Prefer state but need smaller classes - help!

[Oldwreck]

My DS is in year 3 at a very good state primary school. He’s very young for the year and has always found the work rather a struggle. He has also fallen further behind during lockdown as he’s just too young to find the motivation to do tasks sent home by school (despite lots of help
from me). He’s a bright boy but always feels like he is trying to cling on. School have never been very concerned, saying he will mature eventually and catch up, but I am not sure about this and his confidence is being affected. In all other respects I love the school - the fact that everyone is different, the atmosphere, the passion of the teachers etc. Despite his worries over the work he is pretty happy there and has good friends. He doesn’t want to move school although I think most of children would say that.
After a lot of worrying we decided that he needs to be at a school with smaller classes and more resources to give him the extra support he needs (his current school have tried to help and the teachers are wonderful but they just don’t have the resources). He sat an exam and has been offered a place at a local prep school, which is meant to be an excellent school. It would tick the box in terms of smaller classes, more support etc., but I am not sure that my son would suit the traditional prep school environment. He’s quite quirky, not at all sporty and not hugely confident until he feels comfortable. I have a real fear of the over confident sporty environment having had experience of it as a child. I am worried about it being rather two dimensional - as if anyone different would stand out like a sore thumb.

My instinct is that the prep school isn’t for him, but we are worried that he is slipping further and further behind as things stand. We have tried a tiny bit of extra tutoring which has helped enormously but he hates having to do it on top of his school day.
We also don’t have a good state secondary school near where we live and so will be looking at private for secondary - and are worried he won’t stand a chance of getting a place if we don’t move him into the private system now.
There isn’t an alternative private school near us so it comes down to a choice between great state school where he’s falling increasingly behind, or the prep school where he may get more support with his work but not really fit in.
I’m well aware how spoilt and privileged I must sound. We are very lucky to have this choice at all, but any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much.

There's lots of quirky kids at private school too. If you can afford it, I'd give it a go.

You've not got any local rural schools? Often small and relatively well funded (qualify for lots of extra funding usually) if you don't mind driving to them.

Most rural schools I know aren’t well funded.

What is the ethos of the prep school, do they cater for the quirky non sporty types?

Our local prep schools have a real mixture of children in terms of their interests. There are the ultra sporty ones but there are plenty of others who aren't particularly sporty. Yes, the sports stuff tends to get publicised, (particularly when they are doing well!), but there is so much more going on. Art, drama, academic clubs and challenges, music including choirs and bands/ensembles. All sorts of other enrichment too and lots of trips (usually). There are some quirky characters, some with SEN (people often think there aren't), those who are out-going and those who are quieter. In my experience all have been catered for very well.

There are quirky kids everywhere. And his shyness, low confidence might be a result of not being well supported in his current school. So if you think the prep school has what you need - good teachers, smaller class size, personalized education for children - then give it a try. It might work out well for him.
All the best. Hope he finds a loving and nurturing environment.

What does he find difficult?

His age probably isn’t the only factor. I would be interested to hear about what he struggles with.

Plenty of prep schools cater for quirky, non-sporty children. Some prep schools do sport every day, others do it just twice a week plus matches. We have 4 prep schools near us (within 30 minute drive) and they are hugely different to each other. Is the next nearest prep school definitely too far away to consider?

He has also fallen further behind during lockdown as he’s just too young to find the motivation to do tasks sent home by school (despite lots of help
from me).

If he’s still struggling at home when it’s just him and 1:1 support from you then class size isn’t the issue.

If there’s only one prep in your area I’d guess it’s got a lot of different types of kids including the quirky. So if you think smaller class sizes will help, go for it.

I'd move him. For a struggling child it can make a world of difference especially to confidence.

Thank you so much everyone for the really helpful responses. I think the main reason for my fear is that with lockdown it’s v hard to get a real sense of what the school’s really like as we can’t even look round it. I’m hoping we will be able to at some point soon. It’s so hard to get to the bottom of what the ethos of a school really is unless you know people with children there as they all seem to say the same things on their websites etc.
There are lots of other schools around but logistically more difficult for us. Also getting places at private schools where we live can be tricky so we’ve probably missed the boat to get a place elsewhere. Our decision was made rather quickly when it became clear how behind he was. There is one other that we’re looking at but the journey will put pressure on the whole family.

@WINKINGatyourage he’s not really getting one to one from me because I spend 95% of my time trying to persuade him to sit down and give the work a go! And when I do he glazes over and doesn’t seem to take anything in despite my trying everything under the sun to encourage him. He jumps up and down from the table, climbs all over me, finds a million excuses etc. But when I see him in his short online sessions with the tutor he is like a different boy - focused and learning, and really delightful! Homeschooling with me just doesn’t work for him (perhaps it would if I had more authority!).
@BluebellsGreenbells he was slow on the uptake with maths last year but has improved a lot with the tutor - he just seems to need a little bit more time to practise things and have them explained in a way that works for him. His handwriting is awful - like a child two years younger - but it’s improving gradually. He hates doing it. He has developed his own way of forming some of the letters so they look a bit odd. Reading pretty good (although not keen), spelling not too bad. Bright in other ways - good vocabulary when speaking, sparky personality, loves listening to me reading fairly complex books, speeds his way through lego sets for older kids, fascinated by engineering etc.

