yo. It really upset and worried me at the time.

What was actually happening was he was happy to play with anyone, but he knew his own mind. So if no one else wanted to play with the sand, he'd happily on his own. If others wanted sand, he'd play with them.

He's 20 now and always been one of those kids who can't be led into something he didn't want to do. He does have lots of friends though.

SheliasBroomIsLonger · 31/08/2021 14:04

When my child was in preschool so aged 3 and 4 he would tell me he only ever played at the sand table. This was despite there being numerous photos of him engaged in all sorts of activities and there being a rota system so that children move round to different activities.

My friend's reception child told her she only ate one slice of cucumber for lunch when it was very obvious that firstly, this was untrue, and secondly she had custard down her jumper

At 4 children are very unreliable at telling you what happened. He may well have played with people but has genuinely forgotten.

If he seems happy I would leave it until next week and do mention it to the teacher. Don't worry about asking. And yes, I volunteer in a primary school so know what questions teachers get asked.

Tooembarrassingtomention · 31/08/2021 14:05

Did he have break? Many EYFS just work through with indoor and outdoor play.

Does he play with other children generally?

Goldbar · 31/08/2021 14:07

Did he ask any of the other children if he could play with them? Sometimes they need to initiate especially if the other children are shy. My DC (coming up for 4) is not shy at all and will go up to other kids in the playground and say, "Hi, can I play with you?" They get told "No, go away" by the older kids sometimes but they have a surprising amount of success in finding random friends just by asking.

Original poster

Rosiiiiie · 31/08/2021 14:07

The thing is he’s usually pretty good at telling me what he did with someone. When he was at daycare he’d always tell me who he played with and what they played. He also did tell me what they did in class and what the teacher said (ie walk in lines). I guess that’s why I’m a bit upset- I feel that he would’ve told me he played with a ‘little boy/girl’ if he had.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rosiiiiie · 31/08/2021 14:09

@Tooembarrassingtomention yes we got told to pack a morning tea for their 15min break. He’s usually great with playing with other kids when we’re at the park or something! That’s why I thought for sure he’d make friends on the first day.

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randomsabreuse · 31/08/2021 14:09

The only way I got info from DC after reception was uniform detective work...

What did you do?
Nothing?

Notice sand in shoes... Did you play in the sand pit (yes, we drew dinosaurs/filled buckets...)

Notice wet sleeve ends: did you play with the water? Yes, we washed the babies

Notice pen/paint all over sleeves/front...

See also lunch - evidence of yoghurt, tomato sauce etc!

Cric · 31/08/2021 14:10

I am a teacher (EYFS/Y1) and I really would rather you came to talk to me, I hate to think that parents are worrying at home when it is something I could help with. You and chat to them!

Pipersouth · 31/08/2021 14:10

Is there a buddy bench? When my son was in reception there was a bench to sit on when they wanted a playmate -sounds a bit odd but they were taught to look out for others feeling sad and alone as it could be them the next day.

Goldbar · 31/08/2021 14:12

He’s usually great with playing with other kids when we’re at the park or something! That’s why I thought for sure he’d make friends on the first day.

Maybe it was all a bit too much for him with everything being new. In which case he'll get used to it and start making friends when he feels more comfortable.

Emmacb82 · 31/08/2021 14:13

I really would take it with a pinch of salt. My ds was in reception last year and would always say he had no one to play with and played alone. Well in every photo we got sent he was always surrounded by a big crowd! And had invites to parties etc so I know he was fine. It’s an emotional time when they start school but I can guarantee you he will never be left alone playing.

PennyWus · 31/08/2021 14:23

Oh poor poppet! Give it a few days, the teachers and TAs will pull kids together and help them bond. Don't worry, it may take him a few days to find his feet but he sounds friendly so for sure he'll be absolutely fine there.

cookingisoverrated · 31/08/2021 14:35

I have had many parents tell me that their children (Reception/KS1) are upset because they never have anyone to play with. Almost without fail, I am amazed at this concern because these children have been playing quite happily with numerous other children.

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