Started reception today, no one played with him

[Rosiiiiie]

Oh mums I’m feeling all kinds of sad right now! I picked up my 4 yr old from his first day in junior infants today and asked him how it was. He said he listened to the teacher and did some colouring. I asked if he played with anyone during morning tea break and he said he just played alone and nobody played with him 😭😭😭
I know it’s only the first day but I was not prepared for him to come home telling me he spent the morning alone 😭

I'm a teacher at my DD's school. When she was in reception, she would always say she'd done nothing all day and played with no one. I knew it wasn't true because I could see her from my classroom playing every break time and I knew what the teacher had got up to in the classroom from staffroom chat. 4 year olds aren't the most reliable, especially when they're tired and overwhelmed with the early weeks of school.

DS aged 5 kept telling me for weeks nobody played with him, he had no friends, he was sad and upset. After about 6 weeks of this I approached the class teacher, and just said gently "DS keeps saying nobody plays with him/he has no friends, I just want to check if this is true, because well you know kids"....

She smiled and said "DS is the most popular child in school, what a story teller, even the older children like to play with him in the yard, he has plenty of play options don't worry"

I blushed on the spot and said I'm so sorry to have asked.

DS came home that day and pleaded again he had no friends I turned round and said "funny you should say that because Miss X said you had loads of friends"

His eyes widened, he looked at the floor. I just said AHH yes mummy talks to the teachers, so shall we try that again.

He's never lied about school since and he's 7 now 😂

My 4 year old will always say he hasn't played with anyone, when my mother who is picking him up, can see he's playing with groups! Don't worry op I'm sure he'll be fine xxx

My DD is another one who doesn’t play with anyone at pre-school but the staff, photos & watching her through the window tell me she has a big group of pals 😂

What’s Junior Infants? Not a term I’ve heard in England!

@Bobholll it's in Ireland and it's the equivalent to reception

Thanks everyone.
He was a lot happier today. He said he played with 2 other boys and they played hide and seek and tag 😊

Ahh that's good to hear!
My little boy started junior infants today too!! Hope he has a great week OP

4 year olds are highly unreliable.... mine started reception last year, and for the first two weeks she was adament that all she did all day was sit on the carpet on her own :P all day!
Clearly, absolutely not the case!

My DD started year 3 today, every day she comes out "I played with no-one" has done since her first day in Reception.

I've asked all 3 of her teachers before (not year 3 one yet) and they have all told me she has a solid friendship group who she plays with every day.

Just a word of warning:

If you go in with "did you play with anyone?" then the thought of playing/not playing with others becomes a big issue and grows in his mind.

Try doing more general questions which are more factual:
What did you have for lunch?
Did you play with the computer?
Did you do anything fun at lunchtime?

I've known a couple of parents who were desperate for their child to never be alone and that was always the first thing they asked "Who did you play with today?"
There were two things here: Firstly the child very quickly picked up that saying no one got them attention from mum. Secondly it did actually make them feel that playing with someone was the most important thing, so it took on much bigger upset than it really was if a child didn't want to play with them.

Try asking them for best bit of the day.

Children tell different things:
Dd1 told me a very factual exactly what had gone on, who had sat next to each other, where people had been at lunchtime etc. So much so other parents used to ask her for information.
Dd2 told me all the dramas. So I got who had scribbled on someone else's book, who had hit someone else, who had fallen out with a friend, who had said "bad words" etc.
Ds told me what he'd eaten for lunch and the football score at lunchtime.

If I'd taken their accounts I would have thought dd1's teacher was immensely organised. Dd2's form room was like a bear garden with constant behaviour issues, and ds only ate and played football.

My eldest starts reception on Monday - when she was in preschool last year she'd always come home saying that no-one played with her. It made me so sad and anxious for her! I asked the preschool teachers a few times and they said she was a bit of a social butterfly who happily played with anyone. Still my DD insisted she didn't play with any friends in school so I wasn't convinced.

It was only when everyone started having birthday parties over the summer that I realised a lot of the children would see her come in and be all "hi Violet!", "Violet is here!", "hello Violet!"

Turns out she's just in Violetland and just can't remember the names of her friends. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Often kids don't know how to ask someone to play so they have to be taught how to go and access this. The first question from me when a child says they had no one to play with is - Did you ask anyone to play? The answer is almost always no.