I really need to find out more about the school. It’s so strange - I never would have considered choosing his first school in such a rushed way! I could not have been more thorough!

Really appreciate all your kind comments.

I think you need to look at dyslexia, reluctance to read, focus, processing, handwriting all fit. This is something you need to consider if changing schools to see if there is any provision - worth looking into.

Has he been formally assessed in school? Sounds like Senco should be involved. Doesnt sound like it will be fixed by smaller class size, if hes happy keep him where he is but push for dyslexia and asd testing. At y3 his age shouldn't be affecting his position in class.

Would hiring a tutor maybe be an idea, where he gets to stay with his friends at his existing school and have additional personalised support? It would seem a bit silly to pay tens of thousands in fees for something you could pay £30-60 a week for- during lockdown. If that doesn’t work then I’d look at prep school.

I would think seriosuly before moving him. There's been so much disruption already and he is happy.

It sounds like he may need some SEN involvement and private schools are not always good at supporting this (some sre but you would firmly need to knoe this before jumping.) Many private schools will chsrge for any LSA involvement and may not be as supportive with differentiation and different ways of doing things.

could you get him assessed by an educational psychologist.
also to find out more about the prep school from the inside, could you ask on the primary school forum here about the specific school.
think carefully before moving him, it may disrupt him.
good luck.

Thanks everyone. School has said they aren’t seeing any signs of dyslexia at this stage and said that even if he has it it wouldn't change the way they do things. I’ve asked to speak to the senco but have been told it’s not necessary. (I think she is swamped. There are a lot of children with special needs at our very big school.) I’ve asked school if he can see someone to help with his handwriting (can’t remember exactly - orthopaedic expert perhaps - a friend recommended it) and school said he didn’t qualify as he doesn’t have more than one area of concern. He suffers from anxiety and physical symptoms too. I felt as he manages to focus etc at school the issues at home are more behavioural than signs of dyslexia or something else, but who knows. I suspect his teacher doesn’t recognise the signs of dyslexia as she simply said he doesn’t get his letters mixed up - I am sure there is much more too diagnosing dyslexia than that! In other respects she is an excellent and supportive teacher. I started the process of trying to get him assessed but the person I was dealing with has gone awol during lockdown. Not sure whether to prioritise school or getting him checked out now as will lose the option of moving school if we don’t accept this place. @Weegiesqueegee he does have a tutor already. It helps a lot but it’s not enough and he hates having to do it after a tiring day at school so we felt his moving into smaller class would be preferable. But I hear what everyone says re senco provision varying at private schools - it is a tricky thing to ask about when you don’t have a diagnosis.

My son doesn't have a diagnosis but does have some autistic traits. No academic issues, just emotional ones. SENCO at his prep is excellent. It does seem to vary from school to school so it is something to find out about.

Also am nervous about asking questions about the school by name on a forum as I suspect all schools keep an eye on what people are saying/asking about them on social media and I don’t want them to identify me - but I guess I could just ask a general question about senco provision etc.

Thanks

My 9 yr old is in a class of 22 in a 3 form intake state school.
It's the least popular school in town (hence they had space when we moved here), but I honestly dont know why it has the poor reputation it does. In non covid times it has been awesome. First lockdown was pretty pants, but much better than other local school offerings, and has really stepped up this lockdown.

Is there an unpopular school near you that might be worth a look? Of course, it might deserve its reputation, but it might well not.

Still working out how to use mumsnet - that thanks was meant to be a reply to @littlemisslozza, but thank you to everyone else too!

Could someone also explain please - if I want to post a question about the specific school do I need to go into some sort of local forum or do I just go into the education section and select primary schools? A bit clueless! Thank you!

We moved our year 4 girl and year 2 boy to a prep school in September.

My son sounds a lot like yours in terms of temperament. He's bright but lacks confidence.

The prep has absolutely been the right answer. Without 29 children to hide behind his confidence has really grown.

His teachers actually know who he is and have the time to dig down and get the best out of him.

He's speaking in front of the class and doing presentations which would have caused days of nightmares before.

Our prep is not selective but it is big on sports, which he is not, but he's found a great group of friends and settled quickly.

His previous teachers were very good but had 30 kids to look after and he found ways to go unnoticed. Not their fault at all.

Hmm a tricky one. As a teacher I would suggest there is more going on than just low confidence. You are correct, there is so much more to dyslexia than mixing-up letters! You are unlikely to get anywhere with assessments at the moment so I would do some research and if you think there is something to explore then consider getting some private assessments if the funds are there.

Small classes will no doubt help your son at the prep school but there is so much more to consider...not least that private schools don't necessarily cater that well for children with SEN and learning support often comes at extra cost.

Also, if it is a prep school with a big emphasis on high academic achievement/passing 11+ and so on the added pressure can be an issue, even for the very able.

In short, don't rush into anything!

Try Nessy.com

They sometimes have free dyslexia tool to check the children. They are rated by Ed Pysc for this purpose and is used in our school. It’s a 20 min assessment.

Give you a basis

Also look at 37 signs of dyslexia via dyslexia org - see what fits

Most teachers are clueless.