Private primary or local friends

[CornieliusRevival]

Hello! We are starting to think about primary schools for my DD for next September. We could afford private for primary but the two that we like are not very local to us. The other option is the Ofsted outstanding CofE school. We are likely to get a place there as we attend the church next to it.

My DD is an only child. She seems clever (I am biased here), she is sociable and outgoing. I just wonder if, being an only, it would be better for her to go to a local primary so she had local friends or whether the smaller class sizes would be a real benefit. The private schools that we like are very selective so this decision may be made for us but any advice would be great.

I think it helps quality of life tremendously to attend a local school. Not just for the children, for local playdates etc., but also for you to know local families and be part of the community.

I agree that being part of the community and having local friends is worth more than a fancy school, especially at primary age.

It’s great to go the local school for reasons given by pps above. But the key question is - where do you want her to go at 11? If it’s an independent school, then decide on your shortlist and find out what % they take from state primaries. If it’s significant then you should be fine, but you may want to consider a bit of extra tutoring from 9 - however good the state primary is, it won’t teach kids to the same level as an academic prep school. There’s time to catch up from 11 so this isn’t a huge issue, but a bit of tutoring could help minimise the gap.

Local with friends nearby! As long as it's quite a good school.

I’d probably start at reception in the local school and see how it goes. You could always look at 7 plus entry for prep.

Typed a really long message but it got eaten up.
I did (outstanding...) state and then prep from year 3 with my first, after this experience will do private all the way with my second.
The main reasons are the amount of attention my first now gets in his prep, he was just let on his own in the state because he wasn’t a problem. I don’t blame them, there is just so much a teacher can do with 30 kids some of whom are majorly struggling.
As a working mother I feel I fit in much better with the prep parents because many activities are done in school and we all pick them up later without the guilt of leaving them in aftercare doing nothing much.

Thanks so much for all the replies. I am very torn about it. She attends a local nursery at the moment and it's lovely bumping into her friends at the playground. However, the smaller classes and more funding would be so beneficial for her too. I think I have to visit them all. This decision may be made for us anyway as there are a lot of children going for each of the private places at the two schools we like. It's such a big decision! There is the option of another local private school that has a 7+ entry instead of a 4+ entry. That may be the solution.

You can have it both ways, we are in this situation a couple of years ahead of you. DD went to local nursery, we chose private primary in next town for the class sizes and opportunities, she is still friends with local children because we make an effort to see them outside of school and attend local events and clubs at the weekend. When we pop to the village playground she still plays with the local children. She now has a group of local friends and a group of school friends which I think is quite healthy.

I would go for the local primary every time.

Walking to school and playing out with friends has been the most brilliant stable, community feeling start for mine and I love it.

Plus having them close by means I've always been able to get forgotten bits to them fairly stressfree and there's never been an issue with sharing pick ups if I'm late or have a poorly child at home.

I would go local primary. Its wonderful feeling part of the community and seeing friends out and about. The mum network of drop offs, playdates and lift sharing is also invaluable.

We live in a nice area and children have dropped out at various points to go private as there a couple of private options walking distance. Everyone is pleased for those families and we all still keep in touch.

Try it and see what you think and make an informed decision.

I think personally i'd save my money until the time it all really matters. The first few years are about learning through play and basic skills anyway. And they all follow the same
Curriculum. Is there any real benefit to being massively ahead age 7? I can see it might matter in later primary years and at senior school. Or if your child is unfulfilled and unmotivated of course that is different.

What do you want for her in 15 years time when she leaves school? If she is bright and in decent places she will do just as well as the privates ... in my experience, at least.

@Moominmammacat

What do you want for her in 15 years time when she leaves school? If she is bright and in decent places she will do just as well as the privates ... in my experience, at least.

She might go to the same Uni but achieving the same level of exposure to extracurriculars is essentially impossible especially for a child who is interested and excels in many things (believe me, I tried - but there is just that many hours in the day and you cannot do it all after school. Music lessons and games lessons are done during school time in private school which for us was a game changer).

I would take the outstanding state primary every day, so good to have local friends and learn the skills of mixing with a larger class. If she is bright she will excel with your support. We have done a mix of private and (outstanding) state, plus some tutoring and it has worked very well. If anything I have come to believe that a good state is worth its weight in gold. Private schools can be very 'shiny' but what actually goes on under the bonnet can be an eye-opener...

