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Original poster

Started reception today, no one played with him

62 replies

Rosiiiiie · 31/08/2021 13:06

Oh mums I’m feeling all kinds of sad right now! I picked up my 4 yr old from his first day in junior infants today and asked him how it was. He said he listened to the teacher and did some colouring. I asked if he played with anyone during morning tea break and he said he just played alone and nobody played with him 😭😭😭
I know it’s only the first day but I was not prepared for him to come home telling me he spent the morning alone 😭

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Rosiiiiie · 31/08/2021 14:36

@PennyWus DH also said to wait a few days and see if he’s feeling a bit better about it tomorrow. I also hope that if there was an issue the teacher would reach out!

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BreakfastOfWaffles · 31/08/2021 14:38

Don't worry just yet - the first few days of reception are quite hectic and it can take a while for the children to notice each other. My son told me for weeks that there were no girls in his class - there were 14 😂

3womeninaboat · 31/08/2021 14:43

I wonder if it is that he doesn’t know how to start playing with strangers. One of my kids seems to have been born knowing how to do this and the other had no idea. We talked about some things she could say and do to start playing with others. Suddenly it clicked a few months later.

IHateCoronavirus · 31/08/2021 15:28

EYFS teacher here. Is he quite a mature/verbal/academic child?

Often when parents raise concerns of DC not forming solid friendships early on it is down to an early gap in development.

If he is anything like the children I teach, he will be playing with children but dipping in and out of activities which interest him and engaging with the children playing with those activities at the time. He won’t be lonely or shunned.

The children who have an easier time of it initially are the children who are happy just running about chasing each other. They engage in a lower lever, but more easily understood rules of play and therefore are easy for more children to form bonds with.

Less children will be confident with more sophisticated play this early on, especially with children they aren’t familiar with, but this will come surprisingly quickly, and he will find children with similar interests and play style.

His apparent initial loneliness might be a strength of character. He is not swayed by the crowd. Star

Lonecatwithkitten · 31/08/2021 15:44

For 5 years my DD did 'Nothing' at school. Honestly they are just so tired they don't want to think about how to answer the question. I asked her about mostly that worked though I had an entire term of sausages!

lanthanum · 31/08/2021 15:44

@randomsabreuse

The only way I got info from DC after reception was uniform detective work...

What did you do?
Nothing?

Notice sand in shoes... Did you play in the sand pit (yes, we drew dinosaurs/filled buckets...)

Notice wet sleeve ends: did you play with the water? Yes, we washed the babies

Notice pen/paint all over sleeves/front...

See also lunch - evidence of yoghurt, tomato sauce etc!

When mine started, we went in with them to help them get coats off etc, and I used to have a good look round at what was out on the tables, ready to ask about later. There's no way they remember everything they did all day - you're lucky if they remember more than the hometime story without prompts.
thegreylady · 31/08/2021 16:19

When my son started he told me that he just ‘stood and thunk’ at playtime. I found out which of his classmates lived nearest to us and arranged play dates straight away. Gradually ds was included.
That first boy was ds’s best man and they are still friends now in their early fifties.

Fauvist · 31/08/2021 19:35

I also hope that if there was an issue the teacher would reach out!

It has been one morning! No teacher would reach out after a single morning because a child didn't play with anyone. Honestly, please calm down. You are not helping yourself here. If he is still claiming to be playing with nobody in a week or two, ask the teacher about it. And it might take a whole term or more before he really finds his friends.

Neolara · 31/08/2021 19:52

You need this book.

newbieho · 31/08/2021 19:53

@Rosiiiiie

Oh mums I’m feeling all kinds of sad right now! I picked up my 4 yr old from his first day in junior infants today and asked him how it was. He said he listened to the teacher and did some colouring. I asked if he played with anyone during morning tea break and he said he just played alone and nobody played with him 😭😭😭 I know it’s only the first day but I was not prepared for him to come home telling me he spent the morning alone 😭
My DS went to preschool last year. For the first three days he told me "there were no toys, none played with him and he didn't play with anyone, just sat on the carpet". I did ask the teacher about it and all three teachers told me straight away DS was the first one in the class to sprint to the toys and played a lot with other children Hmm. Those are early days, I would give him some time to adjust. If you are worried ask the teacher.
villainousbroodmare · 31/08/2021 19:55

"A T. Rex came in and ate everyone except me and I shouted at him," was the report from preschool today. "Nothing," was the report from Grade R (6yo).
Probably he did play at least alongside others.

Coffeeanddarkchoc · 31/08/2021 20:06

I know that feeling, I've been there with my DS who is now nearly 8.

I have a nephew who started school yesterday. My DS asked how nephew got on and I told him that he said he had a good day but didnt play with anyone but hopefully will tomorrow. My DS said "thats ok, I was like that when I started school, I was nervous. But you get used to everything and start to join in and then things get better".

And I can see with DS that hes right and it does get better. After a slow start, hes doing great and gets on with everyone in the class and has made some really good friends.

SionnachRua · 31/08/2021 20:15

Ok so as a former Junior Infants teacher, you need to reframe how you're asking questions. Go down more of the "what was your favourite thing about the day" "what did you play at Aistear" etc etc. Or do as pp said and ask him nonsense questions. If you come at him with "who played with you, what did you do in school" you're going to get back a whole string of "nothing and no one". Seen it so many times, right the way up to 6th.