Also as an only child, it will be even more beneficial to have a group of local friends as she gets older. Our children have kept their friends from state and see them in the holidays.

@Kishkashta

Typed a really long message but it got eaten up. I did (outstanding...) state and then prep from year 3 with my first, after this experience will do private all the way with my second. The main reasons are the amount of attention my first now gets in his prep, he was just let on his own in the state because he wasn’t a problem. I don’t blame them, there is just so much a teacher can do with 30 kids some of whom are majorly struggling. As a working mother I feel I fit in much better with the prep parents because many activities are done in school and we all pick them up later without the guilt of leaving them in aftercare doing nothing much.

We have chosen prep for the majority of these reasons. Our local primary is good not outstanding (although not bad by any standard) and the prep we have chosen is walking distance for us but I know it attracts children from further too so I am not anticipating all her friends to be walking distance.

I feel the attention will do wonders for her confidence and learning. I want her to have an excellent solid base of basics and love learning - she currently does and I am concerned that by being left on her own initially will mean she loses that drive she currently has to learn and do more.

I can't see how a stretched reception teacher will be able to push her if I am honest - she is in preschool but is at the stage where she reads fluently and has completed the phonics screening that would be done in KS1, her maths is also at KS1 level. However, I feel there are other areas with emotional regulation and confidence that she needs to develop - having researched the prep school extensively before taking the place, I trust they will be able to help her with this while consolidating her academics

Local primary all the way

At that age, I think a larger pool of potential friends is far more important than a small class size.

I had the same dilemma as you a few years back. We opted for private and I have never been 100% it was the right decision. Admittedly that would probably also be the case had we gone with the state option!! My child is doing really well, is very happy and doesn’t ever want to leave their school. But they don’t have loads of local friends and I worry about them missing out socially. However, people at the local school sometimes move to private in yr5 so the mixed state/ private option is always there.

I have put 2 DD's through private education and paying my last eye watering boarding school fees next month
Obviously I cannot be sure what the outcome would have been has they gone to local schools (which were good)
If I had my time over again, they would go to the local schools (grammar in secondary locally)

Disjointed from the community would be a major part of that

Maybe to add to my previous posts - I feel it depends very much on the child and on the parents. I assumed since it is your only child and since you are looking at selective privates that you are more of a “hands on” parent who would encourage various extracurriculars and expect good academic achievement. It really is a matter of parenting style and also very much a matter of how much your child enjoys different activities.

Many parents in our state school would suggest their kids do music lessons with a local school based teacher who happened to be not the most inspiring person, simply because this was an easy option-he could do it during school hours. Almost none of the kids continued lessons with her and from the parents point of view it was the end of it - they concluded that the child didn’t have an interest in music. In contrast in dcs current class 17 out of 20 children play some instrument. Similarly my son was sure he is rubbish at team sports bit as it turns out he really enjoys it with appropriate coaching and when done during school time rather than as an after school activity when he is tired and does not get much individual attention. He was also exposed to a range of sports like hockey and rugby-there is no chance to do all of these out of school because essentially you have to commit to being serious in one or two at most to continue participating.

These are not life changing things and if we stayed in the state school we would have just said that dc is not that into music and prefers individual sports. And even in his private school there are kids who really aren’t into either...

I think you also need to consider whether you can afford the fees with ease/your job or employability is not going to be affected by any huge recession/you could afford it even if one or both of you was ill and unable to work etc. Much worse to be on the private track and find you are struggling.

It is a huge amount of money over 10-12 years. Could that money be better spent? Do you need this for your retirement? Would it be better to give your DD this as a deposit for a property further down the line?

local primary with outstanding Ofsted every time - at secondary it becomes a more complicated decision if you can comfortably afford private (though still a huge amount to be said for a good local) but for primary 100% local.

I have debated this long and hard. We are scotland and education has fallen off a cliff here

We have gone local state for now and tutoring where needed.

Being part the local community is so important for overall wellbeing with friends nearby

Thank you so much for all your insightful comments. I really can see all the positives of local friends. She is such a sociable little one and I do worry about her friends not being close by especially over holidays when she is older. our families also live far away.

We would be hands on with her education and arguably the academic aspects we can help with. We have less abilities with friends!

We would probably be ok for fees but you never know and the comment about a deposit for a house is a good one. Hmmm so much to think about. I just hope that I love one of the schools and the decision becomes easier! Thanks again!

Local