Also - chill out! It's been one day, the teacher will get in touch if they've concerns but they won't have concerns until a good while in. Right now they're just assessing the kids, peeling criers off their mums, trying to teach everyone to line up...you are massively jumping the gun by thinking of going in on day 2. Teacher is only putting a face to the name of your child, she can't give you a detailed behavior analysis.

(Also slightly amused by the TA and EYFS mentions. Very, very unlikely in Ireland!).

SionnachRua · 31/08/2021 20:17

And also OP, infants are usually feckin shattered after school for at least the first few weeks. Especially given that yours is on th younger end of things at age 4. He's going to crash in the afternoon and feel a bit grumpy/tired/sad - all part of the joys of JI. ,

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 31/08/2021 20:29

I went with:
"What made you happy today?, What made you sad today? What interesting fact did you learn?" Those three questions would spark up more of a conversation than "What did you do, who did you play with?"

Once Dd got a bit older she would ask me those questions about my day too and it's interesting how much they actually make you think and focus about your answer.

CoodleMoodle · 31/08/2021 20:58

@newbieho
My DS started preschool in January and used to tell us that he did "nuffing" and played with "nobody". He sat on his own for snack/lunch, didn't sit on the carpet or listen to a story, didn't go outside (didn't stay inside either!) and was basically left to his own devices all day.

DD went to the same preschool a couple of years previously so we know the staff fairly well already. I mentioned it to the deputy manager when I picked him up one day (jokingly, not actually complaining obviously!) and she laughed her head off saying it was a good thing I know how things work there Grin

(He also used to say that nobody changed his nappy, so I'm not sure how he managed to come home with a different brand on!)

Terriah · 31/08/2021 22:07

My year 2 dc still says no one played with her. What she actually means is that the person she wanted to play with didn't play with her. So she played with someone else and was perfectly happy!

CliffsofMohair · 31/08/2021 22:15

[quote Rosiiiiie]@PennyWus DH also said to wait a few days and see if he’s feeling a bit better about it tomorrow. I also hope that if there was an issue the teacher would reach out![/quote]
If he is 4 in Junior Infants he might be a good bit younger than the rest of the class . He might be at a different level to some of the others right now. I’d definitely mention it to the teacher if it is an ongoing thing. Also, in their new class they often don’t know anyone’s name (DD told me today she played with a boy called Micheal D Higgins😂) so I think saying they didn’t play with ‘anyone’ is an easier answer.

Apologies if it is actually YR he has started in though.

Bellagonna · 31/08/2021 22:19

He will be fine! I did give my DD some social practice and practiced phrases with her when she started. Just like "hi, I'm Bellagonnagirl and I like ponies, what do you like?" I thought it was a bit silly but actually it really served her well and now she makes friends easily as she has an 'opener'.

SionnachRua · 31/08/2021 22:20

+1 to the above poster saying he might be younger than his classmates (solid advice from them on all points but wanted to chime in on that). With the free ECCE years now I find most JI are coming in at age 5.

CliffsofMohair · 31/08/2021 22:20

@SionnachRua

Ok so as a former Junior Infants teacher, you need to reframe how you're asking questions. Go down more of the "what was your favourite thing about the day" "what did you play at Aistear" etc etc. Or do as pp said and ask him nonsense questions. If you come at him with "who played with you, what did you do in school" you're going to get back a whole string of "nothing and no one". Seen it so many times, right the way up to 6th.

Also - chill out! It's been one day, the teacher will get in touch if they've concerns but they won't have concerns until a good while in. Right now they're just assessing the kids, peeling criers off their mums, trying to teach everyone to line up...you are massively jumping the gun by thinking of going in on day 2. Teacher is only putting a face to the name of your child, she can't give you a detailed behavior analysis.

(Also slightly amused by the TA and EYFS mentions. Very, very unlikely in Ireland!).

Teacher tried to hand my DD to wrong mother at pick up. Same first name. Similar last name. I was much amused.

@SionnachRua To be fair - no EYFS but there is a floating SNA in the class at the minute

SionnachRua · 31/08/2021 22:23

I've done that myself with older kids, similar names, similar looks...it's much worse atm with masks as I've no notion what any of them look like Grin

A lot of primaries would have some of the LS team (maybe home school liaison if they have them) in for the first few JI days to help with the madness. Unless the SNA is attached to a particular child in the class I'd guess it's a similar situation there. Shame really, bringing in TAs to infant classes could be so helpful!

SionnachRua · 31/08/2021 22:24

Should clarify - similar looks and names being the parents! I do mostly know how to tell my pupils apart Grin

CliffsofMohair · 31/08/2021 22:26

@SionnachRua

Should clarify - similar looks and names being the parents! I do mostly know how to tell my pupils apart Grin
😂😂😂😂

I’ve taught JI and YR. my TA was my angel sent from heaven. I still miss her 😭

DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat · 31/08/2021 22:27

It’s heartbreaking OP but 4 year olds are incredibly unreliable narrators

Yep, DD2s classmate ‘buddy’ was called Beetroot - she must have been called Beetroot because DD2 absolutely insisted she was and she absolutely had not got that wrong. She definitely, definitely was not called Beatrice. Nope. No way. (Obviously, she was called Beatrice Grin)